#and then afterwards making the conscious decision not to pursue his own pleasure further

[thedragonagelesbian]

Doing legacy, night terrors, and dissent all right in a fucking row really is the anders nightmare train huh

#ive made this exact same post before but its really hitting me working on the fic #not once not twice but THREE FUCKING TIMES has anders lost control over himself in such a short span of time #nearly killing someone and (in my canon) seriously wounding cyrus (the guy hes been in love with for three years) #in the process #like....... the post alrik convo is all the more intense and serious when taken in that light #and then immediately following that up with him & cyrus hooking up (in the same scene in my fic) #like (a) yall probably need to take some time to p r o c e s s and cyrus baby boy PLS go talk to ur other friends #fenris and isabela will apologize for betraying you in the fade you do not need to latch on to anders like this #but (b).................... for anders it IS a strangely meaningful & healing way to renegotiate #his understanding of how much control he has over himself and his body #first by topping cyrus & using that control exclusively in the service of taking care of someone else #and their pleasure #and then afterwards making the conscious decision not to pursue his own pleasure further #by staying with cyrus #bc he thinks its the safer and more selfless option #snyway working on this fic has dredged up a LOT of feelings #i dunno if im ever going to have the confidence to share it bc of. yknow. the hooking up part #but its there and its meaningful and its good for both of them #just........ the romantic feelings it comes with are a bit more questionable/destructive in their singular devotion #cyrus hawke #cyrusXanders #**by NOT staying with cyrus