#anyway we were driving home and like. i hadnt done my physics hw in study hall bc my friend who always helps me didnt feel well

[soldez]

oh i forgot to say this to u thousand something strangers yesterday when it happened but idk how to feel about my mom. dont reblog this

#dont reblog this or theres something wrong with you #anyway we were driving home and like. i hadnt done my physics hw in study hall bc my friend who always helps me didnt feel well #she went off her hormones for a while and then doubled the dose and was having hot flashes as a resuly #so i explained that and my mom was instantly like. 'oh that poor girl see do you see how evil hrt is' #'did you know they did a study with giving cis women more estrogen to help with menopause symptoms and they all got cancer' #'no one should ever mess with their hormones its just stupid.' and btw both of the friend in questions parents r medical professionals #so i didnt want to talk abt it so i ended the conversation just stopped talking. & 5 minutes later #she said it broke her heart that i wanted to change my body and didnt see myself as complete and perfect. and i STILL didnt say anything #but that made me REALLY upset #and when we were almost home she said 'im going to lose it and cry today okay. its not bc youre trans' #and i said ok. thank u for telling me #her therapist said she should let it out more so i respected that #and later that night i was doing my hw and she broke down #and she said she was sorry for not being there in the ways she should be and not being perfect #and she said i was the best child in the world even though i have a brother #and she said i was a beacon of light #and she always says something to that effect like 'sorry im not perfect-_-' whenever i tell her something she does upsets me #but never like this? like she was literally gripping onto me sobbing #and i said its okay not to be perfect im just telling you how what you say can make me feel. and i dont want u to be sympathetic over stuff #that excites me and makes me happy #like hrt #and she cried harder & tbh i was crying a little bit too? bc like #ive never ever heard her even say shes proud of me before #and here she was like. praising me for being this perfect being of compassion and light and just. idk #idk! i went to bed after that and im just now thinking about it and i have no idea how to feel #transphobia m