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#and to make matters worse its thursday tomorrow meaning the classes i dislike the most i just want to lie down for 10 years maybe i dont kn
ayakinari
·
2 years
Text
you ever just
#duck rants about something
#hoooooo man. why did all my motivation and ability to create go out the window as soon as i finished that valk piece
#i cant draw. i dont know what to draw i knew what i had to draw but i cant. put it on canvas
#cant go in an art block now of all times theres less than one month and a half until finals and i need some sort of portfolio put together
#by then and. i am Still exhausted i thought !! it was getting better but nope i am still incredibly fatigued by Everything
#and to make matters worse its thursday tomorrow meaning the classes i dislike the most i just want to lie down for 10 years maybe i dont kn
#maybe pursuing art as a career was a bad idea. maybe im not fit for this but im already over a year into this art school and i dont want to
#waste the money my family's put into letting me go to this school
#and i absolutely love it here the teachers are nice and my classmates are cool and i made friends for the first time in years
#but god if i havent been in the worst headspace of my life this past year.
#well this year was going a bit too well for me in terms of art i had a steady pace of imrpoving and trying out new things but now its just
#i cant do anything. no matter what i doodle or sketch or just let my hand do whatever nothings coming out and it terrifies me
#maybe im being dramatic! i know someone would say im being just that
#god i dont want to go to class tomorrow either im not in the mood for a religious lecture but ive already skipped the past two weeks
#keep it up any more than that and itll probably result in a call to my parents
#my parents are probably gonna call me later tonight anyways. should get it together til then
#maybe i need a nap. maybe i need to go outside and take a walk and look at a bug. maybe i just need to go out in a field and scream
#auhgh but i need to draw i need to make Something i cant halfass something the way i did last semester and barely pass
#and now im getting dizzy just typing this out thanks brain
#ill probably delete this later i just really need to. hhghghhhgh please let me draw. please let me make something or anything at all
#i dont know what id have if it isnt art.
#ive always been mediocre at everything in my life the only thing giving me peace of mind is drawing
#if thats all im good for then what even use am i without it
#and sure! maybe im actually not that good at it! maybe my artstyle is uninspired and boring maybe im just wasting my time!!!
#but i still love it immensely i love making my silly characters i love drawing out my dumb stories i love just.
#making things and being okay at it. maybe. am i actually good at this probably not. maybe im also mediocre at this and just kidding myself
#sorry for being emotional on a wednesday. must be the curse
#anyways
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