#anyway 3x09 Killed me too. 'what have i got? i dont know... fucking... love?' 'you come for me... with Love in your hand?' KILLED ME.

[s4pphoiduser]

succession 3x08 chiantishire was such an insane episode in tv history. i keep thinking about that conversation between shiv and caroline: "truth is... i probably should never have had children. some people just aren't made to be mothers. you made the right decision. [...] he never saw anything he loved that he didn't want to kick it just to see if it would still come back." then we see shiv go to tom, the only person who she has any sort of "control" with, and she says she wants to try for children now. and she's telling herself that she's not her mother's daughter and she's not her father's daughter; that she can be a mother if she wants and she doesn't have to kick the people she loves. except she does. she kicks tom, to see if he would still come back, "you want me. you love me. even though i don't love you." and for that moment right there, he seems to still come back--that's good enough for her. we see right the next morning that by "try for children" she meant they could freeze her eggs, maybe for the next ten years. and she says again, "i love you but i don't love you," with a shrug. it's normal, she's just saying it how it is, this is what she knows--i love you but i don't love you. in the end, she's her father's daughter and she's her mother's daughter, maybe she shouldn't have children, and maybe she can't get dogs.

there's also the kendall/logan conversation. "pay up and let me out."/ "maybe i want to keep you close. keep you rattling around." and "you think i want you dead? i'll be broken when you die." and "life's not knights on horseback. it's a fight for a knife in the mud." logan's known only a sort of violence his entire life. it was inflicted upon him, so he inflicts it upon his children, different pieces of it to each of them, all a sort of violence that can only come from a father who wants to love them some of the time but cannot actually do it. he wants to keep them close because it kills him when they side against him ("i'll have the cabonara and daddy, please.") and arm's length with an added pointed edge is the best he can have. and "i'm better than you. you know, i hate to say this because i love you, but you're... you're kind of evil. [...] i don't wanna be you, i'm a good guy." kendall wants to believe he isn't his father's son, but logan throws right at his face: "how long was that kid alive before he started sucking in water? a couple minutes? three, four, five? long time, two minutes." the first thing kendall did when that kid died was run back to logan with a tail between his legs, ready to give up on the war he's just started waging against logan. first it was covering up the cruises matter--until it benefitted him--and now this. "i'm better than you," kendall insists, and logan deadpans, "sure." a beat. "you're my son. [...] and i'm a bad person. fuck off, kiddo." he's saying, you're no better than i am, and maybe that's not completely true, but we all know it is, at least to some extent. in the end, he's still a child when he's in front of logan, he's still logan roy's, resident big bad's, son. he's stunned into a silence, and this conversation is the only thing he can hear in his head the entire rest of the time, because in All The Bells Say, he confesses to shiv and roman about that kid he killed during shiv's wedding.

caroline and shiv's conversation is what led shiv to hurt tom in a way that made him think, "enough of this. i want to feel good. i want power, i want... more./ logan's never lost." and makes him choose logan, the winning side, over shiv, the woman who loves him even though she doesn't love him. and similarly, kendall and logan's conversation took up so much space in kendall's head, more than this accidental manslaughter ever had since it actually happened, that just the sight of waiters sent him over the edge--"i'm blown to pieces. i'm all apart."--and with the confession and that single solitary moment of just silent support for kendall, the siblings put up a united front against logan for the first time ever. this united front that logan can't pry apart with just some words rattles him, so much that he abandoned all logic and sense, mimicking shiv in such a mortifying way that it literally makes her flinch. and in the same scene, shiv finds out which side tom's chosen.

#season 3 was a fucking masterpiece argue with the wall. every single thing that's happened since the start of succession has led up to this #(yes including L to the OG. (i actually like that song.)) #succession #succession hbo #long post #analysis #(kind of) #logan roy #kendall roy #shiv roy #caroline roy #tom wambsgans #if i didn't mention roman it's bc i have a whole separate set of emotions for him that cannot be paralleled with these two scenes in 3x08 #anyway 3x09 Killed me too. 'what have i got? i dont know... fucking... love?' 'you come for me... with Love in your hand?' KILLED ME. #amongst other things #anyway this post long as hell #my long post #joey.com #i actually have class tomorrow (today) in about like. 6 fucking hours. i haven't slept yet im so fucked. #i couldn't even finish this one fic on time for new years and This is what im doing. oh fuck me