#and the only reason they aren't together is because jgy isn't out?

[attilarrific]

i love your faking dating au so much!!! i just discovered it today and i can't get enough! i'm so happy that i stumbled across it haha also these tags "omg #it nearly included a bit of wwx actually saying when the last time he kissed someone was #so i could write jealous!lwj" I AM VIBRATING

Took me a bit, but I got here eventually!

Also, I do know I’ve got a couple more meet cute prompts lying around, so I’m gonna, uh, get to those.

But first, more Hidden Track! (Also in chronological order.)

.

Wei Wuxian is not freaking out. Wei Wuxian is behaving like a rational adult who has had nothing particularly exciting happen to him today, because they go to interviews all the time. Interviews are normal. That was a normal interview, even if—it doesn’t matter. That was a normal interview.

And if he keeps sneaking looks at Lan Wangji, sitting three feet from him in the back of the car that’s taking them back to the hotel, if he keeps hearing Lan Wangji’s voice ringing in his ears, if he keeps remembering the sight of Lan Wangji’s smile, warm and soft—

It’s still normal. There’s no reason for him to feel jittery and anxious, like he drank one too many cups of coffee this morning. There’s no reason for him to be pressed up against the car door like he’s trying to fuse with it, except that he really thinks if he doesn’t, he’ll end up pressed against Lan Wangji instead. Not because he’s nervous, though. Not because he’s longing, desperately, for the quiet comfort of Lan Wangji’s arms wrapping around him. Because he’s not, he’s not, and there’s no reason why he would be.

“Hey, Lan Zhan,” he says. His voice comes out too rough, too abrupt, and he laughs to cover the way he almost flinches when he hears it. “Lan Zhan.”

Lan Wangji looks over at him. It robs Wei Wuxian of the sight of his perfect profile, but gives him Lan Wangji’s eyes, serious and intent, pinning him in place like a hand on his chest. “Yes?”

Wei Wuxian has to lick his lips and dig his thumbnail into this soft skin of his wrist before he can remember what he was going to say. “Lan Zhan,” he says, “you really shouldn’t have said all those things in the interview. I mean, I don’t think we’re going to have any trouble convincing anyone we’re dating now, but…” He glances towards the front of the car, but the divider between them and the driver is up because Lan Wangji likes it that way and Wei Wuxian was too shaken—not shaken, surprised, surprised by how good Lan Wangji is at this—to argue. “But aren’t we just going to have a whole bunch of new problems?”

The space between Lan Wangji’s eyes furrows, just a little, and for a brief, wild moment, Wei Wuxian imagines pressing his thumb there. He shakes the thought off a moment later, mentally scolding himself for coming up with new ways to tease Lan Wangji now, when he ought to be practicing extreme gratitude and reverence for all this effort Lan Wangji’s gone to.

Lan Wangji says, “New problems?”

“Well, yeah.” Wei Wuxian constructs a pout, though for some reason it feels a little flimsy. “Everyone loves me now, but with all that stuff you said, when we fake break up our fake relationship, every single one of your fans is going to come after me with a torch and pitchfork.”

Lan Wangji’s eyes widen a little. “Oh,” he says. His lips tighten. “Oh. Yes, you’re right. I didn’t think of that. I apologize, Wei Ying.”

Faced with real remorse, Wei Wuxian squirms in his seat and hurriedly tries to brush the apology away. “No worries,” he says quickly. “It doesn’t matter. They were always going to blame me for it when it ended no matter what, so who cares if they’re a little extra mad.” He makes himself laugh brightly, tilting his head to the side. “Aiya, Lan Zhan, why do our fans have to be so scary? Who’s going to protect me when they all attack?”

“I will.”

Wei Wuxian chokes. His stomach swoops, a prickling feeling washing over his skin like static electricity. He tries to talk and finds that his throat has somehow gone dry in the last five seconds. He busies himself grabbing a bottled water out of the nearest cup holder and drinking deeply. Maybe he’s getting sick, he tells himself firmly, and then he doesn’t think about it any longer. “Lan Zhan,” he says, “you won’t be able to protect me. You’ll be acting heartbroken. Wen Ning will just have to do it.”

Lan Wangji is silent for so long that Wei Wuxian’s curiosity wins out over the weirdness fizzling along his nerves, and he looks over to see Lan Wangji glaring at the air in front of him with such dedicated viciousness that Wei Wuxian is half surprised nothing’s spontaneously combusted.

“Lan Zhan, it’s all right,” he says, grinning despite himself. “Wen Ning is really much better at protecting me than you think he is.” Lan Wangji’s scowl twists derisively, and Wei Wuxian laughs, because Lan Wangji’s persistent belief that no one can do anything as well as he can is both adorable and, frankly, accurate. “Really, he’ll be fine. But if you’re worried about it…maybe we should just never break up, hmm?”

Lan Wangji’s head jerks around to stare at him, and Wei Wuxian realizes how ridiculous and greedy that probably sounded. How awful of him, to think to impose on Lan Wangji’s goodness any longer than he absolutely has to, just because he’s nervous about the fallout. “Ah, it was a joke,” he says hurriedly, waving his hands between them to ward off misunderstandings. “A joke.”

The silence stretches a few beats too long, awkward, and then Lan Wangji says, stiffly, “Ridiculous.”

“I know, I know,” Wei Wuxian says, smiling as well as he can. “The most ridiculous.”

More horrible, throttling silence, and then, mercifully, his phone rings. He fumbles for it with nothing less than overwhelming relief, so even though he pauses for an instant when he sees the caller ID (”Not my type 🙄,” because no one’s ever in his phone with their real names), he still picks up. “Since when do you call me?” he demands.

“I saw your interview,” the pleasant, sweet voice on the other ends says. “You two look happy.”

Wei Wuxian rolls his eyes and doesn’t acknowledge the shiver that makes its way down his spine when he thinks about Lan Wangji happy, Lan Wangji smiling. “You didn’t call me to tell me I looked happy.”

“I’m hurt,” Jin Guangyao says, somehow contriving to actually sound hurt. “This is a very important phone call to me.”

“Ohhhhh,” Wei Wuxian says, drawing the word out far past a single syllable. “You’re avoiding someone.”

A laugh. “Such accusations are beneath you. At any rate, I did see your interview, and you did look happy. Congratulations, Wei Wuxian. I didn’t realize that was your type, but in retrospect, I can’t believe I was surprised.”

Wei Wuxian dares a quick glance over at Lan Wangji, who’s frowning at him. “I kind of thought it might be yours,” he says, his voice standing on the knife edge between teasing and mocking.

There’s barely a pause. “Hmm, too stiff for me.”

“Oh, of course, of course.”

A beat, and then Jin Guangyao says, lightly, casually, “About that…”

“Oh, I see,” Wei Wuxian says. “You’re avoiding someone and checking up on me. Don’t worry, I’m keeping my mouth shut—anything I might remember from that one time we made out for five minutes in a bathroom is between you and me.”

“I never worried for an instant,” Jin Guangyao tells him, with all the sincerity that won him an Oscar two years ago.

What they actually did together is probably better summarized as: got drunk, made out in a bathroom, realized they weren’t really attracted to each other at all, and then whined for a while about the audacity of people who just wander around being beautiful. If Wei Wuxian hadn’t been sure at the time exactly which beautiful person Jin Guangyao had meant, he would be now, considering Jin Guangyao felt the need to call when he found out whose younger brother Wei Wuxian’s supposedly blissfully happy about dating.

“Of course you didn’t,” he says.

“You’re entirely trustworthy,” Jin Guangyao agrees. “I should go, I’m having a late meeting.”

“Oh, I see. Not avoiding someone, just proving you have much better things to do with your time than sign on to their project for whatever measly amount of money they’re offering you.”

“Goodbye, Wei Wuxian.”

Wei Wuxian snorts and then pockets his phone again, looking up. Lan Wangji is staring directly at him. “Lan Zhan?”

“Who was that?” Lan Wangji’s voice is stiff and annoyed sounding, probably because Wei Wuxian answered his phone in the middle of a conversation without so much as an ‘excuse me.’

“Oh, it was—” Wei Wuxian stops, because yes, for fuck’s sake, he did say out loud that they’d made out in a bathroom. “Just someone I know a little.”

“Who?” Lan Wangji says, persisting. He frowns and then says, “If it’s someone who might know that you and I are not really… Luo Qingyang asked for details of your previous…partners for a reason.”

“He’s not really a partner,” Wei Wuxian protests. “And anyway, I made out with him at Nie Huaisang’s birthday party, and I told her we needed to have started dating after that anyway. So it’s fine. He doesn’t know anything.”

Lan Wangji’s frown deepens. “Who is he?”

“Nobody!”

Silence, and then, flatly: “I see.”

Wei Wuxian feels horrible instantly. They’re friends. They ought to tell each other things. What if Lan Wangji thinks this is a sign Wei Wuxian doesn’t trust him? Without conscious direction, his arm reaches across the middle seat between them, and his fingers tug on Lan Wangji’s sleeve. “Lan Zhan. Lan-er-gege. It’s not what you’re thinking.” He bites his lip. “He isn’t out, that’s all. So I can’t tell you. I’m sorry.”

A pause. “He is out to you.”

“Well, it kind of came up when he stuck his tongue in my mouth,” Wei Wuxian says, shrugging, as the car slows. “Oh, hey, look, we’re at the hotel. Be ready to sign some autographs, Lan Zhan, there’s some people hanging out.” He opens his door just as the car is stopping, hopping out with a smile and a wave as their lingering, most dedicated fans surge to their feet and cheer. He barely registers the sound of the other car door slamming as he stretches in the hot August sun, and then in the next moment, Lan Wangji has grabbed him by both arms and shoved him against the car.

“Uh,” Wei Wuxian says, slightly stunned. “Lan Zhan, what—”

“We are dating,” Lan Wangji says, like that explains anything at all, and then his mouth is crashing down onto Wei Wuxian’s.

There’s no time for shock, because Lan Wangji doesn’t hesitate, just licks and bites at Wei Wuxian’s lips until they part obediently, until Wei Wuxian is offered up for him entirely. Their practice kisses the other morning were fun, sweet and easy; this is a cymbal crash, the reverb on a bass note, a pyrotechnic lights show. Wei Wuxian has somehow gotten his arms behind Lan Wangji, and he isn’t sure how. He’s somehow clutching at Lan Wangji’s shoulders and hauling himself closer, but each fraction of an inch he moves in, Lan Wangji just takes as an opportunity to crowd him more firmly against the side of the car.

When they stop—for some reason, they stop, Wei Wuxian can’t imagine why they’re stopping, why Lan Wangji is pulling away, his eyes dark and fierce, his mouth—fuck, his mouth. When they stop, Lan Wangji draws away so slowly that Wei Wuxian imagines he can feel every inch of skin as it stops being touched, can feel the drag of Lan Wangji’s hands and body as they leave his. Wei Wuxian’s ears are ringing, and he only dimly recognizes that this might because they’ve done this in public again and at least twenty people are screaming.

Lan Wangji clears his throat. “So that no one is confused,” he says firmly, and then he turns and walks toward the doors of the hotel.

Which is all well and good, but Wei Wuxian is a little confused, actually?

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hidden track masterpost

#hidden track #things i write #modao zushi #this entire ficlet is an exercise in me going #okay but HOW jealous can i make lwj #first wen ning and THEN #has lwj constructed an elaborate scenario where wwx had a torrid affair with mystery man #and the only reason they aren't together is because jgy isn't out? #YES #this is very much not true #but lwj is a possessive bastard #and since he CAN publicly stake his claim #well........ #anyway i hope this satisfies both the jealous!lwj and makeouts desires #and that everyone is having an okay lockdown! #i am thinking of you wherever you are #Anonymous #attila replies to things #hidden track update

[fincalinde]

Some thoughts on the relationship between JGS and MS, and the potential implications for JGY.

Meng Shi was over the age of twenty when she met JGS, and knew she only had a few years left at best as a popular prostitute (Ch 105). Anxin speculates that MS has JGY despite the risks because she 'just wanted to get out'. There's a strong implication that Anxin thinks MS got pregnant on purpose. Anxin's account is unreliable considering the way she treats MS and JGY, but on the face of it this isn't implausible. Maybe MS, knowing penury awaited her in a few short years, decided to 'baby trap' JGS (a horrible expression I know) in an attempt to guarantee her future security.

But this doesn't ring true for me precisely because MS was over the age of twenty when she met JGS. At minimum she had been working as a prostitute for several years. She must have encountered many men, some of whom likely did ply her with sweet talk, and most of whom would have been wealthy and decently positioned in society even if they weren't as powerful as JGS. I just don't believe that a woman who had lived the life she had up to that point would be naive in that particular way. There was certainly an element of naiveté to her faith in JGS and his promises, but we know they spent 'days' together and he gave her a token in the form of a pearl button (Ch 48). We know that outside the Jin Clan where (exceptionally) such items are common, the pearl button has the appearance of a valuable token and she would therefore have no reason to doubt its significance. Taking that into account, her behaviour makes much more sense and is more consistent with her personal history.

We also know JGS regularly gave out pearl buttons to women he slept with, 'often in the accompaniment of pledges and vows as well' (Ch 48, EXR). We aren't told exactly what he promised MS but I think it's a reasonable inference that he promised her something that made her feel secure enough to commit to having his child. Specifically, it's likely he promised her he'd make her an official concubine. This would mean that JGY should have been born a legitimate child—of lower status than JZX the son of the wife, but not a bastard, and included in the line of succession. Laws and conventions around concubinage varied throughout history, but the sons of official concubines are considered legitimate (with varying status), and we can also look to the example of NHS for how sons of official concubines are treated in this particular setting. (Yes NHS' mother being a concubine is an extracanonical detail direct from MXTX, and yes I do think it's therefore perfectly fair to point out that there's an argument to be made that the text itself supports alternative readings—but I'm mentioning him for the sake of argument since we have no other meaningful examples one way or the other.)

I personally don't think the text supports a reading where MS went ahead with the pregnancy in the hope that it would tie JGS more tightly to her. I think she must have known it was a huge risk but she went ahead with it because she had been given assurances she had no reason not to trust. She was desperate rather than naive, and she put her faith in someone who didn't deserve it. We're not given enough information about what MS subsequently thought of JGS to draw firm conclusions: maybe she continued to believe he'd return, or maybe she knew he'd never come back for them but wanted to instil that faith in JGY so he'd be driven to gain a place with his father. Maybe she went back and forth depending on the day and her mood.

But setting aside what MS really ended up thinking of JGS and exactly how clear-eyed her private hopes for JGY were, what really interests me is that if JGS did promise he would make her an official concubine then all she and JGY are ever asking for is what was already promised. JGS might not have intended to keep the promises he made her, especially considering his ferocious wife, but he made them nonetheless. In attempting to gain recognition, JGY is only attempting to get his father to keep his word. The fact that countless other women and children are out there in the same situation, having also been made promises JGS never intended to keep, is relevant only in the sense that it shows how widespread this mistreatment is. Every character (including such supposed moral sticklers as NMJ) accepts that JGS is going to make women promises and then abandon them and they and the children have no recourse, but that doesn't mean JGY isn't still technically entitled to what was promised even if it doesn't help him at all in practice. After being kicked down the stairs JGY accepts that his birthright is not enough and he'll also need to prove himself, but he never forgets what his father owed him and it really does remain the heart of his anger:

"Why is it that even though we were born on the same day, Jin GuangShan could host a grand banquet for one son, and watch with his own eyes how his subordinate kicked his other son down Koi Tower, from the first stair to the last!"

He finally revealed the hatred hidden deep within him. It wasn’t directed at neither Jin ZiXuan nor Wei WuXian, but rather his own father. (Ch 106, EXR)

There's a lot of discussion around the infamous 'forget it' line (Ch 106, 118) but to me it's notable that when JGY finally reveals the depths of his hatred it's the initial rejection he returns to: a point at which he hadn't 'earned' his place with the Jin. He then had to go above and beyond, saving the Sunshot Campaign from defeat, carrying out his father's heinous orders, enduring years of abuse and humiliation, all in order to 'earn' a hollow and superficial form of legitimacy instead. Perhaps JGY isn't bitter simply because he was born a bastard and JZX wasn't. Perhaps he's also bitter because he was denied the legitimacy he was originally entitled to by the supposed rules of their society.

#what a ramble #themes of this post include: #what jgs might have promised #what ms might have believed #and what jgy is owed #speculation ahoy #but hopefully canon consistent speculation! #jin guangyao