#and turned to my roommate and went 'OLIVIA IT DOESNT EVEN TASTE LIKE ALCOHOL ANYMORE' and immediately blacked out

[kneworder]

literally how the fuck did i survive my sophmore year of college. i went out every weekend. i got HAMMERED EVERY WEEKEND. i know that's standard at some schools but now that i live off campus it's like a switch flipped and i'm suddenly like oh no i actually need to get some stuff done on this friday night. was so looking forward to going to hockey games again this year until i went to one and realized oh holy shit i did not enjoy these at all i just liked that it gave me an excuse to get so drunk i couldn't stop giggling with my besties and then go to another party afterwards. like no WONDER i was a wreck last spring i did maybe 40% of my readings and wasn't functional most saturdays. now i'm like oh no idk if i can afford an edibles+movie night in this weekend even though that's my new favorite activity 😔 and then i think back to asking in the middle of the dining hall PLEASE TELL ME WE HAVE SOMEWHERE TO GO DRINK THIS WEEKEND every single friday last year. my roommate and i joked a lot about 'alcoholism behavior' and it never got near that bad but like. in retrospect. it was a little bit of alcoholism behavior. like that was super not healthy and i don't know how the lowest grade i got that semester was an A- bc you would think i was failing my classes the way i talked and looked and acted 80% of the time.

#it's just wild bc i have been having a terrible academic week but it hit me that this horrible guilt and panic and anxiety #was how i was living pretty much every day of last spring. girl. how did you do that. #with shitloads of fireball and raspberry smirnoff apparently 🤪 #like i'm not a monk i still enjoy getting wasted every once and a while but lately i've been like i will NOT. get a hangover. i REFUSE. #so terrified of feeling shitty all saturday now it has put the fear of god into me #meanwhile me from last year once took my i wanna say my 9th drink of the night #and turned to my roommate and went 'OLIVIA IT DOESNT EVEN TASTE LIKE ALCOHOL ANYMORE' and immediately blacked out #it was in our room so like whatever but the idea of drinking that much now. LIKE GIRL YOU HAVE SHIT TO DO #and i'm still not doing enough!!! so how did i get through it then???? #absolute madness. i feel like i'm 80.