#and i couldn't help comparing it to suddence which also deals with grief

[em-dashes]

now that suddence is out to betas i'm oscillating between getting more and more self conscious and overthinking about everything that might be wrong with the story vs. knowing that is literally THE POINT of betas and i can't in good conscience let my story slide out into the world with a bunch of faults i didn't catch simply because i was too close to it

#em dashes #DON'T GO EASY ON ME I NEED TO KNOW EVERYTHING #i just need all my betas to know that I KNOW my story isn't perfect in its current state and that's exactly why it's out for critiques #i think there's always some part of you that wishes the critiques will come back squeaky clean. no notes! absolute perfection! #bc then you'd feel proud! you'd feel like you know what you're doing! like you're a PRO!! #however i gotta remind myself that not even professional writers can crank out perfect stories right away #they all have editors and peer critiques to help them #and i have to be careful about equating critiques as personal failures #because they aren't!! they're there to help!!! #anyway. enough venting for now #it's been a while since i got peer critiques so it's a little unnerving lol #but also also i just saw a very good breakdown of an episode of buffy that deals with grief #and i couldn't help comparing it to suddence which also deals with grief #and thinking 'wow. why didn't i do this. why didn't i do that. am i doing this all wrong' #AHH! writing is a very scary profession sometimes #but to be proud of myself for a second #i've never been so confident as to even show so many people my writing. let alone to receive critique on it #it's so strange to think there was a time where i kept all my writing bottled up and didn't talk about it to anyone even on tumblr #i began posting in 2018. that's not that long ago. that's only five years #and yet it feels like a billion years ago. i was still in university. suddence didn't even exist yet #wow. time is so weird