#and talia's like [shrug] dude idk we didn't ask them to do that so who cares. whatever. it's literally not our problem lighten up

[blujayonthewing]

I was trying out variations on colorways for aubree's outfit and, with a few of them, realized that her outfit has trended slightly less colorful over time, and specifically less yellow (originally a green and yellow striped vest, then a green vest over a yellow short sleeved shirt, and now possibly a white shirt and green vest, with only small amounts of yellow embroidery). this wasn't intentional, but nonetheless, the concept that, as the adventure has worn on, she's outwardly losing color-- and specifically in favor of browns and whites, the colors associated with the halfling god of death-- is compelling to me. I mean, I suppose if I had been doing it on purpose, the shadowfell arc immediately following our literal deaths and mysterious rebirths would have been a really good time for the most muted palette... but, then again, aubree was still relatively fresh then, confused and traumatized but also still powerfully and stubbornly alive where it counts; vibrant, burning, shining light into dark corners just by existing. but the more we learn, the heavier things weigh, the fewer outlets she has, the less she feels like she can relate to the people who should understand better than anyone... she's still righteous and angry, but she's also just... sad, and tired, and growing more tired the more she feels like she has to keep herself together for everyone else. and gradually, quietly, her colors are washing out.

#not to be fake deep I guess I just love her #and she's having A Rough Go Of It #this isn't even the most rough SHE'S personally had this campaign actually! #but *I'm* a lot more upset about the party failing to give her meaningful support than she is lmaooo #THIS is more-- okay the raven queen is DEAD and the fate of COUNTLESS SOULS in transition is now uncertain #and it's directly because bringing us back to life significantly weakened the gods that did that!! that's all pretty upsetting!!! #also what might this mean for urogalan? or for our warlock's demigod patron who wasn't that powerful to begin with? #but lisbet's so far up her own invented grimdark emo nonsense that she's implying maybe the Right Thing would be for us to all die(???) #and talia's like [shrug] dude idk we didn't ask them to do that so who cares. whatever. it's literally not our problem lighten up #OH OKAY OKAY OKAY I'LL JUST CARRY ALL OF THIS FEAR AND EMPATHY BY MYSELF THEN. WHILE YOU ALL TREAT ME LIKE I'M BEING DRAMATIC. #THAT'S FINE. #[strained humorless grin] and she doesn't even KNOW about the time she was unconscious and being closed in on by monsters-- #and the party all ran in every possible other direction to do literally everything else other than PROTECT HER WHEN SHE WAS HELPLESS #justin had NPCs on standby in case things got ugly without The Tank but they straight up were the only ones who helped me at all #.... ANYWAY. all of which is to say. we're not on a darkest timeline path or anything but she's in the metaphorical moonlight right now #and it's only by the grace of 'I trust my DM' and specifically 'this campaign balances darkness with meaningful hope and love really well' #that she's not doing worse :') got some dark times to stew in #but now that I'm thinking about it I can be proactively thinking about when to bring more yellow back in #about me #my OCs #aubree