#and i cannot stress this. EVERYONE ELSE BACKS UP. EVERYONE. A GIANT PICKUP BACKED UP FOR ME TODAY. EVERYONE DOES IT.

[six-of-ravens]

you ever have such a bad week you just get like, an anxiety/anger hangover?

#i don't have to leave the house tomorrow! the evil is defeated! #and yet! i feel ill. what have i fucked up that i haven't discovered i've fucked up yet? #also a woman yelled at me in the parkade yesterday and im terribly anxious about running into her again #the exit/entrance ramp is only wide enough for one car at a time so its like established etiquette that the person at the bottom backs up #bc it's hard to get out of the way when you're pulling into the parkade esp if people are behind you #and so i just assumed she would but no. she rolled down her window and started screaming at me to pull my car into a corner #which forced me to do an awkward 3-point turn to get back into position to go down the ramp. fyi that's how i scraped my car previously #and i was just like ????? just back up!! its so easy!! but just gesturing bc im not going to scream at people #but she was just getting angrier and angrier so eventually i gave up. but like. i just know anytime i encounter her she's going to be a pain #and i cannot stress this. EVERYONE ELSE BACKS UP. EVERYONE. A GIANT PICKUP BACKED UP FOR ME TODAY. EVERYONE DOES IT. #idk what her problem is. if shes just scared shitless of reversing her car or if she just thinks shes the specialest princess baby #and everyone has to get out of her way regardless of etiquette bc shes soooooo important uwu #but like. lady. fuckin cool it. you are making everyone's lives so difficult. #i hope one of the giant pickups fuckin bulldozes her. bc there's no way they could do the manouvre i did in my lil corolla #if anyone deserves Pickup Dude wrath it's her #anyway this illness is anxiety about her in particular ON TOP OF feeling bad about everything that's happened the last 2 days #sigh #i really need tomorrow to be good. and just a like. nice weekend

[obdurare-archive-blog]

you knew this was going to happen. ship meme. lizzie and hector. ♡¯\_(ツ)_/¯

General:

Rate the Ship -  Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs | They will end me.How long will they last? -  They’re compatible enough to be long term as long as a certain someone doesn’t fuck it up Hector.How quickly did/will they fall in love? -  Since this is the opposite from Hector’s end:  He just turned around and got smacked in the face with it one day.  Oh, there was a lead up but he soldiered on, sure it wasn’t what he thought it was until no, it really is the thing he thought it wasn’t.How was their first kiss? -  Impulsive, because he knew it was a thing that shouldn’t happen.  So awkward because of that.  But here they are.

Wedding:

Who proposed? - Hector.  After several not so subtle hints.  Probably just dropped it into casual conversation, too, like, “Hey, we’re out of coffee, and by the way, I was thinking, and if you’re serious about the whole getting married thing, let’s go ahead and do it.”  Not the most flowery romantic thing, really, but genuine.Who is the best man/men? - Jack, who is probably the most smug bastard on the fact of the planet.  With lots of, “Well, it was nice knowing you, mate”s and “Good luck on that boring domesticity”s.  Jack, it should be noted, has a black eye at the wedding.Who is the braid’s maid(s)? - Anamaria.Who did the most planning? -  Elizabeth.  Hector’s not gonna touch any of it, lbr here.  He knows better.  Because he knows she’s playing that this or that game on purpose and he’s not going to take the bait.  The entire thing is really for her, so if she wants eggshell over white or lace over embroidery, he’s not going to pick either one, because whatever he picks will be wrong.Who stressed the most? -  Honestly, on the one hand, Elizabeth.  On the other, Hector, because he definitely has a moment of no really, what the fuck are you doing considering their lifestyles, his age, etc.  He gets over it, though.How fancy was the ceremony? - Small.  Very small.  Think the most private wedding you’ve been to and make it smaller.  Only the most trusted people in their little circle and there aren’t very many of those at all.Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? -  Just about everyone they know?  Because lbr they know some very Not Good People.  Again, super small wedding (and also less people to see Hector make an ass of himself, lbr here).  Hector is, at heart, a paranoid bastard and while, hey, he knows he lucked out in every department because pretty he’s never been, he’s also not exactly eager to make her a target, or himself a target against her.

Sex:

Who is on top? - Usually Hector but lbr.  Even if it’s Lizzie he’ll still try to be more dominate.  He gonna do as he do.Who is the one to instigate things? -  Even split now, Hector at the first.  Like, look, friendo, have you seen Elizabeth?  There’s nothing wrong with his eyesight or anything else, thanks.How healthy is their sex life? - Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right nowHow kinky are they? - Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s headHow long do they normally last? -  Like we’re not talking marathons here, friend, because that’s completely unrealistic but he’s got a little staying power, jfc, give a man some credit.Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - Like, look, okay, he tries.  But he’s an assassin, Jim, not a miracle worker.  I’d say it pretty much probably evens out.How rough are they in bed? - Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.Children:

How many children will they have naturally? -  On purpose?  None.  I feel like…A modern Hector at that point?  Probably snipped.How many children will they adopt? - 0.Who gets stuck with the most diapers? -  Hector.  Because any kids they have will 100% be an accident (because really, he doesn’t at all want any and so they’d also be Against All Odds).  But he would, hypothetically, and after an awkward stage, take to being a parent well (without his canon background in the way). Who is the stricter parent? -  Elizabeth.Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - E L I Z A B E T HWho remembers to pack the lunch(es)? -  Definitely Elizabeth.Who is the more loved parent? -  I will debate this and say it’s an even split if anything. Especially when said hypothetical kid was little.Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings?  Elizabeth.  Hector’s not allowed there anymore.  Marcy didn’t appreciate his blunt commentary.Who cried the most at graduation? - Elizabeth.  Hector doesn’t do that crying thing.Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? -  Hector.  Because as scary as he is, Elizabeth’s scarier.Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - Neither one of them, to be honest.  They’re just not really very good at it.  But if an Attempt Is Made, nine times out of ten it’s Elizabeth that makes it.Who is the most picky in their food choice? -  Hector only because he mostly refuses to change his dietary habits at all.  He’s such a baby about it he had to be plied with gummy multivitamins.Who does the grocery shopping? -  “””Grocery shopping.”””  Hector will only do it if forced or dragged along.How often do they bake desserts? -  Hector?  Not at all.  His idea of baking desserts is…Okay, so.  He’s so terrible at it?  Those pizzas you bake that come with the cookies, too?  He’ll just shove those back in the freezer, because he cannot bake at all.Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? -  Elizabeth can keep shoving rabbit food at him all she wants, he’s gonna do as he do.  He’ll do it in front of her to prove a point, because he’s not a cow and he doesn’t want to eat grass.Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? -  Hector.  Like, look, okay, he can be a real asshole, and he has trouble trusting and all of that happy shit.  But at the end of the day he’s a giant sap who just can’t help himself.Who is more likely to suggest going out? -  It’s true.  Hector is very lazy and will suggest this thing over attempting to cook.  Especially between the pair of them they can make things that are edible but not…Very…Good.Who is more likely to burn the house down accidentally while cooking? -  Elizabeth.  Hector is currently 547 days kitchen accident free.Chores:

Who cleans the room? - Probably Elizabeth (because lbr canon Hector’s not what you’d call neat or organized either).  Hector’s the type to drop wet towels in the bathroom floor when he’s done with them (he’s, sadly, also the type to just walk through naked after the fact and not really care - he’s at home, don’t look if you have a problem with it).Who is really against chores? -  Hector.Who cleans up after the pets? -  Hector, because that’s the one thing he won’t bitch too hard about.Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? -  Hector.  Can’t find the dust pan?  Fuck it, no one will know.Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? -  Neither?  Like, if anyone does actually come over it’s probably like Jack, and pfft.  Yeah, it’s just Jack.Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? -  Elizabeth.  And it’s probably Hector’s dollar, too.  That change in the cushions she finds, too?  Yeah, probably all his.Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? -   Elizabeth.  He has no idea what she’s really doing in there but when she finally emerges it’s like a flower shop threw up and there’s glitter everywhere.Who takes the dog out for a walk? -  Cats.  (Hector would totally want a dog, though.)How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? -  Hardly???  Ever???  Decorations are invitations to be bothered, in Hector’s opinion.  What are their goals for the relationship? -  His?  To not murder Elizabeth.  To not get caught murdering someone for Elizabeth.  And to not get murdered.  In that order.Who is most likely to sleep till noon? -  Both?  Probably?  Hector was once upon a time an early riser but then he met his lazy sod of a girl and now he sleeps in entirely too late thanks to her and simply the way The Job works.Who plays the most pranks? -  Hector.  More verbal ones than anything, but it’s how he’s going to get murdered by Elizabeth.

#[are really going to be the death of me] #[lmao these two] #but it was queue who failed to specify when or where #roipirate #what is it that you want ( asks ) #and it has me by its teeth | hector x elizabeth (roipirate)