#and ill forever be thankful that u chose to share it w us

[onlyjaeyun]

ZADIE LOVE AHHHHHHH i kid u not i was on the edge whenever i saw ur wc update literally went "OMG OMG ITS HAPPENING" am i ready to actually start reading? no ill never be but i am also soSOOO invested in what happened between hoonyn i HAVE TO BRACE MYSELF

ok enough yapping and onto to the actual chapter 👉🏻👈🏻 im actually gna start crying yn was probably the sweetest little girl ever surrounded w her loving family im so happy she had her maternal aunt at the very least 🥹 she even saved up money to get her brothers' gifts she's so precious 🥺🥺 NOOO LITTLE HOONYN WERE LITERALLY EACH OTHERS CONSTANT SUPPORT IM SO BROKEN 😭😭😭 THEY WERE TOO PURE TOO GOOD FOR THE CRUELTY THAT IS THE WORLD

yn's gift is in a little box? a jewellery mayhaps... STOP OMG HOON'S HER SECRET SANTA!,!/&;&&: SKDJAKSJS (icb they nvr gotten each other b4 tho 🧐) WORLD PAUSE SUNGHOON WANTED TO DO WHAT NOW?:!/& someone hold me i feel faint. we've COME SO FAR IM LITERALLY ABOUT TO BAWL 😭😭😭😭😭😭 "not only show you how over the ongoing war between you two he is, but also one he could use as a way to maybe win you over again" IM IN TEARS. THE WAR IS ENDING 😭😭😭

im actually so proud(?) of hoon for accepting his feelings like to go from saying the meanest things 24/7 to a person to actually admitting that you still want to have that person around takes alot of courage and he has my respect for that!

ok so he chose a sentimental gift... A SNOWFLAKE NECKLACE?:!/$ MAYBE?? 🤔 IM LITERALLY ABOUT TO START BOUNCING OFF THE WALLS WHY AM I SO NERVOUS 🤕 HE FAWKING WROTE HER A CARD IN JAPANESE. yep im out. 😭🤣😭😭😭😭😭😭🤣🤣🤣😭😭 STOOPP ITTT HE GOT HER A RING W HER MOTHER'S BIRTHSTONE?:!/!/ IM ACTUALLY IN TEARS THAT IS SOOOOOOOOOO PRECIOUS IM GONNA START BAWLING he's so 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 & yn now knows its from hoon 🥺😭🥺🥺🥹🥹🥹

THE FUCKING DOORBELL. THE FUCKING WITCH. WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON HER IM GNA FUCK HER 🆙 !!!!!! no but can we talk about how yn stood up to her MY POOKIEPIE MY LOVE 🥹 she's so strong for that ❤️‍🩹 & riki n hoon 🥹 coming in to stand w her 😭 hoon just standing behind her supporting her, ready to step in anytime ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

oh im soo fucking that bitch up im filing my nails as i type rn im gna scratch her face and no one can stop me. its the fact riki still calls her mom and she goes and do shit like this. i just cant phantom how people like her call themselves parents. yn making that decision whilst she was still so young 💔 no one really should have been in that position in the first place

i know uve alrdy shown us this part in the wc update but it still HITS ME SO HARD "of all people in this world, it was your hands he had put his tiny heart into because he knew you’d always keep it safe and protected, only for your absence to scar him forever" im actually broken. & OF FUCKING COURSE ITS THE FREAKING WITCH THAT HAD SMTH TO DO WITH THE LETTER NOT REACHING HOON.

ill say it time and time again but the friendship dynamic u create in everyone of ur fic is so precious and beautiful 🤍 all of them will fight and stand by each other through the darkest of times 🫂

ive actually teared up reading this chapter 🥺 this was everything, u always amaze me with the ideas u have and the way u execute them 🤍 this chapter was worth its wait <3 i truly enjoy reading every single update and idk what else to say other than thank you for sharing the masterpiece that is cold hearts with us all 🤍🤍

have a very very good night zadie <3

oh my sweet souled lia 🥺

thank you SO much for this ask. i never know what to say when you guys send me messages like these because im just baffled by how much love and attention and support you guys not only send me but my characters. i think it's safe to say that i will keep this so close to my heart. it's such an honor to receive such amazing reactions to the things my characters experience and ik im rambling but like, seeing you all so invested in this smau makes me so happy and im so grateful for everything. thank you baby. i love and appreciate you so much 🥺🤍🩷☀️💐🌷

#; mailbox 📬 #; cold hearts

[protectjuminhan]

Bella, could you tell us a story of something (that you hadn't shared yet) that made your relationship with Matthew stronger? Only if you want/can, and ofc thank u in advance! It's really cute how you talk about him! Makes me kinda believe in love ;)

Awwe! This one is what happend next that day, if you read part one please. This was a moment where i was trying to held in so much, and it didnt work. and Matthew had his patience and composure tested. It defiantly made us stronger when we got home and talked it over. im sorry for the swearing but its necessary to tell the story.

Part two:

April 29th, 2014:

“Would you like some clothes? I know you have a limited amount of them.” He was right, i only owned what i could fit in my suitcase at the time, and what i picked up from smaller stores on sale. He had finaly come around and wasent mad anymore, because he got back into ‘Lets find something sexy to convince her to buy’ mode. His playful face when trying to help me shop is something i was to patent and sell to to the general public, because its SO DAMN CUTE. “What about here?” He point to a higher end fashion store, one i would have to pray to the gods to find something in my size.

“Maybe not that one..” But he had already went in ahead of me. I walked in, and was greeted by the store manager, i think. She looked me up and own and bluntly stated “You may want to try a different store. Nothing here will fit that.” Point to my stomach. She wasent even trying to spit at me or anything, she just stated it like she was bored and didnt want to help me look for no reason. RUDE ASS BITCH. So she turned around and noticed Matthew, and smiled. Oh. My. God. Im not a jealous person most of the time. Most.  “Can i help you sir? Trying to find something for a special lady? Anyone with you on their arm must be a goddess.” Oh, you didnt understand lady.

“Yeah, shes curvy, do you have anything that is ment for heavier chested girls?” He kinda stuttered a bit, because she was pretty, you guys know that drill.  “yes! this section over here is the plus size section. Girls with big boobs or a nice butt have this section, and smaller girls over there. i didnt think you the guy who likes a little meat on his women. She must be so pretty, with how handsome you are!” She was laying it on thick. Trying to eaither get his number, or him to buy something. I stood back because when i get mad, i get kicked out of places for being sarcastically rude. He smiled akwardly, and made his way to the sweater dress he was eyeing up from outside, seen its size, and proceeded to turn it down. it was going to be to tight. (I have a reaaaaaally big chest, so alot of outfits wont fit there or will ride up in the belly part to compensate for space.)

“yeah, shes wonderful. I asked her out in high school. I like her curves, Her skin is soft, and i dont mind that shes got a little more, beanpoles are hard to hug with these arms.” “and arms you do have sir.” She slurred at him. He walked over to the bra section, and found one close to something i already have. Black and grey plaid, with black lace around the edges, and they had one in my size. He took it off the shelf and took it to the counter, turning around to see me at the door, being very quiet. THEN THIS BITCH OH MY GOD. “Is she making you uncomfortable sir? I asked her to leave already, nothing here will fit her. “ Looking right at me “We dont service fat people. You lot ruin our brand look. Now get out.”

*insert sinister chuckle* You guys dont understand, Matthew and i haddent had our first fight yet. We had ran into this problem before, but not as bad. It got worse when i got pregnant, but we found a way to cope and make it funny by then. Let me make this next part clear. I had never seen Matthew tap into that “The fuck did you just say” Yandere side yet.   All guys have one when being protective of their S/o.

“Can you come here?” He was looking at me with eyes i could not describe. Those eyes you see when someone is being dead calm. Trying not to strangle someone on the spot dead calm. I stepped forward, a little hesitant, because i knew something was wrong. “Do like this? Its really pretty.” “Yeah, it looks like one i have at home.” “Good, I thought it looked nice.” ‘Umm, that is one i have a set for and its one i wear when we sleep together, of course you like it. Whats wrong?’ was my thoughts. He pulled out his card and paid for it without having me take money out of the jar. And hands me the bag after he paid for it. “Next time we fuck, please wear this one, okay? I like the way the colors compliment your eyes. Lets find another store to buy clothes. This ones staff is horrible to talk to, considering all she was doing was attempting to get in my pants. what bad service.”  

“Yeah, i hear (insert store) had amazing service.” He wrapped his arms around me with all the bags still in his hand, placing a kiss on my forehead. “Noone disrespects my Queen and gets my Queens money. If i really didnt want to see you in this, i wouldn’t have bought anything. Lets go, my Queen.” (thats his favorite endearment) Of course she had to open her mouth. “This girl is the one you came in here for? Are you kidding me? shes so out of your league! Shes ugly and Fat, Why her? You would do better with me. And did you say you fuck her? What is she doing, paying you?” “Nope, In fact i gave her nearly 2 grand today as a birthday and late one year anniversary present. Now shut your moth before i contact your Superior and report you for being rude to us. She didnt do anything to you, and who i love doesnt concern you. Now, stop being a trash whore and leave us alone. My Queen and i are gonna give our money to anyone but you.” His face indicated he was repeating a phrase in his mind ‘hitting people is a bad idea’

When we got out of the store, he was silent. Not a good sign from someone who never shuts up. We reach one of those areas where there are sofas and phone chargers, and take a seat on the love seat, adding the bag to the chain system i made to prevent thefts. He set all our bags down and a little roughly pulled me closer where my only option was to wrap my arm behind his back. I felt it then, he was trembling. Men who tremble are on the verge of beating someones ass, or breaking down. Matthew looked like both at the same time. hes very emotional, and i just didnt say anything. i heard little gasps, those you hear from someone trying really heard not to cry by sucking in breaths. those sounds alone were breaking my heart, because none of her words were at him.  

“W-Why do please have to be so rude to people? We might have spent more than she will have in other customers all day, but instead she chose to shoo you out over your weight.” I forced my other arm out, in order to put it on his head. i put light strokes on his scalp. a sure way to calm him down and get him to let his feelings out. Creatures of habit will always be ones of habit. “Shhhh, you dont need to be upset over her simple-mindedness.” I tried to say, but he just shook his head. “Im tired of people telling me who i can and cant love. You ARE a goddess to me. And because you dont fit a type, i cant love you in their eyes. Why? Why the fuck do they get to tell me what to do?” He was ranting. Not being quiet about it. We were getting stares. I highly doubt he gave a single fuck at this point. We always got stared at.

“Matthew, i dont care. Your choices are your own. Just like her opinions are her own. She cant make you do anything but leave the store. People Make choice all the time and this was one you made..” “You make it sound like i chose you like a breakfast cereal. Thats not how this works.” He let go a little so he could dip his head into my chest, a habit when he feels insecure about something. “If you left me, i would rather live alone forever. Your love made me fix so many things wrong in my family. You arent a choice. If you would let me, I want to be together forever.” He was crying, I felt the tears on my exposed area of my chest. Do i make him cry harder by accepting? Do i ignore his statement? Do i make him laugh? Yeah, default. “You mean i have to deal with your crazy ass forever? i dont know if i can handle the puns. Oh god…. The puns.” I felt a chuckle followed by a sob or two. Bingo.

“Am i crazy for loving you?” Oh Fuck. I didnt know what to say. You see, Matthew isent perfect. you guys get the silly sappy stories, but hes really insecure about people loving him. Hes been abandoned and treated like a walking piece of meat so much he feels confused about everything. He felt like the only permanent thing in his life was me. This is called emotional co-dependency in a relationship. its not all that healthy, but no ones perfect. Its that troupe of “If You leave me ill kill myself! i cant live without you!” Saw He this far deep? No, hes not like that. But thats the jist of it.

“No, You dont chose who you love. And if thats me, im happy to have you as my personal eye candy, Koibito. You take good care of me, and i love you so much. Dont think that i dont love you just as much. Plus, you didnt hit her so i congratulate you there.” (Koibito means lover, or sweetheart. I mean it as sweetheart. Hes half japanese and says it to me all the time.) He relaxes a bit, chuckling again. He looked up at me with his joke-serious face “Is that all i am to you? Eye candy?” “Only the finest, i mean you are the hot one in this relationship!” I poked at his side, in a really ticklish spot, and got the reaction i wanted. That laugh that could cure cancer “Dont do that here, you will get REKT.”

We spent the rest of the day hand in hand, in all the rest of the store. I deduced that there was near 3 grand in that jar, and we spent about a thousand of it. I got a new system behind his back, because i wanted to play together later. i mean you know mall prices. a system and two shirts is 500$ smh calm down.

The point that was made here, a loosley put together one at that, is that life does have a path for you. There will be times you can branch off, and make your own. Matthew chose to go with me that day in high school. Life is like a book. Each chapter is a year. You write your book by living. No one will have the same book as you do, but they can connect, like a crossover au. If you quit writing you book, the reader will get sad. i know for a fact unfinished fan fictions are a pain to come across. Pain from life is never gone, its only shared with someone else so it doesnt feel so bad. My pain was my anxiety and self consciousness about my looks. Im not as beautiful as he is in 60% of humanities eyes. People love to comment on it, Oh well.  

Human nature and their capriciousness isent something you can fix. You just hope they have enough respect to not comment on it. Why? Because every human on this earth is beautiful. No one deserves to be told they are not to a human standard. You being alive is amazing, and you should be loved and cherished. This made me and Matthew stronger because he finaly came out and admitted to himself that i wasent there because of his looks. I was there because i love him, and he loves me. This is hard to say in relationships. But saying it is so important.

So let me say it a little louder for those in the back.

Humanities capriciousness to judge others is not something that can be overcome through degradation.

Only trust, communication, and understanding can help people overcome the impulsion and unpredictable decisions people that have to degrade others, instead of being respectful. I hope anything of this helps you understand that everyone deserves love, and some people are just hateful i dont have time for it haha.

#AdminBella #Bellatalks #sillymatthew #i love him so much #relationship struggles

[yumenosakiacademy]

metr0c0n 2k18 thursday

hewwo!! first day over aa.. this is 4 future me, but i suppose u can read it~? cosplayed: tsumiki (sd/r2)

started off the day rly eqsy bc apparently the lunch rush traffic was held back by a crash? i left after eating some cereal n packing n stucc n dad n i listened to The Eagles on the way there n i got all Registered then walked around for a lil while until my DD/lC panel. i saw a shiki (s1dem) tho n went “!!? bc i didnt think id see any s1dem cosplays here this weekend but!! oh i also saw my old friend Lynds (still cosplaying casual rapunzel like last year) n we talked abt how we became more depressed over junior year n how, when she went to d!sney trvia, she should just start singing tangled songs bc thatd b “a power move” n “have big dick energy” lol 

so anyway i went to the panel n it was just all of us writing poetry in near silence then sharing em n some ppl had serious poems or short dumb ones or funny ones n the joker/akira next 2 me wrote a rly good poem abt akira!! i wrote one abt a beast pouncing on someone in the woods n devouring em, w each line as 6 syllables! then shared one of my old poems abt my negative thoughts regarding my weight then the panel ended soon enough! 

then i got 2 walk around for 2 hrs.... i rly just kind of circled the dealer’s room n sometimes the con floor n i visited the idol table but only rly found one shinou keychain i wanted so.. oh1 a tsumiki i emt turned out 2 b the mei i befriended like 2 years ago at the con tho! n i was like “aaa it’s nice 2 see u again!” n they had the junkrat too (the junkrat wasnt junkrat tho, i just mean it was the same guy as the junkrat i befriended back then w the mei) HOWEVER at an itabag booth, i thought the person running it w pink hair looked like tori n i was like “oh my god r u cosplaying tori?” n they went “yea! n this is my Eichi!” n pointed 2 their fellow booth runner n i was so excited n asked 4 their pic n the eichi had 2 put on their jacket (they were the dance gcha versions) n i was like “oh my gosh dude i luv ES i was actually gonna go as tsukasa today we coulda been the rich kid trio omg” n i showed them my ES buttons/straps then left n a while after, i met a komaeda n took their pic n we talked abt despair n DR n joked around n hs was brought up n he apparently has a jake engl!sh cosplay at home n we were just joking around for a while abt DR n hs n h!veswap n stuff until i parted ways 2 go back 2 the dealer’s room. before that in the dealer’s room, i met a homare n after my pic i said “uhm.. prec/ure, thank you for saving everyone!!”  n found that kind of cute. a junko also took selfies w me aa.

i also met an aoba n took their pic n told them abt the official english localization coming soon n they were stoked bc they didnt kno abt it b4 n they told me there was a noiz at the con too so i was like “!!” n i eventually found them n apparently they were semi-new to the dm/md fandom? they said they were Late but i told them abt the localization too. while i was talking to the noiz, some lady at a nearby artist booth was like “are those ur real nails? omg can i take a pic” so i let her photograph my hands n we talked abt nails n how she usually kept hers long but has to cut em shorter for cons bc they break at cons due to the lifting she has to do n stuff.

the LL panel!! we mostly asked the 3 ooc questions abt idols n stuff after they did their trivia and dances. speaking of trivia, i won a d!sney villain lanyard, makkach!n sticky notes, n p0kem0n socks bc i answered like. 4-5 questions right haha some of the questions were rly easy tho sooo

then i walked around More. i explained to a group that i was giving out lollipops bc mikan’s a nurse n lollipops r like a doctor n the yukine went “i kno ur source ur no-!” n i went “i kind of am! but ur right, maybe im kind of like junko;’s mistress...” i saw a pregame saihara, kaede, n maki n when i gave them shots 4 their lollipops, i said “saihara, maybe thisll cure ur depression!” on impulse but jtggth. I ALSO MET A REI COSPLAYER n i was like “aaaa i luv ES hewwo... reiPs united” n they were like “im actually not a reiP, but ppkt hink since i cosplay him that im one haha. im a ritsuP but i cosplay rei bc who loves ritsu the most? rei!” n we talked abt events n how u have 2 try rly hard n they said that ppl think the next gacha or event will b leo n i was like “the knightsP are already Here...” n i said that if happyele brought out chiaki i’d die but b Ready n then we started talking abt how chiaki is so effing GOOD n ryuse!ta! being Good Boys n they were like “i wouldnt cosplay ryuse!ta! but chiaki, maybe... yknow, i actualy dont like subaru that much bc hes rude/cold to chiaki tbh.” n i was like “also arashi” n they went “...dont like him.” n then “how/why could/would anyone reject chiaki’s hugs?? they say he’s sweaty but like, ill hug tou so much dude” n i was like “YEA id hug him a thousand times over” n i was like “yknow how he pats anzu’s head n says good girl i wish that were me.. but hes so Good” n they were like “he obviously drops hints at anzu, saying things like ‘haha well this could/would happen If You were My Girffriend...’” n i was like “YEA the boy isnt Subtle.. he’d b like ‘wow i wish i could have a gf that could make me a bento.. wink.wink. oh, anzu u can cook? [scoots closer] hm. that’s-” they had 2 leave after a minute but ANYWAY they said they were gonna b kanzaki on saturday n im READY

THEN the whose line panel! it was RLY funny but writing all the details would take FOREVER okay.. im not that dedicated. maybe another time, kay? anyway, i saw a farz n a vincent n took their pic n went “oh, did yall see/kno there was a lawrence here earlier?” n the vincent pointed to farz n said “that was them” n they said “that was me haha...” n i went “...oh my GOD im so effing stupid i cant remember faces well im so sorry” but anyway the panel was funny n for the prompt “things u say abt ur cosply but not ur s/o”, i went up n i said “i could prob buy this for cheap...” then for “cheesy promomercials for anime characters” i said “welcome to kyu/bey’s magcal girls! u can become a magical girl w a low price. our prices r so low, but dont lose ur Head over em!” 

anyway i didnt kno the panel was 2 hours but i left a lil after halfway thru to go to the fr33! anel n they did trivia (i didnt get any of the questions.. i got CLOSE on a question tho. they said, “in 50 off who was nagisas boss” n i said “master dave” but it was “easter dave” so the other person got the prize (it was a poster or a button, idk) n i chose the number 5 for the dare n had it w rei, n rei had to propose to a random audience member n they nervously proposed to a hanayo n it was funny hehe. i also asked truth/dare 6 w nagisa n it was “whats ur dream/dream job” n he said an astronaut who’s also a penguin farmer pff anyway it was fun!! i also asked what if they were to b idols n i think rei said hed b the costume designer? i also asked if they could rap freestyle n they said “we’ll take a hard pass on that one haha”n i was like “hehe its fine i was Joking”

then i kind of loitered around blasting hypm!c songs then st down until i had 2 go hooome!! TIME 2 GO 2 BED

#i didnt kno where 2 put this but so many pl were impressed w my long nails omg.. like 5 ppl easily. the l0lita + farz + some lady + diamond #n plus some others i think.. dunno sry im tired #diary