#and im so tired bc ive been burdened with a kitten from

[dewprisms]

Thinking about the past and year n stuff before i go to bed (i never cared for staying up)

gonna put this under a readmore bc it came out more negative than i was expecting...

thinking back to the past year, we got the kittens fixed, i got more hours at work, got to see some siblings again, got to see my other nephew again, got rly lucky with pulls in Po Ma E X throughout the year...

idk what else was good though. didnt do any drawing practice, didnt work on my fic, didnt finish work on the character doc, started on the ruesid ref but didnt finish, stuff in the house keeps breaking, havent seen a doctor yet (its been like a decade), havent seen a therapist yet, the only new game i played was totk and pkmn sleep even tho i bought some more, actually barely played much games at all this year, failed to practice good hygiene habits, failed to lose weight, i actually gained even more than when i lost it 3 years ago and i still didnt get skinny at all back then, and actually i think my health has gotten worse because im even MORE tired than before all the time and my feet hurt a lot too, wasted money on a gym membership cause after august i stopped having the energy after work to go, and with it being cold out with no car idk how ill do it in the slow months (aka jan and feb), failed to talk to ppl more, failed to do anything good with the group chat because my memory is so shit that i just forget, my acne seems to have gotten worse, i keep falling behind bad at work (and it doesnt help that we cant keep ppl for more than a week but thats the company's fault but it still falls on the rest of us to pick up the slack), keep feeling like a burden at work and unintentionally getting on ppls nerves, plus the state of the world has also gotten more shit, and it doesnt look like itll be improving any time soon...

idk it just hasnt been that good and idk what to look forward to anymore. not even xbgr in k h 4. im so fucking lonely and i feel both my physical health and mental health deteriorating and theres nothing i can really do except watch it happen from behind these eyes that constantly question if reality is really real or not. ive been wanting to cry for the past like 5 months and i dont know what the fuck to do anymore, i dont have the energy for shit

🎉🎉wooooo!! 🎉🎉🥳🥳🎈

#rue postings

[doebt]

I am like in awe of how bad todays been

#Why am i even here...and stuff is happening at home too that is making me so depressed #pam like wont take care of gil like how she needs to like go pick of their prescriptions #and make sure theyre eating food #and has clothes #but especially the prescrjlption #its antisepressants and theyve been off them for like a week #and is having so bad effects from it #but no one will do anything..pam keeps saying #she thought my dad took care of it #but he doesnt care..all he cares about is how much he hates me rn..its swriously all hes been talking about #ME...so much he wont even pick up MEDICINE for his other kid..who he ALSO hates #and i just cant trust anyone there to help me or gil and idk what to do bc im 20 and like dont know what to do😭 #and im so tired bc ive been burdened with a kitten from #12am to whenever everyone else wakes up #the only reason IM on kitten duty is so he doesnt bother kaylas bf while hes asleep.. #like how am i meant tonot cry abt that right now..😭