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#and i genuinely had no emotions or personality but thats fine bc 13 year olds are shy and they pull away from their parents
sunflowersolace · 1 year
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my mom wants to medicate me at all costs
#for context#she has had me on adhd medications since i was in first grade#every single one of them has had horrible side effects#she said one of them made it where i didn’t smile for a month#and after years of this#instead of thinking maybe my child doesn’t need meds#she just kept going!!!#and eventually she found one she liked#and it gave me an eating disorder but nobody cared because i’ve always been skinny so obviously it’s natural for me to not eat much#(it’s not natural. i was gourging myself in the middle of the night when the meds wore off.)#and i genuinely had no emotions or personality but thats fine bc 13 year olds are shy and they pull away from their parents#and every time i said ‘hey mom and psychiatrist i don’t like the meds’ they’d fucking ramp them up#to the point that i was on a dosage that does not exist. i was taking multiple pills. because i was the only person on that dose.#i was fifteen.#and now i’m an adult and i NEVER take adhd medication for obvious fucking reasons#but any time anything negative happens with my emotions#like i’ll be like ‘ugh im frustrated at this video game’#my mom is like MAYBE YOU NEED TO BE ON 115 MG OF CONCERTA AGAIN. THAT WOULD FIX YOU.#i have the absolute lowest dose of vyvanse and i only take it when i ABSOLUTELY am sure i need to focus#and my mom wants me to take it to do shit like go to the arcade#she genuinely once said she likes me more when im medicated#so no#the red dye thing isn’t a genuine suggestion#it’s an attack on me. because she wants her freak kid to be normal so badly she’s willing to ruin its life.
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transsteves · 6 years
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do all the vague nsfw asks you wanna do
I’m probably gonna answer all of them lmao I’m bored and into oversharing
1. Are looks important in a relationship?not really. aesthetics? yes. so kinda??? idk. not really, it’s more of an emotional connection, but if ur adorable like thats a plus (but everyone’s adorable)
2. Are relationships ever worth it?I hope so? I really hope so. but I can’t prove it yet.
3. Are you a virgin?technically???? no. consensually, yes.
4. Are you in a relationship?no :/ unless one specific guy asks, and then yes I have a girlfriend I need him off my back
5. Are you in love?I doNT KNOW WHAT LOVE IS
6. Are you single this year?yes I’m alone
7. Can you commit to one person?yes??? but I get worried that that person can’t commit to me, esp since I’m so sex repulsed lmao. but I really like being in poly relationships so idm!!
8. Describe your crush????????????? skip
9. Describe your perfect matelmao this sounds like some animalistic shit but ummmmm it’s just… someone who loves and supports me and doesnt falter or hurt me when I get bad, I spose.
10. Do you believe in love at first sight?I don’t know? I’ve never had that and eh
11. Do you ever want to get married?maybe? imma leave that as a solid maybe
12. Do you forgive betrayal?id love to say no to keep up my salty aesthetic but like. yes. too much. I forgive literally almost everything
13. Do you get jealous easily?a little.
14. Do you have a crush on anyone?why is this question after the describe your crush???? um okay also I don’t understand my emotions so skip
15. Do you have any piercings?yis!!! I have a nose piercing, a lip piercing, two piercings in my left ear, and a stretcher in my right ear! I also have three closed up ear piercings haha
16.Do you have any tattoos?yup! I have a sloth on my right arm and three dots on my left ankle
17. Do you like kissing in public?ok um yes??? but generally in places I feel safe to be doing that like I wouldn’t do it in my hometown probably
there are ??? two numbers missing from the post ??? tf
20. Do you shower every day?haha no what??? u think I have my life together???
21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?bitch I don’t understand my own emotions u think I can understand other people’s ok i know one person does but we Do Not Talk About That and he’s not on here
22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?I hope not!!! but I kinda also hope so. what is life???
23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?yes???
24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?ha no probably not
25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?yes I’m lonely
26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?yeah, in a very manipulative way tho so I don’t trust that
27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?no
28. Have you ever been cheated on?yes
29. Have you ever cheated on someone?technically no?? I have been kissed/other things have happened while I’ve been in a relationship and I’ve been vulnerable (high/drunk/etc) but I didn’t reciprocate
30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?um yeah take my tits away get fuckin rid of em
31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?yes
32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?I think so??
33. Have you ever had sex with a man?not consensually
34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?not consensually
35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?yes
36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?yes
37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?yes
38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?yes, bc I thought I was a straight cis girl lmao
39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?no
40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?yes many many but a lot of them are angry. a couple were nice.
41. Have you had sex so far this year?no
42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?forever
43. How long was your longest relationship?um??? 4 years but it was in bits so in a continuous nature 6 months
44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?OH GOD UM 5??? I think???
45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013?that was so long ago wtf I was 13/14 um??? I think about 5 but a lot of those were auditions
46. How many times did you have sex last year?none (I think)
47. How old are you?18
48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?eh nvm
49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?I am alone
50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?I want to say no, because they fucked me up a lot, but realistically I would probably take them back
51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?most people???
52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?
53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?yes, and we do not talk about him.
54. Is there someone you will never forget?unfortunately yes
55. Share a relationship story.skip.
56. State 8 facts about your body1) I have hypermobility in all my joints which lets me do super cool shit bc I can dislocate/hyperextend everything and freak people out; 2) my nail beds are always bleeding because I bite them; 3) according to my friend Lewis, you can “literally feel [my] ribs through [my] tits what the fuck that’s so wild”; 4) my hips stick out at the front and sometimes when I’m not paying attention I walk into doors and that’s what hits the door first; 5) I have a scar above my left eyebrow because I tripped over a bike in a park when I was three and cracked my head open and it was open to the bone; 6) my hair is ridiculously fucking straight apart from one tiny bit which literally grows in ringlets; 7) I’m always covered in bruises; 8) my wrists click and it makes me happy
57. Things you want to say to an exthere’s too much to write but I’m gonna write a song at some point so
58. What are five ways to win your heart?1) letting me talk about nerdy shit without getting bored; 2) supporting me when I’m down and broken; 3) loving animals and like… being kind to animals; 4) secret talents ???? they make me so happy; 5) being able to shout about exciting things together
59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)I’ll reblog one in a sec!
60. What was the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?8 years I think
61. What is the first thing you notice in someone????? um??? physically, probably hair because I avoid looking people in the eye even in photos lmao
62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?skip.
63. What is your definition of “having sex”?skip.
64. What is your definition of cheating?skip.
65. What is your favorite foreplay routine?YEP SKIP.
66. What is your favorite roleplay?SKIP THIS.
67. What is your idea of the perfect date?ummm… it’s autumn and it’s like just starting to get cold and it’s blankets and coats while we’re sat on the riverbank with a laptop and Wi-Fi connection out of somewhere and we’re watching stupid funny movies and drinking coffee and everything is quiet and fine
68. What is your sexual orientation?I’m panromantic asexual!!
69. What turns you off?um, skip
70. What turns you on?in have an answer for this but like skip.
71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?never had one.
72. What words do you like to hear during sex?SKIP.
73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?idk honestly
74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?I don’t??? know??? aesthetic like, the clothes and the hair and stuff I guess
75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?skip.
76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?skip.
77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?if everyone’s of age and it’s like, age appropriate? I think the rule is like half your age and add seven and the answer is the youngest ???
78. What’s your dirtiest secret?nope. skip.
79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?I genuinely don’t remember
80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?like,,,, half an hour ago
81. Who are five people you find attractive?imma take this as celebs bc I’m not doing people: 1) dodie fckn clark oh god; 2) joe keery; 3) rj cyler; 4) Natalia dyer; 5) Hannah witton
82. Who is the last person you hugged?my mummm
83. Who was your first kiss with?ok honestly this is my fave story bc it was with this guy Stevie and it was legitimately in a fucking audition for a part I didn’t even get and I was still in the closet but the role was for a trans boy (granted, a fairly poorly written trans boy), and ugh
84. Why did your last relationship fail?because I didn’t want to be in the relationship but was guilted into it
85. Would you ever date someone off of the internet?yeah, I have before lmao
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shinozaki-ayumi · 6 years
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Please answer all the things from the ask thing I can't decide what I want to know most :'''(
omg thats ok!! this’ll be a long one then lol
1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?
its my boyfriend, so i’d probably be just like… “oh hey, that’s cool”
2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?
he’s my boyfriend lol
3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?
yeah mostly because i don’t want to associate myself with it and i’d also just be really concerned about their health too? like weed isn’t bad but anything else is a no
4. Is your last name longer than six letters?
nope. exactly 6
5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?
sober bc i don’t drink lol
6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?
the only person i’ve ever had a crush on is my current and only boyfriend so no 
7. What does your last received text say?
“pack up your stuff”
8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?
too many times over the past three years to even begin to count
9. Where was your last kiss at?
about 20 mins ago at my boyfriend’s front door
10. When is the last time you saw your sister?
i don’t have a sister, but i have a brother and i saw him 2 minutes ago
11. What do you drink in the morning?
tea or milk
12. Where did you sleep last night?
in my own bed 
13. Do you think relationships are hard?
not really because if you are really meant to be with someone you both will put in the effort to make sure you are respectful of each other. i do think it’s probably difficult to find a partner though, especially in high school bc those almost never last. 
14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?
not really honestly lol. this year has been pretty decent.
15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?
nope. it would prooobably be pretty awesome actually
16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?
rainy! i love rain so much. it’s so relaxing to listen to and watch.
17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?
no. my middle name is Jean, so i don’t know many people with that as a middle name. i don’t think it’s very popular.
18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?
pajama pants :D
19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?
hell yes. my boyfriend and i have been together for three years already and are more stable and loving than we ever have. 
20. Does anyone like you?
not at the moment i don’t think, but i have known about several guys who have liked me. aside from the current bf, they were all… gross….
21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?
my boyfriend’s name is Stefan lol
22. Is the last person you kissed gay?
nope, he’s straight as can be
23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?
SO MANY. SO SO MANY.
24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?
absolutely! i want something simple (like a triforce or something) on my wrist or ankle. 
25. In the past week have you cried?
this morning lmao
26. What breed was the last dog you saw?
mutt/mix/hunting dog thing. idk what she is. her name is hazel and she is my boyfriend’s dog.
27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?
mix of both? lol
28. Have you ever kissed a football player?
no none of the football players at my school are even remotely attractive to me 
29. Do you think you’re old?
…im 16, so no
30. Do you like text messaging?
it’s ok. but honestly, in comparison to the past few years, i just prefer talking in person or on skype
31. What type of day are you having?
GARBAGE but its ok because its getting better as it goes :)
32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?
no… the only piercings i want are more ear piercings.
33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?
cold. like, mid fall weather. 
34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?
i would literally die to save my boyfriend from suffering
35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?
relationship; flings/one-time things are not appealing to me. i like friendship and emotional bonding.
36. Are you a simple or complicated person?
complicated, but i don’t think anyone is really “simple.”
37. What song are you listening to?
none, my computer just decided to turn volume up to 100% for some reason without me pressing the buttons and now my ears are ringing. nice.
38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?
depends who i’m talking to and whether or not they deserve it39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?
a girl? ya, but only one. i only have a few female friends. most of my friends are boys lol40. What made you start liking the person you like now?
i had a dream that they were sleeping in my room and the next day at school i almost threw up when i saw them. good times.41. When did you last receive a text message?
about an hour ago42. What is wrong with you right now?
TOO. MUCH. HOMEWORK. 43. How well do you know the last female you texted?
she’s my mom, so pretty well i think lol44. Does anyone disgust you?
a variety of people. pro-life people especially disgust me. also any religious zealots and closed-minded people in general. 45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?
no, way too dedicated to my actual boyfriend.46. Are you in a good mood right now?
i’ve been better but my current mood is far better than my mood yesterday/this morning!!47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?
my mom48. What color shirt are you wearing?
black49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?
yeah… it’s pretty personal though. not gonna talk about it.50. Anyone you’re giving up on?
not currently but in the past year or two, many people51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?
not in the slightest
52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?
not sure if this means in a relationship or not but platonically yes. that friendship ended in far shittier ways though, so sometimes i sort of regret it. don’t think it could’ve ended any other way though.53. Do you like rain?
I LOVE RAIN 54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?
yeah because if they are a huge party animal who wants to drink all the time and loves being drunk all the time i am NOT compatible with them. casually drinking once in a while would probably be fine though.55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?
the only person i’ve ever liked is fully aware that i like him lol56. Do you like to cuddle?
YES. SO MUCH. I LIVE ON CUDDLES.57. Are you shy?
yeah but i’m growing out of it a bit!!!58. Do you get along with girls?
not really59. Have you dated the person you texted last?
currently dating60. What do you carry with you at all times?
phone, pencils, sketchbook61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?
I’D DO IT FOR FREE 62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?
it’s been three years in my current one, so yes lol63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?
you all know the answer to this64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?
yes i love when he does this. its gentle and reassuring65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?
idk. not cute, but i had some nice moments with my bf. mostly just laying on my bed and talking about “deep” stuff while playing fire emblem
66. How old are the last three people you kissed?
theres only been one and he’s 17 
67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?
do them myself but i haven’t done my nails in years    68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?    
can i say neither69. Do you have any stickers on your car?    
i dont have a car but my family does not70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?   
….can i say neither?  71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone? 
iPhone   72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?   
ages ago because my town’s only Pizza Hut closed years ago  73. Do you like diet soda?    
no those cancer-inducing chemicals can stay 5000000 miles away from my body74. What color are the walls in your room?    
dark yellow-y tan 75. Are you 16 or older?    
i’m 1676. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?   
no, tried, not a fan 77. Do you have a job?    
no and i am dreading it. i’d like to take commissions instead lol
 78. What are your initials?  
EJC  79. Did you ever have braces?    
yes and they are long gone. i am grateful80. Are you from the south?    
nope, upstate New York! best state 
81. What does your last status on facebook say?    
i don’t use facebook82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?  
lol  83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?    
my mom84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?  
neither  85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?  
i genuinely do not remember. i think Rogue One  86. Do you smoke?    
HELL no 87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?    
flip flops88. Is your phone touch screen?    
yes89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?    
straight90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?    
no91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?   
pool 92. Have you ever made out in a car?    
yes93. …Had sex in a car?  
no lol  94. Are you single or in a relationship?  
in a relationship  95. What were you doing last night at midnight? 
sleeping   
96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks? 
fourth of july on Saratoga Lake    97. Do you like the camera on your phone?  
its much better than my last one, but still not the best. i have a 5s   98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?   
nope 99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?    
never drank 100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?  
not on facebook, but on instagram yes  101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?    
yes even though it was 99.9% irrational. i’m tokophobic lol. thank god for the pill 102. Name your favorite Kesha song:    
i cant even name one 103. Do you have any tan lines right now?  
HAHAHAHAHAHA i’m of british and german descent (aka about as white as they can come) so my skin burns, never tans   104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?  
absolutely not
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