#and doing lab reports takes away serotonin so i havent done them to maintain the ability to get out of bed

[southislandwren]

okay actually i have 1 billion things to do and i am very very guilty about disappointing my professors. but memus awakened something in me today and now i have to rewrite the plot to legends arceus as a coping mechanism

#'i miss trading fics' you'll regret that statement my dear #anyway its gonna be self indulgent but itll actually feel so good to have some resolution to the volo thing and im gonna fucking kick ka #kamado's ass #also i still havent really done any homework and i have a quiz tomorrow in farm ops and i dont even know what we've been learning about #because i havent been to class in a week and a half or whatever #honestly i might email lact prof and be like you dont have to respond but remember when i said i was going thru stuff. #turns out grief doesnt just go away and now its manifesting by making me incapable of focusing on anything other than gathering serotonin #and things like you showing kindness to me is the only reason i havent just fucking left to go home this semester #and doing lab reports takes away serotonin so i havent done them to maintain the ability to get out of bed #ANYWAy theres a lot of emotions in my small body and i am Just a Little Guy. #also im doing my course evals and unfortunately i cant say i love lact prof with my entire heart bc she'd know i wrote it lmaooo #but like. i love her with my entire heart and im going to legit die if we dont keep in touch after i graduate #and i was SO respectful of phys prof i didnt swear or threaten her ONCE #just a very simple 'she should absolutely not teach this course anymore for the sake of future vets' #anyway in terms of the fic my plan is to take specific bits of dialogue and build around it. so like 'my story ended when i lost to you' #is NOT the last thing we'll hear from my dear volo. and the response will be cathartic while still being realistic #i dont need sleep i need to resolve this volo situation so i can eventually resolve my grief abt my boy. #also i now have 400 dollars to spend on a cheese tattoo so like. uhh. gotta pick a design i guess #anyway im writing this huge long tumblr post because i have an unwritten lab report in front of me and im going to fucking die #and i requested a tour for another apartment (cheaper) so fingers crossed it works out and is not actually 400 more than the listed rent #i dont have any reliable money because my income sucks and im also super picky so i really need a good quiet cheap apartment to appear #dads willing to help me pay and my brother may come out and live with me but like. i need my own place like i Cant Live With People #if you read this far congrats! i am kissing you on the mouth #but only in theory because kissing is actually disgusting and i'll bite anyone that comes near my face #okay good bye. until my next diary post #diary post