#anyway I would say it made me cry per my usual parlance but it actually made me stop

[itspileofgoodthings]

so I found a counselor (yay) and when I went in to fill out the paperwork for it after a very hard day I got very overwhelmed and sad and I started to cry, you know the kind where the tears just well up and spill over without any effort, and a man in the waiting room got up and handed me a box of tissues and it truly went right to the depths of my heart.

#it was such a Maria moment in that I would do that for someone in a heartbeat #but at this point I am used to people not doing it for me #(which is fine my tears are my business etc.) #but it killed me #also. i was talking about it to Nina later #because I didn’t know at first why it meant so much to me or felt different than other small kindnesses #and it’s because it was the quick and instinctive compassion of someone who has suffered #and it’s so piercing #like. as soon as I started to cry he was aware of me and immediately responsive #and he didn’t say anything but he didn’t need to #it was just this silent well #in him #anyway I would say it made me cry per my usual parlance but it actually made me stop #I was able to keep going #anyway sorry for making this all about ME on this Easter morning but I have been off tumblr for a week and a half #and I needed to record this moment as fast as possible #there is light in the darkness is such a truth …. but also it’s such a light #and also not to ramble more but it was so different and so specific as opposed to other kinds of compassion #it’s been a hard year and occasionally I’ve cried at school or students can tell I’m close #and their compassion (when it exists) is confused and dazed and shy and like it just woke up #because it probably DID #and it’s precious to me for that! #but the compassion that comes from knowledge is such a sure and steady thing #it is a hand on your shoulder #and it gives people such dignity and such grace that they can’t even SEE #because they’re just trying to get through the day #anyway it meant a lot to me and was like one of those blinding flashes into the depths of things #so thanks for listening. And Happy Easter!