#and growing up ina a non affectionate household

[713-4th-ward-g]

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#some times people dont think when they speak #i wish my sister would see that some times #sucks to be the oldest in my friend group #i dont want to bother them or anyone with my problems #they arent that much of a big deal #ill always push whatever im feeling to make sure my friends are good #and that's probably why i feel like i cant talk to them about this #so I just take it all in #and its just been so much lately #and growing up ina a non affectionate household #even the hint of being cared for while im sad makes me so uncomfortable and i hate it #i hate it so much #why cant i register there care are something to be comfortable with #its coming from a good place #but it doesnt feel good to me at all #it makes me feel so out of place #i hate having to talk about my feelings when im sad #i dont know why i am like this #is it because im used to making sure everyone is good before myself ? #is this the consequence ? cause if it is ill take it #cause i rather my friends be good than myself #i suppose thats self destructive ? #i think im toxic to my own self #and thats daunting #i wish i was able to take in care and affection correctly snd not feel madly uncomfortable #i cant believe my sister is blaming this on me #but is she lying idk... #i dont think it was right of her to tell me that...