#and because this is something I instensly struggle with talking or even thinking abt and have been WRACKING my FUCKING BRAIN constantly abt

[allhappyandgay]

*gives someone one tiny peek behind the curtain that is my internal world without elaborating*

my avpd brain: I FUCKED UP I FUCKED UP I FUCKED UP THIS WASNT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN LIKE THIS *had 0 plans on it happening at all let alone any other way*

#I told my brother “yeah like Im p sure Im a guy” over text #and because this is something I instensly struggle with talking or even thinking abt and have been WRACKING my FUCKING BRAIN constantly abt #not being able to tell anyone or how to tell anyone I feel like I am going to die #and on top of that. all he did was like the message #which. if u know what avpd is like. yeah I wanted to end it #it’s so hard because it keeps being proven to me every time I SLIGHTLY open up to someone that it will only do harm for me #it will only make things worse #or at least make me feel so so so much worse abt it #which just worsens everything #cuz then I downplay all of my experiences I told them about #so that it doesn’t seem as bad as it is #or as serious as it really really is for me #and then I decide not to ever open up to anyone else ever again #and it keeps happening. makes it so fucking hard to be real w ppl and oh my god I just want this to be over #I want to rip my skin off #nobody knows me #and if they did #they would leave #but I can’t tell what’s worse #cuz it’s not like we have a real relationship in the first place #augh #dens.thots #AvPD #avoidant personality disorder