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woah-were-halfway-there · 3 years

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Along For The Ride: How it Started

Word Count: 2.4k

October 12th, 2016

"Carse?"

Although Carson was aware someone was talking to her, she didn't respond since she was a little distracted by the direct message she had just received on Instagram.

She was in her seat on the VIA Rail train she and her friend Stephanie were taking from Toronto to Ottawa. It was the first Maple Leafs game of the season, so they were making the commute to watch since it also happened to be Mitchell Marner's, Carson's cousin and Steph's boyfriend's very first NHL game ever.

"Carson?"

"Yeah?" She asked, jumping slightly as she was suddenly brought back to reality.

"I was asking how your class was this morning," Steph chuckled while shaking her head.

"Oh, uh, it was fine," Carson tried to play off her distracted state. "Lexie and I did our law presentation. I think it went alright."

"Law? Aren't you in journalism?"

"Yeah, we took intro law as an elective," she explained before looking down at her phone screen again and biting down on her bottom lip.

Steph observed as she did this and knew well enough that Carson would not mention whatever was happening on her phone unless it was brought up. "What's got you so flustered?"

"Nothing!" Carson insisted but only received a pointed glance in return from the girl sitting across from her. Thanks to Steph's relationship with Mitch and just how close Carson was with her cousin, the two girls formed a great friendship which led to them being able to read each other like books. It tended to be a blessing and a curse. "Ok fine, maybe not nothing."

"Explain, please."

Carson sighed.

"Well, you know Auston, right? Like, Matthews?"

"I've heard of him," Steph teased, knowing that Auston started following Carson on Instagram entirely out of the blue a little over a month prior. "Kidding. Yes, of course, I do. He and Mitch have gotten pretty close since he moved to Toronto."

"Right, 'cause he's not from here, is he?" Carson asked, genuinely curious.

"No, Scottsdale, I think. Why?"

"Uh, no reason," she replied. "It's not that important, I guess. He just messaged me on Instagram, though."

"Did he!? Let me see," Steph gasped before snatching the phone right out of her friend's hand.

Carson watched as Steph effortlessly typed in the passcode and opened Instagram. She was still kind of surprised that she'd gotten a message from Auston at all, but it did make sense.

When the two girls first got on the train, Carson took a selfie of her and Steph in their Maple Leafs gear with a Go Leafs Go hashtag. They were sporting matching Marner jerseys and had received a few compliments from other fans getting on the same train.

The brunette thought nothing of the post she made, so when she received a DM from Auston replying to her story and saying "wish us luck," she was very caught off guard.

"Well, are you going to reply?" Steph asked while handing the phone back.

"I guess," Carson told her and looked back to the screen. "It's just a little weird that he messaged me, don't you think?"

"Not really. People message people on Instagram all the time."

"Yeah, but like, he's this huge hockey prospect, is he not? So why message me, of all people? Let alone follow me in the first place..."

"Ok, I will admit that Mitch and I have hyped you up a bit," Steph said while sinking back into her seat.

"Why?"

"He's new to the city," she explained with a shrug. "When he first got here, he didn't really know anyone other than the guys on the team and some of their girlfriends. So we were telling him about people he'd probably meet eventually, and you were one of them."

"I see," Carson responded and looked back down at the cellphone screen. She typed back a quick response to Auston's message saying "good luck" before tucking the device back into her bag and glancing up at her friend again. "I guess it's not that weird; I have made friends with a few of the guys on the team."

"Yeah, I know. Mitch told me how you ran into Willy and Kappy a couple of weeks ago while you were out."

"Mhmm, what started as a date night with myself ended up being a night of hanging out with those two... Oh, shit, we're like 20 minutes away from the station. Any word from the fam in Ottawa yet?"

"Your aunt texted me saying that she, Paul and Chris were almost there. Is anyone else coming?"

"No, just me," she said. "Dad and Nate are watching from home, but they'll be at the game in Toronto on Saturday. Mya said she'd watch the game as soon as she was done class too. She wasn't sure what channel the game would be on in Vancouver."

"Is it not the same there as it would be here?"

"That's what I said!"

"Fair," Steph replied with a smile. "Anyways, guess we better make sure we have all our things. It's going to be a long night."

And it was a long night... but it was also insanely fun.

The two girls were picked up by Carson's aunt Bonnie, uncle Paul and cousin Chris at the VIA station in Ottawa before going with them to grab something to eat and eventually making way to the Canadian Tire Centre to watch the game against the Senators. They definitely weren't the only Leafs fans in the building, but the Ottawa fans kind of outnumbered them. However, that didn't dampen their mood, and they were more than ready for the game to start.

It was the most surreal feeling for Carson to not only witness her cousin and lifelong best friend skate out onto the ice wearing the jersey of their home team but also just to see that he was finally living out his dream. She couldn't have been more proud and was convinced that she and Steph alone were two of the loudest cheerers in the entire arena as they began yelling along with the crowd.

Not only did she think it was cool seeing Mitch out there, but she also loved seeing all the other players that she'd gotten to know over the past couple of months. Carson quickly spotted Willy and Marty. She then chuckled when Steph sent a zoomed-in Snapchat video of number 17 skating around to his girlfriend, Sydney. However, it didn't take long for Carson's gaze to fall on number 34.

Leading up to the beginning of the season, all Carson heard about how good this Auston Matthews guy was; she would've been lying if she said she wasn't a little excited to see him in action. And boy did he put on a show.

With less than 12 minutes left of the first period, Auston scored the first goal of the game and the first goal of his NHL career. The Leafs fans went wild, as did Carson and her family while they watched the other guys skate up to congratulate their teammate. That was pretty cool to see, but Carson was not prepared for what the rest of the game held.

The Senators pulled ahead by scoring two goals, but that didn't last too long because Auston scored another goal before the period was even over.

"Oh my god," Carson said aloud as everyone went nuts again. "He's really good."

"I know," Steph replied, looking just as shocked as Carson felt. "I mean, Mitch said he was good but... wow."

A couple of minutes into the second period, he scored again, and Carson was speechless. It took her a second to register that this kid had just gotten a hat-trick in his first NHL game, but she was quickly brought back to reality when a ton of ballcaps started flying past her as they were thrown onto the ice. She looked down at where Mitch was on the bench and smiled as she observed him cheering along with his teammates about what had just happened. The energy in the arena was just insane.

After watching her cousin for a few seconds, Carson moved her gaze to the people in her section and saw a couple cheering so loudly a few rows behind them. The woman then started crying and was pulled into the embrace of the man next to her.

"That's Auston's parents," Steph explained, and Carson could basically feel herself melt after witnessing the genuine reaction of two very proud parents, sending Auston's mom a soft smile when they briefly made eye contact before looking back to the ice.

Then, just before the second period ended, he scored a fourth goal, and none of it seemed real anymore.

The Leafs ended up losing 5-4 in overtime, but that still didn't prevent a buzz in the crowd after everything that happened in that game. Once everyone began clearing out of the area, Carson and her family made their way down to the wings, so they could congratulate Mitchell on his first game as a Maple Leaf before eventually having to head back to Toronto.

The five of them knew they'd have to wait for a little bit, seeing as Mitch would have to change out of his equipment and possibly do a post-game interview. Still, soon enough, the NHLer made his way to his family and Carson couldn't help but laugh when she heard her cousin approaching before actually seeing him.

She stood to the side as she let her aunt, uncle and cousin greet their superstar, but as soon as Mitch was done talking with them briefly, he looked in Carson's direction, shaking his head before taking a few short strides and engulfing her in a hug.

"Congratulations! You killed it out there."

"Thanks, Carse," Mitch replied before moving away. "It would've been nice to score a goal, but it still feels amazing regardless. Thanks for being here."

"You know I wouldn't miss it," she told him with a smile. "And it looks like you'll just have to score in Toronto on Saturday to redeem yourself."

"I'll try," he told her with a pointed gaze before moving on to Steph and pulling her into a tight hug next.

Carson watched with a grin as the two lovebirds interacted for a second before going to step away and stand with her family. However, when she went to step back, she came in contact with what felt like a brick wall and completely lost her balance.

"Oh, shit," she muttered as she blindly reached out to grab onto something so she could steady herself, all while bracing herself for impact. However, the impact never came. Instead, a pair of arms wrapped around her waist and was able to prevent her from falling on her ass. With a sigh of relief and embarrassment, she straightened herself out and stood back up straight before finally turning around to look up at the person she had just collided with. "I'm so sorry..."

Before she could say anything else, Carson felt her breath hitch as she realized she was face to face with none other than Auston Matthews.

"It's alright," he told her with a slight smile, giving a look as if to say that he definitely recognized her. "I wasn't watching where I was going either."

"I-." Before she could say anything else, an arm wrapped around her shoulders and Mitch's voice sounded from beside her.

"Auston, I see you've officially met my baby cousin Carson."

"Baby?" Carson scoffed and looked up at her cousin with a mortified expression. "Mitch, you're literally 12 days older than I am."

"Older and wiser."

"I don't think so," she told him before elbowing him in the gut so that he'd take his arm off her.

He groaned and hunched over in pain, making sure to send her a death glare as he tried to recollect himself.

"Uh oh, the twins are at it again," a voice spoke as someone else approached from down the hallway, and Carson looked up to see William Nylander approaching.

"Twins?" Auston asked and looked between Mitch and Carson with an amused expression.

"The more you see them together, the more you'll see how true that statement is," Steph said as she wedged herself between the two cousins to keep them from annoying each other any further. She then looked at Carson and nodded. "We have to get back to the station real soon if we want to catch our train back to Toronto."

"Right," Carson responded. "I'm good to go whenever you are."

"Ok, cool, let's just say our goodbyes, and then we can split on a cab there? Deal?"

"Deal."

The small group that had formed dispersed as new conversations formed, and Steph started saying bye to everyone seeing as Mitch was driving back to Toronto with some teammates, he was going to visit with his family. They were in no hurry to leave.

Unfortunately, though, Carson had class at noon the next day, and Steph had to return to London for her classes as well, so they really did need to get going.

Before moving to say goodbye to Mitch and the rest of her family, Carson looked back to Auston once more to see him still smiling at her.

"You played a really great game tonight," she complimented and smiled back. "Congrats."

"Thanks," he chuckled. "It's all pretty crazy to let sink in. I definitely think your good luck message helped, though."

"Oh, I'm sure it did."

The two laughed before becoming quiet again. Unsure of what else to say, Carson, glanced at her family and figured she should start making her escape. She looked back to Auston, and surprisingly enough, he was the first to speak up again.

"I, uh, I guess I won't keep you from catching your train back to Toronto," he started and looked away slightly. "It was nice... officially meeting you, Carson."

"Yeah, I should probably get going before Steph comes back over here and starts dragging me out," she replied, causing him to laugh. "It was nice meeting you too, Auston. Congrats again, maybe I'll see you around."

"I'd like that. Get home safe."

"You too, well, to wherever you're going," she mumbled and sent him one last smile before walking away, trying to keep a straight face at the look Steph was giving her as she approached everyone else and said her goodbyes.

What she didn't notice, though, was how Auston watched her for a second as she walked away, intrigued by the entire interaction he just had with her and couldn't help smiling to himself as he shook his head and went his own way.

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aquarianlights · 7 years

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So I guess what I'm saying is, I don't want my cousin to resolve to starving because of a youtuber she idolizes. she's far from fat, but she is a lil bit chunky and I've noticed it really bothers her. I don't know how to help her, cause I think she's been influenced by Eugenia (and possibly other pro Ana people) to starve and it worries me, cause my aunt doesn't really think much of it and I don't know how to help her before it actually gets out of control.

The only way you can really help people like me who are anorexic or just desire to start starving themselves like that is to just be there for them. There’s really not a lot you can do. You can help by bringing her her favourite foods when she hasn’t eaten in a while if you’re close enough to her to do that. Just think “What food will be irresistible if I bring it home to her?” That’s how my mom got me to eat when I had starved myself down to 90lbs. I’m very sorry that she looks up to someone so awful. Therapy helps, as well. If you could get her into therapy, that would be a way to help. Professionals can help a lot more than anyone else can. But, really, all you can do is be there for her and say positive things to her. . .compliment her. Say “You’re looking good today” or something similar that alludes to her appearance. A simple compliment like that can go a long way for someone who is anorexic. Boost her self esteem with compliments and being there for her if she needs someone to talk to. Don’t ever say anything negative about her appearance or weight. And if she starts losing weight via starving, don’t say things like “Wow you look so skinny” or “Congratulations on your weight loss”. Those kind of comments may seem like a compliment, but to an anorexic person, that’s basically the same thing as saying “I hope you keep starving yourself” and basically congratulating her for doing something completely unhealthy. You don’t want to do that. When I was down at 90lbs, I got so many comments and compliments on my weight loss that it literally almost killed me because it felt like no one wanted me as an overweight or healthy weight person. It felt like I finally knew what all my “friends” and “loved ones” were thinking of me when I was 120lbs before I got down to 90lbs. It made me want to starve even more. And every time someone compliments me when I lose weight, I get very triggered on the inside but secretly love it, as well, which makes the starving get severe because I want more praise. It’s like pavlovian conditioning. Praise her and she’s going to be more likely to starve for longer periods and will grow up starving herself.

My entire family has anorexic mindsets. Even my grandmother does. Albeit they don’t starve themselves, they are all obsessed with weight and losing weight. My mom especially. So I get lots of compliments and praise when I lose weight and it makes me feel so fucking awful about myself that it causes me to get self harm and suicidal urges. Because if I’m getting complimented for losing weight, then what could these people have possibly thought about me when I was a higher weight? It’s toxic to get caught up in the compliments. Please just don’t ever compliment her on losing weight. And don’t act like you’re happy when she loses it unless she has done it through a healthy diet and exercise.

Maybe offer to go exercise with her? That could really help. I know I feel ridiculous working out on my own; I need someone to work out with me otherwise I lose confidence in what I am doing and I won’t be able to get out of bed to do it due to how badly I feel about my body. I also suggest finding a way to talk her out of watching this toxic youtuber. No one needs toxic vibes in their life and that’s just one more toxic thing for her to get into. Maybe introduce her to some REAL idols. Emma Watson is a good person to obsess over, as an example. Focus on positive traits in people and find a good role model for her and introduce her to the person’s work.

Also, sit down with her and talk with her about this. Don’t just leave your worries inside you. Actually talk to her (giving her compliments along the way) and make sure she understands how it’s affecting you and show her that she’s important to you and that you love her just the way she is and that a lot of people are going to love her just the way she is. Try to illustrate that there’s nothing wrong with the body she has and that she’s beautiful the way she is.

This may all fall on deaf ears, though. Sometimes the only thing that works with anorexic people is time. For me, personally, it didn’t matter how many people cared about me and were worried about me. I didn’t think it truly affected anyone but myself. Try to also illustrate that it will affect all the people around her if she goes down this path and that she will cause everyone in her life a lot of pain. Don’t try to make her feel guilty or anything. . .just calmly explain how anorexia can destroy relationships. But like I was saying, I didn’t stop or want to stop or even try to stop until I reached where I am now (at the age of 25).

I used to eat paper instead of food when I was very little because I was under the impression that you had to eat something to survive but I knew even then that food made you fat, so I just ate paper instead. This was in elementary school. It wasn’t until I ended up very sick and in the hospital that they sent me to an eating disorder clinic and I overheard them telling my parents that there was something wrong with me. I thought they meant physically at the time, so I remember going up to them to tell them that my tummy didn’t hurt and I didn’t have a cold, so “can I go home now?” They tried to explain to me that I was having psychological problems but I didn’t understand at that age. I developed anorexia due to my parents always commenting on my weight and the things I was eating. That’s why it manifested at such an early age because I had to be “the perfect child” and “no child who is fat can be perfect” according to my parents. All I wanted was to please my parents and be the perfect child they wanted so I just ate paper in place of meals for the longest time and continued getting very sick from it. I was rewarded by my family when I lost weight coz they were so proud of me (again, still in elementary school) so I got it into my head that I needed to keep losing weight in order to be praised. Your cousin doesn’t need that kind of anguish in her life so you need to talk to her about this and be open with your feelings. But, again, it might just take time. Years, maybe. Just be sure to be there for her and completely understanding during this rough period in her life.

But remember. . .you can’t really get help unless you want it. As long as she doesn’t want to be helped, she’s not going to get help. Even from a professional. I was put into mandatory therapy when I was 18 following a trip to my first psych ward. The therapy didn’t help one bit, despite my therapist being an excellent practitioner, merely because I didn’t actually want help. Same thing for ana. If your cousin doesn’t want help, there’s no way to force it on her. But you can let her know what she’s in store for if she starts starving. Look up the side effects of starving and show them to her. Make sure she understands what she’s getting herself into. You literally can’t really go out and have fun with friends if you’re starving yourself because your body is so weak that all you can really do in life is lay in bed and cry because you haven’t been able to leave the house in such a long time. Especially because of the constipation and diarrhea. And when she does actually eat something, it will be so painful to her stomach that she won’t be able to get out of bed. If someone really wants to starve themselves, they better really like laying in bed and never seeing anyone because that’s the life of an anorexic person. They also better really like going to the hospital because there’s going to be a lot of complications along the way that wind you up hospitalized. And they’ve better like being locked up. . .because sooner or later, they’ll be locked in an ED clinic.

But anyways. . .I hope I helped in some way. I’m not sure if any of this is very helpful. :/ I really suggest you ask a professional. I’m merely someone with an eating disorder and I don’t hold any psych degrees or anything like that. Never even been through a single psych class. A professional can give you actual, good advice, unlike me. I really hope you can get through to her because ana is a very dark place to be in. Idk what would really help other than time because that’s the only thing that helped me.

But please note I’m still only just beginning my recovery from anorexia. I still starve to this day. I keep going back and forth being “just starve yourself. You’re not skinny enough.” to “just get it over with and eat the thing. You’ll feel better.”

Also there are medications you can put someone on to literally force them to eat because of the insatiable urges they invoke. And there are medications to help someone gain weight if her weight gets too low. They can be prescribed by a family doctor, even. . .no psych required. These medications are literally torture for an anorexic person like me and I would never use them, but if it gets bad with your cousin, there’s ways to help with medication.

Although the one thing I can say for sure is that therapy is a staple need for people with anorexia. Especially if it’s severe like mine is. And along with anorexia sometimes comes body dysmorphia so watch out for that, too.

Again, I really hope this helped somehow. I’m not too great at giving advice. I really hope everything goes okay and that your cousin will stop watching this toxic person on youtube.

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