#and now i just instantly get stuck in that panicky dissociation from everything

[cyborgdragongirl]

the more you harass me about doing something the more stubborn i am about doing it.

i said i’d do it, i will do it. as soon as i’m capable.

no i don’t like what i’m doing either and am actively trying to be better. just fuckin hear me when i say i’m trying

#sprenposting #i struggle to read books in my old age #i FUCK UP audiobooks but #sitting down and reading words on a page or my phone or an ereader #just starts givin me panic attacks #i read 4-8 books a day until i dropped out of high school #and now i just instantly get stuck in that panicky dissociation from everything #that saved me as a kid but now i can’t fucking read #i promised a friend i’d read their book #and another friend is read some of their short stories #but i haven’t gotten past chapter three in my first friends book in the last two years #and the other friend is asking me if i’ve read it every few days #and like no..i haven’t. i haven’t even read more than a couple chapters of the space lesbian necromancer book i’m really excited about #and i know it’s important to them that i read it #and i deeply want to #but i want to enjoy it #i want to be in a place where i’m not hyperventilating and trying to mask and tell them how great it is #just..i’m just so tired #and i’m also so fuckin busy #got a full time job;doordash on the side;two partners i already feel like i don’t pay enough attention to; and a fairly large social group