#and her amor fati journal to him that’s supposed to be field notes but is really just about fear and feeling that she’s failing him

[carefulfears]

thinking of scully's love letters and "that you should know my heart, look into it, finding there the memory and experience that belong to you, that are you" and "chance meeting your perfect other, your perfect opposite - your protector and endangeror" and "the forces against us are unrelenting, but so is my determination, to see you again...until then, i remain forever yours, dana" and pages upon pages upon pages of sprawling cursive and "i hope that in these terms you might know it and know me" and "mulder, i feel you close, though i know you are now pursuing your own path. for that i am grateful, more than i could ever express,” she was a repressed catholic scientist harboring this kind of gothic enduring desperate love, just bleeding out of her when given the chance

#me to my platonic work partner in my death journal: i need to know you’re out there if i am ever to see through this #she knows exactly what she wants to leave behind #she knows exactly who she is and what she feels and how deeply she feels it #even if it rarely escapes her control #txf.txt #memento mori #trust no 1 #I JUST REALIZED I FORGOT ‘your beautiful mind’ #and her amor fati journal to him that’s supposed to be field notes but is really just about fear and feeling that she’s failing him #‘i feel you slipping away from me with every minute i fail here’ 😵‍💫😵‍💫