#anyone have the mommy issues where you’re constantly compared to your mom in a negative way

[spaceshipkat]

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#anyone have the mommy issues where you’re constantly compared to your mom in a negative way #i raise my voice oh im just like your wife #i get frustrated oh im just like your wife #i get upset bc i do the very thing you’re asking for and /you don’t seem to fucking see it: and im just like your wife #how many times do i have to say ‘i am not mom’ before you fucking GET IT #i know where my mom is coming from when she talks to my dad #i don’t like it but i literally cannot change it #i know where my dad is coming from with how he behaves and talks to my mom #i also don’t like it but i cannot fucking change it #i am so tired of making an effort—what was once a conscious effort but now comes pretty damn easily #only for that effort to NOT exist the split second he gets upset #because what he envisioned us doing isn’t what happened #so instead of taking about it like an adult you fucking fester in your feelings and then dump on the very people #who are fucking TRYING to have a relationship with you #it’s a goddamn self fulfilling prophecy and i am sick of it. i am sick of constantly having to massage feelings. #i am especially sick of going to bed upset because i feel empathy for what he’s going through #and my best is apparently /not enough/ to make a dent #i am so sick of crying over this goddamn motherfucking shit #i want it to fuckijg stop i want fucking peace and quiet #and for that peace and quiet to not be tangled with worry because i am not there when i might be needed #is this part of being an eldest daughter i don’t fucking know #i am just so tired of my efforts not being seen. of them not making a difference. of them apparently not fucking mattering. #ignore me ill be fine i am just so fucking tired #i want to go to bed without guilt or empathy making it impossible to turn my head off #delete later