#and this is the same bitch who slagged me off to our manager. and played the victim

[ancientbooshartifacts]

White Wedding

Author: Beansidhe_Baby

Year: 2008

Rating: PG-13

Pairing:  Howard/Vince; Rudi/Spider; Anthrax/Ebola; Neon/Ultra; Naboo/Bollo; Saboo/Tony Harrison; onesided Old Gregg/Howard; Mr Susan/Sandstorm; the Hitcher/Old Gregg

Vince was having a minor make up crisis, there was a smear of mascara on his upper eyelid, on top of several layers of carefully blended eyeshadow. He sighed in exasperation and wiped his right eye clean and started again. This was supposed to be the best day of his life and the bloody eye makeup let him down at the last gasp. There was a soft knock at the door and Naboo came in without waiting for him to open the door. “I was sure I locked that,” Vince said, looking over his shoulder at Naboo. “I'm a powerful shaman, Vince. And there's a spare key on a hook out there,” he said flatly, “How's it going?” “I'm going to look like a slapper in my wedding photos, but, other than that, fan-bloody-tastic,” Vince muttered murderously at his own reflection. “We all think you're lovely,” said Naboo, in a rare moment of flattery. “Well I look like a lovely slag. Howard's parents are going to think he's gotten me pregnant or something...” “You're a man, Vince,” Naboo reminded him helpfully. “Oh yeah. Men still don't have babies, then?” “No.” ~-~-~-~-~-~- “Is this straight?” Howard asked anxiously, tugging at his bow tie. “No,” said Bollo without looking up from his magazine, “Vince a man.” “The tie, Bollo. Is the tie on straight?” Howard asked again. “Nobody look at you. Precious Vince radiant bride. Groom. Radiant bridegroom.” Bollo said off handedly, flipping through his magazine. “I don't want to let the side down. If this goes on crooked I'll have to look at Vince wincing at the photos every anniversary for the rest of my life.” “If Vince love you when you look like that, he won't care about ties” Bollo sighed, closed his mag and got up to fix Howard's bow tie for him. “Thanks Bollo,” Howard smiled nervously. “Break his heart and I'll kill you.” “Yes sir.” ~-~-~-~-~-~- “Bridegroom or groom?” Lester asked an empty patch of air next to the guest. “I'll find my own seat, squire,” the mysterious green gentleman said, brushing past the blind man. He meandered around the pews before sitting himself down beside a tall man with a large afro who was staring at a man with an equally strange hair style “relieving” himself in the vestry. “Which of the grooms are you with?” the green man asked him. Rudi turned around and seemed to see the other man for the first time. “I'm sorry,” he said quietly, “My mind was elsewhere.” “What's up with the dress then, son?” the Hitcher, for it was of course the manwitch himself, asked. “Actually, that's a common misconception, this is not a dress, it's the robe of th-” Rudi started to correct him before he was interrupted again. “So you a nonce then?” the Hitcher cut across him, with an ever decreasing amount of tact “I am above base sexual desires,” he sniffed. “Oh so he won't let you then?” “I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about.” “Mexican bloke? Uglier than a sack of pigs anuses? He's here with you isn't he?” “Excuse me, I have to go and speak to... anyone else.” ~-~-~-~-~-~- “I don't trust them, they're stealing our look.” “They look nothing like us!” “Look at her with her bloody milky lens. She's wearing your face! Doesn't that get you pissed off at all?” “Getting me a bit randy actually.” “If you're unfaithful to me I'll kill her and make you eat her heart.” “Christ, you're hot when you're jealous.” ~-~-~-~-~-~- “Are they still staring?” “...no” “They are still staring, aren't they?” “...maybe” “Why are we here again?” “We promised Naboo.” “Bloody Naboo.” “Play nice, darling” “One double date with them and we're part of this bloody extended family of theirs.” “Free champagne at the reception though. And besides, everyone knows that sex after a wedding is the best. Except for the poor sods getting married obviously.” “Those electro girls are freaking me out. The little one keeps making stabby hand gestures.” “Little? She's the same height as you!” “Shut your mouth!” ~-~-~-~-~-~- Bryan Ferry was waiting to walk Vince up the aisle. He peeked around the corner at the crowded room. It seemed to be largely made up of scene kids looking fashionably bored, slightly nervous jazz fans and a much bigger selection of various monstrous beasts. In the corner a man made out of sandpaper was discretely chatting up a man made of chamois leathers and jay cloths. He was feeling nervous. He wanted to be back in the forest with trees surrounding him on all sides. He'd sniffed his son's mother-in-law to be, on the neck, and it had all gotten considerably awkward. That would be interesting at the brunch for the close family tomorrow morning. ~-~-~-~-~-~- Vince walked straight forward and all of a sudden, everything else fell away. He forgot about guest-lists and flower arrangements and his hair, and all he could fit into his world view was Howard waiting for him at the end of that long walk. He hadn't seen what Howard would be wearing, they'd decided that they'd already had three lifetimes share of bad luck resulting from broken traditions. He had actually worn a suit. He'd been threatening to wear a Hawaiian shirt and shorts and Vince had been only just sure that he was joking. Vince himself was wearing an elaborate lacy tunic over a pair of knee length leggings. He hadn't felt comfortable in either a morning suit or the white dress so he'd settled for some kind of a mix of the two. He wasn't sure if the result was genius or just bizarre. The way Howard was looking at him, he didn't think it mattered anymore. ~-~-~-~-~-~- “You may now kiss the bride...groom,” Dennis said finally and looked eagerly at the blushing newly-weds. Howard shyly kissed Vince on the lips and Vince threw his arms around his neck. A plaintive cry went through the church and they broke apart to see Old Gregg sobbing onto the Hitcher's shoulder. “Don't worry about him,” Vince whispered, seeing Howard's slightly guilty expression, “He'll get some cock afterwards. Everyone loves the broken hearted ex-girlfriend at a wedding.” “We never actually went out per se, Vince. He kidnapped me,” Howard replied quietly, into his husband's hair. “You look beautiful,” he said, cupping Vince's face in both hands. “You're not so bad, yourself,” Vince giggled, “Not as good as me, obviously, but I think Gregg won't be the only jealous bitch wishing me dead by the end of the night.” “Get in me wheelbarrow, you cheeky vixen.” “I was always in your wheelbarrow, Howard. I was just waiting for you to bloody notice.” They kissed again. ~-~-~-~-~-~- Naboo was dancing by himself in the middle of the floor, pulling focus from everyone else, including Bob Fossil (who no one could quite remember inviting). He was intermittently accosted by small groups of girls who would whisper in his ear. Each time he would shake his head and they'd walk off, looking deeply disappointed. He was off his tits on free champagne (which wasn't all that free, considering that he was paying for the bulk of this wedding) and a couple of twelve skins he'd smoked in the jacks. He noticed Howard and Vince cuddling, or possibly even canoodling, in the corner and suddenly thought that going over to them would be a fantastic idea. “Howard! Vince! You got married,” he smiled widely and hugged them both enthusiastically. “Why aren't you dancing, it's brilliant! All these girls keep asking me if I want to have a good time, but I'm already having a good time, what're they like? Hey, hey guys whose name are you taking? Or are you going to double bar it? Like Noir-Moon or Moon-Noir. Bollo doesn't have a last name, you know.” Vince was looking around desperately for the aforementioned ape to get Naboo to go and have a little lie down somewhere and Howard was looking at Naboo with concern. “Hey Howard,” Naboo leaned in conspiratorially, “I always liked you. You're a good man-thing-horse. Thing.” Howard patted him on the shoulder and he staggered over to one side. “How come the room's moving? Am I paying for a moving room?” he said before falling backwards into his familiar's arms. He looked up and giggled. Vince smiled at Bollo, who grunted shortly and led Naboo over to one of the couches around the periphery of the room. He lay him down gently and when he tried to leave, Naboo pulled him back, almost on top of him. ~-~-~-~-~-~- “Look at that idiot making a complete arse of himself. I tell you Saboo, it's an outrage!” “The only outrage here is that I was talking to a number of lovely ladies and then you insinuated yourself into the conversation and told them all that I was here with you!” “You are here with me. You're the designated driver, you're here with all of us. If you go off with some bird, who's going to get us back? Kirk? He's worse than Naboo! And I haven't exactly been on orange juice all night either.” “Are you trying to imply that you could operate an automobile if you hadn't been drinking yourself into oblivion? I would pay good money to see you even shift gears.” “What? This is an outrage! Who are you? Jeremy Clarkson?” “You had no right to let those girls think that I was shagging a testicle shaped balloon animal.” “As if, you couldn't have me even if you weren't a prize tit” “I could too, have you. You're aching for me.” “Somebody's dreaming.” “I COULD HAVE YOU TWELVE WAYS FROM SUNDAY, YOU KNOB!” ~-~-~-~-~-~- “Alright, I'm going to toss the flowers!” Vince called out before a tide of womenfolk materialised around him. In the front, jostling for position, the goth girls and electro girls were trying to look casual and unbothered by it. Neon and Anthrax were glaring at each other while Ultra and Ebola conveyed their exasperation to each other with a shrug and a wink. Beside them, Mrs. Gideon was preening and smoothing her hair. Somewhere in the middle of the sea of girls, Eleanor, was managing to make every single man in the room anxiously down drinks and pray. Howard looked at the throng of women treading on each other's toes and jabbing elbows into ribs, with horror. This looked like a riot in the making. Decades of feminism and “doing it for themselves”, whatever "it" was, went out the window in the face of a bride(groom) throwing a bunch of flowers. It was absurd! He thought he saw Old Gregg in there somewhere.... The bouquet arced through the air, over the heads of the crowd, and the room was filled with the sound of fifty women (or close approximations) breathing in sharply. The flowers landed, with a soft rustle, in a pair of small hands. Naboo looked down at the flowers in his hands and back up at the murderous glares of the disappointed women. His cheeks turned red and he looked down again before thrusting the flowers towards Bollo. “'Sfor you,” he muttered. Bollo starting to eat an orchid before looking at the shaman's shining eyes looking up at him. Oh. He swallowed nervously and the Orchis saccifera caught in his throat. Naboo patted him on the back until his familiar stopped choking and shyly took his hand. The crowd of females looked less inclined to riot and some were blowing their noses and dabbing their eyes genteelly. ~-~-~-~-~-~- In the back of the hired limo, Howard and Vince necked like teenagers after a dance. Or, like two people who had just gotten married. “Made it,” Vince sighed and nibbled Howard's ear lobe, sending a gust of warm air into his husband's ear. “Just about,” Howard agreed, kissing the inside of Vince's wrist. “I still think we should have eloped and gotten married by Bowie,” Vince said against Howard's throat. “Naboo would have killed me if I took you away and robbed him of organizing the party.” “Cheeky little jack of clubs. D'ya think he had that planned with the flowers?” “He looked pretty surprised. I think it might have been a happy accident.” “I didn't think much of those wedding cake dollies. I looked hideous!” “Well, don't say anything to Leroy or you'll hurt his feelings.” “Oh alright. Howard?” “Yes, little man?” “I love you.” “I love you too.” “Pity Bono had that other party to go to...” “Vince?” “Yes?” “Shut your face.”

#the mighty boosh #mighty boosh #boosh #howince #howard moon #vince noir #vince noir/howard moon #vince/howard #naboo the enigma #naboo #bollo #naboo/bollo #rudi van disarzio #spider dijon #rudi van disarzio/spider dijon #rudi/spider #anthrax #ebola #anthrax & ebola #anthrax/ebola #saboo #tony harrison #saboo/tony harrison #old gregg #old gregg/howard moon #neon/ultra #neon #ultra #neon&ultra #the hitcher

[punkscowardschampions]

Grace & Janis

Grace: bitch you better have hidden all MY baby pics!!! Janis: obvs my number 1 priority Grace: mhmmmmmm don't be letting that boy see me looking like that Grace: as if our house isn't cringe enough Janis: what, a child? Janis: still got those chubby cheeks, cutie Grace: ew don't even Grace: I learned how to contour for good reason thank you Janis: mhmmmmmm Janis: curse this family and its DNA Janis: [sends her all the baby Grace pics we don't have] Grace: STOP Janis: 😂 Janis: n'awh Grace: you're so annoying it's no wonder you're their new fave Grace: so who's more 😍😍 for him, mum or dad? Janis: bit rude to their old fave Janis: giving you a place to bunk, have some manners Janis: 🤔 hmm, it's close Janis: probably the mother, chatting about some art project he has to do so Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: like if you're not gonna offer to do it for him, hush babes Janis: the idea of her coming at me with a 📷 got me like Janis: [suitably grumpy child pic] Grace: 😂😂😂😂 Grace: does he have to use 📷? she could just get one of her old 🎨 out Janis: oh yes, 'cos the idea of posing for a portrait thrills me more Janis: I think it can be any medium, it's his thing Grace: you only have to sit there tho Janis: not trying to spend any more time here with them tho Grace: 👌👌 true Janis: strictly dinner kinda deal Grace: I'm so sure dad made soooo many courses anyway Janis: I told him to be chill Janis: so naturally he hasn't Grace: ugh Grace: do not miss his dinner time check ins Janis: its only been a couple of days Janis: wouldn't get comfortable not missing anything Grace: UM can you not remind me that I have to come back Grace: so rude Janis: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: cute that you miss me tho hun 💜 Janis: like I'll be here hun Grace: you invited him there 🤞🤞 that you EVER see him again Janis: no I didn't Janis: I wanted them off my back, that's the plan Janis: now and I can leave and they won't freak Grace: he's still meeting them Janis: ? Janis: he'll get over it, it's one night Grace: !!! & 😱😱😱 Grace: it's mum & dad how long do they even need to make you wanna die Janis: it's more funny when you don't care Janis: worry about yourself Grace: I'm fine thanks so much Janis: were you waiting to talk about yourself Janis: 'cos go ahead Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: never stopped you before Grace: excuse you Janis: hm? Grace: really nice catching up, babes Janis: hm Grace: see you soon or not Janis: toodles Grace: 💜👋💜 Janis: call off your bitch, will you Grace: ??? Janis: who do you think Janis: why does she even watch my stories Grace: idk or why you think I haven't already told her to get over it Janis: fuck's sake Grace: why do you even care if she watches your stories? literally everyone is rn Janis: I don't care if she watches but tell her not to message me Grace: I obvs will but she obvs isn't gonna listen to me Janis: if she doesn't she's getting a slap Grace: LOL Grace: you know who her dad is, you can't Janis: no I don't Janis: though she'd like to think everyone does Grace: OMG just block her Grace: you wanted mum and dad OFF your back Grace: literally why bring him to dinner to start more drama Janis: they don't like her either Janis: it's not drama Grace: Duh she'll cause it if you hit her Janis: then she better shut up then hadn't she Grace: what's she even saying? Janis: does it matter Grace: if you want me to message her after days of not Grace: like I'm gonna just hit her up without knowing anything Grace: I'd look mental Janis: you know what Janis: forget it Janis: god forbid you inconvenience yourself however slightly Grace: OMG just tell me Janis: it shouldn't fucking matter Janis: let her tell you since you're so keen to side with her already Grace: I can't even take sides if I don't know anything Janis: I'll sort it myself Grace: by fighting her Grace: for god's sake Janis: and what Janis: your approach has worked so well? Grace: okay so it's all my fault Janis: thanks but that admission don't really help Grace: STOP Grace: & just talk to me Janis: why Janis: so you can act like she's not your best friend Janis: that you don't know that she's been like this to me for years Grace: you're my sister Grace: I can give you a million secrets you can use Grace: tell me how bad it is first Janis: I ain't interesting in playing your little games Grace: so what do you want me to do? Grace: I'm literally saying I'll be on your side Janis: You brought her, you get her to go away Grace: okay Janis: good Grace: for you, sure Janis: how do you always make yourself the victim Grace: how do you have the nerve to ask me to do something & still act like a bitch Grace: you said it, she's my best friend Grace: this isn't gonna backfire on you Janis: She's already fucking me over, it doesn't need to backfire Janis: and it's no one's fault but you're own that she's your friend Janis: don't expect sympathy Grace: you think she can't do worse than a few DM's Grace: oh honey Janis: I'm not scared of her, get a grip, for fuck's sake Grace: so happy for you Grace: you know what, handle it yourself Grace: hit her, do whatever Janis: yeah no shit Janis: you've not done anything about her a day in your life Grace: yeah cos it's so easy Janis: poor you Grace: don't talk to me Janis: make your mind up jesus Grace: go away Grace: I'm so done with you & this Janis: get the fuck over yourself Janis: you were buzzing at the chance for more petty mean girl bullshit with her Janis: do something with your life and she might give a shit again, you're not using me for your in Grace: I wanted to help you Grace: until you reminded me why that's THE WORST idea ever Janis: you never help anyone Janis: saying you're nice and helpful but then never doing it 'cos everyone else is THE WORST Janis: don't make it true Grace: oh please Grace: I've never said I'm nice or helpful Janis: oh please, you do constantly Janis: you can't take responsibility for shit, it's me, it's her, it's your shitty exes, yeah? Janis: maybe it's you, Grace, you're the common denominator Grace: okay thanks Grace: you're really helpful Janis: I don't want to help you Janis: let's be clear Grace: Great, so shut up Janis: no Janis: this is your fucking fault, you should get an nth of the bullshit I get Grace: me and Mia aren't the same person Grace: if I had any control over her I'd have used it way before now Janis: you think you're any better? Janis: at least she's upfront about it Janis: got some balls Grace: 👌👌👌 Janis: you really are pathetic Grace: wow Janis: what Grace: if that's the best you can do, it's obvs why you wanted me to deal with her Janis: working with the material I'm given Janis: which is fuck all really, isn't it Janis: but no, you're known for your acerbic wit and silversharp tongue Janis: my mistake, please tell her off like you've never managed before Grace: are you like done yet or not? Janis: nope Janis: you actually thought I would ever come to you for help Janis: when have I ever needed you Grace: well you actually did so Grace: how awks Janis: It's actually awkward that you think me venting to you so you know what you started is a genuine cry for help Janis: your thing, can't take that from you Grace: if it's my thing I know the difference between venting & asking surely but go off babes Janis: Diego has less miscommunication in his life than you Grace: 👏 Janis: Genuinely Janis: you should really get help at school Janis: some kind of delay there Grace: yay we're back to how stupid I am Grace: been a min Janis: N'awh, not stupid Janis: probably a syndrome Janis: bet it's got a name, have a google Grace: 💜 Janis: let us know, get everyone to start talking really slowly at you and all Grace: I'm fine with none of you talking to me Grace: thanks though Janis: yeah Janis: that's why the only place you have to go is your sisters Janis: you've got no one but them so I'd get back on the 💜 train Janis: who the fuck would have you that ain't bound by bloodties and duty Grace: way ahead of you, babes Janis: stop slagging them off then as if you and me have a thing in common Grace: stop policing what I say Janis: say something worth hearing Grace: to you, no thanks Janis: to who Janis: already pointed out you have no one if you ain't got Mia Grace: obvs to no one then duh Janis: obvious for two reasons then Grace: sure Janis: 💔 Grace: yeah Janis: kiss and make up because everyone is sick of it Grace: 👌👌👌 Janis: Serious Grace: Chill, I'm sure she'll be my date to the vow renewal Grace: are you done with dad I need a q & a? Janis: what Grace: it's a simple question, hun Grace: literally need to talk catering so like are you done or not Janis: what are you talking about Grace: Rio and Buster being the most extra couple ever Grace: like hello? did mum and dad not fill you in Janis: you better be fucking joking Grace: 🙄🙄 Janis: if you send one more emoji I'll shove that phone down your throat Janis: are you serious Grace: like I'd make up a 2nd wedding Grace: get a grip Janis: this is bullshit, obviously not Grace: they're already married, babes, they have a kid, you're kinda too late to object Janis: fuck off as if you support it Janis: no one does, no one wants to go to that that's why they had to do it alone Grace: exactly, they could care less if I do or not Janis: well no one cares what you think Janis: it's irrelevant Janis: the point is, why have another wedding no one wants Janis: this is the last thing anyone needs Grace: cos they are holding their breath waiting for your RSVP or opinion I'm sure Grace: he asked & she said yes, that's how it works Janis: shut the fuck up Janis: this is the most selfish thing I've ever Janis: she's so full of shit Janis: it won't be happening Grace: it literally is happening though Janis: no it isn't Janis: not when she gets called out on what a hypocritical lying cunt she is Janis: see how much you feel like celebrating then Grace: as much as this fam ever does Grace: one big party 24 7 Janis: nah, fat chance Janis: they've not destroyed enough they wanna rub everyone's face in it, don't think so Janis: 3 lives they utterly fucked, there's no celebrating that Grace: not the way they see it Grace: & it's how they see it that matters to them so Janis: It's easy enough to change their mind Janis: fuck's sake Grace: How? Janis: not going to be you that does it so what's it to you Janis: roll over quicker than anyone asks, you Grace: it won't be you either Grace: he'd have to tell her to call it off for her to listen Janis: like fuck it won't Janis: someone has to say it Janis: she was here last time and she ain't no more Grace: & what did it change? Grace: they did it then & they'll do it now Janis: You're a quitter, I'm not asking you to get on board Janis: she's gonna listen Grace: If any of us told you to stop seeing Jimmy, you wouldn't Grace: they love each other, get over it Janis: and she ain't me Janis: if she cares even a degree of what she fakes Janis: she won't want another death on her hands Janis: it's not hard when what they're doing is sick and wrong Grace: stop it Janis: nah, like fuck Janis: if you cared about those kids like you fake, you'd want them taken off them Janis: the shit they're going to get Janis: and you cry every day about your shit life Janis: he should know better, his parents being what they were Grace: None of us want any of this Grace: but it's too late Janis: it's always too late with you Janis: no you can't do anything 'cos you're fucking weak and you need them all Janis: I don't need any of you, you can all rot Grace: Janis, don't Janis: fuck this shit Janis: fuck you Janis: fucking catering are you out your fucking mind Janis: over my dead body Grace: Stop saying that Grace: OMG Janis: You act like she was the crazy one Janis: she did the only thing that made any sense Janis: getting away from this toxic fucking family anyway she could Janis: you aren't even a real person and it's their fault and you do nothing about it Grace: Please don't fucking go Janis: Why would I stay Janis: why would you Janis: they have no right to miss her, none of them Janis: they all gave her reasons to get so far out her head that she'd fucking Janis: fuck Rio, fuck mum and fuck dad Grace: I can't do this on my own Janis: We've never been together Janis: you'd pick them every time Janis: you'd help her plan her bullshit wedding that's about nothing but showing off how much she gives a fuck about no one but him Grace: Give me something to do that isn't leave or kill myself Grace: I'm going mental here Janis: you should hit up Ollie, see if he's about it Janis: can be just like her Janis: she's doing just fine Grace: There's worse things to be than like her Janis: there's nothing worse Grace: at least she's happy Janis: she will be until one of hers dies Janis: then she'll be broken and pathetic like mum and dad Janis: and she doesn't have the excuse of not knowing better Janis: she helped kill Edie and then thought of ways she could make that situation even worse Janis: she's worse than them and has the nerve to act like what, some kind of mother figure doing her best for all of us Grace: She cared about Edie & she cares about us Janis: not enough to do the right thing Janis: they never do Grace: it wouldn't have saved her Grace: you know that Janis: that makes it alright then Janis: if mum did it first Janis: break her some more Janis: damage already done Janis: too late Janis: you're so fucking brainwashed and what do you get from it Janis: are you happy Gracie Janis: 'cos you're fucking collateral Grace: of course I'm not Janis: then stop drinking the kool-aid and telling me how good it tastes Grace: Rio's trying to help me, she's the only one who is Janis: yeah her saviour complex done everyone real well Janis: Junior's life isn't fucked at all because she had to live it for him Grace: I'm just saying I'm not gonna walk away from her cos Edie would want me to Grace: Junior's life is fucked cos he has shit taste in men & goes along with what everyone else wants Janis: This family loved to surround itself with dead girls it was trying to help Janis: and you're happy to be one of 'em Janis: don't pretend you want other options Grace: I don't wanna die Janis: 🤞 she has a baby for you that she won't give you then Janis: you're never gonna be the one 'helping' Janis: you aren't her or mum Janis: that is your role if you don't get out the fucking show, Grace Grace: we've established I'm not helpful, babes Janis: we've established you aren't a person Janis: even this, you can't be real Janis: what the fuck will it take Grace: you don't want real from me Grace: you literally never have Janis: you've never offered Janis: and I ain't waiting around for you Grace: Every time I try & talk to you, you shut me down Grace: you obvs aren't waiting for anything from me Janis: When have you ever tried to talk about something that matters Janis: I'm not talking to you about hair when people are fucking dying Grace: when have you ever let me Grace: you're a bitch way before then Janis: why would I be nice to that Janis: You don't like me, I'm not begging you either Grace: nothing that matters to me matters to you Janis: the colour of your fucking lip doesn't matter period Grace: that isn't real Janis: You've never been real Janis: you don't give me a fucking chance Grace: I can't be real with you cos you just make fun of everything that I say or feel or do Janis: and you and your friend don't Janis: nah, everything I do hasn't been fucking wrong to you since before we got our periods Grace: I've never backed her up on anything she said Grace: I don't call you stupid or ugly or any of the shit you call me Janis: you just call be a bitch and annoying and weird Janis: so if all of that's fake, everything you roll your eyes at because I just don't get it, just admit, you don't want to be real with me Janis: never fucking have, pretending it's 'cos I don't wear heels has always been an excuse Grace: You are a bitch and I do find you annoying and weird Grace: & you don't get me or any of the things that are hard for me cos they aren't for you Janis: that makes it alright then, you can say whatever you like to me because you perceieve yourself as life's victim and it's all fine for me Grace: we have different problems Grace: I'm not saying your life is perfect, I'm not that stupid Janis: just better than yours so why should you even try to be nice Janis: landed you with a great crowd, that Grace: you think you're better than me Grace: you literally always have Janis: no, you think I'm better than you Janis: and I didn't tear myself down so you could use me to build yourself up Janis: you aren't her and I'm not you Janis: why do you think you fell into that kind of relationship Grace: you are better than me & it makes it really hard to be around you, okay Janis: thanks Grace: it's not like any of this is how I want it Janis: how can you sit here and expect sympathy Janis: when I'm the one who's left with no one Janis: you can deal with the shit and have friends and have them, I can't do that Grace: you think I'm dealing? LOL Janis: deal with theirs Janis: and they'll love you for it Janis: none of them are gonna call you a doormat, just me Janis: 'cos they need a yes man Grace: well maybe I wouldn't be here if they did call me out ever Grace: at least you tell me the truth Janis: well maybe it gets exhausting being the only one telling the truth Janis: do you think she liked having to have every conversation be a confrontation Janis: do you think I Grace: it's exhausting being fake too if you were thinking about swapping Janis: like I said, you've got plenty of company Janis: they all are Grace: Yeah but I'm the only one getting told to see a therapist Grace: like I'd know where to start Janis: told you Janis: love a dead girl Janis: breeding and 'fixing' people when they've got no business is this family's shared hobby Janis: reason they ain't try to section me, section her Janis: take your shoelaces, where's the fun in actually doing something Janis: say you will, fucking say you have, did Janis: but never actually do Grace: they couldn't section you, you're not mental Grace: her either Janis: give her a case when I say I'll top myself if she goes ahead with this wedding, won't I Grace: No Grace: if being angry was all it takes half this fam would be gone Grace: & the wedding wouldn't happen cos he's the worst for it Janis: they should be, that's the fucking problem Janis: seperate cells, all of 'em Janis: and yeah, he's a cunt Grace: You don't have long if you really wanna stop it Janis: yeah? Grace: they are rushing but obvs won't tell me why Grace: maybe they think people will try and stop them idk Janis: Brazil one probably wasn't even legal Janis: why should I care about their kids really Janis: why should I try and help any of them Grace: they're just babies, they didn't ask for any of this Janis: maybe not but maybe those two deserve for those kids to grow and turn 'round and tell them how much they hate them for doing this Janis: fuck it, I can't think straight Janis: maybe that's enough, maybe I just won't go, I'll be gone Grace: you'll come back though, right? Janis: can't think about that Janis: I should be happy right now Janis: but no Janis: can't Grace: you can be happy Janis: how can I Janis: it never stops it never goes away Grace: idk just worry about yourself like you always say to me Grace: forget about them Janis: can't do that when you're here Grace: forget about me Janis: no I mean Janis: I can't be here, I can't be anywhere near any of you and be happy Janis: and one reason to stay doesn't outweight all the reasons to go Grace: you're saying you're gonna leave him, aren't you Janis: this isn't fair on him Grace: it wouldn't be fair to do that Grace: on you either Janis: I know that, all he needs is someone who can stay Janis: I can't do it Grace: he loves you so he needs you Grace: you love him Janis: yes Grace: he'd go with you if you asked him Janis: the kids can't come Grace: why do they need to? he's got a dad, right? Janis: no Janis: they need him Janis: and he needs them Grace: oh Janis: it's not easy Janis: even if it feels easier than staying Janis: it's still so fucking hard Grace: I love you & if you only listen to one thing I ever say then Grace: you're really gonna regret it if you fuck things up with him Janis: I know Janis: but I should have never have let him in Grace: but you have now Grace: not to be that it's too late bitch again Grace: but like Janis: bad things happened to him too Janis: happen Grace: so don't hurt him Janis: that's all I ever do Grace: no Grace: that's faker than anything I've ever Grace: shut up Janis: I don't want to Janis: she didn't either, I don't think Janis: it's just Janis: seems like the only way to end it all, all the suffering Grace: nobody wants to, I don't think even Mia wants that, way deep down Janis: you can't end other people's, only your own Janis: but causing it means you're having some effect, right Grace: she had so much love in her, that's how she could do it, hurt people that deep Grace: so do you Grace: but you don't have to be like her Janis: I don't know what the alternative is Janis: like I said, it feels like someone HAS to be saying these things Grace: I think it's this Grace: trying Grace: being honest means being honest about like everything Janis: it's hard to do both Janis: that's the problem Janis: how can you tell Rio she's a hypocritical bitch that has ultimately put herself first and tell her she still held it down all those times we needed her to Grace: I know, babes, trust Grace: cos they can both be true Grace: I hate you & I love you Grace: nothing's just a or just b Janis: I guess the thing is, they get the rest from everyone else Janis: like you said Janis: you wouldn't be here if I didn't tell you the bad shit Janis: no one would Grace: you can still be the call out queen Grace: if he's the only person who sees the real you, maybe that's okay Grace: maybe its like that anyway Janis: it feels wrong Janis: we didn't always hate each other Janis: all of us Grace: I didn't always hate myself Grace: it's just Grace: things happen Janis: too many things have Janis: that shouldn't have Grace: Yeah exactly so don't make yourself unhappy Grace: there's been so much of it Janis: she died for nothing Janis: if more and more keeps happening Janis: just makes it more true Grace: she died for nothing anyway Grace: she was 16 Janis: and if I act like it, it's a problem Janis: but Rio gets to openly ruin more kids and we're meant to be happy Janis: I refuse, I won't do it Grace: she's just trying to be happy Grace: like you want to be Janis: no Janis: you don't get to try at the expense of a helpless fucking kid Janis: that you made Janis: that's not how it works, this is what I'm saying Janis: we aren't doing this again and pretending that that's alright Grace: I'm not saying don't tell her what you think Janis: how could she Janis: twice Grace: I don't know Grace: I don't know how she could fall in love with him or any of it Janis: it's not love Grace: she thinks it is, & she let it happen Grace: I don't understand that Janis: she's selfish or it's trauma-bonding Janis: she can have either Janis: but she won't admit it regardless Grace: of course she won't Grace: so just let it go Janis: no Janis: there's consequences to the shit you do Grace: they're her consequences to deal with Janis: and one of them is that I hate her and I'm not going to let her forget that Edie died hating her too Janis: it's not enough to yet again put it on some kids Janis: say hey, wait to see how bad the bullying gets and the doubt and all of it Janis: then turn around and say why the fuck did you two do this Janis: they hurt people Janis: and they still are Janis: they should care Grace: I think they do Grace: but idk if that's enough or not Grace: or what'll happen to those babies or any of us Janis: it isn't enough Janis: they aren't Grace: what I know is if you keep hating like Edie did it'll hurt you like it hurt her Grace: you have to stop Janis: we should be hurting Janis: she shouldn't be happy Janis: none of us should Grace: we are Grace: that doesn't mean you have to ruin everything for yourself Grace: that you can't ever be happy Janis: I'm not ruining anything Janis: it's ruined Janis: nothing has changed Janis: so no, we shouldn't be happy Grace: Edie literally wanted you to be Grace: & we were 12 so much has changed Janis: like what Grace: like you letting someone in Grace: being happy even if you think you shouldn't Grace: we're talking now that wouldn't have ever happened Grace: if you hate me more than you did 4 years ago that's still change, babes Grace: you can't stand still for her Janis: I'm not going to pretend we're blessed to live to make more mistakes Grace: do better like everyone says they are gonna but don't Janis: no thanks Janis: I'm not righting all this family has done wrong Janis: that's what they think they can do Janis: Rio and Buster, and they've already failed Grace: I'm not even talking about them though Grace: just do better for you Grace: stay with him, feel something idk Janis: I don't know if I can Grace: I can't answer that for you Grace: do you wanna try or not? Janis: It's not that simple Grace: with that attitude no Janis: no, it just isn't Janis: you haven't been in love, have you? Grace: no Janis: well it's like Janis: sometimes what you want, and even what they think they want, might not be what's right for them Janis: and if you really loved them Janis: you'd want what was best for them, wouldn't you Grace: you are what's best for him though Grace: I've seen you together, wayyyy more than I wanted to Grace: & I lowkey stalked him before that so Janis: lowkey is debatable Grace: thank you for focusing in on the right thing OMG Janis: I'm not trying to be a cunt for once right now but you know Janis: I don't think you can say what's best for him Janis: me either, really Janis: idk Janis: I wish I did know then I'd just do it Grace: so let him say it Grace: be there to give him the chance like Janis: that's not me Janis: I can't be the one getting left Grace: & he can? Janis: no Grace: so do you love him enough to let him really hurt you or not Janis: its all stupid anyway Janis: we only just met Grace: I don't think that's the point, babes Janis: it is, even some of yours lasted longer than this and you weren't in love with them Grace: hello I'm fake Grace: & a hoe Janis: I didn't intend to be real Grace: he can't do fake that's not your fault hun Grace: his face is a dead giveaway like literally always Janis: you can take hints then Janis: just ignore 'em Janis: good to know Grace: I'm not brain damaged Grace: you just wish I were Janis: why would I want that Janis: sounds dead irritating, if anything Grace: cos otherwise I'm just stupid Grace: no excusing that Janis: you're not you're just infuriating Grace: cute but yeah I am Janis: nothing cute about it Janis: it's ugly all the shit you pretend Grace: duh it suits me then Janis: yeah yeah Grace: yeah we can pretend that's why no one wants me instead of what the truth is Janis: what's the truth then Grace: that I am just ugly Grace: so my personality might as well be Janis: nah Janis: truth is, you don't wanna die, like you said Janis: if that's what it takes for you to survive Grace: I'm too scared, like I am of a lot of things Grace: but like I also said, things change Janis: it's scary Grace: if I ever do it get mum's old oujia board out & I'll let you know what happens next Grace: like a liveblog Janis: oh great Janis: here's me thinking I'd get some peace and quiet, like Grace: EW what if heaven's like a really amazing nightclub vibe & they don't let me in Janis: what do you wanna go to heaven for Janis: it's like here without all the interesting bits Janis: at least hell is offering a bit of something new Grace: UM cos I'm not into bdsm unless the boy's like really fit Janis: you'll be fine then Janis: Lucifer is famously too hot for heaven, like Grace: oh yeah I totally forgot Janis: grand scheme of bible teachings, probably encouraged to be a bit quiet on that one Janis: black nan be buzzing Grace: catch me sinning really hard from now until I kms so he's into me Grace: sorry nan Janis: really gonna try and be his favourite sinner Janis: 😏 Grace: You'll love it cos I promised Rio no boys & she'll be really 😠😠😠 Grace: 💜me perdoe, irmã eu tenho que pecar💜 Janis: 😂 Janis: gonna point out that there are 7 other sins Janis: and those are just the deadly ones, like Grace: yeah but like Grace: it's the one that'll get his attention easiest Grace: boys are so quick to get jealous Janis: the devil has and always will be a gentleman, babe Janis: not a fuckboy Janis: rethink the tactic probs Grace: excuse me that gluttony & sloth aren't moods for an attractive corpse Janis: hello it's your soul you're taking Janis: not a zombie fuckfest Grace: UM I still need all my exes devastated at my funeral thanks Grace: don't let anyone touch my hair though or I will haunt you Janis: ha your plastic weave gonna be there long after the rest of you is dust Janis: as for your exes Janis: got to think numbers Grace: RUDE Janis: alright for you to say, you won't be handing out sausage rolls to however many identical unimpressed looking white boys Grace: neither will you Grace: a glance to check I'm in there & you can go, babes Janis: oh please Janis: can't make me go to this farce of a wedding but doubt I'm getting out of a funeral that easy Grace: I'll literally write in my will so bye bitch Janis: cute you think the dead's wishes are getting honoured around here Janis: whether she wanted us to be miserable or happy, we're all doing shit regardless Janis: can't say she wanted us to muddle through ad infinitum Grace: she still died we can't just move on ASAP Janis: why it's better to be team miserable Janis: a case can be argued even if we aren't committing enough Grace: I'm sure your bf will be down his face is always 😒 Janis: you fancy him not me Grace: ew Janis: mhmm Grace: you can go ahead and put that wayyyyy into past tense thanks so much Janis: 😏 Janis: convincing Grace: I literally only wanted to hook up with him Grace: not gonna do that now so Janis: that's all you do with any boy so Grace: duh Grace: he's only special to you Grace: no boy is to me Janis: don't be gay Janis: x2 Grace: don't be homophobic Grace: it's gross & retro Janis: whatever Janis: every gay I know is a twat Janis: tell me it ain't related Grace: same tbh Grace: 🤔🤔 Janis: doesn't help they're related to me and all but when I'm right, I'm right Grace: you don't know any others? Janis: dunno anyone do I Janis: if you cunts are boring, not like the ones at school are any better craic Grace: idk who you hang with now bitch Janis: 🙄 Janis: yeah decided I want loads of mates Grace: you got a bf so who knows Janis: told you that was a mistake Janis: accident, whatever Janis: not a habit Grace: you could be making friends by mistake Grace: obvs so likeable Janis: I'd rather not Grace: 👌 Janis: every twat's the same 'round here Grace: true Janis: nah no more people Janis: undecided what I'm doing as is Grace: it's a mood Janis: bollock Janis: you hate being alone, famously Grace: duh but idk what I'm doing Janis: hiding at Rio's rn Grace: thanks Grace: not what I meant tho Janis: then you'll have to be more specific Grace: whatever Grace: how are there no parties tonight??! ugh Janis: probably for the best Grace: it's really not Grace: school's gonna start soon Janis: astute Janis: you check the calendar Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: do you know of any I don't? Janis: wouldn't tell you if I did Grace: that's so rude Janis: forgot why you've got a pity sofabed atm or what babe Grace: that wasn't a party & I wasn't gonna invite him to be my date tonight Janis: makes no odds, and dates a pretty loose term for 'you can frig me off in a random's lounge whilst their parents are out' as well Grace: it is shorter to type though so Janis: ha Janis: hilarious Grace: no just why I used it Janis: stick to babysitting Grace: I'm going out it'll just have to be somewhere else Janis: not doing this again Janis: got things i need to do now thanks to this awful fucking news Grace: not stopping you Janis: yeah right Grace: literally can't Janis: if you didn't want stopping, you wouldn't fucking tell me Janis: not after last time Janis: but I'm telling you, I ain't gonna be in any state so leave it out Grace: excuse me if for someone with no friends you have a lot of party invites Janis: called being likeable Janis: try it Grace: obvs & I obvs can't Janis: you don't try very hard Grace: LOL Grace: like I said, being fake is exhausting too babes Janis: well stop Janis: that's why no one likes you Janis: you're too much it weird everyone out Grace: I literally just said I can't Grace: but thanks Janis: how hard is it to shut your mouth for 5 minutes Grace: for you very Grace: so like idk why you're telling me to Janis: cos like idk I'm trying to help you! Grace: no you're not Grace: you're trying to get me to shut up cos you have so much to do Grace: you can just go Janis: sadly not Janis: waiting Grace: feel free to wait in silence Janis: why would I do that Grace: why not Grace: so easy Janis: nah Janis: I'm likeable, dying to hear what I've got to say Janis: too likeable to be off my phone rn so you'll have to deal with it Grace: 💜 Janis: I mean it, make sure one of them is sober Janis: I've got plans here Grace: I don't need you Grace: do what you want Janis: blatantly untrue Janis: made a massive twat of yourself last time Janis: which was, by the way, 2 days ago Janis: consider you have a problem Grace: & I'm so sure I will again but like it's my problem Janis: not though is it Janis: you checked out this entire convo Janis: affects all of us Grace: read back your own responses where everything is shit & we all deserve to suffer & nothing matters Janis: so sit and think about what you've done all alone Janis: that is suffering Grace: no thanks Janis: cool just ruin my night Janis: again Grace: it's not about you Janis: yeah it is Grace: no Janis: yep Janis: already ruined one plan so tah Janis: have to carry out this one after Grace: 👌👌 Janis: in a bit, cunt Grace: 👋 Janis: you really aren't subtle Janis: you know how easily I could forward this all to Rio, like Janis: think on Grace: then do it Grace: you love telling on me it's your thing now Janis: it is funny Janis: acting out doesn't really work if you keep telling before you do it Janis: not your thing by a long stretch Grace: I'm going out it's not a dramatic storm out Janis: yeah to get fingered 'cos you hate your ugly, stupid self, by your own admission Janis: so casual Janis: so not why the therapists are being booked Grace: literally so done talking to you now Grace: this convo has gone on forever Janis: it's cool it's forwarded Janis: 4G is amazing, idk where the fuck I am Janis: still, so fast Grace: wow Grace: I'll be impressed later like Janis: won't have the time Janis: though the drive back to mum and dad's is a fair while, yeah, you could use that time to really reflect Grace: I'll obvs make it for you, babes Janis: obvs Janis: fucking sad Grace: 💔 Janis: bet that felt like a moment Grace: mhmm Janis: n'awh Grace: yeah Janis: if you don't get some standards, honestly Grace: that's really working for you, yeah? Grace: it won't be any easier when he hates you than when he loves you, you know that Grace: get a grip Janis: like you'd know the first thing about it Grace: like you do either Grace: duh why you're terrified Janis: love a bit of projection Grace: okay sure Janis: not the one that freaks out when boys touch her Grace: so Grace: you're still gonna be alone anyway Janis: and? Grace: it doesn't matter if you push him away & if I'm getting pushed away by whatever lad Grace: even if you wanna use things I've said against me rn Janis: and you're the one that can't stand being alone Grace: oh sure keep pretending you love that but I'm so fake Janis: if I was fazed, I would've done something about it before now, what with how likeable I am to boys and girls Janis: no begging from my end Grace: you love him you literally admitted it Grace: stop Janis: and that matters because Grace: he loves you too Grace: you can't act like that doesn't matter Janis: sure can Janis: don't push me Grace: You're so stupid Janis: awh Janis: you are if you think there's any salvaging already Janis: like I could stick around with all that you threw at me Grace: me? Janis: yes, you Grace: how are you so delusional actually Janis: you couldn't want to tell me all about the stupid wedding Janis: you didn't have to Janis: mum and dad didn't for a fucking reason clearly Grace: you pushed me like you always do Janis: nah Janis: you dropped that like it was nothing Grace: you were being horrible for no reason like you always are Janis: the reason is you and your self-confessed shit personality but sure Janis: if it makes you feel better about the whole thing Grace: the reason was Mia but sure blame me again Janis: give a shit about Mia Janis: it was the wedding and you know it Janis: and you knew it and that's the only reason you said it Grace: I can't take it back now Janis: yeah well me either Grace: I didn't mean to just drop it on you like that Janis: whatever Janis: you want some attention, have at it 'cos I'm about to undo tonight Grace: why can't you stop Janis: why would I Grace: that's obvious Grace: undo whatever you've done to him instead Janis: how Janis: how the fuck do you reckon I can do that Grace: however he needs you to Grace: grow the fuck up & be sorry & try Janis: go to hell Janis: you're so fucked Janis: you care more about him than you do me what the hell is wrong with you Grace: I care about you Grace: for god's sake Janis: that's why you ain't once asked where I am or who I'm waiting for Janis: stop fucking talking about him Grace: cos I'm really scared what the answer is Grace: don't you understand that Janis: well it ain't Drew so my odds of leaving unmolested are slightly up Janis: though not his type, I don't reckon Grace: Every time you do this I freak out that it'll be the last time Grace: you won't come back cos either you don't want to or you can't Grace: if he's the only reason for you to stay then of course I want you to be with him Grace: I'm not sorry for that Janis: Well I can try for you but I don't think going catatonic and then bolting off is much of a turn-on Janis: 'specially not Janis: nah Janis: she kept this up for ages, good times, eh Grace: Talk to him Janis: gonna need to take this shit first Grace: Please don't Grace: I'm sorry for everything I've said and done literally ever okay Janis: yeah Janis: know you are Grace: Janis Janis: sorry alright Janis: and I never sent nothing to Rio so you can go Grace: I'll come to you Grace: wherever Grace: you don't have to Janis: I really meant it when I said idk where I am Grace: we can figure that out Grace: & I'll tell him it's all my fault, whatever you want Grace: he knows what a nightmare I am Janis: it's my fault Janis: this would've happened at some point yeah Grace: it's me, I'll fix it Grace: just give me a landmark to aim at first Janis: he was from Janis: Ballyfermot, yeah Janis: even worse than Tallaght, I remember she said Janis: don't come here I just need to Janis: aim back Grace: I can't just sit here like 🤞🤞 Grace: that's all this fam ever does Janis: shit Janis: this was really stupid he was horrible Grace: are you okay??? Janis: okay, I'll put my location on but I'll start moving, just meet me halfway Janis: one of Edie's old dealers/boyfriends Janis: said she had the right idea, yeah Grace: I can't even with that Grace: I'm in a car now so just move Janis: who is it Grace: just me obvs Grace: I'm not getting any of them involved Grace: I have an app for a reason like Janis: right no Janis: good Janis: just don't tell your uber driver I'm packing Grace: duh Grace: what are you gonna do with it though? Janis: can't just chuck it Janis: what if a dog eat it Janis: or a little kid Janis: kinda looked like some weird sour sweet you know Grace: find a really really gross bin Janis: or, could keep it and take it when he won't speak to me eh Grace: that's not funny Janis: I know Grace: I can't even breathe rn Janis: told you I couldn't pick you up Janis: tweaked driving is probably marginally better than drunk but still Grace: if he did something to you, you literally have to tell me Janis: he didn't, I swear Janis: he was just Janis: chatting about how he missed her and I wanted to ram his meth teeth down his throat Janis: bet he barely remembers her name Grace: that's horrible Grace: fuck Janis: he looked so old Janis: but I'm thinking it was just the drugs taking their toll, no way did she Janis: I hope not Grace: I don't wanna think about it but like Janis: I wanted to mug him, like Janis: show I ain't no hypocrite Janis: but I couldn't Grace: you can't do this again ever Janis: I don't wanna make promises I can't keep Janis: but like Janis: I don't even wanna take it, it smells and looks so Janis: toxic Grace: I will literally kill you if you die Janis: I don't know how much longer I can do this Janis: 4 years and I Grace: stop Grace: I'll help you Grace: I mean it, I'll do whatever you want Janis: I'm just so angry all the time Janis: and mean Grace: you can shout at me rn if you wanna, I'm already crying Grace: this driver has seen some shit Janis: people should be nice to you Janis: sorry your friends are dicks Grace: I should be nice to people Janis: fucking state of us Grace: idk how to be different Grace: it's been so long, before Edie even Grace: literally who am I? Janis: me either Janis: if I give up being angry Janis: give up her Janis: what have I got Grace: you never have to give her up Janis: I think I do a bit Janis: she couldn't make herself happy, I can't do it for myself and her Grace: she'd want you to be happy, I was so serious Grace: she was coming to see you Janis: us Grace: no Grace: she hated me & it was totally mutual Janis: but she loved you and that was too Janis: can't not Grace: if anything she was coming to ruin whatever tween celebrations I had planned cos that'd make you happy Janis: I can't remember anything about that day Grace: me either Grace: how can it not feel real when it's the realest thing that ever happened Janis: how did we find out Janis: who told us Janis: I don't know, genuinely Janis: not like when I pretend I've forgotten things Grace: I feel like it was dad but maybe I've made that up Grace: cos of after Grace: idk Grace: we should know that, shouldn't we? Janis: yeah Janis: that's the problem, right Janis: 9 kids, to tell Janis: sort of thing you want to do one on one but then some would know before ithers and how Janis: how would you do that 9 times Janis: he must've just, Janis: it must've just came out Grace: how would you even do it once Grace: I can't talk about anything ever Grace: literally not an exaggeration Janis: I told Jimmy she ran away for good Janis: not that she's dead, that we know where she's gone Grace: you don't owe him the story if you don't wanna tell it, babes Grace: everyone knows so much of our business Janis: their mum Janis: they don't know where she is Grace: like she just left? Janis: I think so Grace: how old was he? Grace: that's so sad Janis: I don't know, I don't ask he's just Janis: we've both said some stuff Janis: but Bobby is 6 so Grace: you wanna talk, can't relate but Janis: sometimes it feels almost right, like he'd get it Grace: yeah Grace: A lad once said to me 'you don't fuck like you've got a dead sister' like word for word that's what he said Grace: what does that even mean, you know Janis: people are so fucking weird Janis: does he mean you weren't sobbing at the time or that you weren't giving it your all like you've seen death so you know life now Grace: I didn't ask for clarification Grace: I just threw up and left Grace: but like it'd be nice if someone understood it, maybe Janis: nicer than that doesn't take much but Janis: maybe it's worse Janis: and maybe I'm a dick for comparing Grace: but maybe he wants someone to understand too Grace: it's really lonely getting left all the time Janis: Grace Grace: ?? Janis: are you sure you don't want him Grace: EW Janis: you'd be much nicer Grace: no I wouldn't Janis: well you wouldn't run Grace: yeah I would Grace: just not like physically cos 👠 Janis: if he fucks Mia I'll cry I think Janis: then kill her Grace: he would never!!! Grace: he hates her and she's livid about it Grace: like same but I'm relieved Janis: it's only been a few hours right Janis: maybe I can Janis: oh God, I'll have to explain the entire Buster and Rio saga if I even want to explain tonight Grace: I'll drop you off if I ever get there Janis: hope your driver isn't the kidnap kind Grace: Don't that would be the perfect end to my evening Grace: he lives by nan & grandad, right? maybe I'll go there Janis: k but you'll have to share the bed if he won't let me in Grace: lowkey would have to give you the bed cos it's my fault so 🤞🤞 he does Grace: so over sofas OMG Janis: should make Saint swap you Janis: he'd fall for it Grace: my back hurts so much okay I haven't done yoga since I was like 8 Janis: should join mother on the lawn Grace: 😱😱😱 Grace: mhmmm LIVING for any direct comparisons between me & her Janis: defs gonna slutshame her into dressing her age Grace: ughhhh Grace: how could you ever sit him down for dinner with them Janis: you know, take the piss out of them relentlessly behind their back Janis: feel him up a bit under the table, standard Grace: thanks for that mental 📷 I didn't want or need, hun Janis: soz Grace: he's hot but like you're also there so Grace: awks Janis: I won't take offense Janis: though my ego is wounded Grace: nbd I just haven't been a hoe for a while & that's obvs everything I am rn Janis: didn't you Janis: fair boy Grace: the one who left or the one who you kept blowing up my phone every sec I was with Grace: cos either way no Janis: oh Janis: well, doubt you're missing much on either score Grace: I know exactly what I'm missing with my ex thanks Grace: & I don't hook up with 19 year olds who lie to me Janis: not good Grace: like you said, this town is full of the same kind of people Janis: how is it so crap Janis: with some lads Janis: like Grace: they don't care Grace: I've spent hours memorising every clip they like but there's no getting any of the same back Janis: relatable but still Janis: felt more getting a checkup at the drs Grace: you have to put it in for most of them cos they don't even understand the layout but they'll still ask you if it was good Grace: imagine being that confident Janis: I am Janis: but not gay Janis: soz ladies Grace: 💔 Janis: don't you 💔 weirdo Grace: it's for the one hot white boy you stole by being hetero so Janis: I offered and you ew'd Janis: let the record show Grace: shut up Janis: he's probably so single now Grace: STOP Grace: it's been like a hour or something Janis: I ran away Janis: he's gonna be so Grace: Babe Grace: just make him understand Janis: no pressure Grace: well duh Grace: there's a reason I don't let boys that close to me Janis: you're saying it like I don't know Janis: not my first rodeo Janis: it just happened Grace: you know what you did, that's more than any ex I've ever had Janis: well Janis: done now Grace: Yeah Janis: should I wait or tell him I'm alright now on here Grace: I'd wanna know you were okay but you know him Grace: is it better to just show up? Janis: I think he'd wanna know too but like Janis: ugh fuck it Janis: wish me luck Grace: obvs

[lupienne]

Who’s Number 1?

I realized I never put this older fic up on here. *reads it over* No wonder… Heh. Well, anyway… It’s Sherry x Negan smut. 7,261 words. (Why the fuck is this so long? Editing is your friend, you long-winded idiot.) Possessive Sherry/ switchy Negan. (and comic-based as per usual for me. It’s also set in my ‘Days of his Wives’ timeline but you don’t need to read that.)

And yeah…my smut is about as clunky and unsexy as a pair of granny panties.

Sherry’s hair was tousled and she’d thrown on a wrinkled t-shirt and a short skirt with sneakers. She wasn’t meeting her polished Negan’s wife standard, and she didn’t care.

Negan gave her a disapproving look as she descended the stairs to Sanctuary’s main level. But he kept his mouth shut and loudly drew a few random Saviors over to watch him play ping-pong.

She huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. “Oh, what a great pass,” she said sarcastically as Negan missed and the ball hit the ground inches from her feet.

“Lucky shot,” he mumbled.

She crossed her arms tighter. Shit, it was cold down here. Outside, the snow was flying. She could barely see the fence through the factory windows, and the chained walkers were unmoving blobs. The cold slowed them down, made them sluggish.

It’d been cold in her bed last night too. She’d been about to tuck in for the night, dragging another blanket from Negan’s closet. He followed her into the girl’s room.

“Something you want?” She flopped down the blanket, giving him a sour look.

He was peering at the sixth bed in the room, which Nova had turned into a junk pile. “You girls…uh…don’t use that bed…do you?”

She looked up from making her bed, eyes narrowed in suspicion. “Why?”

“I’ve been thinking-”

“No.”

“What?”

“What you’re thinking, Negan. And the answer is no.”

“But I didn’t even say anything…”

“I know what you’re going to say!” Her voice rose. “You are not bringing another woman in here!”

“I wasn’t going to say that.” He tried playing the innocent card. It backfired, as always. He was the polar opposite of innocent.

“Who?” she said. It didn’t matter. She was just laying out her kindling all around him. Ready to strike a match and burn him down.

“No one…” He shrugged, picking at the hem of his shirt. He sent her a doleful smile. “Well. I had a conversation with one of the new chicks. Charlotte-”

“That red-headed slag? I should have fucking known.”

She’d seen the new Savior girl come in last week. Been a witness to Carson passing her off to old Molly to show her the ins-and-outs of Sanctuary. And Sherry knew Charlotte was just the sort of girl Negan would want to have ins-and-outs with. Long red hair, freckles dappled on her face and arms like a little wild pony for him to tame.

“I wouldn’t describe her like that…” His lips quirked. “She-”

“Conversation, huh?” She sneered. “How ever did she manage to speak when her mouth was full of your cock?”

“Heh. I wish…” Negan shut up in mid-chuckle and backed away from her. His hands up as she came at him with clenched fists. “Whoa, whoa…wait a minute.” He deflected a blow to the crotch. “You crazy bitch, watch where you’re fucking aiming!”

“I am watching!” She kicked him in the shin.

“C'mon, Sherry.”

“Don’t ‘cmon, Sherry’ me!” She screamed. “You think this shit is funny?! We have to devote ourselves to you, and yet, you’re out sleeping around, bringing home who-knows-what goddamn diseases.. and you just fucking brought Amber in!”

And that was it, most of all. She was pushed back to fifth place. Bumped out of her throne by Shanda and Jazzi and teenage jailbait and little Miss Can’t-Do-Wrong Amber…and now? He wanted to shove her into sixth.

Her throat burned with bile.

Negan gave her puppy-eyes. “I’m just fucking with you! Look, I’m not adding any more. Seriously! Sherry, it’s just a joke…”

“You’re always going on about how you want to fuck a redhead.”

“I didn’t sleep with her. I’m not going to. I think she wants me to…but I’m not gonna do that shit! I fuckin’ promise!”

“She wants you to…” She forcefully fluffed her pillow. “You are so goddamn full of yourself. You fucking pig. Get the hell out of my room.”

“Yeah, get out.” Nova’s voice came from behind Negan’s bulk. “You’re in my way. Dickhead.”

The girl shoved past him, her face sullen. She must’ve overheard.

“Fine…” He snorted. “And I fucking mean it. Last thing I need is more goddamn nagging harpies on my ass. In fact, maybe I ought to downsize.”

“Get out.”

He remained rigid. “Get out? This is my fucking house, Sherry, and I don’t have to ask your fucking permission on who’s going to live in it-”

“Get out!”

He slammed their door behind him. Nova and Sherry exchanged a disgusted look, before each retiring to their beds for the night.

He was already gone when she got up in the morning. She had a feeling he’d crash in one of his men’s room that night or make an excuse to hit the road for a few days.

Fucking weak-ass douchebag.

She was even more annoyed that, despite the cold, Negan had taken off his leather coat. His white shirt clinging to his muscles, leather gloves crinkling around the racket. It wasn’t just her eye that was being taken by his attractiveness.

Charlotte was standing on the other side of the table, sandwiched between two elder Saviors who were frequent observers of ping-pong matches. The old man, Orson, was also their door sentry. Charlotte’s long hair was buffeting him in the face repeatedly throughout the match. For every time Negan glanced in her direction, her hair would toss, her lip bit between seductive teeth. Then she would coyly flit her eyes away, flush spreading across her freckles.

A dimple showed in Negan’s cheek every fucking time.

Sherry’s eyes were dark. She knew that smile of his. That look. ‘I’m going to bend you over and fuck you raw, honey.’

Another hair toss. Orson finally stepped away. Charlotte was definitely down for that. She clapped along with the elders when the predictable end of the match came. Negan set down the racket and gave a little curtsy to the weak applause.

“Thank you, thank you. You may resume your daily scheduled tasks.” Such a gracious leader, for letting them stop work just to watch him prance about, feeding his already bloated ego.

How fucking generous.

The crowd broke up as he strutted away. Her vision was blocked by Saviors going this way and that, but she swore she saw a flash of red hair…heading down the same hallway Negan had taken.

You fucking scag. You’d better not even try it.

She was already playing the scene in her mind. Charlotte telling him how great he was at ping-pong! Him pulling her into a storage room and pushing her to her knees. Fisting her red hair, making her choke on him. Telling her he always loved a little fucking ginger.

Firecracker. That’s what’d he call her. Mmm…little firecracker, taking my cock like a pro. Don’t tell my wives…

She growled, but inwardly berated herself. Charlotte was an opportunistic tart, surely, but Negan was no saint in the matter. He encouraged it. It was silly to lay blame solely on the girl. And yet. Her fingernails turned to claws, as her possessive heart disregarded reason, as it filled with rage. Her territory was being breached.

She followed the trespasser, and Charlotte followed Negan. The bitch was tailing him, moving down all the same corridors. Sherry kept back at a discreet distance, letting the beacon of the fiery hair guide her. When he stopped, so did Charlotte, and so too did Sherry. The girl made pathetic attempts to look busy when he chatted up fellow Saviors. Waiting for the opportunity to pounce when he was alone.

Sherry ducked behind a large pipe as Negan stopped towards the entryway of one of the foundry’s many vast rooms. There was a storage closest on the far wall she was quite familiar with, and the sight of its rusted door never failed to get her juices literally flowing. It was a place she and Negan had met in her days prior to becoming his first wife. Trembling with the thrill of discovery, savoring the secrecy of it.

You gonna start another tryst in there today, Neegs?

Charlotte squared her shoulders and approached him. Closer…closer…and then Tara came through the doorway and nearly collided with him. He shoved her lightly, she shoved him back, and they engaged in their typical vulgar banter. Charlotte’s shoulders slumped…mistaking their verbal jabs for flirtation. She quickly turned and headed back down the hallway towards Sherry, trying to look nonchalant.

You dumb bitch.

Sherry slid into the shadows behind the pipe, her fingers trailing it. They came away coated with soot. She frowned and rubbed them off on her wrist…it looked like a bruise in the dim light. Charlotte was getting closer, her feet scraping the ground. Sherry held up her dirt-stained wrist, a sudden idea sparking.

Negan and Tara disappeared through the doorway, still yammering at each other. Charlotte ceased her casual walk and let out a sigh.

“Psst,” Sherry said, peering out from around the pipe.

“Oh! You scared me.”

“Come over here…”

“Um…is something wrong?”

“You don’t know me.” Sherry scrunched her neck into her shoulders, her green eyes wide and flitting fearfully about. “But…I noticed you were following Negan.” She swallowed hard.

“Oh…” Charlotte shook her head. “I wasn’t-”

“I’d stay away from him. He’s bad news.”

“I’m not following him. I was just…walking in the same direction.”

“Yeah. You were.” She sniffled. “I’ve seen it before. Lots of girls want to be a quick side fling. Think they’ll get favors or extra points.”

“What I do is none of your beeswax. And I wasn’t going to-”

Sherry talked right over her. “He’ll fuck you, sure, but that’ll be it. He won’t give you anything else. Might rough you up a little. He uh…tries to go easy on us…because we’re his wives.”

Charlotte stared at her.

“Doesn’t want it to come out how he hurts us. Our ‘husband’…wants to come across as generous and loving. It’s an 'honor’ to be with him. So…he holds back. Girls like you? You don’t mean shit to him and none of you will ever speak out against him.”

The redhead glanced back to the doorway, shifting uncomfortably. “You’re…a wife?”

“Yeah. Worst mistake of my life.” She peered out from around the pipe, gnawing at her lip. “But uh…I didn’t say that.”

“…You guys look like you have it so good.” Charlotte’s eyes dropped to Sherry’s wrist, where it was clutched tightly across the brunette’s chest. “And Negan seems… nice.”

Sherry laughed. “Nice? He just wants to fuck you. Use you.” She shifted her arms, faking a wince of pain. “Please. Just stay away from him.”

The girl’s eyes were still on her faux bruise, and then they trailed along the sooty pipe. Her chin suddenly jutted out. “That…that’s just dirt. And I saw you earlier… your arm wasn’t like that.”

Sherry smirked, stepping out from behind the pipe. “Well. Aren’t you the observant little bitch. You fucking got me.”

The corridor was abandoned. She reached out, grabbing Charlotte’s collar with both hands, and twirled her about, slamming her into the wall behind the pipe. Charlotte gasped.

“Hey!”

Sherry bared her teeth. “I’ll admit it. I got a little theatrical.” She drew the girl away from the wall, slammed her back again. Charlotte grunted, smacking her in the face. Sherry returned the blow, but it was with a closed fist. The redhead yelped.

“But believe me when I tell you…you fuck with Negan…and you will be fucked up.”

“By who? You?” Charlotte panted, her hand curling into a fist.

“Ah-ah-ah… don’t even. You know what happens to people who touch one of Negan’s wives? I say the word and half of your face is gonna be char-broiled.”

Charlotte’s lip quivered as Sherry smiled, a slow cruel spread of the lips.

“Just look at Dwight. You’ve seen him around, yeah? Guy with a burnt face?” Her stomach twisted guiltily, but she ignored it. “He used to be my husband.”

The girl’s fist loosened.

“That’s right. You be a good girl and keep your slutty hands away from my man…and your life will be fucking splendid.” She patted Charlotte’s flushed cheek. “Got it?”

“Y-y-yeah…” The girl fled as soon as she was released. Sherry waited until she was gone until she bent double, stifling laughter in her hand.

Oh my God. That was awesome. That is probably the bitchiest thing I’ve ever done!

She straightened up, shifting her thighs together. Something hot and heavy was curling in her stomach, and it wasn’t her earlier guilt. Oh no…it was something much different…gripping the entirety of her body and darkening her eyes.

Time to mark my fucking territory.

She tracked Negan down. He wasn’t far from the doorway, still bantering with Tara. When he saw her, he dismissed his female lieutenant.

“Next time I see you, you’re gonna be walking with a limp…” Tara smirked, giving Sherry a nod. Negan grunted.

“Get the fuck out of my sight.”

Tara mock-bowed. “Of course, sir. I’ll be sure to add a bag of ice to my scavenging list.”

“Bitch.” He grunted as Tara made her exit. He heaved a sigh and turned his eyes on Sherry. “Ice. Right. Because that’s what you’re fuckin’ here for, right? To bust my goddamn balls?”

“We need to talk.”

“Oh, fuck me sideways – don’t say that. You know how much I dread those four fucking words?”

“In private.” She grabbed his jacket sleeve. “Come along, mister.”

“Sherry, I’m fucking busy.”

“Walk.”

He grunted again, following her back into the hallway.

“Get in there.”

“What the shit, Sherry. Can’t you wait until later? When I’m home?”

“You aren’t coming home. You’re gonna hide tonight.”

“Yeah…and you know why. I don’t want to be walking with a limp.”

“I promise I won’t touch your balls.” That was a lie. But he didn’t have to know that.

Once he was in the storage closet, and the door shut, she turned to give him a severe look. There was a small casement window that let in dim, dusty light. Dust motes floated above their heads. Memories of stifled moans and sweat flooded back to her.

Negan shifted his weight. “Heh. Isn’t this our closet…?”

“Yeah.”

“I see.” He looked away from her. “You brought me in here to fucking tell me you’re leaving, right? Like, where we started is where you’re gonna end it-”

“That Charlotte chick was following you.”

“She was?”

“Oh, don’t play dumb with me, you big fucker.”

“I didn’t see her, and fuck this bush-beating shit, Sherry. Just get to your fucking point.”

“Yeah. Sure, Negan.” She drew closer to him; and his eyebrows raised in apprehension. She noticed his hand was creeping around towards his belt, poised to protect his fragile cojones from her. He yelped as grabbed his lapels with both hands, yanking him down to her.

“Sherry, what the- mpph!”

His words were cut off by her vicious mouth. She batted away the hand at his belt, and began to unbuckle it.

“Mmmph…” He said through her kiss. His eyes went wide as she pulled on his bottom lip with her teeth. She growled, yanking his opened pants down, exposing the curve of his hip. Another yank, and there was his delicious happy trail.

“Sherry…?” He was stock-still, even as she gave another hard yank, leaving him standing with his boxers around his thighs and his junk hanging out. “What…”

“I need your dick in me. Now.”

“Uh…” He grinned like a moron. He took a step back, hiking his pants up. “…this is a trick, isn’t it?”

“Shut up, Negan!”

“You’re mad at me. I don’t want you near my dick.” He started to button up, and she flew at him, shoving him to the wall. Her hand thrust down into his boxers, gripping him in her first. Sliding up, down, her thumb rubbing under the head of his cock.

He shuddered, his hands fluttering in the air, unsure of what to do.

“Sure, I’m mad at you,” she hissed. “When am I not? So, how about we fuck and make up? Extra hard, so I can get all this irritation out of my system.”

He bit his lip, his eyebrows flinching as she continued to rub at his sensitive spot. She knew it was a bit too much stimulation out of the gate. But he was definitely starting to stiffen up. He pried her wrist away.

He nodded towards the door. “People will hear us.”

“Then keep your mouth shut.”

“It ain’t my mouth I’m worried about.”

She pulled off her wrinkled t-shirt and threw it at him. “Gag me, then.”

His eyebrows shot sky-high. His dick was definitely coming to life now. She saw it stir under the denim fabric. She came towards him, eyes glinting. Fuck, she was wet, and she shifted her hips. Swollen, aching.

He took a bandanna out of his pocket, discarding her shirt. “This really isn’t a trick, Sherry? You’re not gonna rip my balls off? Please say you’re not fucking with me.”

“I won’t be fucking with you if you don’t shut up!”

He just stood there like an idiot. She took his hand and pulled it up under her skirt. His breathing quickened when he felt her panties, when he crept one finger inside her slick wetness. She gasped slightly, pressing his hand more firmly against her. “Still think I’m lying to you…?”

“Ok. Ok. Fuck… Shit.” He fumbled to pull the bandanna around her mouth, tying it in a loose knot behind her head.

There was a table against one wall. She remembered that table well. It was solid and sturdy and didn’t make a lot of racket when two people were doing indecent things upon its metal surface. She gasped as Negan suddenly turned her, bending her over it with a rough motion. Equally rough, he yanked her panties and skirt down to her knees. His voice a growl in her ear. “How am I gonna know if it’s too rough for you…?” Her body jolting as he entered in one hard, deep stroke, and she cried into the gag. “Guess I won’t…”

“Mmmmpphh!” Her knees bent inward, her legs quivering. Her hand clawed ineffectively at the metal table. Pain sparked as he stretched her with his thick girth, as he filled her to the hilt.

“Ohhh…you’re so angry at me, Sherry.” He nipped her ear. “I’m gonna really have to fuck this animosity out of you.” He gave her a few, slow easy thrusts to start, letting her adjust – but not for long. Moments later, he had one hand wrapped her throat, her toes nearly leaving the ground with each hard thrust. His thighs connecting with her ass, the smack-smack of his balls against her. She saw stars.

And he was right – she was still filled with animosity. Because this could be Charlotte right now.

“I like you like this…” That deep voice, rumbling through his chest and into her. “Your fucking mouth shut? You should wear this fucking thing all the time.”

Asshole!

“Yeah. You talk way too fucking much. You don’t know your goddamn place. But you know it now, huh, Sher? Bent over and taking my fucking cock!”

You fucking asshole! She screamed through the gag, and he laughed. His hand came down with a loud smack on one of her ass cheeks. She jolted in surprise, screeching into the gag. Another slap to the other side. She shook her head, yelling reprimands into the bandanna.

“Stpphht!”

“Huh? Shouldn’t talk with your mouth full, Sher-Bear. That’s bad manners.” *Whack*. That big hand was gonna leave an imprint.

“Nggggnn!” She writhed under him. He leaned forward, pinning her with the weight of his body. She could hardly breathe.

“Don’t think I’ve gotten all that aggression out of you yet, babe.” He smacked her ass mercilessly. She writhed and struggled, her skin burning. Tears rose in her eyes, and she whimpered.

“Ngggn…stph…stphhh!”

“You gonna be a good girl?” He cooed into her ear, and she nodded. “Huh?” His teeth grazed her neck.

“Y-yessssh.”

He chuckled, leaning back to allow her space. She breathed in hard through her nose. He took her breath away again as he renewed his aggressive thrusts, his arms wrapping her torso and holding her to him. She moaned, the gag wet with spit. Her insides thrumming as his cock hammered into all the right spots. Her eyes rolled back. Fuck! This was heaven.

Ok…maybe I won’t bust his balls. She nearly laughed.

“Good girl,” He groaned. “There’s no need to get so fuckin’ riled up, babe, but fuck me if it ain’t flattering. I ain’t ever gonna risk losing this pussy.”

And… back to wanting to bust his balls again. He was such a scoundrel. Yeah. She liked that. Scoundrel. He’d get a kick out that endearment.

“You like that?” He cooed into her ear before licking tenderly along the column of her neck. She nodded.

“Mmmhmm.”

“Feels so good, huh?”

“Mmhmmm.”

“Yeah. You wanted my cock so bad you fuckin’ tracked me down. You know how fucking hard that makes me? You feel it?”

“Mmmhmmm.”

“You’re so fuckin’ wet for me, aren’t you?”

She snorted. His attempts at dirty talk were always laughable. She didn’t have any spare breath to chuckle. She delved a hand between her legs, rubbing two fingers on her clit. Sparks of pleasure travelled her spine. She wouldn’t last long at this rate.

He roughly grabbed her hand and pulled it away. “Did I say you could touch yourself?”

So much for marking my territory. Her damn territory was marking her! She growled and wrested her hand away. He let it go, but only so he could punish her ass with another stinging slap. She squealed. He grabbed both ass cheeks, digging his nails in and pounding her so hard the table slid several inches across the floor. He let out a deep groan.

She gasped under the onslaught, arching her back, wiggling her hips, squirming to get him in just the right spot to -

“Mmm. Sherry. Your fucking ass is so hot! Can I switch holes?”

She shook her head.

“What was that? Speak up, I didn’t hear a fucking thing you said!”

Another frantic head shake.

“Oh…I think I’m gonna,” he rasped. “I want to hear you screaming through that thing. But just think…no one else will be able to hear you…”

His finger teased her backdoor. She whimpered and tried to rip the gag off. “Nggn! Nnnn!”

He patted her butt with a laugh. “I’m just fuckin’ with you, babe. I ain’t ever gonna sneak in there without express permission. Well… not my dick anyway. I might still give you a little surprise…”

She jolted as his spit-slicked thumb pushed inside her rear. Then he was fucking her again, using the buried thumb as a goddamn handhold. Her head tilted sideways, as she moaned around the strip of cloth in her mouth.

He groped her breasts, gripped onto her thigh. Smack, smack, their bodies collided loudly. Gag or no gag, people would know exactly what was occurring in here. She hoped Charlotte was nearby. Listening, with an ear at the door. Her face as red as her hair with sheer jealousy.

“Hrrddrr,” She groaned through the gag. The metal table was slippery with her sweat. He took hold of her hip and obeyed; her body shunted back and forth.

“Fuck yeah,” he hissed. “You like it rough, huh, you jealous little bitch? I know that’s what this is allll about.”

She growled.

He took hold of her hand and roughly guided it between her legs. “Now you can touch yourself. I want you cumming before this fucking minute is up.”

Who the fuck is in charge here?

Well, it obviously wasn’t her. Her legs quivered as her fingers twisted between her legs. Fuck! His thick finger in her ass…his thrusts rocking her, her swollen nub twitching under her touch…

“You don’t cum soon, and I’m gonna start fucking your ass, Sherry. You want that? I fucking want it, so believe me, I ain’t got shit to lose.”

That thick cock sinking into her ass! Her insides twisted in dread, and anticipation… Her clit twitched under her fingers. Even with the gag, her whimpering cries rang off the walls.

“You’re running out of time, baby.” He bucked against her hard, his breaths ragged. The big motherfucker wouldn’t last long enough to fuck her ass anyway!

She pulled the gag down. “…this ain’t… hard enough…”

“Hey…” He tried to wrest the gag back in place, but it was too much effort. “Alright, babe. How’s this?”

The metal table ground against the floor as it slid forward several inches. She braced herself against it with both hands. Her bones rattled from the impact. He fisted her hair in one hand, yanking her head back, leaving his mark on her neck.

Yes. Give that bitch something to look at!

“Yes…yes…Negan…” She praised him in whimpering moans, and he responded with even more effort to please her.

Pressure built in her core, and she writhed on the table, her hands clenching onto the edge with white knuckles. His balls slapping her, loud delightful smacks, oh, how she loved that sound! The wet sloppy sounds of their sex. His deep, breathy grunts. His fingers leaving bruises. “Fuck, Negan! Right there…” A sobbing cry left her. “Right there, baby, right-” She couldn’t speak any more.

Her climax hit, hard and merciless, taking her breath away. Her walls clenching around him, her clit pulsing under her fingers. Negan chuckled in smug satisfaction.

“Holy shit…” She sprawled slack on the table, struggling to regain her breath. Every cell in her body was flooded with warmth, a firefly glow. Wetness oozed down her thighs. Negan was still grinding away, his breath laboured…he was only a few thrusts away from flooding her further. “Negan…” she said, through her heavy breaths. “Stop.”

“I’m almost there, babe,” He grunted. “…just…a little longer.”

She reached back and shoved at his thigh. “I said stop!”

He grunted again, a slight whine squeaking through his teeth. His thrusts slowed slightly, but he still wasn’t stopping. She clenched a fist and punched him in the hip. “Get off me, Negan! NOW!”

“Fuckin’ fine!” He yelped, and she was left empty on the table as he jolted backwards. She turned to see his face torn between annoyance and desperation.

“You did come in here to fuck with me,” he whined accusingly. “…and I’m so stupid I fell for it-”

“Yeah, you’re stupid,” she said, “but don’t pout just yet, you big fucking baby.”

“I don’t have time for this…” He reached down to grip himself, but she slapped his hand away.

“Did I say you could touch yourself?” She pulled the bandanna from off her neck. “Put this on. You stay quiet like a good little boy…and ole Sher-Bear will make you feel real good.”

He looked doubtfully at the gag.

She leaned back against the table, running a hand seductively between her breasts. “Put it on, Neegs.”

“It’s all… fucking… spitty.”

She licked her lips. “You want my spit on your dick? Then put the fucking thing on.”

It was a wicked delight to watch him tie the gag around his obnoxious mouth. His eyes followed her movements as she folded her t-shirt on the floor… a nice cushion as she sank to her knees. Her cheek pressed alongside his thigh, a sly look thrown. She wasn’t going to tell him…but he was adorable. His brown eyes wide, his big stupid mouth shut.

If only he could be like this all the time… She chuckled aloud.

“Now, you’re going to listen to me, Negan, or I’m going to leave you here with blue balls. You got me?”

He nodded.

“Touch yourself.”

He closed his big hand around his cock and stroked. Groaning through the gag. His hand picking up speed, his hips rocking into his closed fist. Thumb rubbing under the swollen head, circling the slit, smearing his arousal shiny and wet over the tip.

“Yeah, that’s it.”

He breathed harder through the gag, his eyebrows knitting together. His eyes squeezed shut.

“Stop. Don’t you fucking cum yet.”

She smacked his hand when he didn’t listen. He moaned and reluctantly released himself.

She breathed gently on the head of his dick, watching it twitch. Her hands crept up his inner thighs, then cradled his sack in her hand. “I lied…” she said. “I’m touching your balls.”

He laughed.

She rolled his sack in her hand, gently massaging and his shoulders lifted in a sigh. She leaned forward, sucking one ball into her mouth, her tongue caressing the tender flesh. He sighed again, and she felt him shiver. Her hand pressed his dick to his belly and she trailed her tongue along the underside, until she reached a particular spot. A sensitive little gem where his foreskin connected to his shaft – a spot that drove him fucking crazy. She licked upon it, and he jolted in his boots. The gag was no match for his loud groan.

“Mmmm, yeah.” Her tongue slathered all over his head, then back to that spot. He breathed hard, his hands kneading into her hair. His dick twitched against her lips, the salty taste of his arousal was on her tongue. “You like that, Negan?”

He nodded. Oh, he more than liked it.

She smiled, placing a sweet kiss on his tip. “I got a question for you, Neegs. Did you jerk it thinking about her?”

He shook his head, but she knew that was a lie. She could picture him in the bathroom, bracing one hand against the wall while he stroked himself, thinking about Charlotte’s red hair, thinking about how he had plenty of fluids to douse that 'firecrotch’ of hers!

She frowned, placing a finger on the tip of his dick and moving it in slow circles, his cock moving with it. “Now, now. You know what good boys don’t do, Negan? Good boys…”

She drew her hand back. “Don’t! Tell! Fibs!” Each word was punctuated with a sharp, stinging smack to the head of his cock.

He yelped and stepped away from her. Swiftly, she grabbed hold of his balls. He froze in place, his eyes wide.

He pulled down the corner of the gag. “You…you fuckin’ said you weren’t gonna hurt my balls-”

“I never said that.” She stroked a thumb along his scrotum, still keeping a firm hold. “I said I wouldn’t touch them, and well… I already broke that promise, didn’t I?”

“Sherry-”

“Shut up, and put that thing back on.” She tightened her grip, and he flinched. His fingers touched her wrist, and she hissed. “Get your fucking hands off me, Negan.”

“Bitch, you hurt me and-”

She gripped even harder, and his shoulders cringed, a breathy whine of pain came through his teeth. “Don’t you threaten me. You do what I say and your boys will be just fine. Put the gag on.”

He did.

“Tell me the fucking truth this time. You blow your load thinking about her?”

He nodded.

“Yeah. I knew it! How many times?”

He raised a finger.

“You are full of shit!” She tightened her hand, and he hastily put up two more fingers.

She stood up slowly, still clasping his sack in a tightening grip. Her lips pressed to his chin, and she purred. “You are such a lying motherfucker.”

“Ididnkeepcount-” he spoke through the gag.

“That’s a more honest answer, you goddamn pervert. I almost believe you. Well, you can wrestle little Negan all you want over her… but if you put one finger on that little slut…” She tightened her hand, and he shook his head frantically.

She chuckled and slowly slid back down to her knees, releasing her tight grip on his balls and gently rubbing the affronted flesh. Another chuckle. “Oh Neegs…you love getting your balls busted, don’t you?” His dick was dripping precum like a leaky faucet.

He didn’t answer that one. She touched her tongue to his tip, lapping up the dripping arousal, and pulling away to stretch it between tongue and head. Her green eyes peering up at him. The string broke, splattering wet on her chin. She wiped it away, and dipped her head to take him as deep as she could. Just brushing the threshold of her gag reflex.

He moaned. She couldn’t take his entire length like Shanda, and she rarely tolerated face fuckery the way Nova or Amber did. A hand slid under his tshirt, her fingers curling on his belly. Fuck! His deep groans, muffled… his muscles tensing under her fingers, the gag pulled taut between his perfect teeth. She couldn’t blame Charlotte for trying. Her man was hot as fuck.

She set her hand on his thigh while she bobbed her head, feeling the quivers go through him. He wanted to thrust, she could tell, and his hand was trembling too as he clenched it onto the back of her head. She drew back, cooing, “You’re being such a good, good boy, Neegsy…”

“Mmmmhmmm,” he agreed through the gag.

“You wanna cum so bad, don’t you?”

“Mmmhmm!”

“Heh.” Slowly, she circled her tongue around his head. Kneading his balls in both hands. His muffled sounds were making her throb, and she drew a hand down to curl two fingers into her wetness. They were a poor substitute for his cock, but it felt good anyway. His breathing was getting heavier and heavier. His hips jerking in sporadic, twitchy motions. He was close, and she teased him right to the edge before pulling back. His hand went iron-rigid in her hair, trying to hold her against him, and she gave a sharp, startling nip to his foreskin.

A yelp was muffled into the gag, and his hand sprang away from her. She laughed as she leaned back to catch her breath. “Bad boy!”

“Sowwy,” he mumbled.

She smiled cruelly. “Awww. You were so close, huh? Poor Neegs, he wants to blow his load sooo bad. I wonder how long you would’ve lasted with ole Charlotte in here? Thirty seconds before you were painting her face?”

He scowled, then shuddered as she blew a stream of warm air against his aching cock. “We wouldn’t want to get cum all in that pretty red hair of hers, would we?”

She chuckled as his look of annoyance deepened. She withdrew her fingers from herself, slick from her arousal. Her eyes on his, she sucked them into her mouth.

“Take that gag off,” she whispered as she plied her fingers into her lower lip. “I want to hear you when you blow.”

He pushed the bandanna down. “You better start fucking sucking then…”

“I didn’t say you could talk.” One wet finger trailed feather-light up the underside of his dick, and she scraped her fingernail ever-so-lightly across his frenulum. He shivered, gritting his teeth.

Her other hand was delving between her legs again, her fingers slick and wet and warm, and then feeling their way up the back of his thigh and to his ass.

He yelped as she pressed one finger inside him. “S-s-shit!”

His cock twitched and his ass clenched around her finger. She chuckled. “Oh my.”

“Fuck, that hurt, you goddamn bitch! Maybe warn me next-fucking-time?”

“Ok. I’m warning you.” She grinned evilly, before working another finger in alongside the first. He jumped like a lit firecracker.

“Shit! Dammit, Sherry…oh…ohhh. Fuck!”

Her finger curled inside him, finding that treasured spot, stroking upon his prostate. And her mouth, hot and wet, latching onto his swollen head, tongue flitting against the underside. Her hand gripping him and stroking as she worked her mouth up and down.

“Fuck…fuck yeah…” he moaned. Panting, his head tilting back.

“How’s that feel, big boy?”

“Feels fuckin’ amazing…” He grit his teeth, forcing himself to meet her eyes. “Er… but don’t tell the other girls. Um.. about the fingers in the butt thing and all.”

“Gimmie a break, I know Nova and Shanda have stuck bigger things than a finger in your poop chute.”

His cheeks went red, and she snorted in laughter.

“Just…just suck my dick. I got shit to do.”

She ignored him, thrusting her fingers harder inside him. Her hot breath a tease on the swollen head, which had turned a dark, desperate red.

“C'mon… put that dick in your mouth!”

She merely teased him with light touches of tongue. Little licks and taps here and there. His dick was like granite, the veins standing out rigid. “You wanna cum? You want ole Sher-Bear to suck your balls dry?”

“Uh huh, Sher. I wanna cum.” He grit his teeth. “Please…”

Oh, she loved when he begged. She sucked on his sack, leaving a round stinging mark. He jolted and moaned, and his ass tightened around her thrusting fingers.

“Fuck!”

She narrowed her eyes up at him, her grin devilish. Her lips dragged slowly along the side of his dick. Nipping gently at each rigid vein.

“Sherry, Sher-Bear…c'mon.” He whimpered, and activated his most epic set of puppy-dog eyes, his lip jutting out in a pout. “Please…please…I need your goddamn mouth on me.”

She snickered. He was so pathetic she almost wanted to get up and leave, letting him jerk himself to an unsatisfying end. She pressed a finger hard into his prostate and he shuddered, a whine in his throat. Grinding himself into her fingers, his hips thrusting in weird, sporadic jerks, like he’d get some kind of friction from the very air.

“Oh, big boy is so desperate, isn’t he?” She cradled his cock alongside her cheek. “Ok. Since you asked nicely…”

“Yeah…fuck yeah…” He shuddered and kneaded at her hair as her mouth encased his dick, slurping and bobbing along the hard length. She didn’t protest when he gripped harder, rocking himself into the depths of her mouth. She gagged slightly, drawing back.

“Shit. Sorry…”

She ignored him, swallowing his tip again, her hand pumping his shaft in time to her hard suckling. Driving her fingers more aggressively into him. His moans were raining down on her. If Charlotte was outside, she was surely rooted to the spot, her ears ringing with his ecstasy… the ecstasy Sherry was bringing him.

Negan’s hand tightened in her hair, and she felt his dick getting harder in her mouth. Quickly, she pulled back, leaving his cock quivering in mid-air. He whimpered through panting breaths. “S-Sherry…f-f-fuck…don’t stop…not now!”

She leaned back, stilling her fingers inside him. Her gaze locking on his. He was sweating, his eyes panicked. Locked right on the edge of orgasm, every nerve twinging like a live wire.

“You think that hussy can do you like I do?” She hissed. “You want to run around, fucking every pussy you see?”

He bit his lip, afraid to answer, and she hissed again. “You gonna bring that bitch home?”

“No! I already said I fuckin’ wasn’t!” He tried to wrest her head back to his cock. She jerked her head away and he released her hair.

“No? You gonna fuck her? You gonna bring her in here and hump her dirty little mouth?”

“Fuck no. Look, I ain’t-”

“Tell me, Negan,” she purred. Leaning forward, enclosing her lips softly around his cock head. Tongue flitting over salty, silky smooth skin. Her finger stroking inside him.

He moaned low in his throat, his dick twitching upwards several times.

“Careful, Neegs. You’re gonna cum and it’s not going to be any good…” She smiled, and the motion of her lips made his cock twitch again. His entire body tensed.

“Sherry, please…”

“I want to hear you say it. Tell me. Who’s your number one?”

“You.”

“Louder.”

“You are!”

She pulled his cock up, tapping her tongue on his sensitive underside. He shuddered, his hands clenching and unclenching helplessly, his teeth grit. A whimper squeaking out between his teeth.

“Fuck…fuck…I’m gonna cum…!”

“Who’s your number fucking one, Negan? Who’s the one who makes you cum the best? Huh? That fucking slut…?”

“You, Sherry!” He moaned. “You’re my number one!”

“If I asked, you’d get rid of all of them, wouldn’t you?”

He nodded. “Uh-huh. Yeah!”

“Right…” She snorted and tightened her hand around his base. A tight squeeze. Fitting the silken head into her mouth. And then she bombarded him with fierce pleasure – sharp, smooth strokes to his cock, her mouth caressing him, taking him deep. Her fingers dug into his ass and fucking him relentlessly.

“Fuck!” he cried. He gripped a fistful of hair, his hips rocking feverishly against her face. She let him, let him breach her gag reflex, let him choke her, his sweaty stomach smearing her forehead, his body quivering under her, his scent overwhelming, and then hot, relentless gushes of fluid flooding down her throat.

Tears were running down her face when he stumbled back, her fingers pulled from him. He flopped back-first onto the table in a big, sweaty, panting pile of man.

“Oh s-s-shit!” He gasped. One of his big hands flopped onto his heaving chest. She stood up, her legs quivering. Coughing into her hand, the taste of him in her mouth. Her throat felt a bit sore, but overall, there was a wicked glow all throughout her. Seeing him sprawled out like that, spent and red-faced and his dick turning into a limp noodle… and knowing she was the cause of all that exhaustion?

She stepped forward, running her hand up his thigh, and took hold of his softening cock. Her thumb traced circles on the head, still wet from her mouth. He flinched, his hand pushing on her wrist.

“Fuck! You know it’s too sensitive right now, Sher.”

She grinned, pushing his hand away. “You seem to be mistaken about who owns this dick, Negan.”

He sat up, frowning down at her. Her other hand came up and rubbed at his well-spent balls.

“Who owns it?” She gave a light squeeze, and he grunted.

“Easy on the balls, huh?” He tried to pry her wrist away, but she tightened her grip. “Come on, Sher! You know Tara isn’t going to find any fuckin’ ice out there!”

She laughed. “Fucking answer me!”

“You do, babe. You got my dick thoroughly pussy-whipped.”

“Yeah, that’s right, you scoundrel.”

He started to laugh, and she pressed a finger to his lips. “And don’t you forget that. You remember that when you’re jerking yourself over that red-haired hussy. You remember the woman who’s going to put up with you and your shit. When everyone else would just leave you alone to keep jerking it forever.”

She let go of his junk, and he slid off the table to put himself together. Her tshirt was even more wrinkled than before. She slid it on, pulling up her disheveled skirt and panties. She walked out of the closet knowing she smelled like sex, and knowing the glow was all upon her. She didn’t come out like the old days, furtively peeking and scurrying out of the sight of prying eyes.

“Well… guess I should get back to work.” He looked as well-fucked as she did.

She smirked. “Yeah. Guess so. You coming home tonight?”

“…only if I’m forgiven. I’m fuckin’ forgiven, right?”

“You’re fucking forgiven.”

“See you tonight, then.”

They went their separate ways. Sherry headed back the way she’d came. And as she passed the pipe along the wall, she noticed a quick movement.

Charlotte, hiding back there. Her face as red as her hair.

#negan #comic negan #comicnegan> #sherry #lups writing

[11toe11-blog]

String Hoppers/ steamed rice threads of attention

I sit to write. To enter as gently as i can. Not for power or greed or fame. Steer me past them. I enter for truth and meaning, illumination and insight.

Om.

__

A right leaning cliff near the throat. That rides up to the right nose and slopes out the right nasal cavity.Extending in volume to the back of the throat to the right, slightly against the right ear and extending back to the curve of the skull. 

No inclination to smile.

Just a sensation of wearing a mask. Multiple masks.

In the play - the character of the man, perceives himself believes himself to be the man, finds his justifications for it.  But somewhere along the way discovers that he is the disguise for the little girl. It is her. Wearing the body and mind of the man.

And the little girl discovers that she is not really who she thought she was or the story of herself she bought into. But a part of the Third. 

Like these characters picked up these roles and entered the game. The intentions in the outer world are markedly contrasting to the intentions or pursuits engaged in, in the game. Like a gaming scene. 

When one goes in deep, as the observer, there is a distinct sense of looking out through this body / identity. Gazing and observing and experiencing. And if the attention is briefly turned inward, to look at the observer itself, it loops before falling into an abyss. And in that loop there the sense of a tall long torso-ed being gazing out though me, or a mustachioed stocky man, or nothing. 

The heaviness today is without a certain emotional quality. In the realms of physical, weight, gravity, hanging.

A contraction near the chest left leaning, and a tug under the right shoulder blade. 

I am jumbling up words. Lots of backspaces. 

Breeze outside. Soft morning breeze which i love. Yes, i do truly love it.

And a squirrel hanging upside down nibbling on red gulmohar flowers.

I m as usual dressed and bandaged and oiled. And not to the floor. But in front of the computer. I wonder if ill make my way to the floor. I can sense the muscles easing off from missing more than a week of rigour. 

I want to try and go over the connection in the morning meditation.

The connection between the sinus and the voices one hears as ones own or others. Is that the connection between the connection of the sinus and the sound of ones thoughts, maybe. A release in the sinus point held far out between the nose and the eye, in my case right one and there is some release in the right side of the throat. And somewhere inbetween the two, if a line were to the drawn, the point where it passes by the plane of the ear, it starts quieting down. This is the connection between the “Muu..” breathing exercise of Tai Chi that Marco taught and is explained in the book of Stevanovich, and quietening of the mind. Vibrating starting from the nasal passage and all the way down the throat to the core. Relaxing along the way and connecting to the core. 

I wonder what the life patterns of those with sinus problems are. Mucus. Over thinking. Foggy thinking. Allergies. Sensitivities. From the sense of it. Must look up. Difficulties in self expression.

I think of G reading this. I wonder if she will be impressed. I wonder if she will make the same connections.

Visited R’s parents yesterday. R announced my haircut so simply and louly like only he can,  that the intensity of embarrassment was over in a few minutes and life was back to simpler conversations after, for me at least. 

I realise that what  I most look forward to hearing from R’s parents is about their relationship, about how they navigated life. And also what they ordered in, from where and how it was ; uncle placing orders on swiggy feels like an adventure to me. Full of excitement. 

R was mentioning to them about how we were navigating rough patches these days, in the lock down with nowhere to hide from each other’s demons and our own. Held prisoner by the other’s embrace. Ofcourse he didn't say all that - he summarized it his favorite words - painful / irritating.

Shift in throat.

Held prisoner by each other’s embrace. 

Held prisoner by the other’s embrace. 

Holding the other in the cage on one’s judgemental gaze. 

Prisoners to each other, in a wrestle where neither can give up. A give up is a give in. And that must not be. The truth of individual experience and rights and wrongs wont allow it. Its a wrestle, where far more important than winning, is to not lose. 

I feel life force models that, not so much about the winning - but the drive to keep living and not lose or let go. And in the tension, things happen. Creations?  More like collaborations. Colors fusing into the other.

Uncle had advice to offer, as he always does. Patiently. When a question or a riddle enters the space and some pause or silence comes along. Which is usually after a while, past the exchange between R and Aunty, which feels like watching a trapeze artist going from one swing to the other. Then his quiet deep voice gently walks into a spot light lying in a far way corner, laying out the thread of the riddle he was holding on to patiently. And examining it based on some experience or anecdote stored somewhere in the recess of his memory.

Something of what he said yesterday - which at the time i heard it was colored in patriarchal language, held new meaning this morning. He said something to the tune of “ i was adviced early on in my marriage that the man keeps to himself all that is told to him about his wife”. Ofcourse aunty took offence, i knew that line of thinking - who is this bitching about me. What have i done. Why didnt he tell me. “Its not nice to talk about the wife to the husband. It is in such bad taste.” What wrong did i do, are you saying i was terrible - all these unsaids flowed by the said, as R casually dived into this phone and i mumbled - “Oh! I am sure he has keep a few compliments also from you.” And trying to change the situation with “uncle, maybe you shouldnt let out your tricks and techniques just yet”. Essh. Yuck. negative marking for wit and humor and ability to transform a scene for me. I’ll be demoted to KG.

Anyways. That and much passed. 

Conversations on Objects with R has been one of the most illuminating one on our relationship. How my eyes glide over objects, perceive them to be dead zone,  not registering much except a few which seem to be breathing on account of some association or their very make. But everything in nature is living and breathing to me.  And how he is surrounded by the same objects and find them living and breathing, the associations run far and wide. He feels like a collector or memories. 

In many ways the quirky tramp who sees value in most things people discard.

And me like the insurance guy on the park bench, who has taken for granted everything that his race has produced and doesnt care for any of it, finding some peace only on the park bench.

R was in a play -where he played the insurance guy. Some two decades ago. 

Connections. Where are the connections.

Right here. Under my nose where i cant see them. And its true. Under the nose is one place which one can see unless there is a mirror. 

And the other becomes the mirror. 

After that long contemplation on Objects that we went on together just before bed, quite a rare exchange in that sense, we reached a park bench with a nice open sky and a canopy too, a great place for truce.

“My liberated self and your liberated self are keeping this together, keeping this going. “

Otherwise this would have fallen apart long ago. 

Quite true. We managed to articulate together what we both knew right from the beginning but did not have the words or the spaces between the words available, to express.

Morning stretches also threw open a connection between the clitoris and the space between one's ears. A gentle expanse of the space between the ears invites something in the clit. A rub, a long rub, while holding on to that expansion is a series of unusual pleasurable sensations - not so much as a giant peak, as much as a mountain plateau with icy winds and many interesting contours. 

Some bells tinkle, linking  listening, having the space to listen and sexual arousal.

Writing feels like less in flow. ANd more of reporting from memory. Judgement ahoy.

Uncles wisdom and his thread reappears. I realised this morning that how ever he articulated it - and however i perceived it then - he was most unmistakable talking about holding space for the other. Standing in the peripheries and warding off unnecessary and unwelcome distractions, as the other dances her/his dance. Good or bad or great. 

I make him sound like a saint. And their marriage perfect. 

One look at R and well, i know i am painting rosy pictures.

Such nasty. I am just saying that for effect.

 VG’s lecture comes to mind. 

So powerful something in there, inspite of the rain and tech glitches that it triggered a deep contemplation and collaborative contemplation. On life. Though we spoke from our perception of objects. Revealing more to each other than we had managed to in months. 

__

Its is easier to write when one is writing to save one’s sanity. When some semblance of sanity returns, some sense of comfortable corner, the tension in the rope slags. And one wobbles. 

Breathe into core. Slackline. Focus.

R’s bum. Sigh. so yum.

Its a bit odd writing this when i know someone is going to read.

R rescud a string hopper maker from the attic yesterday and just showed it to me. I have never seen something like that. Its fashioned as a stool. I imagine the piston that goes into it would have to be atleast two feet long. 

Sexual connotation appears after sightadichying bum. 

So much of the earlier tools, particularly kitchen tools was designed to engage the core. Work from the core and work the core.

Now its so much of engagement of extremities. If i were to trace this stringer hopper maker itself. My memory of it was until now, as a something that was gripped and clenched to push the rice paste out of the very tiny holes. The action centred around the grip, as in finger workouts. Or holding and rotating that pedal like thing around a cylinder held in the other hand. Both tolls more complex than this simple stoop with a built-in cup with holes, taking less space. But not quite directly engaging the core. This leaning over, this memory of engaging the core can fade away with a generation or two of using the smaller seemingly more convenient and space saving tools that are designed from thinking out of only of extremities. Making it harder to work and use as one’s connection with the core fades. I couldnt at one point fathom using the finger gripping string-hopper-maker mom used. Even with both my hands it was tough to make the beaks touch each other. So the harder it get, we look for easier. And in comes elecrticity! A magic wand and push button and conveneince. And any memory of core dissolves. And everything outsoursed. 

Doctor. Medicine. Food. Security. Joy. Expression. All outsourced.

Good point to pause.

Its a lot like working on the hand gestures, the mudras. The more i am discovering the movement to the the finger tips starting from the spine, the more meaning and experience it holds for me. And far more satisfaction. 

While earlier it was about how the mudra looked, it felt meaning less. Reflecting back to me only the crookedness  and gracelessness of my fingers which was the last thing i wanted to see. Now  the fingers are still curved and bet. I remember Ra finding them funny and me taking offence at his comments. BUt now its about the experience of the the line and connection and stories in the shapes, and the long uneven, sometimes uncharted and rocky road that leads back to the spinal core from the tip.

Now. Now is a good point to pause.

(Will make / would like to make a separate note on VG’s lecture yesterday. Will that happen?) 

Core calls.

__

I leave gently closing the door behind me. Thank you for letting me splash around aimlessly. And sometimes sending a wave my way to ride.

___

[punkscowardschampions]

Carly & Ali

Carly: last nite was good of you Carly: saying thanks cuz i read my text from last nite & it was Carly: I cudnt read it k thats facts Ali: nah, don't mention it, no bitch left behind Ali: plus, I know the cunt doing the ditching, been there, like Ali: was trying to translate but yeah, you were pretty fucked 😂 Ali: how you feeling this am? 💚 Carly: yea? hes not that bad Carly: im a slag like he said tbh Carly: feeling like i had a decent nite all things considered Carly: you? Ali: Gurl, yes he is and no you ain't! Ali: Probably Ali: Who cares if you are, he is, and the rest Ali: I dated him for a bit, so there's no shady, tryna steal your man on the sly going on, don't worry Ali: much the same, my head feels like someone took my eyes out and shoved 'em up my arse, you know? Ali: standard sunday vibes Carly: aw you're sweet but it's no diss on me Carly: like ive cheated on him a few times Carly: but he does it too you're right w that Carly: hes a good fuck when he's not too wasted tho which you kno if you got it too Carly: you're single now tho? Carly: can have him back if you want Ali: Fair play Ali: why not call it open and call it a day? Ali: Probs 'cos he likes fighting as much as he likes fucking Ali: Meh, yeah, was passable, gotta have some reason to keep him around, like Ali: Nah, going out with the girl that drove us back Ali: Remember? Dark hair, angry Carly: yea Carly: you know Carly: shit my bad Carly: she was scary is what i've got in my head Carly: idk my head is sketch cant trust it Ali: That's a fair assessment, I reckon Ali: She wouldn't hate it either so you good 😉 Carly: pretty tho Carly: call it a trade up Ali: Yeah, she's cute Ali: you need any more of the night filling in lemme know, I'll do my best Ali: it was pretty standard though, nothing too wild Carly: no faking it w her cuz shes too drunk Carly: designated driver be like Carly: last i see i was getting with his friend lowkey and he went off about it im blank from then Ali: its a fucking gay crime to ever fake it, no matter what Ali: I can get behind that one tho, not got the time or energy tbh Ali: yeah i think him and his friend then got in a scrap and then they left Ali: bros before hoes mentality hardcore, like idk, have fun jerking each other off then, if that's ur vibe boys Carly: k that sounds legit from what i caught on his socials Carly: didnt upload the circle jerk bless Carly: gay crimes must of been committed Ali: sad face Ali: coulda spat on his back Ali: protip Carly: ill let him know when he texts me later Carly: how did you kno where i live? state of me Carly: sorry to drag you this way Ali: plottwist, i'm a massive stalker with bad intentions Ali: I truly don't know, but I'll tell Lene she should be a cabbie 'cos she managed and I don't think we got any puke in her car Carly: k big lesbian crush on me yea Carly: ioher lots Carly: stealing her girl and wrecking her car in one Ali: Naturally, you cute Ali: I'll give you her number if you like, or just pass along the thanks and soz Carly: awh you're cuter Carly: probs still drunk tho Carly: giving me those kind words Carly: you handle the now ex if you love me Ali: Hahaha, he'd LOVE that Ali: ghosts of gf past Ali: Let me and I'll love you forever Carly: go for it Ali: let's see if I've still got his number Ali: this contact list is a minefield of mistakes but the real embarrassment would be getting them muddled up, fo'shame! Carly: i can give it Carly: used it more recently than you Carly: up there at my top Ali: won't be tellin' him that Ali: don't need the ego boost Ali: but tah Carly: makes it more fun to fuck him over if you praise him first Carly: but maybe thats me Ali: like a shit sandwich Ali: I get it Carly: hungry for anything but that rn Carly: [Sends the number tho] Ali: wanna come for brunch Ali: now you are newly gay Ali: that's what they do, fucking sex in the city up in dis bitch Carly: yea? weird Carly: not what i thought Carly: awh first date tho Ali: forreal, even the butch ones, don't let 'em fool you, its all fancy fucking eggs and screwdrivers by 11am Ali: you call 'em mimosas tho, gotta pretend you're being classy Carly: wtf is a screwdriver Ali: Babe! Ali: Vodka and orange juice Carly: i call it that Carly: gays and their labels Ali: save it for the rant sesh honey Ali: love you talking about how men ain't shit as well Carly: thats the ones i fuck Carly: cant be bringing no poshos to a caravan Ali: Posh boys are only good for the money anyway, I'm sure Ali: not finding any in 24 like regardless Carly: not gonna find out if they do drive by now im a lesbian wife Carly: sorry lads Ali: they had their chance Ali: unlucky boys Carly: should prob tell me your name again if im taking it Ali: Ruins the mystery a bit but alright Ali: Its Ali Ali: Ali McKenna if we're being formal Carly: k you've got the hot brothers Carly: makes sense Ali: 🤔 Ali: I think you're thinking of someone else, babe Carly: not trying to have our first fight but you coulda told me before we got hitched, bitch Carly: you're still hot tho don't be sad Ali: so you could run off with one of my brothers? i think not Ali: unless you meant Tommy 'cos he's very single but that's unlikely because he's never here Ali: stuck with me for now, hoe 😘 Carly: a slag like me could do worse Carly: has Ali: bitch, same Ali: we can compare notes, see how many regrets we got in common Carly: yea Carly: doing it Ali: Good, save it for brunch 'cos I'm coming forreal Ali: we don't have to deal with a gaggle of gossiping gays tho, bring you a maccies breakfast? Carly: k Carly: be fun Carly: you are from what i remember Ali: I like that Ali: No bullshit Ali: Imma start all interactions like be fun please or I'm out Ali: ✌ bringing the fun and the bacon babe Carly: you're not bringing your gf are you Ali: Nah, how awkward, meet the missus, honey Carly: like there's usually a lad in my trio sorry Carly: still learning this lesbian life Ali: oh, are you bi legit? Ali: she's way too jealous for threesomes, you're good Carly: nah i just know what lads want Ali: Oh gurl Ali: that's why Lene ain't coming Ali: the lecture you're avoiding Carly: idc Carly: youre my wife now bitch Ali: 💍💍 Ali: Productive morning, if I do say so myself Ali: and we're hanging, fuck with us Carly: good influence of you cuz i havent done fuck all this week Ali: Hard work being a bi icon, babe Ali: wait 'til I get you on the yoga hype Carly: wtf Carly: is that a joke Ali: nah, I've already done half an hour this morning Carly: bitch i had my fingers crossed you mistyped yogurt Carly: i love you but its a no Ali: 😂 lets be really into yogurt, not fancy stuff, like fucking froobs Carly: phallic Carly: slurping on my dick shaped yogurt Ali: exactly Ali: what do men love more than a representation of their genitals shoved in your mouth? nothing, is the answer, bar the real thing Ali: so seductive Carly: they don't like food in bed tho, but maybe thats my technique Carly: thinking you could use whatever Carly: k just gonna dump this curry out yea bear with Ali: spicy Ali: imagine the yeast infection you'd get from a fromage frais Carly: like sorry but if i can handle cum in my eye you can deal with some saag aloo boy Carly: googling those symptoms would be a laff tho Ali: ugh, now i want indian Carly: date 2, babe Ali: 😍 Ali: this is all moving so fast Ali: 'bout it Carly: thats all i kno about lesbians k Ali: Its so true Ali: Can confirm Carly: is your gf gonna be mad that im flirting with you Carly: cuz im scrappy but she's scary Ali: 😂 Ali: Probably but when I tell her you're straight she'll have to chill Ali: yeah, we're married BUT SHE'S STRAIGHT, BABE Carly: can't tell her how many girls ive fucked cuz i dont remember Carly: convenient Ali: Best keep that on the DL, yeah Ali: like your blatant gay feelings for me Carly: k Carly: been a secret before no big Ali: Awh babe, ain't nothing dirty about this Ali: I shall tell the world Carly: you're sweet Ali: Probably not if you still wanna be getting that D but you know, noblest intentions, like Carly: im over it Carly: go off Ali: when your pussy's the cure Ali: how can I be humble now? 😏 Carly: dont be Carly: proud slags who fucking love froobs Carly: its a mood Ali: that is a whole ass mood Ali: put it on a t-shirt, babe Carly: earn some bread for my table Ali: solid business plan Ali: we can't be the only ones Carly: independent women who don't need no dick Carly: anymore Ali: hell yeah! Ali: unless that dick wanna pay the bills, in which case we'll let 'em Ali: so we can get more froobs Carly: point Ali: oh no, someone put a pic of Molly Briggs vomming on Insta Ali: 1. gross 2. who hasn't been there, poor bitch Carly: sad Carly: hope she's alright Ali: I'd ask but don't really know her and her phone must already be blowing up Ali: plus she threw a netball right in my face once and I don't forget, bitch Ali: jk, I'll just report the pic 😂 Carly: they all call me a whore cba to keep track of which mollys or other bitches Ali: She is a bit of a bitch, ain't gonna sugarcoat it so probably Ali: not saying Karmas real but posted on that friggin' TallaghtSlags page so 🤷 Ali: grab a froob, darling Carly: her name makes me wanna party with her dad but thats as far as im fucking with that family Carly: or mum i dont know who picked it like Ali: Init, proper old skool ravers, obvs Ali: think I'm out of eccies, sadly Ali: last night depleted me Carly: Watch me call my son Bennie cos I got anxiety, baby Ali: Cute tho, whole medicine cabinet of babies Carly: why not im married now Ali: We'll get on that, date 3, like Carly: where you taking me? Ali: up the wheyyyyyyyyyy Ali: well, we had brunch, indian, obvs we're fat bitches Ali: get on that chinese buffet life Carly: you can get on your yoga mat tho Carly: im fucked Carly: letting myself go so soon my bad Ali: Please, you're perfect Ali: I'll have all the kids if you want Carly: blushing is what i am Carly: how many you want? Ali: how many people names are there for drugs? molly bennie mandy charlie umm Ali: and our preachy child, frank Carly: ha Carly: tina that's one Ali: Ooh, yes, a gay icon Carly: billy, bud our weak child, cosmic kelly who's gonna have to style that out Ali: oh kelly, I hope you have the personality to match or we've really fucked you over there, soz babe Carly: can't forget dimitri, lucy or mandy Carly: sweet sweet mary joy Ali: My fanny hurts just thinking about it Carly: christine and tina are obvs twins thats a relief Carly: how manys that? Ali: 13 Ali: Unlucky for some but my actual lucky number! Ali: Fated Carly: ha Carly: it's love and keeps being proven Ali: can't fight what's clearly so right Carly: true Ali: you want a milkshake Ali: i'm having one Carly: yea Carly: strawberry Ali: 'cos u so sweet 💚 Carly: awww Ali: I shall be right there, with brunch fit for a pair of proud slags Carly: k Carly: my parents arent here no need to break the news of wedded bliss Ali: Would be a weird first impression but I could rock it Ali: new fave in-law? I think so Carly: yea Carly: cant fight fate like Carly: been said Ali: forreal, catch me outside if you got something to say, lads Ali: alone time with the bae is always good tho Carly: you kno Carly: love you bitch Ali: love ya 😘

[punkscowardschampions]

Ronnie, Bronson, Charlie & Bea

Ronnie: I'm going on a run Ronnie: who wants? Bronson: My stash is depleted for some unknown reason 🤔 please stock me up Charlie: Ooh, new year new you babe? Charlie: couch to 5k is it aspirational af 😍 Bea: ✋ me Ronnie: fuck off i just dont need you pussies crying when you can't scav my gear Ronnie: what'll it be princess? the usual Charlie: c'mon, we've always shared everything, nothing is your own #carekidlife Bronson: Ha! That'll be why the lock on my door never sticks Bea: yep, not decided to get heavily into crack since we last spoke, just lots of amphetamines in any form you find 'em, tah, got exams coming up Ronnie: Shame Ronnie: reckon I'd like you more on the hard shit Charlie: just in case you missed the old place, man, giving you that nostalgia for when you had to padlock anything that wasn't bolted to the floor 😜 Bronson: Good times! 😀 Bea: Shame I'm not trying to be your type then, I guess Bea: soz darling, spoken for 💋 Charlie: Truly, missing that tenner a week pocket money, LUXURY! Ronnie: fucking am Ronnie: pissing jobcentre Bronson: I'll add it to your tab if you're desperate as Charlie: gotta learn to play their game, babe Charlie: not throw the board in a hissy Ronnie: 🖕 doss cunts Bea: catch me here fanning myself with sweet, sweet debt for future me to give a shit about Bronson: I'll wipe it out if you use some to keep me sweet Bea: sweet enough sugar 😘 Bea: but forreal, if you could manage that I would be your sugar mama for LIFE 🙏 Bronson: It's student loans not the feds Bronson: Easy peasy Bea: true, like all branches of the gov, pretty fucking useless Bea: but I'm an immigrant as far as they concerned so they treat me SO good 😋 Bronson: Same, but we can always stretch our hands out a little further Ronnie: To jack it and pat yourself on the back at the same time, yeah? Ronnie: calm it down Bronson: New year, new look too! Green looks ace with black 😄 Bea: Clearly do not have natural rhythm Ronnie, that's really not that difficult Bea: You're not a drummer, are you? 😕 Ronnie: get off my tits all of yous Ronnie: do you want gear or nah? Bronson: 🤐 Bea: I thought you'd already gone tbh Ronnie: not trying to score that weak gay shit Ronnie: hitting up a more reliable source like Charlie: rude, i'm RIGHT here Ronnie: are you even gay fitzy? always in my pussy lad Bronson: 😷 Bea: 🤢 Charlie: idk, ask ur man 💖 Ronnie: that'll be why me and Bron's dads did a bunk Bronson: Get yourself locked up at the same time just for the d, did you? Romantic Charlie: if the porn n the stereotypes n the rate of STIs are anything to go by...love is in the air always in cell block h Ronnie: princess'll have some handcuffs to get you on your way to that good loving Bea: 🚿🧠 anyone got any bleach? Bea: Charlie isn't worth the 💰 use cable ties, more authentic Bronson: 99 🚔 My fingers are on the button....Stop for the love of god Ronnie: Bron can help you out there Fitz Ronnie: 🤓 Bronson: Take that over a thicko label Charlie: Look, babe, know you wanna tie me down forever but do it yourself, don't involve the kid Charlie: 💍 diamond or no D, soz Ronnie: Bring a needle I'll snag a gem Bronson: Don't go there, C, I'm still riding the ear infection wave Bronson: It's been 84 years Ronnie: yeah cause you're a mong that can't turn an earring Bronson: In my defense I was a legit child Bea: nothing screams low-class like stabbing your friends for the bants Charlie: and i already scream homo loudly enough, don't need another reason to be hate crime-d, a thank you Bronson: If I didn't know you I'd guess bisexual Bronson: You can have that for free Charlie: what a smooth-talker! thanks babe 💖 Charlie: and if i didn't know you, i'd guess you were trying to see my dongle Bronson: Been there, repressed the trauma o that Ronnie: get a fucking room benders Charlie: why you being so homophobic when we all know how bad you want on princess? cliche stuck in the closet much Bea: shut up Ronnie: in your wet dreams Charles Ronnie: fuck off Charlie: oh the delicious tension Charlie: too much for either to bear Ronnie: I know where she's been Ronnie: fuck that Ronnie: like you wish you could gayboy Bronson: Wait, you fancy Fraze, Charlie? Ha Bea: Bron can you not encourage either of them Bea: thanks Bronson: Sorry my mind's just blown I thought he was out of his straight boy phase Charlie: What? Its a compliment for you, he's adorable, why else would you be with him? Ronnie: they're both annoying cunts Ronnie: match made Charlie: and never out of that phase, bro 😍 #daddyissues Bea: get his name out of your mouth bitch Ronnie: oi get your mouth off his dick Fitzgerald you heard her Ronnie: princess is raging like Ronnie: when your mans a slag and youre a prude Bea: As if Bea: Only one McKenna fucked up to go near you Bea: #singletear Charlie: Children, enough Ronnie: Bron do that final 9 she's going off 😂 Bronson: Walking away Bea: know you're hard up but as per we're all funding you getting your rocks off so run along and do it, no need to bore me trying to get your kicks Ronnie: know youre a snobby cunt but I don't work for you Bea: you don't work for anyone, not even JC gonna fund your lack of a life Ronnie: 🖕 mad cause I don't need reddies to fund myself Bea: yeah fuming Bea: if only I'd have thought of selling my body, wouldn't even NEED to be at cambs rn omg Ronnie: nailed it Bea: 😂 Bea: whodathunkit Bea: talking to the cure for cancer stuck inside a waster here Bea: and I'm the snob, okay Ronnie: fucking hell Ronnie: devvo like Bea: We can tell Bea: you don't need to shout about it, you've got the energy of a walking wasteland Ronnie: can't wait until you take some more speed and get more smug Bea: Right? Bea: Must sting, better only getting better Bea: why don't you get something to numb the pain- Ronnie: let you know how it feels when the lads come up Bronson: A rare compliment, you hitting it already? Ronnie: you'll have your share calm the fuck down Charlie: i don't want any, i'm busy Charlie: glad you all noted my silence, feel so listened to usually! hmpf Ronnie: so now you're a little bitch too Ronnie: fuck's sake Bronson: PARTY TIME, am I right? Really in the mood now thanks everyone Charlie: who's in who's pussy, dollface? Charlie: keep your shirt on, Bro 😂 got enough with the two angry feminists here Charlie: I've got previous plans, if you're really so hurt, you can save me some, no? Whaddya mean that'd hurt more? 😏 Bea: you're alright, I personally rather you weren't there, suits me 😘 Bronson: Shirts already off, too late 😜 Bea: Standard 👌 Charlie: you big man whore Charlie: when i'm not around to be predatory, too, tuttut Bronson: I'd wilt under your stare, you know you aren't missing out Charlie: our beautiful wallflower Charlie: I bagsy being a red rose, lil trashy but iconic Bronson: Thorn in our sides Bronson: accepted Bea: Nice one, babe Bea: i'll be an orchid, because i'm beautiful, ornamental and high-maintenance Bea: getting in there before any of you fucks can Charlie: though your silence IS noted, wonwon Charlie: don't be cross at me 😘 Ronnie: fuck off Ronnie: you're not the only one who's busy Ronnie: got a dick in my mouth too like Charlie: such a skilled multitasker Charlie: teach me your ways Bronson: in private please Bronson: not a lesson I want to learn Bea: we're not living in that teen movie Ronnie: On my way Bea: 👍 getting cash out, meet you there Bronson: Doors on the latch

Bea: Morning sweetness 😴 Bea: manage to recover your good vibe/night? Bronson: is it? 😪 Bronson: Until now it wasn't too bad Bronson: Do you get to say the same or is it pure suffering? Bea: Wow, when you hit bae up with that morning text and he's like day=ruined 😰 thought we was forever 😉 Bea: Decided to get off with someone around the same time I lost track of yous, so it was fucking awful, don't tell me you coulda told me that Bronson: It's only the comedown I wanna dump you're welcome to come and nap 💗 Bronson: Not to be that know it all Bea: Molly's such a cruel, cruel mistress, she wants you to miss her when she's gone 💁 Bea: Poor bubba, better than waking up next to that pushy bitch from last night though, Jesus, what was her damage? Bea: I reckon he'd actually gone out and had his drunken kebab and THEN PAID TO GET BACK IN Bea: No sir, not alright Bea: Why do I bother? Bronson: But I'm shamelessly smitten, only girl for besides present company like Bronson: Whatever it is she's not the first or last sufferer Bronson: Thanks for the bail out and sorry I wasn't there to do the same with kebab Kev Bea: N'awwh 💞 glad I hold more appeal than Tina, don't need to be going down that route Bea: It's an epidemic! Basic bitches who can't get a man willing, yeah take that out on innocent onlookers who ain't buying and talk about how your ex ain't shit for being a creepy letch Bea: We see you sweets 💅 Bea: Any time, even if you weren't there to take that donner breath bullet Bea: I'd never ask that of anyone, even Ronnie, though she'd brag about not being arsed, I'm sure 😂 Bronson: Next time I'll carry gum and throw it at whoever you deem worthy Bronson: Give me the nod Bronson: It was all over her socials like we had a good night together until I got there first Bronson: Rather take out Tina and all her mates Bea: as if you don't already Bea: if only little miss would-be-rapist knew that strong jawline was from gurning up a storm 😉 Bea: not so sexy now Bronson: there's nothing in my pockets I'm just pleased to see you Bronson: Seriously though, some of those selfies had to go for that unflattering reason alone taking into account none of her other antics Bronson: I looked a state Bea: 😂 not fallen for that one before but i'll make an exception for you boo Bea: catch me in my duvet cocoon, please don't look at me 'cos same Bea: I dread to think Bea: kept off my accounts for that reason and many more, some of us have reputations to uphold, skank Bronson: want me to check Bronson: clean up the carnage Bronson: Then brunch, your treat Bea: please Bea: roleplay my IT bitch and I'll be feeling my boss best in time for a liquid lunch Bea: will have to damage control my face first, enjoy watching me lovingly whilst I turn a -2 to an 11 Bronson: Never get bored of staring at you, you know that Bronson: Make my hair great again Bronson: Thanks Bea: when you shoulda been Trump's campaign manager 😕 Bea: sort the weave, clean up that twitter Bea: what a wonderful world it coulda been Bronson: Last night proves I can't stop him pussy grabbing Bronson: Need you for that one Bea: This pussy bites back 😼 Bea: its not your fault, girls like that, if you tell her to fuck off, and rightly so, it'd be made like YOU were being a prick to her Bea: gotta bullshit these hoes sometimes, tis the only way Bronson: Or playing hard to get...they fire that one at me loads Bronson: 😦 Bea: 🤢 gross Bea: got that one myself a fair few times, when I'm not being accused of being a prude by Ronaldo, hilariously Bea: People are the worst Bea: 'cept us Bronson: It's only because she likes you Bronson: Flattering, isn't it? Bronson: Being called broken is my fave Bronson: "Who hurt you?" You are right now, fuck off before you get a slap yourself to feel the pain of Bea: Wouldn't that just be the perfect solution in their simplistic little world? If only Bea: Save myself the feelings of disgust not brought on by kebab breath Bea: Though, if you think that that's love coming from Ron, then you do have an answer to their riddle right there, not real but the masses'll take one look at her and buy it 😜 Bronson: No arguments here Bronson: Your socials are sparkling now so that's real comfort to take Bea: 💖 yay Bea: the world never need know Bea: as long as I didn't drunk dial or text Fraze, this day is looking up, tah babes Bronson: Not to be a know it all again so quick Bronson: but I'm going to go ahead and guess the answer to that one Bea: BITCH DON'T KILL MY VIBE Bea: I'm sure I'd have angry ranting in my inbox if I had Bea: or a passive indirect on the socials, come across one perchance smartiepants? Bronson: Might've Bronson: I'll spare you Bea: Noooooooooooooooooooo Bea: Coulda had it all Bea: Really sours my Bloody Mary Bea: Fuck sake, now he's going to think I FUCKED kebab kev and enjoyed it meanwhile I sit here virginal and scrubbing my mouth out with soap Bea: How's this game fair again, please remind me Bronson: It isn't Bronson: But I can't tell you to stop playing Bronson: All yours Bea: you're meant to be a superwhizkid Bea: can't you think up a strategy so I win Bronson: Thinking cap is on Bronson: Because my hair still looks shit as much as Bea: I'll fix your barnet Bea: Between you and Charlie, honestly Bea: Never known boys like it 😂 Bea: blatant lie, have you seen how particular Fraze is but he doesn't really have much hair to be stylin' so Bronson: 👴 awkward Bea: you fool Bea: not like that 😂 Bea: though I'll keep it in my backpocket for when we inevitably row later Bea: #malepatternbaldnessBITCH Bronson: Freebie to kick your day off right again Bea: if you refuse to tell me what to do, could you use your skillz for good at least and fucking disable my phone when i'm fucked Bronson: Last time I tried you tried to fight me like Bea: Look, I didn't say it was a task for the fainthearted 😉 Bea: and yes, you would be the first to succeed too Bea: but if anyone can, its my man 😘 Bronson: Ego boost before eggs Bronson: Whoa Bronson: Today is looking up Bea: Gotta keep you sweet with all the bitching I'll no doubt do at brunch Bea: such a Carrie move, like no one cares bitch, write it in your column or books or...what did she even write? Or was she just monologuing at her computer, like all been there babe but don't act like its buying you all that designer Bronson: Her real true love was that laptop Bronson: Solved it Bea: 😲 Bea: but Mr. Big Bea: clue in the name Bronson: Could be his wallet Bronson: explain the designer gear Bea: Exactly Bea: Just my type Bronson: I'd go in for it if I can spend and send him the receipts Bea: you must be aware there are websites for that Bea: get on it boy Bronson: It all gets too sexual for my tastes Bea: set out boundaries Bea: different strokes for different folks Bea: i'm SURE there's a millionaire out there that just wants to chat Bronson: 🤔 There's enough fighting off advances in the club Bronson: Shelving that until millionaires become good people Bea: not bad people by default Bea: just a bad system they profit from more than you Bronson: Getting deep in here Bronson: Truth though Bea: real talk take #2 Bea: where do you think charlie was last night? and who or what was he doing? Bronson: Good questions that I have no answer to Bronson: If he had a job we'd all know Bea: I need to know, suspense is killing me Bea: I didn't think anything beat drugs in his book Bea: somewhat encouraging? Bronson: You could ask but I doubt you'd get far enough into the real Bronson: It is Bronson: Boy's growing up? Bea: Full of the #bants them two Bronson: Since day 1 Bronson: I'm coming to get you, Barbara Bronson: Ready yourself Bea: *falls over gravestones like a dumb bitch* Bea: i'm good to go and looking fly Bronson: I'll do the coded knock Bronson: Made up rn Bea: Helpful Bronson: That's my thing Bronson: Soon, my love, soon