#and i know i am lightskinned but that didnt stop tx whites from calling me mammy or sugar momma

[darthputa]

RIP

I need to get something off my chest. Literally lmao. This is gonna get into some venty shit so just b aware... --------- Anyways if you've been following me for a lil bit you should know that last summer i found out i had pcos. Pcos fucking sucks. Its a key cause of my depression and anxiety, its what makes me fat and unable to lose it, its why i'm tired all the time ( i get no nutrients from my food bc of androgen and its control on my insulin), it makes my periods last 8-10months, annnd its the cause of my hair growth. I have hair, everywhere. I have extreme sideburns ™, from my eyebrows to my hairline, a mustache, my chin, hair on my arms, on my hands and knuckles, my chest and my breasts, my stomach, my toes, my back, etc and its very.... Im cis, but i deal with dysphoria sometimes? Obviously not in the same way someone who is trans is, but i cant find a word to describe it as well as that one does. "Women" in our society are supposed to be thin hairless creatures who can have babies. I am none of those things lmao. Everytime I look at myself( my face specifically) its like gross!! ur not a woman!! look at all that hair!! But its not like im saying im a man, does that make sense?? (nor am i saying women cant or shouldnt have body hair this is just me..talkin bout my experience...) My brain is just like ur not a real woman constantly because i have all these "male" hormones and all these "male" body hair patterns( my dr is always like male male male male and im just!!!!) and my uterus and ovaries dont work and its really depressing lmao. Im so much of not a woman that i need medicine to make my body think im a woman!!! And so I have this need to PASS. Apparently im not a real woman so i gotta fake it??? I try and shave everything I can and its painful and i usually knick myself so im bleeding in the shower crying its a big ol mess. If i go anywhere i have to do my makeup so if i still have hair on my face well maybe they wont notice. And i HATE it!! Im tired of waking up at 6 am to do makeup for a 10am class!! Im tired of constantly having to shave so I feel like a woman ™ and so my family doesnt bully me!! Im tired of feeling like i'm not a woman when i KNOW im a woman!! So yea I hate my body ™ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#Anyway gender sucks and i want to die #and this is without my fatness so add that in and its an even bigger mess #fat women are not seen as feminine especially black fat women #and i know i am lightskinned but that didnt stop tx whites from calling me mammy or sugar momma #everything about me is unfeminine ™ ;))) #v