#and there’s a waterfall looming somewhere in the distance and i can’t grab a log

[willowfey]

what do u do on days u wake up feeling empty and the only things that stir smth up in ur brain and body are memories of times/places that are long gone…. like what am i supposed to do with that….. i don’t feel like a person today i just wanna wake up in my childhood bedroom and smell the way it smelled in winter but i can’t do that so i just go through my day feeling vaguely nauseously unsettled and untethered…. and that doesn’t feel fair but i don’t know what can be done about it

#i know i sound like a broken record but i miss my trees. i miss feeling like i’m home. i miss feeling safe in my body. #i miss the owls and doves that fill the morning by my grandma’s old house and the smell of the co-op and the river #and the way the mountains look surrounding the valley. protecting me. #i miss the feeling of my hands on the window in winter and reading my favourite books for the first time i miss chris i miss my old bed #i miss myself. i feel like i’ve been lost for years #sometimes i wake up distracted and i fill my brain with anything i can find and i cheat the system and i feel things #for a little while. if i keep moving fast enough i forget that i’m lonely. i forget that i’m lost #but sometimes i stop and it catches up to me and i have to sit on the floor #sometimes i realise how far from home i am in every sense of the word and i feel like a child lost in a supermarket #except this time no one is coming to find me if i just stand still #i wake up and everything i can think of that would make me happy is a mirage #i wake up and the music isn’t enough and i want to start pedalling backwards and i feel like i’m floating very fast downstream #and there’s a waterfall looming somewhere in the distance and i can’t grab a log #im not gonna fall off. nothing is ever bad enough for anyone to worry about me drowning. but i am still very wet and very far from home #so what. do. i. do. ? #when i was a kid we lived in a house that had a very large oak tree out front (this was before the house with the willow tree) #at the base of the oak tree was a small fairy pond. we moved in during winter and it was frozen solid and u couldn’t see anything in it #but come spring it melted and we discovered the fairy pool was chock full of marbles of all colours and sizes. hundreds of them. #it was so thrilling to know they’d been waiting for me all winter to find them in the warmth. where are the marbles now #is anything waiting for me? is anything hiding in the frozen pond? #@the universe: i need a little help now pls. pls send me something small and colourful i wasn’t expecting. hundreds of them. or just one. #i am open to it all #because i can’t go back in time and smell my childhood bedroom in winter. and i will not go over the waterfall. so bring me marbles #~ signed yours truly. ps tell the trees i’m still the same

[mewbot]

it started with a cat. Leif did not mean to stray so far into the woods, but there was a cat, and something told him he needed to follow it.

Leif wandered the tapestry of the cosmos. believing he was a lost twin. some opposite beckoned. he gazed across the vast and confusing array, unable to use the constellations to navigate. he would sell his ticket on the galactic railroad.

he continued to chase the cat, deeper, deeper, until the darkness of the forest towered over him, the weave of branches and leaves engulfed him, like a womb, like a tunnel, like kelp at the bottom of the sea. the pattern of the world enveloped him like a womb, like a wool blanket or cloak. until no sounds could permeate the fortress of wood. just wind. and branches moving.

a clearing.

Leif did not recognize this area. he had not guessed there was a river here. a sloping rock led down to a river about fifty feet wide, with a questionable tree trunk crossing it, wet with spray. the cat was now visible, it scampered across the log with nimble ease. Leif, without thinking, tried the log.

somewhere, a shadow laughed, and Leif felt the world begin to unravel.

the force of the water yanked him down, cords of energy rushed over him and around him, pulling him deeper into itself. the river was far deeper than it was wide here. heavy rapids rolled on top of his chest like car engines, pushing the air out of him, kicking in his stomach, pounding at his flesh.

rocks.

then upwards, gasping, out of the water for a split second (daylight) and against something, just enough time for him to grab onto it and he hung on and it broke and he was carried over a waterfall.

twenty seconds passed, or what seemed like an eternity, and then, at the base of the falls, Leif emerged, breathing water and air and clinging to the rocks at either side of the falls. it was shallow here. he heaved himself onto the riverbank, coughing, ears ringing.

“fuck. fuck. fuck.” he said more softly. he leaned against the trunk of a tree and watched the shadows lengthen. if the time he spent underwater was forever then the time he sat there was two hours in a heartbeat. the forest could be heard again. it was no longer silent. bird sounds became noticeable. there were insects in the grass making sounds. cicadas in the trees.

after a while, he heard what sounded like a tree falling. or being pushed over? a crack and a crash of brush. it sounded like something massive moving through the trees.

birds scattered. a great shadow loomed as tall as a three story house behind him. Leif struggled to get up, to turn his head, it was painful. darkness once again enveloped him, blotting out the warmth the sun had bright. there was the sound of flies buzzing, and a stench like wet leaves and mud, the smell of the underside of a log or a rock. Leif was petrified.

standing above him was a great, black being with an arrow in its back, resembling a giant dog standing on its hind legs. a demon. it was completely silent…

a claw slowly descended toward Leif.

why wouldn’t his legs work? why couldn’t he move?

the claw gently touched his shoulder. before Leif could think, his legs were working again, and he was running blindly back into the forest, away from this thing, hopping over logs & branches and the path of destruction it had already left in its wake. something was nagging Leif (was this monster really trying to hurt him?) but his fear was in control now.

Leif looked over his shoulder and sure enough the gigantic demonic creature was in pursuit, all twenty-or-so of its eyes fixed forward, in his direction.

Leif’s shoelace got caught on something, a log or a branch, and he fell down, and the monster was on top of him, the shadows engulfing him, and before he could blink - wham!!

Leif yanked his foot free from his shoe, pulled himself up over the log and cowered behind it.

something (or someone?) had kicked the monster in the neck, with enough power to send it reeling into trees (snapping with no resistance).

Leif resisted the urge to flee. a fight was ensuing between the person who had rescued him and the huge dog demon. the person had..wings. she (?) kicked the demon in its neck again in its jaw, sending black blood flying and spattering across the ground and tree trunks. a great hole had opened in the canopy now, and rays of afternoon sunlight reached the understory, the human-sized figure wrestling with the house-sized black entity.

“what are you looking at!! get out of here!!!!” she said with the thing in a choke hold.

“no, no, no, stop!” Leif came over and tried to pry her hands off of the demon’s neck.

“what are you doing? can’t you see I’m kicking ass? why did you have to ruin it.”

“it didn’t hurt me. it’s the size of a house and it chased me but please…you’re going to kill it.” Leif said.

“look, there’s an arrow in it’s back. take it out.” Leif said.

the figure with wings let go of the inky creature, which was now limp. its great body lay motionless on top of a few tree trunks which were half-broken but still had give to them. inky blood was oozing from its mouth. its eyes, all thirty of them, were closed.

the human-sized figure with wings reached over to yank out the arrow. the giant demon started to shrink until it was just a dog in a huge pile of wet leaves. a normal-sized greyhound. still motionless. with two eyes. and an average-sized mouth. it didn’t look dead - just a sleeping greyhound dog in a house-sized pile of leaves.

it was now that this winged figure turned to face Leif. she was slightly shorter than him, quite fat, and had huge wings. and she was covered head to toe in blood, dirt, and leaves.

“what are you doing here? how did you know to do that???” she said.

“…”

“these woods are cursed. you aren’t supposed to be here.” she said.

“…” Leif backed away slowly.

“you weren’t supposed to see that. you weren’t supposed to interfere. it’s my job to…why are you walking away from me?”

Leif walked away faster.

“hey!! where are you going? where did you come from.”

“the road…” Leif said, still walking away. she was walking toward him now, faster.

“which road?”

he was running now, and she was catching up fast. “route seven - teh”

“yoink” before he could finish, she hugged him and took off, flying over the forest toward route seven - teh. Leif felt his stomach drop as they rapidly gained altitude. the pattern of the forest spread out below him.

“please don’t get sick,” she said.

she spotted the waterfall and circled, landing on a rock outcropping at the top.

“this is near the edge. do you know how to get back to route seven-teh from here?” she steadied him by holding his shoulders still.

“hhghghghfj”

“that’s cool. I figured you’d know how to get home from here. anyways, you’re welcome. see you never!” she let him go and took off. Leif watched her glide over the forest and disappear behind a hill.

he took a minute to catch his breath and then started jogging into the fireflied evening, up the river toward the road.

all of this from following some cat.

he passed through the sloping rock area again.

“even I don’t believe me,” he said, chuckling.

a shadowy figure, lurking in the distance, pulled steadily a bow string, and silently let go. the arrow glided through the air and caught Leif directly in the neck.

he grabbed at his throat as he started to transform into something terrible. he could feel the shadows crawling over his skin, the world turning inky black, the stench of decay overpowering him...and then...darkness.

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#ch3