#and here she was like. praising me for being this perfect being of compassion and light and just. idk

[calithal]

rate your muse's traits.  ༄            repost and rate your muse's traits out of 10 in each category!

compassion, 2/10. it’s not good. this one’s definitely one of the ‘isle mindset’ ones, where it’s considered such a weakness that she’s grown up with it as a warning of what not to do at all costs. she has grown up surrounded by the suffering of her loved ones, which a strange protection that she did not understand looming over her. the isle as a whole has a way of united suffering. there’s not much compassion there, but there is understanding. she truly could never feel compassion for anyone in auradon, understanding is as close as it could get and even then, Not Really.

bitterness, 10/10. sosososossooooo bitter and grudge holding and unforgiving and jealous and and and!!! this is truly ridiculous with how much she fucks up and not on accident. bitterness against auradon will never change.

happiness, 2/10. she just doesn’t consider it. she is always dissatisfied with peace, and i think happiness, in her mind, is such an auradon thing. none of them will ever be happy. she does not linger on the hopelessness of that statement. harriet and uma will always carry the weight of the world, harry and her will never be satisfied, just general someone’s going to get gil feelings and Much More. she does believe that her family does deserve to be happy, and that often evokes cj brand™ guilt and remorse from her. she absolutely doesn’t, though (sometimes, also harry doesn’t, when he’s acting like her. but most of the time he does.)

politeness, 1/10. so so so very impolite and inappropriate all the time, she does not care. she’ll literally say and do anything that suits her to. this was almost a 0 except she does, in some ways, follow isle conventions of not talking about things. semi-hypocritical of her though because she heavily criticizes auradon doing the same.

morality, 2/10. yeah the ‘i do whatever i want’ is very present here. the reality of morality has been knocked away from her because of her upbringing. she’ll do whatever she needs for her and her people to survive, and a few things that she didn’t need to do, just for fun. however, she has moments that creep in that surprise me where she has a strong desire to be praised and held and told that she’s doing good, only to run from the hills when said desires are fulfilled, of course. she also doesn’t want to be a monster. she does all the violence and murder and arson but she doesn’t want to be like her dad. so there’s that.

pride, 8/10. HUGE but also like. by her own standards. she doesn’t care for perfection and she’s still do Literally anything she wants that makes her look pathetic and childish. 

honesty, 1/10. a little bit of a pathological liar. it’s a huge vulnerability thing. but most of the time, you do have to fish the truth from her like a child, which makes it even harder because she can feel the nuisance of it. there is times where she admits it on her own, but that comes with time and trust. the moment she’s not believed when she’s told the truth, however, (even after a lifetime of lying) she takes it so personally and will hold it as a grudge. she does not see merit to telling the truth, and believes any truth she tells can be wielded against her.

bravery, 8/10. okay so faking your death is absolutely the ‘coward’s way out’ but besides that, she’s very brave, and there’s hardly any consideration for fear besides being vulnerable, which she struggles with majorly so that’s at least two points in itself. cj does not have any real desire to live. when prompted, she has no great reasons why living is fantastic, or a gift. she only functions off of her survival instincts because they’ve been wired into her. she spends so much of the time also being self destructive and near damn suicidal. all this to say, i don’t think she fears death, she just acts like she does.

recklessness, 10/10. yeah. yeah. 

ambition, 8/10. canonically, cj’s ambition is one of her most (and one of her only) highlighted traits. i think so much of it stems from how hard she had to fight to feel notable growing up, as she was the runt of the jolly roger kids. she wants her own everything. she leaves the isle and with it the entirety of her past and family behind because she craves that independence and the knowledge that she can do everything by herself without needing anyone else that badly. anything harriet and harry did, she had to veer directly off the path of it. she had to be different, or better. in actuality, she does not crave captaincy like uma, harry, or harriet do. she does love exploring, and being independent. she has a lot of passion and nowhere to put it.  also, just practically speaking, she does not and would not do well in leadership positions. it’s not like she likes being told what to do. in fact, she’s extremely defiant and demand avoidant. but she can get there. in the end, she knows it’s better for her than to be on her own. this is why her being on a crew only works after a severe disaster where she experiences character growth and considers saving other people in addition to her own life.

loyalty, 6/10. she always comes home to the isle and her family, no matter how much she fights it. however, there is a fair bit of straying. huge events that completely shatter this cycle help a lot to keep her closer. she’s not big on developing new loyalties, but they can happen. it’s pretty much just her family (siblings and then also extensions like gil, uma, nina) she’s also really big on defending the honor of those that her loyalties lie with. Huge.

love, ??/10. mmm yeah. i can’t give a number on this. she won’t let me. like nearly everyone on the isle, her relationship with love is so complicated and has been connotated as severely negative and with heavy consequences her entire life. she looks down upon emotional softness and vulnerability in its entirety and considers it a weakness. cj’s love so frequently looks like her fighting it. she always follows through on protecting her loved ones, however it’s always her idea of protecting them, which often becomes her pushing them away. genuine physical affection, unprompted acts of services, random ‘i thought of you’s, and declarations (and carry-throughs, ofc) of violence in your honor are other cj love languages.

sense of family, 5/10. harriet and harry are everything. but she’s always spent half of her time fighting them fiercely and the other half being so dependent on them and their protection. she would kill for them, sometimes she thinks she’s going to kill them all.  harriet is still her big sister, even as she takes on mother responsibilities, it’s still different than a mother, because cj never knew hers and will forever associate the mother role to the one that she wanted, who didn’t want her. the isle is full of non-traditional families, so cj really had no traditional mother role to model her expectations off of. her big sister raised her, but she’s still her sister. harriet (and harry) took care of her when she felt unloved, and even as she fought her and continues to fight her, she will always feel guilt for that. however, she feels as if she cannot change, even if she wanted to. harry is always a battle of pride. when her father cared enough to mold her into anything at all, he created something to fight harry. she still hides behind harry, and she believes that he hates her. her dad is a monster. her memories of him are that of a shadowy nightmare from her childhood, but then, she suffered from his neglect more than anything. the scary stories belonged to her siblings. she both resented him for it, and was also jealous of her siblings for having his attention. then he was as close as mentor as he could be to her when she was essentially his secret assassin, and taught her how to be scary and kill or enforce fear in the quiet of the night. she adored him, in a way, and ceaselessly sought his approval. however, that only lasted for a handful of years, and she had also completely left the isle a few years beyond that. most of her memories are taken up by the time she spent in auradon and beyond. various degrees of repression and actually just losing memories because of different methods of coping with them has left her inable to recall several things before she was 16 and leaving.  since then, he has become more of a rotting corpse that she stares at from the shadows with a completely blank mind. she has no idea what to think, besides that she’s trying not to think about it. and then, he actually is dead. she has nightmares about him and his corpse, telling no one, of course. basically, it’s all very complicated. five is a good flip-flop number, because she’s been raised with family above everything, but it fucks with her.

attractiveness, 9/10. really good genes, she has the startling kind of beauty, definitely leans more ‘hot’ than ‘pretty’ or ’cute’ and is perfectly fine with that. she’s a ten to Me but she has a lot of sharp angles and probably is kind of scary looking with how intense she is, so there’s that. (she also is well aware of how attractive she is, which could either increase or decrease the score depending on your taste)

agility, 10/10. she’s tall now, but she grew up as the tiny runt of the litter, even beyond just her siblings. she had to be fast, and good at hiding. it was all she had. her pessimism helps in a fight in addition to this, she assumes the worst of everything and everyone <3 so she is quick without thinking. she jumps to aggression and violence so quick, but also, good luck catching her, or finding her. even more than just running, she's incredibly sneaky. 

sex drive, 9/10. very much a coping mechanism, and she’s really annoying about it. one point off for the knee-jerk of it, as it’s at a point of reflex to sexualize herself, even if it’s not completely what she wants. there are times when she has sex without wanting to. not because she was forced, but just as a distraction. mostly, sex is fun and she loves it, but she absolutely does not have a healthy relationship with it. (tho, she doesn’t have a healthy relationship with anything) 

stolen from;  @ru5t​​​​​​​  ♡♡ tagging;   you, steal this and say i tagged you!

#this took me so long and so much of it was Just for me. do not let it flop tho. cj brain hell #༊ ⊹ ° . study ˛ ‘ fury‚ pure and silver‚ you grip it tight inside. like a knife‚ it glints in your eye. #༊ ⊹ ° . headcannons ˛ ‘ my hands so sore with wrong‚ i can't be soothed.

[goldenspecter]

Did the ask about the whole Leo being above and manipulative not go through? I'm not pressuring you or anything it's just that sometimes I get anxious if people don't give me some kind of responds to an ask such I'm not answering this types and what not it's completely fine if you don't of course also I'm talking about the ask that was made about the 2007 fight post about Leo and raph fighting constantly here's some of what your wrote in case you don't rember the post it's kind of old

your post: Once again, I am wishing Rise fans can praise the movie without insulting/demeaning other iterations of TMNT. It's absolutely frustrating, as a fan of all the iterations plus Rise, constantly seeing people go "Rise did the Raph/Leo fight better than other where it's not just "Who's a better Leader/Leader" fights!" when not that's not the case. Rise didn't do it 'better' than the others, they just made it much more explicit, without using leadership as the framing of the fight, but the other iterations are not actually fighting about Leadership.

again sorry if this comes off as peer pressuring I'm just trying make it clear what post I'm talking about so were both on the same wave length again I apologize if this is annoying.

Hi anon!

Yes your ask did get through, the only reason I didn't answer quite immediately was due to me not really being on Tumblr this past week. I saw your ask and was intrigued because it's a BIG /pos question, I had to ramble to my partners @dakotafinely and @namiikilo about this, and share my thoughts with them about what you asked first.

I also wanted to present my answer in a way that makes sense, hence why it took me so long. So don't worry about pressuring me, I just wanted to take time and make sure I could convey my point in a coherent manner. Sorry about causing the anxiety /gen

This is the original ask:

Since the way you worded your ask leans more towards Bayverse Leo from how you included certain actions only he does, I have to compare him to 07 Leo to make my point. Here are my thoughts, as coherent I can make them:

The Short Answer: I think Bayverse Leo, as a whole, was an attempt by the writers to expand upon 07 Leo's characterization, but fundamentally misunderstood what made 07 Leo so infuriatingly perfect.

The Long Answer(buckle up):

07 Leo is, at his core, a natural evolution of how Leo would have matured as an adult Pre-Rise. Perfectionism and having such a high standard on himself of all people combined with the knowledge of him being so good at what he does, would heightened his arrogance and beliefs in his own skills.

This is how it was/is before he took the journey, across the world that kept him separated from his brothers for over a year. Leo has been expected to be perfect for so long there would only be a matter of time before that expectation jades him, that he would become a bit of an asshole who wrongly believes he doesn't need to lower himself to anyone's standards because he is the standard.

*I discuss things that are mentioned in the prequel comics, specifically the issue that discuss and expands upon Leo's Journey. So I'll include screenshots from the wikia that explain the events in that.

** I also own these 5 prequel comics!

However, since he went on the trip by himself, and with none of his brothers, especially Raphael, to keep him in check, his ego and sense of self got warped, and especially with the things he's gone through on his journey. He learned all of these things from his journey but never actually put them in use towards his own family in several different ways:

Leo lacks compassion when it comes to his brothers and why they took on their jobs and new roles and scoffs at April when she's explains to him what they do. He lacks the compassion to inquire with his brothers and the way they were all hurting-- Mikey feeling like his family isn't whole anymore, hence his nostalgia for the good days, Donnie having to care for their arguably disabled father while also working an at home job, Raph having the trauma of witnessing an former vigilante who seemed to understand him die in front of him, and that being how he got the Nightwatcher armor we see in the movie(Promise he would take it because David, the vigilante, didn't want anyone in his family/police to figure out who he really was.) Compare this to Bayverse Leo, who audibly and explicitly hears and knows how his actions harm his family, but chooses not to engage with it and dismiss their feelings.

Leo lacks humility and refuses to understand his brothers as they've changed. Because of that, he refuses to try and understand his brothers as the people they are now.

07 Leo is extremely selfish and shortsighted because of how he constantly frames the journey he went on was for them, to better himself for them.

He lacks the courage having the courage to even consider how badly they were effected by him going on this journey.

He most importantly lacks community that he continually estranged himself from

Each one of these things that's bolded or italicized is a trait that he was supposed to have learned and fully understood on his journey.

In my eyes, the things that makes 07 Leo stand out from Bayverse is more so how all of these external components worsened his fractured development. Bayverse, in a way, engineered those components that fractured his development.

07 Leo has never actively gone out of his way to revoke or invalidate his family's autonomy, right in front of them compared to Bayverse(who as a reminder forced Donnie to lie to his brothers about the possibility to be human and got on Raph when he called him out for revoking their autonomy to make a choice at the chance of gaining privilege where they are currently systemically disadvantaged), but does it in the way that can be perceived as him doing what is best for his family. Examples being him not wanting to admit or entertain the idea that the night watcher is going good or that his own family made the choice to idolize the vigilant on their own—he believes that night watched is encroaching on his territory and also being a bad influence to his brothers, primarily Raph and Mikey and fights to stop Nightwatcher from being a bad influence on the two and the fact that Leo perceived his own methods to be effective, combined with his own hypocritical view of Nightwatcher—or him attributing fault to everywhere else but 07 Leo potentially being part of the problem as well.

However, you can possibly argue that because the world has jaded him so hard and he has forgotten the point of community, the world had literally made him hate humans on his training journey. It eroded him of certain things that by the time he gets back home, he just doesn't have that compassion he supposedly learned on his training and doesn't learn to dig within himself to practice empathy to his brothers and doesn't bother seeing them as who they are now, he literally scoffs at the idea of who they have become when April tells him and expects them to fall inline as perfect soldiers and obey orders, to erase what made them them, doing unto them as what has been done to him.

In addition, along with him being a pretty perfect development for a character like Leo, pre-rise,he has been expected to be perfect for so long there would only be a matter of time before that expectation jades him, that he would become a bit of an asshole who wrongly believes he doesn't need to lower himself to anyone's standards because he is the standard.

Leo's and his family's arc in the 2007 movie is about growing up and fixing a broken family caused by abandonment from pretty much all angles, Bayverse Leo is the one who's the agent and inevitable cause of abandonment nor is he mired by the tenets of nostalgia among him and his family either and the unwillingness to grow up and mature.

Could this be more coherent? Absolutely, maybe in the future I'll make a video essay giving a full retrospective on the 2007 movie and especially with the frustrating yet beloved nuance of 07 Leo's character.

Either way! Hope you enjoyed hearing my (still somewhat disjointed) thoughts! <3

#tmnt #teenage mutant ninja turtles #2007 tmnt #tmnt bayverse #tmnt 2007 #bayverse leo #2007 leo #cosmo answers #cosmo rambles

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Costume Meta 6x03

Ok well that episode was intense!

I find these bottle type episodes interesting to analyse - especially when they feature big time jumps like this one did!

First off let’s look at all the flashback scenes. The wardrobe department did a great job at recreating that mid seventies vibe, from the muted tones and especially the use of pale yellows and browns and creams, the use of knit textures on the teenagers was very on point as was the pointed collars and the  flared trousers - I especially loved the jeans Joannes friend was wearing - with the brown stripes running down them. 

I’m side stepping costumes for a minute to heap some praise on the hair and makeup  department - they don’t get enough love, but all the afros were perfect and I especially loved that they gave Beatrice a Farrah Fawcett hairstyle (as you can see below) - it fits so perfectly with the hairstyles we’ve seen older Beatrice wearing. The interesting thing about Beatrice’s hair is that she is the only one who appears to be chemically straightening it - there are no other characters with straightened hair in the flashback scenes. I’m not an expert in Black hair or the meaning behind the use of certain types of hairstyle, but to me the choice to use this hairstyle on Beatrice is suggestive of her being seen as glamorous and stylish in the neighbourhood - it fits with Beatrices personality as being set in her ways and expectant of a certain standard and order of things. 

Athena & Bobby

Athena’s grey top is a really fabulous choice for this part of the episode - its almost check patterned but it isn’t - it hints at her turmoil over having to go through the process of questioning everything she thinks she knows about her father, as well as her desire to solve this case that has hung over her nearly all her life. the use of both black and white for the lines on the background of grey is indicative that not everything is black and white - and that shades of grey are actually where most peoples morals etc reside. the grrey is also a conservative colour as well as being stable and insightful - again all things we see Athena portraying while she is wearing this top.

Bobby wear a lot of Blue in this episode - the blue top above and then the dark navy one below as well as the blue/grey one at the hospital at the end. focusing on the blue ones for the moment - blue is the colour of trust and loyalty - it provides security and confidence - al things we see Bobby displaying in this episode. the darker blue top below is almost black and so we can add some of the meaning of Black - for this scene - authority  - all of these combined show Bobby being there for Athena, but also pushing her enough to get her to actually get involved in solving the case.

Athenas deep burgundy pyjamas are interesting - generally speaking burgundy is considered an intense and ambitious colour and as a result can be seen as somewhat combative - perfect for this scene, especially as it is tempered with the blue of the dressing gown - representing Athenas loyalty to both her fathers privacy, but also to who she is - which is why she cant resisit getting involved in solving the case!

Now I’ve actually managed to get a better look at Athenas new pendant I’ve reached the conclusion it isn’t a compass at all - I’m not 100% sure, but to me it looks like either a winged horse - which would make it Pegasus, or it could possibly be a dragon, but my money is currently on the winged horse!

Pegasus is heavily connected to Athena in greek mythology. It is said he was sired by Poseidon and Medusa, and that Athena tamed him and gave him to Perseus so he could fly to rescue Andromeda - in the process he beheaded Medusa - the gorgon - whose head Athena used as a gorgenion - a protective amulet - which is the other necklace Athena wears.

Athena's top here is a combination of burgundy, dark navy blue, tan and purple, its also striped and stripe theory plays out for Athena in this top - this scene is the start of her getting to the bottom of Tanya’s disappearance. obviously the blue and burgundy colour meanings continue to play out here, but the tan colour adds the idea of dependability (we can depend that Athena will get to the bottom of things) and friendliness - which is something we see Athena try to extend to Joanne.  The use of purple is also wonderful - purple is a colour that inspires people to divulge their thoughts and it is a colour associated with superiority, again something Athena very much plays into - she gets people to talk - both Joanne and Franklin senior and Athena is superior when it comes to solving cases!

Bobbys grey top - that he wears for the longest in the episode shows him as being the reliable and stable presence for Athena, offering insight and advice when she needs it. Its also the shade of grey known as steel - backing up Bobby being there to support Athena.

Athena in this beautiful pistachio green top (interestingly without the necklace! Like I’ve said 100′s of times before green is the colour of growth, health and renewal. the perfect choice for Athena to be wearing in the aftermath of this case - we can see she is in a better place - that a weight is off her shoulders - one she’s been carrying for a long time. Green reperesents hope for a better future  and  Athena is at a point in her story where she can now move forward into the future in a positive way.

Check theory for the win!! if you haven’t yet read my theory about the use of Check patterns in 911 then you can read it here.

only 3 characters wear check in 6x03 - Joanne and Franklin senior - both as adults - and Joanne and her mother in the one flashback - only after Tanya has gone missing - the implication here is that they both know something and are keeping it hidden - we obviously find out what Joanne knew later on, but we never find out the extent of what the mother knew - however - her life has just been changed irrevocably so the check patterning makes sense. 

Joanne and Franklin senior have both been hiding pieces of the puzzle that could have helped solve Tanya’s murder - they’ve been carrying that guilt and knowledge - and now that her body has been found, those secrets are being uncovered and they are having to reckon with the full impact of what they knew and know - this is why they are wearing the check patterning - and why we see Joanne in stripes after both Franklins have been arrested - because she has the answers she’s been hoping for and can begin the process of moving on.

I know you’re all wondering why Franklin jr wasn’t wearing check at all - well he isn’t experiencing impending or existing trouble - he is the evil in this scenario - as as we see before Bobby tackles him, he isn’t repentant or remorseful for what he has done, so he doesn’t need to be in check - yes his life is about to change, but up until the point of Bobby tackling hin and hi arrest - he thinks he can still get away with what he’s done. 

And there we have it. I hope any of those of you who have been affected by the subject matter of 6x03 are in a place where you can get help if you need it - that you can reach out to someone, or that you are now safe and well here is a link to a post Jess put together that signposts resources should you need to access them - take care of yourselves.

I hope you enjoyed reading and thank you as always for your likes, comments and reblogs - I love reading your thoughts etc - they make my day!

As always tagged people below!

@mistmarauder @theladyyavilee @loveyourownsmiilee @leothil @girldadbuddie @kitkatpancakestack  @bucksintheroom @lemotmo @trashendence @elishareads  @clipboardsandstethoscopes @comfortbuddie @fiona-fififi  @name-code-black-widow @prettyboyandthekid @callanee @calyssmarviss @alwaysme @pbandjeremiah @batgrldes @piningpettyeddie @bi-moonlight @spotsandsocks @projectabc @livingwherethesidewalkends  @idontshitpostbuttheolympicpark @diazboysbuckley @sweettsubaki @jordxnhennessy @shortsighted-owl @sherlocking-out-loud @ekstasisandangst-main @favouritealias @hearteyesdiaz @gossamerglob @ktinastrikesback @adamrparrrish @princesschez75 @bucksbuddie @oneawkwardcookie  @leatherat @moniquekatie @wanderingwomanwondering  @trickster-archangel @outrunningthedark @asharadaine @ajunerose @wolfybuckley @neon-d0rk @boohooweewoobuckaroo​ @talespinner230​

#kym costume meta #911 costume meta #kym costume theory #911 costume #911 colour theory #911 #911 on fox #911 fox #costume meta #911 6x03 #6x03 costumes #athena grant #bobby nash #bathena #i don't think I need to put a trigger warning on this post but please let me know if you think I do and I'll add one! #athena costumes #bobby costumes

[starboundanon]

Hello!!

I'll start by saying that I love your fics and really like your blog ♥️ I agree with great part of your takes, especially about how dark of a character Anakin/Vader truly is, despite the fandom woobifying him! I also apologize in advance by how big this ask is 😭

That said, there's something that always made me curious and I'm burning to ask... You've said in a previous post that you didn't like how easily Padmé forgave Anakin for everything he did in canon, that you thought it was psychotic. So what separates Padmé's unconditional forgiveness of Vader's crimes from Luke's equally unconditional forgiveness, for you? I mean, both characters were personally, terribly hurt by Vader. I admit that my knee-jerk reaction when I see people with a similar opinion is always "oh, it's sexism, because Padmé is a woman and Luke is a man, and compassion from a man is revolutionary while compassion from a woman makes her weak" 🙄 but you've always seemed so sensible and reasonable and that can't be the case with you. So I'm genuinely curious about your perspective! Especially because you ship Vaderluke like I do, and Luke and Vader's relationship under romantic lenses gets easier to compare with Anidala.

(Also this entire ask works under the assumption that you do appreciate Luke's forgiveness of Vader, despite knowing he was a terrible father in canon—a far cry from fanon's Dad Vader—and obviously didn't deserve it. I got the vibe from your fics and your posts that you do! But if you don't and you think RotJ shouldn't have ended like that, actually, then I understand that I clowned and you can just ignore this 🤡)

I agree with you that a lot of the heat Padmé gets in the Star Wars fandom (while Luke is canonized for essentially carrying her legacy and vindicating her beliefs) is the result of sexism. But in my own experience within this fandom, anon, I’ve seen sexism against her in the opposite way that you’ve described, and it was that sexism that I was reacting to in the ask you’re referring to here, and the reason why I unintentionally sounded so snarly.

Playing that ask game came on the heels of reading post after post after post praising Padmé for her unwavering faith and loyalty, for her selfless forgiveness, for her unconditional love for her husband. And while, yeah, sure, those things are technically all virtues, praising a woman for having those qualities in response to her mass murderer husband slaughtering hundreds of children REEKS of sexism and tone-deafness to me.

Because that really is the perfect woman, isn’t it? She’s loyal to you no matter what you do, you are the only thing she wants in the whole galaxy (despite being rich, with an important, full-time career, pregnant, or a fucking QUEEN). She will defend you after you’ve physically assaulted her and die believing you were a good man. She will forgive you, love you unconditionally, ignore every single one of your red flags and literally die of a broken heart if you betray her. A flawless, devoted woman!

…At least, at the time of answering that ask, that was the spiel I had gotten from a myriad of stanakins, and from George Lucas’ writing after watching AotC for the first time. I was reactive and unnecessarily vicious in that ask — and I apologize for being that way — because I don’t think Padmé’s unwavering dedication to Anakin is admirable, anon. I think it’s unhealthy. And I LOVE that it’s unhealthy — I’m a darkfic writer, I love unhealthy ships! — but I was just so sick and tired of people giving Padmé the Virgin Mary treatment when her relationship with Anakin was fucking UNHINGED.

Luke’s forgiveness of Vader has its own undertones of unhealthiness, but it also has things Padmé’s doesn’t. Even when Luke can feel Anakin’s conflicted feelings through their Force bond, he still has moments where he doubts there’s actually still good in his father, where he declares him dead like Obi-Wan did, when he lashes out and tries to KILL him for threatening Leia — Luke forgives Vader, yes, but at least we get to see him being ANGRY with him. We don’t get that with Padmé. Anakin confesses to murdering Tusken children and Padmé looks at him like THIS for fuck’s sake

The only reason we don’t get to see Padmé pick up a blaster and aim it at his grinning face on Mustafar IS sexism, imo. She’s eight months pregnant! Where’s the rage? Where’s the resentment? She has none, she isn’t allowed any! Why? We can debate it till we’re blue in the face, but I will always consider it a massive disservice to Padmé’s character that she was denied the humanity Luke was given in the OT, to the point that her and Anakin’s relationship came across as so ridiculously codependent it was almost silly.

#herbie asks #anti anidala #tw sexism

[thegirlmirage]

I look up to all trans women. But finding queer heroes can be tricky to navigate because fame is inherently poisonous, and a lot of the way discourse is shaped online it's very easy to condemn people.

I myself suffered from a broad attack from a community I was in that started with me speaking out about being misgendered and mistreated, and it got turned into "well don't believe Rose because she's a bad trans person we have trans friends to prove it."

And I've ran into this issue with trying to identify with other known trans content creators. There will come places (especially with whiteness and wealth) where criticism of those privileges becomes ignored. It would be easy to say that they're resistant to criticism because of always being criticised but I think that it just comes down to not knowing and not feeling like they need to know better, which is how those privileges behave anyway.

To me, my oppression has always linked me to other oppressed people. The poor and the embattled and the weird and ostracized will always be my family more than someone with it all figured out. There is a social cost to thinking like this.

So I end up feeling quite disconnected to some trans people. Perhaps it's foolish for me to expect just because someone has overcome the brutal imperialsm that keeps us from feeling safe to be ourselves, that they would be able to see the other oppressive junctors in the world and act accordingly.

Bringing it back to condemnation, any personality online will at some point have to deal with a snap group judgement, and for marginalised people this is often constant, scaling with intersectional marginalizations. People who have survived this world may struggle to fit with a society that demands adherence to stricter social rules, especially because we are here because we survived. We are often quite badly harmed by what we've been through, and we will struggle often to fit a narrow view of what's considered expected behavior. We are human. We won't have perfect responses, we can be wrong. It's therefore easy for us to suffer more when the judgement arrives.

If I'm looking for someone trans to admire, it's not uncommon for me to hear why it's not a good choice. And there are legitimate reasons to question them, because of course, fame is evil, it's more a miracle that people come out of it balanced at all, but also there is tighter judgement on those people for their marginalization such as being trans.

So it leaves me with this feeling almost, like I can't trust my own kind. If I'm following blogs are they inclusive of other ethnicities? Do they believe in fat liberation? Would they look on an unfortunate person with compassion or indifference?

So I have to temper my feelings of admiration. I have to remind myself that realistically, placing anyone on a pedestal is dangerous. I have to deal with my disappointment that trans women are just human too, they're not just angels. They shouldn't need to be exceptional to be worthy of my praise.

But it's more complicated than that. Certainly putting even more pressure on trans women to behave better is just more of the same. I think about how rife eating disorders are among us and how even with my most femine looks I do not feel I am girl enough societally to do things like buy groceries.

And we do need uplifting too. I had been in such a gender euphoria haze that once things settled I was horrified by just the extent of my mental health when times weren't in boom. So we do need someone to see our qualities and praise them, and to love and adore them not in spite of what we are but because of who we are. But I think that person is me.

I wish of course that every trans person would rush to embrace me and we would see eye to eye and celebrate our joint survival but... not everyone wants to do that. For all the thousands of images of celebrating skinny trans women with 3 wives doing DJ sets there's so many more people who are just desperately trying to fit their gender into the world they already have. People who might not seem exceptional or have big projects to their names.

I think about how I was regarded when I didn't have HRT. I passed zero percent. I thought I was ugly and I couldn't see how I could possibly change anything about that. And I think there's a tendancy for queer spaces to sometimes even outright reject people like that, especially if they subscribe to any ideas about being anti what they perceive to be men.

It's those girls who need the princess treatment. It's they who we should be elevating and celebrating and caring for.

#transgender #trans discourse #trans heroes #trans judgement

[softxsuki]

Hello! I'll make this quick! I use She/Her, and would like to be matched up with Demon Slayer and MHA! I prefer male characters. Platonic please! My personality type is INFP! My zodiac sign is Aquarius! I value trust and compassion most in a friendship! I don't have a type. I guess you could describe me as awkward and shy? I love to draw! Currently, I'm still in high school. I really love going for walks! They're so serene! For the scenario I was thinking what it's like going on walks with them!

1000 Follower Event Matchup # 12

My event is now CLOSED but I will be doing more events like this in the future. You can check out the masterlist to this event here.

Note: Phew, finally back with these matchups. I apologize once again to the wait, hoping to get through a few of these a little quicker now! Hope you enjoy who I matched you with <3

I match you with KIRISHIMA AND TANJIRO

Runner-ups were Bakugou and Giyuu

Tanjiro:

OOHhh a platonic matchup, very fun! I’ll start with Demon Slayer! I matched you with Tanjiro :). I mean c’mon, is there anyone more compassionate and trustworthy than him? He’d be such an amazing friend! You can always feel comfortable coming to him about anything without judgment. He would give the best advice and just be the perfect listener whenever you need to vent about something. 

You’re awkward and shy? No problem, Tanjiro can do all the talking for you whenever you hangout with him. But you’ll find yourself slowly opening up to others the more you stick by him. He’s super encouraging and always pushes you a bit to open up more. He wants the best for you at all times, and that includes being comfortable with your voice and speaking your mind to anyone whenever the need arises. 

Tanjiro always praises you for your passions, especially your drawing! He’s your biggest fan and might even ask you to draw him or something for him at least. He treasures all your artwork, hanging them up on a wall or tucking them away somewhere safe <3 He’s your ride or die friend, he’ll have your back till the end!

Going On A Walk With Tanjiro:

Omg walks with Tanjiro are so peaceful

Have you seen this man’s heart? It's the most beautiful place on earth, so of course just being in his presence is just as peaceful

He likes admiring nature with you as you walk; all the trees, little critters scurrying around, the sun peeking in through the leaves on the trees surround you both

He slows his pace to match yours, not wanting to have you push yourself to keep up with his pace–he’s used to walking very fast, but he doesn’t mind a slow walk with you

You guys engage in small talk while walking, pointing something out that you see, but your walks are usually silent. No need to talk with the beautiful scenery around you

Besite Tanjiro <3 he really looks forward to walking with you and just spending time with you in general, you’re his favorite person after his sister

Kirishima:

I think Kirishima would make the greatest friend for you. He’s pretty loud, but knows when it’s time to get serious. He’s very supportive of every decision you make, and will back you up 100000% of the way. He really knows how to get people out of their comfort zone, so I think he’d help you a lot with your awkwardness and shyness without even meaning to. Not that you need to act a different way to be his friend, you’re perfect the way you are.

He’s very easy to talk to, he’ll have you laughing in seconds, making you feel very comfortable around him–hence why you’re friends lol. Kirishima cries with you, laughs with you, and goes to war with you (gets angry with you if someone makes you upset lol). Another ride or die, but he’s willing to tell you if you’re the one being unreasonable–he’s honest like that. 

He likes watching you draw and tries to copy (but fails). He’ll strick a pose randomly and ask you to draw him. But he’s genuinely in awe at how talented you are and wishes he could be more like you in that aspect. His quirk makes it a little hard for him to do delicate things such as drawing, so he truly respects your talent. I think you guys would have a blast together, hanging out and having fun in class together! I could picture you maybe even giving him lessons in drawing and whatever classes he needs help in. <3

Walking with Kirishima:

Now, Kirishima is an active guy, so most of your relaxing walks end up with you guys running

Don’t get me wrong, they start off relaxing where you’re watching the soft slow of the sun setting (you usually walk together after class) 

But his pace gradually increases until he’s full on running, laughing while he encourages you to keep up

In the moments where it is calm though, he gets distracted very quickly

He’ll see a bundle of clovers on the ground near a tree stump and he’ll gravitate towards it a spend a good 30 min looking through each of them to see if he can find a four leaf clover 

OR he’ll see a rock and bends down to pick it up every few minutes to add to his collection (idk why I headcanon that he’d collect rocks lol)

If you guys end up near a lake or pond, get ready to stop again bc you’ll both be seeing who can skip a stone the farthest

I think it would be a good time walking with him though–he definitely knows how to keep things interesting

EVENT REQUESTS ARE CLOSED

REGULAR REQUESTS ARE OPEN

Posted: 1/28/2023

#mha x reader #bnha x reader #demon slayer x reader #mha matchups #bnha matchups #demon slayer matchup #tanjiro x reader #kirishima x reader

[oculusxcaro]

I absolutely love your portrayal of Khare! You thought through about how her mutation works. Which amphibians she was basically fused with and how they each have their own role in her mutation that when brought together makes for a very cool yet terrifying way to live.

Also such a beautiful tragedy with her story. How she had a normal life before being snatched away to get experimented on by Prometheus. Her escape, how the heavy trauma doesn't stop there nor does the practical storytelling as she had to survive in the wilderness on her own for a time. Gaining injuries and of the sort until she ends up in Gotham city. A perfect place to lay low from people who work for Prometheus as there still could be a chance they're out looking for her.

How her mutation slowly spreads, hindering her memory and slowly eating away her mind. And that's ALONG with the eyes and teeth growing all over her body especially after getting juried. The uncertainty of if there is a cure, or a way to keep the mutation at bay. Or if Khare's fate is sealed and she is living on precious time. How one day, she'll loose herself. Every bit that makes her human, the friends she's made, her compassion, kindness, her determination. All her emotions and thoughts slowly decay as she watches her own body deform into something else.

Not to mention how relatable and sympathetic someone may feel when Khare is too scared to tell her family that she's alive because of how powerful Prometheus is. Like, a giant corporation, with MANY connections. Surely they figured out where her family lives and are waiting for the day Khare might return.

All of this to say that you have a perfect balance of tragedy along with a slice of life. The way you write Khare being drained from long shifts hits the nail on the head on how it actually feels like. It's so easy getting entranced with your writing! always worth waiting for as it's always so descriptive even when it's just a few sentences! Khare is just so human and I love it!

Her mutations are very cool but they actually come with a cost and you show it. Which I don't think is done enough in media. (especially with some superhero powers where theirs "comes with a cost" but it actually doesn't show or feel like it does. It's just generic and on top of that the superhero is out doing superhero shit. Contradictory with Khare. Who actually reads and FEELS like a normal person being stuck with powers that come with a cost but only wants a normal life. And actually lives a normal life! That's what makes Khare stand out. Because in the situations where she does fight it feels more genuine and so much less scripted.)

Please tell me your favorite things about my portrayal/muse?

RUUUUUUUUUE, WHY YOU GOTTA SLAY ME LIKE THIS???? 😭😭😭😭 This right here? Is hands down is the loveliest message EVER like... where do we even begin? First and foremost, thank you so, so much for taking the time to write down and send such a dedicated and thoughtful message - it means the world to me, as do YOU in having been such a phenomenal writing partner through both Rorschach and Oswald (and while we're at it, let's not forget Dan!) Receiving such a detailed message about the things you like concerning Khare is just about the highest praise imaginable considering what an excellent writer you are yourself! You have a fantastic eye for storytelling, delving deep into the narrative to shape not only your muse but the world they live in, how they grow and develop through interacting with that world which is not always the easiest take and yet somehow you always make it seem so effortless? Ever since we started talking, your writing has been a huge influence and a stellar example of roleplaying to not only look up to but to admire and emulate. Writing is hard as fuck even on the best of days but you? Have really helped shape my perspective on so many things, how to write well without padding everything with purple prose and to get into a muse's head. Rorschach is a beautiful example of that what with being very much in his head (and not the forthcoming man in his feelings or words.) It's just one of the many reasons I love the relationship our muses have, Rorschach being incredibly unhinged and aggressive as he was during Watchmen but clearly having changed since his untimely demise, awakening somewhere in the middle of Gotham. You've made that feel so real, how very disconcerting it would feel to die only to wake up in a completely different world, in a universe oddly similar yet so different to the one you left behind. And then there's Dan over on @made-of-archimedes, being Rorschach's polar opposite in being so much more approachable and affable but having his 'darker' side present too, his woes, his worries and very real concerns. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you encapsulate personality so well, making your muses feel so very human with minds of their own, as though you've plucked them straight from the movie. You mentioned once before how you didn't feel you did that, that maybe you weren't writing them 'right' but that's not true at all. Your portrayal made me love your two ragingly repressed men and to appreciate their characters all the more after seeing them from your lens. Ah, I'm so sorry to have waffled on like that but honestly Rue, how you're always so kind and thoughtful is a mystery even Dr. Manhatten couldn't solve. Thank you again so much for saying so many wonderful things about Khare! I've tried so hard to describe some of these things (with less success than I'd have liked) so for you to have nailed everything on the head like you did? Means a lot to me, from your thoughts regarding her mutation to her struggles and fears to why she doesn't contact her family back home. She's fucking scared, completely at a loss on what to do or even if she'll manage to survive when every day there's a new tooth or eye to greet her. Her mutation isn't a cute issue at all, instead being the shit-covered end of the stick of gaining a 'useful' power with very heavy costs. Not everybody gets superpowers like Peter Parker and her story is an example of what happens when things go terribly, terribly wrong. Tumblr is getting fucky now and won't save this post so again, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for such a lovely, uplifting message! It means so much that you like my silly frog-fish shambling flesh horror of a girl and her relationship with Rorschach is hands down my favourite part about her development as a character! I look forwards to interacting with him (and Dan) much more in future and for their stories to continue!

#the-rorschach-mask #memes ;; what's your favourite thing about my muse? #I am so sorry I typed this all out before and have forgotten the first load of tags asdfghjkl #Tumblr was getting mad about how long this response was and decided to error it so UH #I'm just gonna leave it here before it fucks up again #But people if you aren't already following the-rorschach-mask you are missing out on some prime fucking action! #Their Rorschach is fucking AMAZING and if you like Batman and DC then Watchmen is right up your alley #Rue doesn't shy away from the nitty gritty at all and their portrayal is nothing short of incredinle #Khare loves her violently unhinged repressed gay friend like you wouldn't believe #Rue has been instrumental in my writing and I honestly don't think I'd be half as good or even still writing if not for them #So yeah AAAAAAAAAAAAAA+ person and muse!!! #gonna sob and cry now bc of the feels still GOODNIGHT #tumblr please don't break this post again

[jayswritings13]

Multi-fandom: What else can I do?

Song: What Else Can I Do? By Diane Guerrero and Stephanie Beatriz

Plot: Shedding their perfect image and family expectations, various characters truly discover how much of their life was for others and not for themselves, with some help and encouragement from you, of course.

Characters: Courtney (Total Drama), Samantha LaRussso (Cobra Kai), Adrien Agreste (Miraculous), Quinn Fabray (Glee), Pacifica Northwest (Gravity Falls), and Audrey Rose (Descendants)

Note: I have been listening to Encanto’s soundtrack on repeat since I saw the movie.

💗Masterlist | WIP Page

🎵What could I do if I just knew it didn't need to be perfect?🎵

Courtney (Total Drama)

Takes place after TDWT

Courtney was never too close to her parents

But she didn't have to be to feel the weight of their expectations and standards on her every time she walked into the kitchen, hopeful for their adoration and pride.

Though, she hasn't gotten it yet.

With both of her parents being in highly respected careers, Courtney knew from the young age of 5 that if she was going to capture their attention, she needed to be that.

She needed to be something big and intelligent.

It actually took a while for Courtney to land on lawyer, as for she was considering president or surgeon for the longest time

But with this big dream, came even bigger expectations from her parents.

Not that Courtney wasn't ready to meet the challenge, because she was.

Well, until Total Drama seemed to have ruined what she spent years working on.

She's spent years on that show being humiliated by Chris, Heather, Gwen, Duncan, Harold, Alejandro, etc...

She could probably go on forever.

"That show ruined me!"

"Court-"

"My parents won't even answer my calls! I'm their disappointment!"

"You don't know that Court!"

"They called and told me so the day after the first season finished airing, (Y/N)!" Courtney huffed, "I was 16! I only cared about winning the money! I only cared about Duncan back then! I have been trying so hard to get back into their good graces ever since the island. I was so close this season! I felt it!"

Silence.

You kept your eyes on Courtney's form, shaking from rage.

"Court, you don't need them." You said, slowly taking a step forward, and grabbing Courtney's fist in your hand, holding softly. "You're amazing. You don't need them. You don't need their judgement. If they can't accept you as you are, then you don't need them."

"I-uh," Courtney narrowed her eyes over at you, mind racing with her next possible words.

She wasn't always used to others saying such genuinely nice things about her.

Her parents only ever had criticisms and critiques for her.

And here she was being praised like she's wanted all her life and she didn't know what to say back.

Courtney wasn't sure how to even begin to describe her feelings at that moment. But she knew that she wanted to try, at least.

"Well, (Y/N), I-uh-" She paused, losing her train of thought as she saw your smile brighten. "Thanks. I can always count on you."

"Of course." You grinned, "Now take a deep breath, okay. You were shaking there pretty badly."

"Yeah, yeah." Courtney dismissed, "I'll be fine."

"Oh, how can you be so sure?"

"You're by my side. Things are always a little better with you."

"A little?"

"Okay, more than a little." She clarified, turning her face away from yours, as her face burned.

Samantha LaRusso (Cobra Kai)

Takes place during Season 4

Being a LaRusso came with some certain.....expectations from her dad and her mom.

But mostly her dad, who had the giant moral compass that he instilled in her and Anthony since before they could talk.

Sam didn't really feel the pressure to be who her parents want her to be until she reached high school.

It got even worse once her junior year hit, and college was on everyone's brain.

Samantha never knew what she wanted to do growing up.

At first, she assumed that she'd want to study science and be some kind of chemist.

Lately, she hasn't felt particularly fond of that vision.

It didn't help that Daniel and Amanda pushed college onto her all the time, especially Stanford.

"You're practically a shoe in, Sam!" Daniel beamed, "I mean with your grades and unique extra-curriculars, they would insane not to accept you."

Would it be insane if I said no? Sam wanted to say.

"What are you writing about for your college essay, Sam?" You asked, pushing aside your computer slightly, to get a better view of her sitting across from you. "Everything I start to write about sucks."

"Huh...." Sam quickly snapped her attention to you and away from her thoughts. "I don't know yet." She muttered. "I haven't thought about it."

"You?" You scoffed. "With your dad and mom? Not think about it? I'm surprised that they haven't made you write it already."

"Yeah," She smiled, forcing out a small laugh. "They tried, but they've been busy with Anthony lately and all this Cobra Kai-Eagle Fang-Miyagi-Do feud." She paused, suddenly feeling brave. "Besides, I'm not so sure writing one is a good idea anyway."

"No?" Sam nodded, biting down on her lip, unable to meet your gaze. "Okay. I mean, college isn't for everyone. Some people want to go and some don't."

"Really?"

"Hmm." You hummed, catching Sam's look of relief, "Have you told your parents, yet?"

"No. I don't know how to tell them. I mean, they dreamed of me becoming something successful since I was young. They always pushed me to go to college." She sighed, "I'm not sure if saying no to that is anything that they'll accept."

"You don't need college to be successful, you know. Plenty of people are successful without it." You said.

"I don't even have a backup plan to tell them. I don't know what I want to do with my life."

"That's fine, Sam."

"Is it?! Because from where I'm standing it seems like everyone has their shit figured out except for me!" Sam roared, fire burning in her eyes, "Miguel, Moon, Aisha, Demetri...."

"Some people figure it out quicker than others." You said, "Look at my parents, they didn't figured their shit out until a few years ago. You're allowed to change your mind, Sam."

Silence. You could practically hear the gears turning in hear head, battling about her revelation and how to tell her parents this.

"Listen," You reached forward, grabbing her hand, "I bet that they'll support you. It may take a while given your dad's overreaction to things sometimes..." you added with a chuckle, causing a laugh out of the brunette. "As long as you're happy, Sam."

"You're so cheesy!"

"Yeah, yeah," You said, smiling brightly as the sound of Sam's laugh rang in your ears. "It made you laugh and smile, which I am always more than happy to make happen."

"Thank you...." Sam cooed, a light smile still tugging at her lips. "What would I do without you?"

"I don't know. I guess that I'm just a lifesaver." You smirked, as Sam chuckled at your response.

Adrien Agreste (Miraculous)

Takes place in between seasons 3 and 4

Adrien was never really truly interested in modeling.

Or fashion.

Or really anything that his father pushed him to do.

He was pretty interested in physics though and considered studying it along with chemistry in university.

He never brought it up to his dad before, because every attempt at bring up school was always shot down in favor of more photoshoots and campaigns.

He didn't want to sound ungrateful, but Adrien was not interested in continuing to be a well-known model.

He just wished that his father respected that.

So when Adrien got the chance to be Chat Noir it was great.

He was given a chance to be whoever he wanted without criticism and disappointment from his father.

"It's not enough anymore."

"What isn't?"

"This model Adrien stuff. I got to actually find and be myself as Chat Noir." Adrien said.

"I know. I can see how much you like it."

"I want it to be like that all the time. I want to be me all the time."

"So, why can't you?"

"Come on, you know why." Adrien scoffed. "My dad would never even begin to let that happen. I'm lucky that I even get to go to school with all of you."

"Listen, I know how much your dad means to you and all, but if this is going to make you happy, don't you think that you should start living for Adrien and a little less for Gabriel?"

"I don't even know where to begin!"

"Maybe baby steps....?" You grinned, causing Adrien's face to break out with a smile.

"Something small.....?" Adrien repeated, glancing over at you as you nodded.

"Something small and easy to start." You said, "Then keep going from there."

"I don't know if I can do that."

"You still have Chat Noir to be yourself with." You grinned, "And I see how much fun you have when your Chat. You love it."

"I do, I really I do."

"Well, you're not gonna get to be Chat all the time if you don't take the first step!"

"Alright, alright. I get it." Adrien said, "I'll think of something small. Thanks for the help."

"Of course, Adrien." You said, "You got this."

Quinn Fabray (Glee)

Takes place in near the end of Season one, right before Quinn delivers her baby

Perfection was something that Quinn was well acquainted with.

Her father always told her that Fabrays deserved and earned nothing but the gold standard.

Her mother wasn't as hard on this perfection thing as much as her dad was, especially with her.

Both often set their sights on Frannie.

So Quinn pushed and pushed her way into their attentions.

Once she got their attention, Quinn was determined to everything in her power to make sure that they both saw her nothing short of that perfect little girl.

And once Frannie left for college, keeping her parents' attention proved to be easier than ever.

All she had to do was be the perfect, good student, Christian daughter that her father dreamed of.

Well, that was until Quinn got pregnant at the age 16.

Head Cheerio, Straight A/B student, president of the Chasity club.

Her.

The image and world that she had spent years and years building up, came crumbling down as soon as Finn pressed play on that boom box, proclaiming through song how proud he was that she was having his baby.

Everything around her shattered.

Finn found out the true father of the baby. Puck didn't know that first thing about taking care of a baby. Cheerios kicked her out. Her parents kicked her out.

The lack of time she spent trying to perfect cheer routines and plotting ways for her prom domination was now spent in reflection.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing."

"Hmmm. I know that it's not nothing, Q." You said, "You have that look on your face."

"What if I can't get things back to how there were before?" She whispered, almost afraid that if said out loud it was bound to come true.

"Q, the cheerios will take you back. Sue always had a soft spot for you, and you know that."

"What if I don't want to be like it was before?" Quinn added.

Silence.

"You don't have to do it all like how it was before, Q." You said, "No one's forcing you."

"I just don't want to be stuck doing things that make me unhappy."

"And you shouldn't have to." You said. "Are you sure that you're okay?"

"I-It's just that carrying my baby and stuff got me thinking about how I really wasn't living for myself. I was living for my parents. I was doing things because I thought that they might be proud of me." Quinn sighed, "I'm tired of it. Glee and Cheerios were the only things that I chose myself."

"You should do things that make you happy, Q."

"You make me happy." Quinn grinned. "Can I keep you around?"

"Hmmm...." You smiled, "I don't know I usually don't date cheerleaders, but I think that we can make it work."

Pacifica Northwest (Gravity Falls)

Takes place during Weirdmagedeon, after Pacifica takes refugee with the Pines family.

Pacifica had every she could ever want.

She was a Northwest with a rich family and an ever richer family history.

One that she was ready to recite detail for detail about when asked.

After all, she didn't spend months and months learning and memorizing it with her father for nothing.

Er, well, her father's closest butler, that is.

Growing up, Pacifica learned fast what was acceptable and what wasn't.

Her parents made sure that she was aware.

"If you do that again, you'll drop the Northwest name!"

That threat always played on a loop inside of her head.

All day. Everyday.

"I'm surprised to see you here." You remarked, glancing over as Pacifica sat down next to you inside the Mystery Shack. "I figured that your dad had some secret end of the world bunker with all the money he had."

"Please, like I have the time to explain it to you." Pacifica crossed her arms.

"I mean, look around." You laughed, "I think that you kind of do."

Silence.

"Listen, Pacifica," You sighed, "We're all here, fighting the same crazy demon, so it's okay to not have your guard up. We're all just trying to survive right now."

More silence. You were pretty sure that Pacifica was already dismissing everything that you were saying to her anyway.

"They left me."

"What?"

"I said," Pacifica rolled her eyes, sighing, "They left me. My dad got his face rearranged and my mom went off somewhere. I don't know."

"Pacifica," You said, "I'm sorry that they did that."

"It's whatever." Pacifica shrugged. "They always looked out for themselves anyway."

At that moment, you never wanted to give Pacifica Northwest a hug more.

Sitting next to her, it was hard to ignore the sadness and annoyance radiating off of Pacifica.

"Well, you have us. And no offense, I've been around your parents. They would have made this a lot more of a downer than it already is."

"Well, they made their choice." Pacifica said, a light smile on her face. "I made mine."

"Oh, look at you disrespecting Mommy and Daddy's orders,"

"I'm serious. I'm done listening to them. They didn't care enough to stay with me during the end of the world."

"Well, the Mystery Shack is always welcoming to visitors." You grinned, "I mean, I can't speak for the others, but I like having you around."

"Well, if this means anything, I don't totally hate being around you either."

"I'll take it."

Audrey Rose (Descendants)

Takes place after the events of the first movie

Audrey's parents were very supportive, but often not too active in her life, consulting with Ben's parents and the other royals that made up the court of Auradon.

So Audrey pretty much grew up with Queen Leah always around, as not only did Queen Leah want to spend time with her granddaughter, but also Aurora.

Given the way that the court of royals worked within Auradon, there was a lot of competition for Queen of Auradon.

And that didn't even include the others who weren't of royal descent.

And Queen Leah was hell-bent on getting her second chance through Audrey to do everything right.

This also meant that by extension that Audrey had to do everything right.

Audrey had her life pretty much planned out by her grandmother, Queen Leah.

And as a young girl, Audrey looked up to her and idolized her so much.

Everything was going according to plan until Mal and those other Isle kids came to Auradon.

Audrey knew it as soon as that purple-haired isle kid stepped onto Auradon land.

There was nothing Audrey could do, her ticket as Queen of Auradon quickly disappeared.

"She won't stop calling me!"

"24 times so far. She's really trying hard today." You said, glancing up at Audrey, "Maybe you should talk to her....?"

"I don't need to. I know what she's going to say." Audrey stated, crossing her arms, and tossing her phone back into her bag.

"You don't know that for sure, Auds."

"I do." Audrey's eyes snapped up to yours. "I do know that. I grew up with her. That crap has been the soundtrack of my life!" She paused, sighing, slumping back into her seat. "I'm tired of it."

You stayed silent, eyes trained on Audrey's figure, watching as she sunk lower and lower into her chair.

"You don't have to."

"What...?"

"Try." You said, reaching over to grab Audrey's hand, "You don't have to try so hard. Beating yourself up over letting your grandmother down is not going to help."

"I can't." Audrey murmured, "I don't know the real me."

"She's somewhere. I'm sure that if anyone can find her, it's you."

Audrey wasn't sure what to say, her mind working quickly to process the words you had just uttered.

You believed in her.

Wholeheartedly

No conditions or expectations

"I'll find her." She muttered. "It's me, after all."

"See? Looks like, you've found a little bit of her already." You joked.

🎵It just needed to be? And they let me be?🎵

#total drama #total drama x reader #total drama headcanons #total drama courtney #td courtney #td courtney x reader #miraculous x reader #miraculous headcanon #miraculous ladybug #miraculoustalesofladybugandcatnoir #ml chat noir #chat noir #adrien agreste #adrien agreste x reader #chat noir x reader #cobra kai headcanon #cobra kai x reader #cobra kai sam #samantha larusso #samantha larusso x reader #gravity falls x reader #gravity falls headcanons #gravity falls #gravity falls pacifica #pacifica northwest #pacifica northwest x reader #disney x reader #disney descendants #descendants #descendants x reader

[featherquillpen]

Liveblog of the #21: The Threat audiobook

I listened to the (excellent) audiobook of Animorphs #21: The Threat yesterday and liveblogged it to @joysweeper on Discord. Here's what I had to say:

I think the acting choice to have David sound annoying in 20 was good because Marco hates him.. But I don't like that he also sounds annoying in 21. I think now is the time to lean into him being sympathetic

God I love the moment in 21 when Cassie calls David out for calling Tobias a bird racist. Cassie doesn't get to call out racism often in this series but I love it whenever she does.

Listening to the holiday inn bit and have many thoughts. I am actually totally on David's side that it's okay for him to squat in an unoccupied room, though breaking the window was dangerously indiscreet. Jake's insistence on following the law rings pretty hollow to me in his desperate circumstances

But the bit that really gets my hackles up is when David seems to think it's not a problem or a sacrifice at all that Tobias and Ax have to live in the woods. That's just so heartless to both of them

But it's very well written because his dismissal of Tobias and Ax's hardships foreshadows his moral justifications later that it's okay to kill non humans

It's a very clear difference that Jake feels compassion for Tobias and Ax and David feels none. Sure some of it is experience, but I would say that the sympathy for Ax's situation was pretty immediate for all the Animorphs when they first met him

I am very struck by how mealy mouthed Jake's scolding is. If a homeless person has a means to undetectably enter a hotel room I would say go for it. The hotel can afford it, fuck em

Ax honey how did you get to book 21 without learning what a hat is

But also, I am very intrigued by his horror at the notion of showing war on TV

Cassie is such a fucking mvp this whole trilogy

She did her best to help David settle in the hayloft

She manipulated David on the helicopter

She helped Marco demorph

She bit David, a wolf biting a lion, when he tried to sell out to Visser Three

She came up with the whole wretched awful David rat scheme

She saved the day so many fucking times and also she committed an unspeakable crime. Wonderful

And the whole time David thought she was harmless

It's so interesting that Jake was completely fine with boiling defenseless Yeerks in early book 6 and morally disturbed by it in book 21. His experiences with Temrash and Aftran changed him

The David trilogy slaps so fucking hard. It's just nonstop bangers. Not a dull moment

MacLeod Andrews (the audiobook narrator) is really nailing the emotional moments. The contrast in tone between private thought speech dissing David and publicly praising him is perfect

David's self pitying speech about how he's lost his whole life while standing over the presumptive corpse of Tobias is just so… Chef's kiss. Tobias sacrificed so much more than him. And David doesn't even consider him worthy to live

The action scenes here all go hard

There's a real theme of illusions in this book. The holograms. The fake Tobias corpse

An interesting AU to contemplate is one where David didn't pretend to kill Tobias and just peaced. He could have gotten away. Probably could have evaded the Animorphs forever. It's interesting that he didn't.

I guess ultimately he didn't because he resents the Animorphs too much. He needs to prove that he is better than them

Poor Ax though. The trilogy doesn't dwell on his pain here. But I think a LOT about how he must have felt hearing that Tobias was dead

Jake was the wrong person to have this mall showdown with David. Marco would have morphed cobra, snuck up on him, and poisoned him dead. Marco's ego doesn't require the showdown. Same with Cassie, she would have gone sneaky. But Jake is too like Rachel.

#animorphs #animorphs audiobooks #david trilogy

[typewrittenluck]

as the seasons change

C!Technoblade x gn!reader highschool!au

Word Count: 9.1k

Pronouns: they/them

A/N: this is literally so self indulgent, i spent a whole day writing this because im going through my techno feels rn. it basically follows the story of oblivious Y/N and Techno throughout the four seasons :)

Warnings: Underaged drinking, Swearing, Smoking, Drugs (very brief)

Suggested Songs: The State of Grace, Taylor Swift/ MEET ME AT OUR SPOT, THE ANXIETY, WILLOW, Tyler Cole/ that way, Tate McRae/ Falling, Chase Atlantic/ Compass, The Neighborhood

SUMMER------------

The August air was thick with the heat of the almost-setting sun. Her rays beat down on the backs of the group of teens, and mosquitos filled the silences between them with their incessant buzzing.

A small crack of static preceded the soft sound of music, accompanied by the sharp smack of Niki and Jack’s celebratory high-five.

“Didn’t you start setting up the speaker like an hour ago?” questioned Wilbur, who was sunk into a half-broken lawn chair that he had found in the garage. 

“Yeah, it would have been much faster if you had asked Techno” chimed Y/N from their place leaning against the above mentioned man’s leg.

His grunt of response was cut short by his little brother, Tommy, bursting into laughter.

“Because he’s TECHno! Get it?!”

Everyone groaned and Wilbur smacked Tommy upside the head, grumbling about “shouldn’t have let you come hang out with us”

Y/N giggled at that, but took sympathy on the boy. “Aww don’t be like that Wil, Tommy, I thought that was hilarious.”

“Don’t encourage him, Y/N” Techno leaned down to murmured to them in his low, monotonous voice.

There it was. The way he said their name! The way his calf felt under Y/N’s back! The way he whispered sentences directly to them, as if it was some closely guarded secret. It was enough to bring butterflies to their stomach as they praised whatever higher being was out there for the heat of the day covering their blush.

“It’s so fucking hot,” Fundy moaned, kicking Wilburs shin from his place lying facedown on the grass. “Can we go to the pool or something?”

His request was met with a spectrum of responses, varying from Tommy’s “YES, PLEASE WILL? PLEASE!” to Technoblades indifferent shrug.

Jack took note of Technoblades open response with a shout of laughter. “TECHNOBLADE IN THE POOL! I WOULD PAY GOOD MON-”

“I’m not getting in, dumbass.”

“Why? Scared you’ll ruin your hair?”

“No, he doesn’t want us to know he’s secretly jacked under the sixteen sweaters he wears.”

Technoblade picked up the hem of his sweatshirt, making eye contact with Niki. She has a point.

“How do you wear that in the Summer?”

“It’s n- TOMMY!!” 

Shrieks of laughter follow Tommy’s water gun assault on his brother. “When did he slip away to go get those?” Y/N wondered aloud.

“WHEN ARE WE LEAVING??” Tommy asked enthusiastically. 

---

A crowded minivan, a stop to pick up Tommy’s friend, and a raid of Phil’s linen closet for pool towels later, the group arrived at the neighborhood pool. The sun hung low in the horizon as people spilled out of Phil’s van and began dragging the pool toys and water guns towards the gate.

The air around the black metal bars barring their entrance to the pool seemed to quiver. 

“I think Wil has the pool key.” piped Niki in response to Fundy throwing his weight against the fence. 

Fundy, in turn, sprinted back to the car, where Wilbur was taking inventory of snacks (and probably hiding the best for himself). 

Technoblade looked down at the two younger boys and Y/N conversing in hushed whispers. All of a sudden, they screamed out in perfect synchronization, in equally high pitched voices,

“Let me innnn! Let me in pleaseeee!”

And promptly burst into giggles. Y/N almost toppled into Techno, both from laughing and the slight weariness from the heat. 

The pool noodles he was balancing beneath his arms (laden with tote bags of pool toys and towels) toppled to the ground, but he didn’t care. All he cared about was Y/N’s hand steadying themself on his chest, and the way his face began to heat up almost unbearably considering the weather. 

“Oops, sorry!” they squeaked, leaning down to pick up the fallen noodles.

Technoblade was burst out of his daze by the return of his brother and Fundy, who triumphantly swiped the access card against the pad before kicking the gate wide open.

The clang of metal against the concrete pool clubhouse sent reverberating waves into the air, and everyone winced as the metal continued to drag. 

Pool entrances varied, Niki, on the one hand, took her time tip-toeing into the water by the stairs, while Tubbo and Tommy almost knocked each other out crashing over the edge to the deep end.

Y/N chuckled at their antics, but seeing as they had settled on not getting wet today, they picked out a chaise in the shade and pulled a book and pen out of the small bag they had brought with them.

Technoblade watched them with almost unwavering interest, unless someone happened to look his way, in which case he would quickly turn back to his phone, scrolling aimlessly through his home screen until they turned away.

From his spot under the little roof of the clubhouse, he had an almost unobstructed view of Y/N, and how they chewed at the end of the pen they used to annotate their book. Oh how he wished he could read the little notes they scribbled in the margins, or the drawings they would surround words with when they got distracted from reading. And the way that pen dangled from their lips, their tantalizing, soft lips. Taunting him, almost. And their jewel-like, bright eyes. Always so inviting and playful; like the way they were meeting his right now-

Shit

He hadn’t realized he’d been staring that intently. A small quirk of their eyebrow and a smirk on their lips was enough to make his heart give out. But not now. Not when they were waving their hand so intently to get him to sit next to them. Pretending to ponder the decision and gather his belongings, (when in reality he was just collecting his bearings), he walked over to them.

“See! You don’t always want to be alone, Mr. I’m so antisocial and I hate everyone!” they smiled, patting the adjacent seat.

You’re the only exception, he thought, his brain screaming and pushing to let the words leave his mouth. He couldn’t though, not when they could never think of him the way that he thought of them.

So he answered with a small smile and a chuckle. 

“What are you reading?”

“The Picture of Dorian Gray! Remember you said you thought I’d enjoy it?” they answered with enthusiasm, that sparkle still evident in their eyes.

It warmed his heart to know that they had taken the suggestion and committed to the book, which was admittedly a pretty tough read, because of him.

“How could I forget?”

Their smile widened and they buried their head back in the book, that cursed pen once again being squished between their plush lips.

Technoblade peered over their shoulder to see that they were nearing the middle of the book, where Dorian returns from his  theater date with Basil and Henry. Feeling satisfied enough that they were invested in the story, given their gasp and furious scribbling in the margins, he felt it safe enough to stare at them under the orange-tinged glow of the sunset. 

Of course, he forgot about the crowd of his friends who were nudging each other and whispering about his infatuation with you. The whispers reached Wilbur who narrowed his eyes in his twin's direction and made a mental note to ask him about it later.

Once dark hit and the water began to run a little too cold for anyone's taste, they began to wrap themselves up in towels and raid Wilburs snack stashes. The snack distribution was cut off by Wilburs phone, screen lit up with a zoomed in photo of none other than Philza. 

DADZA!!! Read the contact name as Wilbur swiped the screen and held the phone between his shoulder and ear, continuing to hand out snacks.

“OI, where in fucks sake are you lot? It’s an hour past the devils ass why i…”

The rest of Phil’s screaming faded as Wilbur walked away to calm his father down. 

“AN HOUR PAST THE DEVILS ASS” Y/N screamed with laughter, sending the entire group into raucous peals of giggles.

“Yep, mhhm, we’ll be there” Wilbur walked back towards the group, motioning for everyone to get in the car.

“Yes dad I know, yes, okay we will drop him off. Okay, bye” Hanging up the phone, he ushered people back into the car, holding Tubbo back by his upper arm so that he could sit with easiest access to the door.

After dropping Tubbo off, and then doubling back and driving around town to drop people off at various houses, Technoblade, Tommy and Wilbur were alone in the car with Y/N. 

“Here. Here. WIL! Pull over!” 

The van screeched to a halt as Y/N clambered over Tommy’s long legs, almost falling out onto the pavement. They leaned against the door of the passenger seat, thanking Wilbur and bidding farewell to the brothers. Just before they stepped away, Technoblade leaned down and kissed the crown of their head where it was leaning against his open window. Their stunned expression was lost in the dark and the window slid shut as Wilbur slammed the gas pedal to make it back in time before his dad’s curfew.

“What the fuck was that” 

Technoblade gave him a glare, which lost its effectiveness when paired with the burning red blush flooding his face and neck, highlighted under the harsh white lights of the car. He turned his face away and resigned to staring out the window, the night air filtering through the small crack giving his face a little bit of relief.

“Okay at least tell me, are you together?”

“No.”

“But he likes them!” piped up Tommy from the back seat, looking up from his phone where he was playing a game.

“No I- I don’t” Damnit The crack in his voice gave it away.

Wilbur, sensing that it seemed to be more of a sensitive topic than he thought, decided to drop the subject for the time being, and Tommy was already absorbed back in his game.

The rest of the drive was spent in silence as they raced against time and the rules of Philza Minecraft.

AUTUMN----------------------

School started a few weeks after the pool night, which was followed by many late nights and summer fun by the friends, the knowledge that half of them would be away to college next year heavy in the atmosphere. To say the least, Junior year was not treating Y/N well. They were almost always working on homework, if not doing SAT prep, and they rarely went out with their friends. The only time Technoblade got to see them was during his AP Lit class, and because of it, he considered himself the luckiest man in the world. Ms. Ren’s Literature classroom was the only place Technoblade seemed to see the old Y/N, the one from over the summer who got enthusiastic over books and gave him playful punches when he was a little too mean to their friends. Now, the only Y/N he saw was a stressed, tired person who was always carrying an energy drink in one hand and a stack of homework in the other. Except for in Lit. Y/n’s eyes would brighten as they discussed the reading from the previous night and their legs would jostle Technoblades from under their shared table to show him an annotation they had made. Technoblade assumed they were just rejuvenated from the literature, never once letting the thought cross his mind that maybe, just maybe, he was part of the equation too.

On the rare occasion that they would hang out with their friends, they would be easily prone to tears and every conversation would be redirected to how tired and stressed they were. Of course, Technoblade wanted them to be happy, and felt enormous empathy for his friend in the harshest year of high school, but he had suddenly become hyper-aware that the clock was ticking on his time left with them. He was a senior this year, and while Y/N still had a year left to go, Technoblade would be on his way to college, perhaps out of the country, in less than a year. It wasn’t wrong to want to make the most of his time with them.

It didn’t help that this internal time bomb was also counting down the opportunities he had left to tell them how he felt.

-----

He decided to get to them when they were in a good mood, and more likely to say yes. After Ms. Ren had finished assigning the reading due by Monday, he turned to the beautiful person who sat next to him and muttered in a low voice, 

“How’s your weekend looking?”

They looked up with a bright smile and whispered back

“I have tons of homework but I should be able to knock it out with a good day of work. Why? What do you have in mind?”

He knew this was the right time to ask you. 

“Just be ready by 4pm on Saturday.”

----

Technoblade sat on the edge of his usually neat bed, now strewn with almost every sweater he owned. He was picking a stray piece of lint from the sweater nearest to him when he saw his brother walk past, then backtrack out of the corner of his eye.

“What’s got you all indecisive?” Wilbur asked, gesturing vaguely to the sweaters and random articles of clothing adorning his room.

“Wait! Is today your date with Y/N?”

“It’s not a date.” grumbled Technoblade.

“Then why are you so stressed about what to wear?” he replied with raised eyebrows.

Technoblade groaned and threw himself on top of the pile of wool on his bed. “I just need this to be perfect. Y/N needs a break, and they deserve everything to be just right.”

“And you want to impress them” sang Wilbur, now nudging Techno aside to sift through his sweaters.

Technoblades noise of indignation was muffled as Wilbur threw a cream colored sweatshirt at his face. 

“What about this?”

“I couldn’t find what to wear it with.”

Wilburs sigh rang through Technoblades room as he opened the closet, now in his proper mindset as the family fashion consultant. Garment after garment was thrown in Techno’s general direction, and he leaned and reached to grab them all. 

“Try that”

Technoblade walked out of the bathroom to find Wilbur rummaging through his jewelry. 

“When did I say it was fine for you to go through my stuff?” asked Technoblade, shoving Wilbur away. Wilbur shrugged in response, motioning for Techno to open his hand so that he could drop his selection of rings and necklaces into his open palm.

As Wilbur walked out the door, he thought he heard a faint “thank you”, and smiled to himself.

-----

“This is elaborate”

“I’m a dynamic man Y/N.”

Y/N laughed at his response to the back seat of Technoblades car, which was filled with “supplies” for the evening.

“That outfit sure is dynamic.”

“Why?” Technoblade asked nervously, drumming slightly on the steering wheel. “Do you like it?”

“I love it! I didn’t think you could get any hotter but you somehow pulled it off!”

Realizing what they said, Y/N’s cheeks flushed a deep red and they began to pick at their flannel. As soon as Technoblades surprise wore off, and the butterflies faded back to the dull sensation that always seemed to linger when he was around them, he let out a snort of laughter. That sent both of them into a fit which continued until Technoblade hit a pothole from laughing so hard. 

Y/N’s momentary fear only made them laugh harder, but Technoblade attempted to quell himself before he no longer had four functioning tires.

“Do I get to know where you’re taking me?” Y/N asked. They had driven a little ways out from the city, to the vaguely familiar areas that one only drives by when they’re leaving town.

“Yes.” He replied, slowing the car into a small parking lot. “Because we’re here.”

The pair entered the small bookshop and a bell rang overhead. The store smelled of dust and books and Technoblade saw Y/N breathing the scent in like a breath of new life. Of course, this ended up in a small coughing fit which he pulled them out of with a few pats to their upper back. 

“Okay we are on somewhat of a schedule, so I need you to go get a book. Any book, and meet me back at the register in 10 minutes.” He said, grabbing them by the shoulders and making direct eye contact. “Okay, Go!” 

And they both got lost in the mazes of words.

At 4:30 sharp, Y/N found Technoblade waiting for them at the register with a stiff red hardcover. He reached out for their book as they reached for their wallet. 

“Tech, no, you don’t have to buy me books I can get it myself”

If for nothing else, the way they shortened the already shortened version of his name made his heart stutter, and he was overcome with the sudden urge to buy them every book in this store. But he wordlessly nodded his head ‘no’ and paid for their two books. 

As they walked back to the car, Y/N admired the way his jewelry glistened in the sun. The gold necklaces contrasting against the black turtleneck he wore under his sweatshirt made them think of the summer, when his rings would shine under the sun and in the light of their almost nightly group bonfire. Technoblade opened the door for them when they got to the car, pink hair flying in his face because of the wind. Before getting in, Y/N threw their arms around his neck in a hug.

“Thanks”

They mumbled into his neck.

He blamed his pink cheeks on the cold.

-----

“Let me carry something!” Y/N argued as Technoblade led them down the path of a park a little ways away from the bookstore.

“No.” he answered, a basket and three bags dangling from his arms. 

The argument continued as they made their way down the paved path, leaves crunching underneath their feet. A little ways into the walk, when the conversation had faded to discussing the latest reading assigned by Ms. Ren, Technoblade stopped Y/N by throwing a tote bag-laden arm against their chest.

“Here.”

He parted the branches that covered a small, unpaved path that led deeper into the trees.

“How do I know you’re not trying to lure me here to kill me?” mused Y/N, already a few steps ahead of the pink-haired man on the pine-straw path.

“Yeah hold on, let me just get my axe out from this basket real quick” deadpanned Technoblade, earning a giggle from Y/N.

A few moments later, the path opened up to a clearing with a few fallen logs and a small brook trickling near the edge.

“This is beautiful Tech! How did you find this?” they asked with an awestruck expression.

He hid the way that his ears flushed with his hair and busied himself laying out the picnic supplies he had dragged all the way out here, mumbling something unintelligible.

Once he was done, he looked up to find an empty clearing, Y/N nowhere to be found.

“Y/N?” he called

He received a response in the form of a small yelp and a rather loud splash. “Over here!”

“What the hell were you thinking?” he asked, sprinting over to the edge of the stream. Their giggles calmed him a little bit, but didn’t absolve him of all his worry as he subtly looked them over for any injuries. 

“I thought the rock would be steady enough to hold me” they pouted, gesturing vaguely at the rock in question, now shiny with water.

Technoblade sighed, rolling his eyes at their antics, but hoisted them up nonetheless. Once they were back on solid ground, he curled his finger around the back of his sweatshirt's neckline and pulled it over his head, almost knocking off his glasses in the process. He missed the way Y/N’s eyes narrowed and focused on the way his black knit turtleneck hugged his figure, tucked into the dark brown trousers Wilbur had dug out of his closet just hours previously.

“Are you warm?” asked Y/N with an incredulous look, teeth slightly chattering.

“It’s for you, dumbass. You’re almost sure to get sick in those wet clothes.”

Y/N’s heart stuttered at the gesture, and at the way Technoblade shushed them when they tried to argue.

He turned away as Y/N shed their dripping flannel and replaced it with the sweatshirt, warmed by his own body heat. 

When he turned back, he almost lost his breath again. Seeing them in his sweatshirt, the sleeves dangling past their fingertips and their hair a little tousled from pulling the garment over their head, messed with him just a little bit. He ignored the way that his cold-nipped nose was turning redder and redder and instead gently picked up their hand to guide them over to where he had set up the picnic, next to a towering tree with a thick trunk.

Both of them were hyper-aware of the way that his fingers held theirs, and the warmth that seemed to radiate from their touch. Neither one of them wanted to let go, but as they plopped down onto the picnic blanket sitting on the ground, their grip fell apart.

The loss of contact made the October day seem colder.

The muffled crunching of the leaves under their butts filled the air as they settled into a comfortable position and began digging through the picnic basket Technoblade had brought with food. The tension in the air slowly faded as they began to eat and the atmosphere filled with the joyous conversation of the two painfully oblivious teenagers. 

When they had both finished eating, Technoblade pulled out the bag that he had brought from the bookstore and handed Y/N their book. The smile that graced their lips as they mumbled out another ‘thank you’ brought another wave of butterflies down Technoblades stomach. He pulled out his own book and made himself comfortable against the thick tree trunk behind him. Y/N reached into their back pocket and pulled out a ballpoint pen, the cap of the pen riddled with chew marks. 

The damn pen.

They stuck it between their teeth and let it hang off of the right side of their mouth. Technoblade felt his chest heat up as they nudged him over to share his spot leaning against the tree. He opened his phone and hit play on a mix of Arctic Monkeys and Gang of Youths, before leaning back to where his shoulder was pressed with theirs and opened his book.

Time seemed to forget its rules in this quiet little forest, with just Y/N and Technoblade lost in their separate worlds of words. The peace was only ever disturbed by Y/N occasionally scribbling something down in the margin of their book, to which Technoblade would demand to see, and they would fall into a small discussion about the topic.

These occasions slowly began to wane off until Technoblade felt Y/N lean their head against him with a thud. He looked down to see them fast asleep, half leaning on his shoulder with the pen still clutched between their fingers. He took note of the way the pen was balanced like a cigarette and the small puffs of air following their cold breath resembled smoke. Ignored the way his heart was almost convulsing on itself, he chose to wrap his arm around them and savour the moment.

Because he was aware that before he knew it, it would be over.

WINTER---------------------------

The student media center had a hushed atmosphere to it, as people took advantage of their last afternoon to study for semester finals. Winter break would let out the next day, but for the overwhelmed Juniors and Seniors now crowding the library, the excitement would not set in until they quelled their nervousness over the last final of the semester.

One of the study rooms situated in the back was now crowded with the notorious friend group as they crammed for their last final. Fundy, Jack and Niki were trading around their history notes, Wilbur and Minx were arguing over the proper situation of a unit circle, and Technoblade was flash quizzing Y/N on the Polyatomic ions. Their frantic studying was interrupted by their friend, George, who had gotten bored of watching his two best friends during their last football practice of the semester. He quietly walked in and took a seat in the corner, pulling out a notebook and studying something or the other. 

“Why aren't Dream and Sapnap here cramming with us?” Minx asked George.

“They have their ‘weightlifting’ final tomorrow” seethed George, most likely jealous of his friends’ somewhat pointless final.

Everyone laughed, and some groans of similar jealousy rang through the air right before the cracking loudspeaker of the school crunched to life, announcing that the doors would close at 6:00. Y/N looked down at their watch face, which read 5:45.

“Fuck, I’m never going to learn these charges! Don’t even get me started on the fact that I don’t have the solubility rules memorized!” squeaked Y/N in frustration. Everyone gave them a sympathetic look, knowing the rigorous emotional and mental demands of taking AP Chemistry.

“Don’t worry, you still have the whole night to study!” consoled Fundy.

Technoblade felt his heart break at the way their eyes filled with tears of frustration. 

“My siblings scream way too much, I can never concentrate at home”

“Come study at our house!” exclaimed Wilbur. “We can kick Tommy out so he won’t bother you!”

Wilbur sensed their hesitation and cut in before they could say ‘no’

“Come on, Dad won’t mind, he loves you! And it gives us an excuse to send Tommy out!”

Y/N turned their head in questioning to Technoblade, who grunted and nodded his head.

“I mean, if you’re sure”

Eager nodding.

“Thanks so much Wil!”

---

It was 11:50 and Phil’s living room resembled something closer to an FBI clue board, with flashcards and chemistry notes strewn on every possible surface. Wilbur had retired to bed after reviewing his Calculus notes one last time, and Tommy was spending the night at Tubbo’s. Phil leaned against the doorway and watched his son coach his best friend through the last few chapters of the textbook with a smile on his face.

“Make sure not to go to sleep too late! You need enough sleep for your final!” he called, retreating up the stairs.

Y/N checked their watch and sighed at the time. “I should get going soon.” they mumbled, beginning to collect their notes.

“Stay the night” suggested Technoblade, pulling a blanket over their shoulders to protect them from the December chill that seemed ever-present, even with the crackling fireplace illuminating the room. 

“I can’t-” A yawn cut their sentence “I can’t stay, I don't have anything and I’ve wasted enough of your time already”

Technoblade took them by the shoulders and looked them in the eyes, albeit having to lean down. “You can never waste my time”

Shivers ran through Y/N’s tired body and they offered him a weak smile.

He plucked the pen that was hanging from their mouth out and feigned disgust as he wiped it on their shirt, before throwing it in the pile of stationary by his feet.

“How about you stay for a hot chocolate?”

The invitation was too hard to resist so they gave in, as long as it was “only ten more minutes”.

Technoblade filled two mugs from the pot of the beverage that Phil had left on the stove, and topped it with marshmallows and whipped cream.

Y/N took the mug from him with a ‘thank you!’, and led the way back to the living room to nestle under the warmth of the fireplace. The pair were both exhausted from the day of studying, and chose to sip their beverages in silence. Before either of them knew it, they were both asleep under Y/N’s blanket, cuddled up against the cold of the night.

---

They woke up to the banging of Wilbur running down the stairs. 

“Shit, you two are still asleep?”

Y/N jumped up, knocking over their empty mug in the process. “Fuck, what time is it?” they asked, urgently rummaging around for their bag.

“8:00”

“What time is your final?” grumbled Technoblade, still half-asleep with no intention to get up until his final later that day.

“8:20” they whined, almost breaking down. 

“Hey, it’s fine, go get clothes from my room, take anything you want. I’ll drive you.” said Technoblade in a calming voice.

Y/N looked at him with desperate eyes and thanked him before retracing the familiar path to his bedroom.

Technoblade cracked his back and followed Wilbur into the kitchen, intending to make Y/N a nutritious breakfast and pack them a lunch, but was met with Wilburs smirking face.

“What’s the deal?” said Technoblade in his monotonous low, pulling things from out of the fridge.

“Are we going to ignore that you and Y/N slept together?”

“Gross you perv, we just fell asleep studying”

Wilburs smart-ass response was cut off by the arrival of the person in question, clad in one of Technoblades sweaters and sweatpants and ripping their fingers through their hair to attempt to tame it.

Technoblade ignored the all-too-familiar flutter of his heart at seeing them in his clothes and handed them a yogurt bowl he put together. “Let’s go, you can eat it in the car.”

They definitely broke laws driving at breakneck speed, but they pulled into the school parking lot at 8:15 and jumped out of the car, Technoblade following them to make sure they made it to the Chemistry classroom on time. With a minute and a half to spare, they arrived at the door to the classroom, earning a sigh of relief from both of them. 

Dr. Yachtrong ushered Y/N into the classroom, but not before Technoblade placed a kiss on their forehead and wished them good luck. They entered the classroom in a daze, which they quickly shook off when the tests were passed out.

---

The final bell rang for the day and the cheers rang around the school, drowning out the crunchy loudspeaker announcements to “have a good Christmas” and to “make good decisions”. Y/N had headed off to their last few classes following the Chemistry final, which had gone as good as one could expect a Chemistry exam to go. They were fairly sure they had passed which at this point, was a major win. As they left the History hallway, they saw their friend Karl leaving the art classroom. 

“Karl!” they waved him down.

“HEY! Y/N!!!” he giggled excitedly “Schools out!”

“I know!”

Excited chatter filled the hallways and they bumped into Sapnap, Punz, and Dream leaving the weights room. 

“How was your weightlifting final?” snickered Y/N

Punz answered with a slight push to their head. The group was shot out at the front courtyard, where almost all of their other friends were waiting.

The celebratory mood was punctuated by Karl inviting everyone over for an “Epic School Sucks Party” at his house later that night.

Y/N looked around, searching for the pink-haired man that had been flooding their thoughts more than usual lately.

He had been acting differently, nervous even, since the day they fell asleep on him at the park. Y/N was only scared last night's incident would make it worse.

“He’s probably finishing up his Latin stuff” murmured Wilbur, leaning down to their ear.

Y/N’s ears burnt a bright red upon knowing that Wilbur knew who they were looking for. They looked up to answer, but he had already gotten immersed in a conversation with Quackity and George. 

The man in question came out of the front doors of the building and made a beeline for their cluster of people upon seeing them. Y/N couldn’t help but admire the cuffs he wore on his slightly pointed ears, and the way his long pink hair fell behind his-

“Oi Y/N is that Technoblades sweater?”

Screw you Minx

“Y/N spent a surprise night over last night” snickered Wilbur, wiggling his eyebrows.

“It's. Not. Like. That.” screeched Y/N, punctuating each word with a smack to Wilbur, somewhat drowned in the laughs and gasps of everyone in their group.

“Why are we hitting Wilbur and can I join?” asked Technoblade once he integrated himself into the tangle of people. The laughs hushed as everyone turned to look between Y/N and Technoblade.

“What?”

-----

The heat of Niki’s curling iron sent warm shivers down Y/N’s neck, a grateful contrast to the harsh December chill plaguing the outdoors. She blew gently on the warm hair before letting it all fall back, tousling it to break up the curls.

“Thanks Niki!” said Y/N gratefully, examining themselves in the mirror. “You’re going to have to teach me how to do this someday.”

Niki laughed, already standing in front of the bathroom mirror to apply her eyeliner. With one eye closed, she spoke to the person now standing behind her, checking their outfit from different angles. 

“So really, what’s going on between you and Technoblade?”

She knew of their intense crush on the pink-haired boy, which had started somewhere between 8th grade and freshman year, but she also knew that Y/N tended to be more closed off about their deep personal life.

Y/N sighed, almost in disappointment. “Nothing. And that’s the problem.”

Due to Niki’s sympathetic look thrown their way, they fell down a rabbit hole of ranting which led them to where they were now; on the floor beside Niki’s bed with Y/N’s head in her lap.

“He always acts so weird around me. One minute he’s  holding my hand or kissing my forehead, and the next he won't even look at me, or only answers in short sentences. And it stresses me out because I think he hates me, but then he does shit like buying me books just to go read in a forest with him, or staying up all night with me to study for my Chemistry final, and I just-” They took a deep breath, containing their rambling.

“I just get more confused.”

----------

 Karls party was in full swing by the time Niki and Y/N got there. They were met at the door by Sapnap and Quackity, who for some reason were handcuffed to each other, and were both giggling and flushed. Y/N and Niki hung their coats on the rack by the door and walked into the festive atmosphere of the house, seeing familiar faces in every corner.

Despite the rowdy environment and the deafening noise, the party was relatively small, consisting of only 20 or so of Karls friends.

They followed Quackity and Sapnap into the living room where a semi-circle of people was lounging on various couches, passing around a blunt and playing what seemed to be truth or dare.

Ah. That’s where the handcuffs came from.

Niki and Y/N decided to play, Niki offering to go fetch them both drinks in the kitchen as Y/N found their place in the circle. To their surprise, Technoblade was there, seemingly uninterested in the game and more invested in something he was doing on his phone. Upon seeing Y/N, he gave them a smile, cheeks flushed with alcohol, and gestured to the small spot between him and the couch armrest. All eyes followed Y/N as they perched on the armrest, mumbling a small ‘hi!’ to Technoblade.

Niki returned with two drinks in hand and shared a knowing glance with Y/N, as well as a miniscule smile, before handing them their drink and taking a seat on a cushion next to Jack and Minx.

“Okay okay, In honor of our new guests arriving, Y/N, truth or dare?” 

Y/N knew by the looks everyone was giving them that choosing truth would not be the best option.

“Dare.”

A small sigh of disappointment left Karls lips before a mischievous light came into his eyes and he perked up again. “I dare you to sit in Technoblade’s lap”

Snickers echoed across the group as Technoblade looked up at the sound of his name. He looked up to where Y/N was balancing themself on the edge of the couch, and with some burst of courage, that was probably induced by the alcohol, he wrapped his arm around their waist to tug them into his lap with a squeak of surprise.

After recovering from their initial embarrassment, Y/N turned to the man whose lap they were in. “Techno, truth or dare?”

He huffed but quietly breathed out “Truth”, suddenly very aware of how close their face was to his. After a few brief seconds of eye contact which seemed to last an eternity, they stuttered out

“Umm, do you,- actually, how did, how did they get you to play? This game... I mean?”

“BOO! WHAT A BORING FOOKIN QUESTION!” called Minx from the cushion she was on.

His response of how he didn’t mean to get dragged in to this “stupid middle schoolers game” was slightly slurred as he took a big chug of whatever liquid was floating around his red solo cup.

This worried Y/N. They never saw Technoblade drink more than enough to get him slightly tipsy, but they brushed it off on end-of-the-semester excitement. In any case, they would confront him when they got the opportunity to talk to him alone.

---

Said opportunity arose after the Pizza arrived, and most people began to file into Karls movie room to watch whatever garbage show he decided on running. Y/N stayed back, intending to have full access to the pizza and Technoblade, noticing this, stayed with them. Y/N hopped up onto a counter and pulled the pizza boxes to them.

“Hey Tech?”

“Heh?”

“Are you okay? I haven't seen you drink this much before?” they asked, running a concerned hand through his hair before pressing it to his forehead to check how hot he was.

His eyes closed and he nuzzled into their touch.

“I guess I’m just nervous.”

“Nervous? What do you have to be nervous about? It’s winter break” they answered, a small smile on their beautiful face.

This was his chance.

“I have to start applying for colleges.”

Fuck, he missed it.

-----

The food brought a new bought of energy to everyone at the party, and by 3 in the morning, the celebration was still heavy in the air. Everyone thanked whatever brought Karl’s parents to buy a house far removed from any close neighborhoods, so the noise wouldn’t earn them a police visit.

Loud music blared from the speakers in the living room, which had been cleared of furniture to make space for the energetic teenagers.

Y/N took turns dancing with Niki, Minx, and Jack before being stolen away by Sapnap who spun them around until they almost threw up. Eventually, Y/N ended up on the outskirts of the dancefloor, where they saw their favorite apathetic pig-boy leaning against a corner, snickering at everyone who was embarrassing themselves in their drunken haze. 

“WANNA DANCE?” asked Y/N leaning towards him to enunciate over the music.

How could he say no? When they were looking up at him with those big, bright eyes and a slight sheen of sweat over their face.

-----

The party began to dissipate nearing the hours of dawn. Around 5, people began trickling out. Except for the select few who had decided to just crash with Karl.

Technoblade and Wilbur parked a little ways away from their house, walking the rest of the way and ushering each other up the tree by Wilburs bedroom to sneak back in. 

It was locked.

“You dimwit, didn’t you unlock the window?”

“Of course I did you arse, where do you think I snuck out from?”

Their bickering was interrupted by a small tap on the glass by none other than a smirking Tommy. 

“Leave it to him to only wake up when he wants to annoy us”

“Tommy, let us in.”

Tommy made a rubbing motion with his index finger and thumb. Looking at Wilbur and sighing, Technoblade pulled his wallet out and held up a 10. 

Tommy made a ‘more’ motion

20. Then 40. Then 50.

“So generous of you lads, come on in!” he giggled, snatching the money from his brother and leaving the window open for the two to clamber in awkwardly.

Technoblade snuck back into his room, stripping off his sweaty clothes and falling onto the mattress. Before he blacked out, he saw two notifications come in.

BitchBur: I took these pictures tn, thought u might want them ;) (8 images attached)

And

Y/N <3: I hope you figure out the college situation! <3 let me know if you can hang out sometime :D

He opened Wilburs text to find a collection of candid pictures Wilbur had snapped over the course of the night. One of Y/N in his lap, a few of them laughing together over pizza, a few of them on the dance floor, and what had to be his favorite: a picture of them kissing his cheek as a ‘good luck’ for his arm wrestle with Dream.

A smile creeped onto his face and he felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude for his brother. He set the last picture as his wallpaper before turning off his phone and falling into a realm of blackness.

SPRING------------------

“That was my very last AP Exam!” exclaimed Y/N, walking through the door of the coffee house where all their friends were lounging. 

The small shop erupted with cheers as they celebrated everyone finishing their school year. The cheers eventually died out, though, as the realization sunk in. Tomorrow was graduation.

The seniors in the group, Wilbur, Technoblade, Minx and Fundy were all going off to college. 

Wilbur to England, Fundy to the Netherlands, and Minx to Ireland. The one person who hadn’t decided on a college yet was Technoblade.

“Why do you all have to leave the country?” whined Y/N.

A chorus of similar sentiments left the other juniors who were scattered around a few tables that had been pushed together. 

As the conversation descended into dorms and expenses, Y/N received a text from Technoblade. The shock of the ‘ding’ made the pen that had been balancing between their lips clatter onto the floor.

Apathetic pig-boy: come outside

Y/N looked around, not having noticed that Technoblade had disappeared from the table. Taking advantage of the conversation everyone else was immersed in, they quietly snuck out, but not without avoiding Wilburs keen eyes, which narrowed upon realizing his brother was not at the table.

They wandered outside, finding Technoblade sitting at one of the outdoor tables covered by the awning. 

“My Yale email came in.” he said as soon as he saw them walk outside.

They jumped with barely contained joy. “What did it say?”

“I wanted you to be here when I opened it.”

Everyone knew that Technoblades dream college was Yale. He had talked about it ever since he was a little kid, screaming about Greek mythology on the school playground. Y/N knew that it was Technoblades biggest ambition to study literature at one of the most renowned colleges in the world, but they still felt a twinge of sadness. On top of losing half their friends, they couldn’t lose the one person that meant the most to them too.

“Open it!”

Y/N leaned against the back of Technoblades chair, almost falling over his shoulder as they watched the loading icon on the college’s website.

Technoblade clicked on the notification and they both read it together

Congratulations! We are glad to inform you…

“THAT YALE UNIVERSITY HAS DECIDED TO ACCEPT YOUR APPLICATION! TECH I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!” Screamed Y/N, wrapping their arms around his shocked figure. They placed a million kisses all over his face, gushing about how proud they were of him, ignoring the gut wrenching feeling inside of them.  

“What’s the screaming about? Did you two finally get together?” Asked Wilbur as the group flooded out of the coffee shop to see what the commotion was about. 

“Yale accepted me.” mumbled Technoblade, just loud enough for them to hear.

The cheers that followed his announcement almost made their small hometown collapse. Congratulations were exchanged and backs were pat, and in the mess, Y/N managed to sneak off to the side. The only person who noticed was Niki, who followed them to the corner of the parking lot where they were kicking at the asphalt with their converse. She sat down, and the two rested in silence, the April wind blowing their hair all over the place.

“He’s leaving.” He’s leaving me. They wanted to say, but they didn't.

Niki gave her friend a small side hug, somehow interpreting the sentence accurately. “He’s pursuing his dreams Y/N, you know he doesn’t want to leave you.”

“How do I make him stay? It’s selfish and I’d feel like a bitch but Niki I don’t think I can live without him.”

“Y/N.”

“Hmm?”

“You need to tell him how you feel.”

----

The next day brought sunny skies and the enthusiastic atmosphere of graduation. They had all managed to snag themselves some graduation tickets to see their friends finish high school.

Jack, Niki, and Y/N were sitting in a Wendy’s parking lot, waiting for the clock to hit 11:45 so they could start making their way to school. It seemed empty without the Seniors of the group, as they were all at school getting ready for the ceremony. Y/N voiced this concern aloud, to which Jack responded, “We’ll have to get used to it. This is how it’s going to be next year.”

And the three fell into silence, sullenly dipping their fries into their frostys.

----

Jack, Niki, and Y/N let themselves be jostled into school with the crowds of emotional parents and kids who were already bored of the event. They found decent seats, near the front aisle and set their belongings down. 

Not a moment later, they were greeted by Philza, who filed in with the rest of the boys extended family to sit beside them. 

The dimming of the lights led to hushed whispers erupting from the previously rowdy crowd. 

Procedure came and went, the salutatorian and valedictorian giving their respective addresses to the crowd, the speech of the somewhat bored principal, and finally, 

“Without further ado, presenting the Graduating Class of 2021!” 

Cheers erupted from the crowd as names began to be called. 

Within the first five minutes, the boredom began to set in and Jack began a game pigeon game, which Phil demanded to be added to. The four played the digital card game until they were pulled out of their concentration by a familiar name being called. They erupted into cheers as Fundy walked across the stage to pick up his diploma and shake the Principal’s hand. The process was repeated until Minx, her eyes shining as she shook the principal's hand earnestly, then flipped him off quickly behind his back, which sent the auditorium into a fit of laughter.

Person after person was called up, until...

“Technoblade Minecraft”

Philza almost cried. He stood on his chair, screaming in excitement for his son which made the boy in question flush as he collected his diploma and took a rather rushed leave off the stage, but not before seeing the heart that Y/N made with their fingers in his direction.

The same general act happened  during Wilburs announcement, except that he laughed and gave his dad a cheering motion with his hands.

---

The group spilled out onto the lawn of the school, congratulating people they knew when they saw them. Technoblade and Wilbur joined their family, receiving hugs from a very emotional Tommy. Y/N, Niki, and Jack waited behind for their friends to finish up with their families before tackling them in hugs. Screams and whoops came from the puddle of people on the floor, everyone yelling things to each other. The atmosphere was charged with happiness, and relief, and one couldn’t help but feel elation despite the bittersweet nature of graduation.

“Alright mates, party at my house!” boomed Philza over the noise.

The infamous graduation party. They had planned the two-part party in middle school, when they had had their first sleepover at the group's “hub”, aka Philza’s house. Since then, the party had become a reality and the first part would be executed tonight. The next being, of course, when the remaining half of the group graduated.

A marquis was set up in Phil’s garden, now uncluttered and full of spring blossoms. It was such a different atmosphere than it had been last summer, when their bonfires would stretch out into the early hours of the morning.

Food laden tables were scattered around the marquis, and to everyone's delight, a chocolate fountain rested on one of them.

After collecting food and gifts from various guests, the group found themselves sitting under the shade of a large tree with a rickety old treehouse balancing on it, which Tommy and Tubbo were attempting to devise a plan to get into with the help of their friend Ranboo, who didn’t seem as enthusiastic about the idea as the others.

“My flight leaves next week.” sighed Minx, leaning against Niki’s shoulder.

“I’ll be out of here by July the latest” 

“Phil’s taking us to London next week and I’ll just be staying”

Everyone turned to Technoblade to reveal when he would be leaving for college. 

“I’m going to Connecticut a week before the beginning of the term”

“So how long will you be home this summer?” Y/N asked, setting down their cookie.

“Between travelling and dorm set-up, I’ll probably only be here for about two weeks total.”

Y/N’s eyes filled with tears as they pushed their head into Technoblades chest. 

“I just-” sniffle “I just can’t believe you’re all leaving!” they cried, muffled by Technoblades button down.

This sent everyone into a fit of tears as they all began hugging each other for what seemed like the hundredth time that day.

The moment was interrupted by Phil, who came out of the house with a camera and various props. Encouraging everyone to gather around and take pictures. Everyone scuffled around to fix their disheveled appearances and began making their way to Phils makeshift photo booth.

“Tech- wait!” called Y/N, pulling him back by the forearm. “Your hair”

They put pressure on his shoulders to get him to lean down so that they could fix his stray hairs. 

Right then, looking at the way Y/N’s shoes sank into the ground and feeling their light touch in his hair, he decided. I have to tell them. This is my last chance.

“Hey Y/N?”

“Hmm?”

“I-” deep breaths, “I need you to-”

“Come on, lovebirds get in the picture!” called Phil, walking over to drag them to where everyone else was. 

Y/N gave him an apologetic look, woven with the silent promise of later.

Damnit Dad.

----

The pictures had lasted what felt like eons, but between the corny props and the harsh afternoon sunlight, they held valuable memories.

But Technoblade had no interest in them at the moment, as he dragged Y/N behind the trunk of the tree they had sat at before.

The sunlight filtering through the leaves made Y/N’s face all that much more beautiful, and Technoblade struggled to tear his attention away to focus on telling them. He gathered up his courage and opened his mouth to speak.

But the only thing that came out was “OW!”

As a pinecone bonked off his head and rolled away on the ground, leaving chips of it in his hair. 

“Look out below!” Called Tubbo from somewhere above them. So they managed to get in. Damnit.

Y/N took his hand and led him to the other side of the tree, away from the boys’ field of destruction. They sat down gently, pulling Technoblade down with them to pluck the pieces of pinecone out of his hair.

“Here. Distraction free! Now tell me what you’ve been trying to say because there’s something I need to tell you too.”

That gave Technoblade the perfect opportunity to gather his nerves. “You go first”

“No, it’s fine you!”

“No you go!”

It seemed as if the stars had collided and sent out particles so many eons ago with the knowledge that everything would lead up to these two kids coming to the same conclusion at the same time. 

“I love you”

“I love you”

Their eyes met as they stared, wide-eyed and gaping-mouthed at each other. Overcoming the initial shock, they began to ramble.

“I didn’t think you felt the same way because you always got quiet around me and then you woul-”

“Can I kiss you?” Technoblade interrupted them, not really hearing their rambling through the buzz going through his brain.

They nodded shyly in response as he wrapped his hand around the back of their neck to pull them dizzyingly, tauntingly closer. He looked into their eyes one more time to make sure they were serious, but Y/N was already closing the gap between their lips. They hoisted themselves into his lap and gripped his hair to bring him impossibly closer.

But alas, in this group of people, nothing goes unnoticed or undisturbed.

“EW! TECHNO’S KISSING Y/N!” screamed Tommy from the balcony of the treehouse which resulted in whoops and cheers from everyone at the party.

“FINALLY!” yelled someone amongst the crowd. 

Y/N felt their ears burn a bright red as they buried their face into Techno’s neck.

“Yeah Y/N! Get some!”

“Oh fuck off!”

A/N: i hope u guys liked it :D, also this is my first time writing with they/them pronouns so if i made a mistake pls don’t hesitate to correct me!

#c!techno #technoblade #technoblade x reader #mcyt x reader #technoblade fluff #technofluff

[nvzblgrrl]

Look. It's 2022. There have been loads of NuWho companions and I think I should be relatively safe to say that I really Do Not Like Rose Tyler.

Gonna just stick the read more here so anyone who doesn't want to hear me complain can dodge it, because Honey You Got A Big Storm Coming.

So yeah here it is - my anti-Rose bitch fest.

It's not about her fandom constantly going on about her being the Doctor's 'Wun Tru Wuv' - though that's eternally an annoyance when I'm looking for fic to read or when someone has the brass set it takes to manifest in my DMs to bitch about me having both of them in a fic that's not focused on Their Grand Romance and how that means I hate Doctor Who, David Tennant, love, democracy, and free will when I'm the one who ended up writing about 10 thanks to the gods of random numbers -, it's more about the fact that her flaws, of which there are many very solid ones broadly displayed in the show, are glossed over by them.

And most of those problems boil down to the fact that Rose Tyler is selfish. I would say that it's impossible to gloss over that fact, but people do constantly, for some reason or another, so I'm just going to lay it out.

Rose Tyler is selfish and it is, 99% of the time, never to the betterment of anyone else.

I'm not saying that Rose is incapable of being compassionate - that's one of the few praises I can give her character is that she can switch from contempt to compassion rather easily - but she is largely incapable of putting herself in another person's shoes or understanding the differences between Her Situation and Theirs, and often outright refuses to change her mind even with presented with evidence to the contrary.

This is best evidenced by her actions in the Idiot's Lantern.

'How so?' you might ask. 'Wouldn't it be easier to just point out all the shit she's done in the name of getting father-daughter time with Pete Tyler?'

Well, Yes, but that's so direct I think people would take that as a given and miss the fact that Rose Tyler can and will actively project her Daddy Issues onto anyone and everyone else, despite actively seeing evidence that that is a Bad Idea.

Because in the Idiot's Lantern, Rose Tyler makes the jump towards being an active Abuse Apologist. Not in a 'didn't know any better' sort of way, but after watching Eddie Connelly terrorize his family - AND GETTING SCREWED OVER BY HIM TOO - she turns to Tommy and goes 'well, you should go talk to him. He's Your Dad.'

And the Doctor Goes With It, despite being the one who actively tried to counter any and all of Eddie's bullshit through the episode before this point.

(Seriously, 10 is his own can of worms for me, but Rose with 10 is just a perfect storm of 'what the fuck is wrong with you two'.)

Also - let's talk about the Dimension cannon, I've been dying to talk about the Dimension cannon.

You know how the Doctor ended Doomsday by pointing out that he couldn't just come and pick Rose up from the alternate dimension because doing that would risk destroying not just the Earth (Earths?) but both universes?

(in case this was unclear, this is a bad thing)

Remember how Rose immediately goes 'so?' Remember how in Series 4, Rose starts randomly Showing Up?

Yeppers. You know what that means - she got that information and decided that, you know what? I want my Ballerina Barbie in the pretty pink tutu Wun Tru Luv, and I will happily burn down the house destroy two whole ass universes to get that, damn the consequences.

(Okay, maybe Rose isn't a complete Debbie but like... seriously).

Now, you might argue that she wouldn't have used the Dimension Cannon at all if it wasn't Safe if only so the Doctor wouldn't be upset and that she would be able to have him to herself longer.

But the thing is that - thanks to the Audios, we know that she was testing the damn thing way before the whole Reality Bomb thing with Davros was going on. You don't test something to see if it works if you don't intend to use it. And you don't test it a bunch if you're sure it's safe to use.

Rose Tyler is 100% willing to risk killing off not one, but two universes if it means getting back to the Doctor, even for a split second.

That's Not Exactly Great *understatement*. Also, I don't want to hear any Rose stans call Clara 'unstable' and 'possessive' when they're willing to excuse this shit.

Also, I feel the need to point out that the weird 'but The Age Difference' argument a lot of people take against Clara/12 (the Doctor being massively older than most of their shipping partners is fairly standard?) falls apart even further considering the massive amount of shipping/erotica for Doctor/Rose which shacks her up with every single incarnation currently known.

So, idk, just be straight forward and say that you don't like anyone that isn't Rose. You were just as clear on that when Martha became the Doctor's companion, considering the amount of racist harassment Freema Agyeman had to deal with in real life.

(is it bad form to reuse the same meme twice in a rant? Probably. But I think the problem of fans being racist bastards is more concerning)

And if you're quibble is something more like 'but Doctor/(whatever companion isn't Rose that I want to rail against) isn't Heaallthyyy' - Rose and 10 aren't healthy either. Together, they constitute one mega asshole, one who is willing to make jokes about Queen Victoria not being amused after a shitton of people got mauled to death by a werewolf, not to mention the time in Love and Monsters where the Doctor brought Rose around to see a guy about to get eaten by an alien explicitly so she could ream him out which was immediately followed up by the Doctor straight up telling the Absorbaloff 'yeah, go ahead and kill him, I don't care' with Rose not showing any emotion that wasn't 'How Dare You Hurt My Mum's Feelings After I Hurt Her Feelings' until she realized that the Absorbaloff had eaten Elton's girlfriend and even then, it was rather vague sympathy.

(a joke about the state of the universe or the 10/Rose stans screaming at me for making this post? you decide)

But back to Rose being Selfish - you know how she drops Mickey like a sack of hot garbage at the end of her first episode for having a PTSD response instead of being 'oh yeah this is Tuesday' like the Doctor? and how she just continues to pick him up and drop him throughout the rest of his time on the show however she feels like until he just flat out leaves the TARDIS in Age of Steel?

Now remember that during this same period of off-and-on again with Mickey as Convenient, she also picks up Adam Mitchell (on hardly any interaction at all and looking like a barely toasted piece of white bread) and Jack Harkness (self-explain), while also going for the Doctor's attention.

I don't have any problem with Poly-Am or swinging, if done respectfully with all parties, but this was very much not the case here - Mickey being constantly treated as a rebound option is already bad enough without bringing in the fact that he's black and Rose is consistently dropping him for white men and then coming back the second the white guy doesn't work out.

(sometimes all you need is a 7 year old Cracked article to sum up how you feel about a certain character).

And let's not forget the fact that Jackie spent a year harassing Mickey over his supposed murder of Rose and Rose's lukewarm concern about that whole kettle of fish when she finally came back.

But then we have the secondary problem of Rose immediately going cold and territorial the moment someone gets close - and I mean even in the mildest sense of talking to or even breathing the same air as one of her boys.

We see it with Jabe (literally episode two), Lynda with a Y (Bad Wolf/Parting Of The Ways), Sarah Jane, and even in non-direct interactions such as during the group call during The Stolen Earth. She immediately will point out that 'she was there first' or - in Sarah Jane's case - is the Doctor's current companion.

So yeah. Rose Tyler. The worst? Probably not. She's certainly an interesting character to study (a bit like those people who seem to think they're one encounter with Truck-kun away from living the isekai dream). Would she be someone I'd like to be friends with? No. Absolutely not. Would I want to engage with her fandom? Hell no. Been there, done that, been accused of being the Anti-Christ on the merit of not liking her.

#anti-rose tyler #rose tyler hate #doctor who rant #will not be putting these in the main tags for either rose tyler or doctor who #because there's no joy in throwing negativity into the tags for people who like the character

[januarymoreau]

alright so I know literally no one cares about this but it’s my social media I’m doing what I want /lh

I’ve been seeing a lot of slander about justin russo on the internet lately and I’m currently hyperfixated on wizards of waverly place so here’s why justin is an awesome character/doesn’t deserve the hate he gets

He’s kind and treats those he loves well. Justin is canonically really good at comforting people. Although he argues with Alex a lot, at the end of the day, he’s also her older brother and genuinely cares about her. When Professor Crumbs threatens to take Alex’s magic away because she doesn’t turn her report card in, Justin says that Crumbs will also have to take his magic away. Justin is ultimately selfless. We see again and again the sacrifices he makes for Alex and I think we mainly see his kindness in that relationship. Despite that, I think he’s also notably kind to Juliet. When he finds out that he made the mistake of reporting Juliet and her parents, he instantly tries to fix it. Not only does he try to fix it, but he puts his job as Monster Hunter in jeopardy for Juliet and her parents - her parents haven’t even been that nice to him. Justin is ultimately selfless and at the end of the day, he sacrifices himself or what he wants for others. When Rosie turns back into a good angel, instead of selfishly continuing to date her and keeping her in the mortal world (which he could have done - she literally offers to stay with him), he gives her up because he realizes the world needs a guardian angel more than he needs a girlfriend. Even though it hurts because he loved her, he gives her up. There’s no “award” for doing this - he won’t move up a level in the wizard competition, he really won’t get any recognition for giving Rosie up. He doesn’t even get any recognition for turning the moral compass back to good. He does it because it’s the right thing to do. Although later I’ll argue that Justin is constantly seeking validation, I also think that the heroic/good things he does are often done with no expectation of being praised for it. He does them because he has a strong sense of morals. He’s also kind to Harper, Zeke, his parents, and even Max, who people rarely ever show kindness to in the show.

He’s in touch with his emotions. When the show starts, Justin is very against anything that will show him as feminine or emotional. In fact, he even says he’s allergic to emotions (or something like that) to cover for the fact that he’s crying over his missing dog. As the show goes on, we see Justin start to embrace and accept his emotions more and to lose touch with his toxic masculinity. I think dating Juliet changed him in a lot of ways (making him more relaxed, etc), and I think one was encouraging him to be more emotional. After Wizards vs. Vampires, Justin is pretty emotional and open about his emotions in the show. He’s even open with talking about them. In the movie, he opens up to Alex about how he feels like Jerry & Theresa wouldn’t love him as much if he were less “perfect,” which brings me to my next point.

At the end of the day, Justin is a sad character. I know it’s a kid’s show but they really do cover a lot of issues so bear w me. I’m hyperfixated and I like to over analyze shows so I’ve thought about this a lot. Justin is the oldest, which means he already deals with pressure to be perfect. Then, add in the fact that his parents are constantly describing him as the “perfect child” and putting him on a pedestal, while pitting the kids against each other as a result of the wizard culture bc of the family competition (I love Jerry & Theresa but they’re not perfect). He’s also a high achiever and we know he puts extreme pressure on himself to do well - they always make a joke about it but it’s actually quite sad. He literally feels poorly about himself when he gets a B and bases his entire self worth on his grades and skills as a wizard. In fact, in the movie he voices doubt about whether or not he’s good at anything other than magic. I have a few things I want to say about all of this. First of all, I think Justin is constantly seeking validation. I think as the oldest and “best” child, he feels the need to be perfect all the time, but he also does many of the things he does because he just wants validation. When Harper decides to run a marathon, Justin does too, and sadly his accomplishment of finishing it is overshadowed by Harper “winning.” I also think Justin feels threatened by the success of others because he thinks it invalidates his. When he opens up to Alex in the movie, he says that he’s jealous of her because it seems like everything comes naturally to her. Justin feels as if his parents loving his siblings takes away from their love from his. It’s irrational, but very real. Which brings me to my next point - Justin has generalized anxiety disorder. It makes sense - the overthinking, the outbursts he has (Alex refers to it as a conniption once) of panic or frustration, the overachieving, etc. As someone who probably has autism, I also think he’s autistic (which would explain his troubles with tone, struggle making friends, obsessions with things like Captain Jim Bob Sherwood and science, being better w robots than people, and so much more).

Ultimately, Justin has a strong moral backbone. Although he’s a stickler for the rules and this oftentimes leads him to do bad things initially, he always does the right thing in the end. For example, when Justin and Alex go to court and Justin duplicates himself to be his lawyer, his lawyer ultimately proves that Justin is guilty; he even says something along the lines of “We’re Justin Russo. We always do what’s moral and just.” Justin has a strong sense of justice (which could also be from being autistic but I could do a whole other post about neurodivergency coding in WOWP and Disney & Nick shows overall bc there’s a ton of coding) and does what he thinks is right, most of the time. Sure, sometimes he does bad things, but he’s also a teenager at the end of the day and he’s highly competitive.

Finally, Justin Russo is super progressive - in fact, he’s probably the most progressive characters of the show. He acknowledges climate change and actively tries to create a solution for it. In fact, for his science fair project he makes a water powered engine, which would reduce carbon emissions. He also wears a shirt at one point that says “Make art not war.” I will admit that his biases against the werewolf he dated were problematic, but he clearly grew from that because he never held any of that against Mason. He’s also into science and is a nerd and although this is a stereotype, most young people who are into science and are nerds are progressive. I’m pretty sure he also is well aware of current events and would probably read the newspaper. Also I myself headcanon Justin as trans and bi (again could make another post about characters in wowp that are queer)

Little note even tho probably no one will see this - this is all just for fun. If you disagree with anything I said, just say it politely hahsh. Also please don’t make fun of me for this WOWP is a huge hyperfixation and comfort thing for me rn and I just wanted to make a silly little post where I analyze one of my comfort characters. Also I kin Justin so pls don’t like hate on him in the comments.

#justin russo #wizards of waverly place #wowp #alex russo #harper finkle #juliet van heusen #max russo #theresa russo #jerry russo #russo siblings #disney channel #character analysis

[snafu-maniac1]

Zuko deserved better

So I rewatched Avatar the Last Airbender recently and let me tell you......

I wanna murder several people.

Looking back on this entire series I’ve come to notice something. I watched the show just like any other audience member and only saw the good and the bad characters. One of these prime examples is Zuko. Zuko’s redemption arc has been praised as one of the greatest in history, succeeding where others have failed. But watching it all again......it wasn’t redemption. Not to me personally.

Before everyone gets angry and defensive at me, please finish reading my post and hear what I have to say. I do not wish to start any fandom wars or discredit or disrespect anyone’s opinion, this is just my personal psychological analysis of Zuko’s character....Sigh and let me give you a warning.

It’s gonna be LONG. 

So if you’re not interested or don’t want to hear it or don’t feel like reading something this long that’s fine, you can go ahead and just click away and ignore this post.

Starting from book 2. 

Now you may be wondering why I’m starting here and not from the start of Zuko’s childhood but I first want to address the one question everyone had been wondering since the series 2 finale. What would have happened if Zuko hadn’t sided with Azula?

My answer is.....that wouldn’t have happened.

Everyone’s been focusing on the entire arc where Zuko was struggling to accept that the war was wrong and how Iroh was trying to get through to him when he tried to capture Appa and afterwards, but here’s something everyone tends to ignore.

Why didn’t Iroh try sooner?

Why didn’t he try to stop Zuko before Aang came, before he’d gotten so deep and desperate to the point that he continuously committed heinous acts to capture the Avatar? People would justify it by saying Iroh wanted Zuko to realize the wrongs of his father and Nation by himself to shape him into his own person. But that is in no way the appropriate way to approach a physically, psychologically and mentally unstable and abused child. Zuko was a thirteen year old boy when he was burned and banished. This is where we go into his childhood. Zuko was raised like any other Fire Nation citizen. As we’ve seen in book 3 and in the Pirate comic book, The Fire Nation citizens were led to believe that the other Nations were ‘savages’ and ‘barbarians’. It villainizes the Fire Nation even more. The very fact that they would spread heinous lies against other people when they themselves were responsible for the war that ruined so many lives. But when you realize, what Sozin and the other Fire Lords did was a solid battle tactic. Making the opposing side out to be these horrendous monsters. Making lies or accentuating every one of their worst traits to dehumanize their enemies so that the people would not have any qualms about fighting them. All of the Fire Nation schools were taught these lies. And Zuko was no exception.

Zuko was a member of the Royal family. And from what was shown in the Avatar series, the Royal family was isolated from the rest of Fire Nation society. Zuko had no way of knowing what the other Nations were really like, no way of knowing the truth about the war and no one had bothered to explain it to him. The one person that could have, did NOT. And yet people had expected him to just automatically know that he was being lied to and that his people were the villains. Zuko’s only social exposure was with Fire Lord Azulon, Fire Lord Ozai, Dragon Of The West General and Crown Prince Iroh, his cousin Prince Lu Ten, his mother Princess Ursa and his younger sister Princess Azula and her friends Mai and Ty Lee. All of whom believed in the Fire Nation propaganda and all of whom had no problem in participating in the war and making jokes about burning Ba Sing Se to the ground. Zuko was under scrutiny and aggression from Ozai. Ozai was Zuko’s ‘handler’, his ‘groomer’. He groomed Zuko into a certain type of submissive and obedient behavior. Zuko was not allowed to show any type of emotion otherwise he would suffer severe repercussions. Ozai and Azula taunted Zuko for having a sense of compassion and with how he was ostracized in a war loving family, he began to believe his behavior and way of thinking was unusual. It was like Azula said to Mai, “Your mother had certain expectations of you and when you strayed from them you were shot down.” In Zuko’s case, the expectations he strayed from resulted in severe punishment. Ozai was willing to permanently disfigure and traumatize Zuko when he was a thirteen year old boy. It’s not unusual to think that his punishments towards Zuko would sometimes very likely be physical and many people even write alternate universes of the Avatar series where Ozai was even more abusive than he already was. He was a manipulative man who brainwashed his daughter into being his perfect, obedient little slave and manipulated his son into questioning his own sense of reality. He would tell him that Azula was born lucky and he was lucky to be born, cementing Azula’s view of herself of receiving everything she wanted and turning her personality toxic while he made Zuko feel inferior and faulty. If there was something wrong with him, his father would tell him and he needed to fix it. But he never could. He strayed towards his mother, who like Iroh, abandoned Azula because of Ozai’s manipulation and did nothing to help her like they ‘helped’ Zuko.

When Zuko was thirteen he wanted to ‘prove’ himself to his father by attending one of his war meetings. Zuko very likely only wished to do what his father wanted because by then, Iroh had abandoned him when he left after the Siege of Ba Sing Se, his mother disappeared and his grandfather and cousin were both dead. The only ones he had left of his family were his father and sister who both abused him and he only wished for their approval and their affection. Humans need mutual affection. Children who do not receive affection from their parents, tend to not take that type of neglect well. Because people need affection to properly function. Our parents love us from when we are young and that emotional connection is something very important to every human being’s mental state. However, Zuko’s only source of affection, his mother, was taken away from him. Azula herself, had no source of affection. Not from her mother, who thought she was demented from her father’s brainwashing, nor from her brother who feared her, nor from her father who used her as a tool. Returning to the day of the Agni Kai, Zuko wished to be of use to his father, he craved his affection because that is what the abuser does. They make you believe they are the only ones who can validate you and if you do not abide by their rules or follow their orders then you mean nothing. Zuko for the most part from what I could see in the flashback, held his promise and did not speak. But when he refused to back down when his people were in danger, Ozai was not pleased. This is because he is an abuser. He is Zuko’s ‘handler’ and when someone who is abusing another person witnesses this type of behavior, they have a feeling of loss of control. They desire control, they crave it, over the abusee especially. So when Zuko showed empathy towards the Fire Nation citizens and did not do as Ozai wished, he decided to ‘rectify’ that. In the most BRUTAL way possible. An Agni Kai. A public spectacle where he would establish dominance over his son, over his pawn and he would make a show of it. He would show everyone that HE was the one in control and NO ONE could defy him. When Zuko refused to fight Ozai, because of his love for his father, Ozai only saw that as a weakness. Ozai is a psychotic man. The fact that he did not have any problem in burning his son so cruelly shows that he does not have any sense of morals. Going back to Zuko, a thirteen year old child at the time, he had just been punished for disobedience, for straying from his father’s expectations, in the worst way possible.

Zuko did what many people would say is the right thing to do. He tried to defend his people from a cruel man intent on sending them to their deaths. But in doing so, he had defied his father and was punished for it. He was punished....for trying to HELP people. His life was essentially DESTROYED and he was thrown out of his home...for trying to help people. For showing empathy towards others. He was punished in the worst way possible for defying his father. His entire perception of right and wrong was thrown out of balance. He was taught that the war was right and that the Fire Lord, his father, was all knowing. And his mother tried to teach him kindness and her lessons of kindness got him punished. The amount of physical and mental damage he had sustained from such a punishment would in some cases be irreversible. Iroh was right there with Zuko and he did nothing. I CAN understand why he did not step in during the Agni Kai. He had been gone from the Fire Nation, his brother had taken the throne and he could have very well himself been punished severely for intervening. However, why did he allow Zuko to continue to believe he was the one at fault? Everyone of us has seen Zhao, has seen the way he treated Zuko during his banishment. Zuko very likely spent those entire two years before Aang’s arrival, being subjected to that type of behavior from everyone around him. All of them blamed him, all of them very likely said that he’d deserved what had happened to him. No one was on his side. He ended up turning aggressive and cruel towards others, because that was the way his father behaved and it was his empathy towards others that got him punished in the first place. He said in The Storm ‘the safety of the crew doesn’t matter’, just like the general that called the 41st division ‘fresh meat’. It was easier for Zuko to lash out at others and be aggressive than to let them see his vulnerabilities and hurt him for them again. It was the same with Song and her mother. Ozai tried to force him to be cruel, he tried to groom him the same way he did Azula. They dehumanized the other Nations and Zuko behaved the exact same way he was expected to. ‘Their compassion would cost them’. It was exactly the way his father wanted him to be. It was what Iroh did not wish for him, and yet despite claiming he thought of Zuko as a son, he did not in any way try to convince Zuko to give up his quest during the two years he had been searching for something that at the time was believed did not exist. The only instance we were shown of Iroh saying anything against his search, and even that is a stretch, was in the Western Air Temple episode where Zuko has a flashback of Iroh telling him that ‘destiny was a funny thing’ when Zuko said it was his destiny to capture the Avatar. Iroh had time to run the White Lotus, an antiwar organization for two YEARS maybe even longer and he did not think of taking two MINUTES to talk to Zuko, to ease him into realizing the wrongs of the war. Okay, yes he could have passed it off as character growth. But how do you expect a person, surrounded by people telling him he was at fault, he had no choice, either obey or never come back, to realize something like that? How do you expect an abuse victim to accept help all by themselves when their abuser forces them to depend on them? Did Iroh take him to some Earth Kingdom villages to see that they aren’t the vicious savages the Fire Nation portrays them to be? Did he take Zuko to the Southern Water Tribe to see the damage done to them at the hands of his own country? No. Instead he acted like an oblivious old man who had no interest other than Pai Sho and speaking proverbs that Zuko could not hope to understand.

Two years Zuko spent looking and looking and he turned desperate to the point that he was willing to do anything to go home. And then The Avatar finally returned. And then the people that Zuko was raised to perceive as brutal savages continued to stand in his way. And did Iroh intervene? No. He still did nothing. He allowed Zuko to continue his pursuit and turn into the worst possible version of himself. People say that Zuko should own up to the consequences of his actions. And he should. But would he have done those actions had Iroh stopped him earlier? Would he have done any of the things he did when the only remaining adult figure in his life had told him otherwise? Would he have listened to Iroh? The answer is yes. He was willing to do what Ozai had expected of him so why would he not listen to Iroh with time and patience instead of waiting till the last possible moment to do so? Children don’t automatically know right from wrong from the moment of their birth. They are taught by their parents, by the adults in their lives and Zuko had Ozai as his parental influence. And Iroh knew that. He knew the type of man his brother was and he did not try to overwrite his brother’s abuse to help his nephew until Zuko was already on the path of no return. When they became refugees Iroh still did nothing until they got to Ba Sing Se and until Zuko, again in an act of desperation, tried to capture Appa. That was when he FINALLY decided to step in. Three years since Zuko’s banishment, sixteen years of his father’s influence and abuse and he decides the very moment his nephew is close to the brink of insanity is the perfect opportunity to DESTROY his entire world view. He had worked day in and day out for two years before Aang appeared, only for his uncle, someone he TRUSTED, to tell him it was all for NOTHING. Two years of TORTURING himself. A year of fighting against his Nation’s enemies and SUDDENLY he’s being told it was all for nothing. When Iroh and Zuko reunited, Iroh told him he found his way again ‘on his own’ like how Zuko told Ozai he had to learn everything ‘on his own’. And they were both right. Zuko had no one to help him. He had to suffer through so much on his own, without anyone’s help and they’re SURPRISED he acted the way he did. When everything came to ahead in Ba Sing Se with Katara, people thought ‘Oh Zuko has changed he’s going to help Katara.’ And when he did not they HATED him for it. 

The reason for this is because Katara was the ‘good guy’ and Zuko was the ‘bad guy’. Black and white. Katara and Zuko shared a moment of understanding from both losing their mothers and Katara offered to heal his scar and he chose to side with Azula and both Katara and the viewers saw this as a betrayal on Zuko’s part. This assumption however is completely unjustified and unfounded. Everyone sees Zuko and the Fire Nation as the bad guys. The villains of the story. But Katara and the Water Tribes and Earth Kingdom were the bad guys in the Fire Nation’s eyes. Katara was the ‘savage’ standing in the way of Zuko going home. The Avatar was his home’s greatest ENEMY and THREAT. Had the situation been reversed and Katara had to choose between Zuko and the Water Tribe and her brother and father, people would have supported her choice because they were the good guys. Zuko’s people were the bad guys so it had to be the wrong decision and a betrayal to Katara and Iroh. But Zuko was an unstable, traumatized child who did not wish to believe his people were bad, who did not want to fight his home after he spent so long trying to capture Aang, his home’s greatest THREAT and ENEMY. Katara hated Zuko because he represented everything that the Fire Nation did to her family. And Zuko hated her because she was the ‘savage’ keeping him from his one way home. To Zuko, Katara was the bad guy. And looking back at their moment of sympathy where Katara said he betrayed her trust I can only ask one thing....how could Zuko have known that Katara wasn’t trying to trick him? Now, the viewers would automatically respond ‘Katara’s not like that! She wouldn’t do that!’ but the fact is, we the viewers KNOW Katara. We know she’s not that type of person because we got to know her through out the series. Zuko does NOT know her. To Zuko, she’s just another faceless enemy out to KILL his father. He chose Azula’s side because he could not accept what Iroh was saying to him because why hadn’t Iroh said so sooner? He did not want to join Aang’s side cause this was the AVATAR. The one out to KILL his FATHER and take down his HOME. When Zuko returned, he was conflicted about what he had done because he had begun to see how wrong his father and sister’s behavior and The Fire Nation’s war truly was. And Iroh cemented that further by proclaiming Zuko’s struggle was because of Roku and Sozin’s conflict when that was clearly not the case. Zuko was groomed and brainwashed by the Fire Nation propaganda like every other citizen but he was not dispelled from that belief by anyone. No one tried to make him question that belief. Iroh did not try to ‘help Zuko’ until the very last moment in Ba Sing Se. People believe Zuko betrayed Iroh because that’s how it’s supposed to be when Zuko was the ‘bad guy’ and Iroh was the ‘caring’ Uncle and ‘voice of reason’. And yet he did not think to ‘reason’ with Zuko before this entire mess even started. He did not in any way try to disrupt Zuko’s view of the other Nations or his father. In my opinion, IROH was the one who betrayed ZUKO. Iroh KNEW the entire time that what Zuko was doing was wrong. Zuko was a child who was not allowed to think for himself and Iroh KNEW Zuko was brainwashed by the exact same propaganda he himself had believed before he lost his son. If Iroh, who had believed in the Fire Nation for so many years, was unable to realize the wrongs of the war until his ADULTHOOD when he lost his son, how in the world did he expect a 13 year old child to do so? And Zuko became even more unstable and then he chose the Fire Nation.

When he realized it was wrong and went to join team Avatar, they were reasonably mistrusting.

Zuko’s redemption arc from a simple perspective, from team Avatar’s perspective was very well done. Team Avatar did not know what Zuko had been through. To them he was just another Fire Nation monster who had hurt them. To the audience, he was just another Fire Nation monster who had hurt the good guys. No one would think that deep into a fictional character’s perspective or psychological and mental state. No one would think past the ‘good guy’ and the ‘bad guy’. But one thing I cannot justify is Katara’s accusation of betrayal towards Zuko. As we have mentioned, Zuko and Katara were enemies who had a mutual hatred towards each other before his ‘redemption’. They had one single moment of shared empathy and understanding and that is NOT the basis for earned trust. What would Katara have done had she been in Zuko’s shoes? Fighting her enemies, fighting people she sees as nothing more than monsters and she has to choose between her long time enemy and her sibling and her home and her family. If she was in that position, she would choose Sokka and Hakoda and Aang and the Water Tribe over Zuko in a heartbeat because those are her FAMILY members and her FRIENDS and people would justify her because she’s the ‘good guy’. The hero. But Zuko is the villain so his actions automatically AREN’T justifiable. I understand Katara’s mistrust towards Zuko because of their history and because again, she doesn’t know anything about him or what he went through. But she cannot expect him to just automatically leave behind everything he’s ever known and ever believed in because of one single moment of understanding. Zuko should have done everything he could to make it up to the group because he owed it to them and they again, did not know any of his reasons for hunting them. But Zuko does not deserve to be labeled simply as ‘a bad guy turned good’ when he was NEVER a bad guy to begin with. When he was never even mentally stable enough to make that type of decision for himself. In today’s day and age Zuko and Azula would have BOTH ended up in a mental institution. And after all of the things he went through, Zuko was the one who ended up going back to Iroh and apologizing when Iroh was the one who abandoned him and then Zuko at 16 years old ended up as the leader of a nearly fallen apart country. He had to suffer through insomnia, assassination attempts and mental instability and abandonment. Iroh left to Ba Sing Se and only made two appearances in a total of SIX comic books after the end of the War and one of those was entirely brief. So while Iroh gets to enjoy the rest of his life selling tea, Zuko has to suffer the consequences for what his family did. He was also abandoned by Mai which brings me to another point.

Zuko’s toxic relationships.

Some people say they dislike Mai because she is emotionally abusive towards Zuko. It never occurred to me before but looking at it now, I have to say that I agree. In the comics after book 2 had ended it was shown that Azula used Mai’s childhood crush on Zuko to manipulate him into going back to the Fire Nation with her. And Mai.....I don’t even know how to get started on the entire mess that is their relationship. Mai is a person who does not like emotion. She doesn’t like to express herself and immediately shuts down anything even close to emotion. The same applies to Zuko. Zuko is a very emotionally unstable and insecure person. And instead of reassuring and calming him, Mai immediately cuts him off whenever he loses a handle of his emotions and just flat out ends their relationship on the spot. She gives Zuko no explanation, just gets angry at him and then all of a sudden when Zuko can’t take anymore and explodes she suddenly says she cares about him. Their relationship is toxic. Mai demeans his problems and things that trouble him. Quote “I just asked if you were cold, I didn’t ask for your whole life story.” when Zuko was nervous about going back home. She demeans his guilt towards Iroh and tries to make him feel better by ordering servants around. And then in the Boiling Rock episode she attacks him for his letter which is reasonable on her part, but there is the problem that despite being Zuko’s girlfriend, up until that point she was Azula’s subordinate first and foremost and she could have tried to let Azula know. Still was a shitty way of ending their relationship, I’m not gonna act like it wasn’t but I still wanted to put that perspective out there just for thought. Not to mention how she ended things in the comic books. The trust issue I understand. But I don’t understand how ONE single mistake would lead to her just immediately ending things instead of at least TRYING to work it out. She could have listened to him and seen why he was so upset and scared of messing up that he went to Ozai of all people for help. She did not stick by him when he needed her and that was what forever ruined their relationship for me. 

In simple terms, Zuko was a bad guy who became a good guy and redeemed himself.

In psychological terms, Zuko was an abuse victim who was brainwashed since his childhood, blamed for it and made into a scapegoat while his sister ended up in a mental institution because of her father’s influence and because the same people who ‘helped’ Zuko didn’t think she deserved it too.

So from what I’ve seen while rewatching the series....

Zuko never needed redeeming. Zuko needed help.

And he didn’t get it. 

#avatar the last airbender #zuko #zuko deserved better #azula #azula deserved better #zuko needs therapy #azula needs therapy

[maguiretriping]

Controversial Opinion: Rayla doesn’t really respect Callum

I know I’m gonna get destroyed for saying this, so here me out: I do love Rayla. I think she’s an amazing, well written character. On top of that, I do believe that she truly loves Callum. He very quickly became one of the most important people in her life, who she can open up to and be vulnerable around...

...it’s just that she kinda looks down on him too.

And I actually think this is completely intentional on the part of the showrunners, because her attitude towards Callum reflects her attitude towards humans generally. From the very beginning, we see that she does empathize and sees value in humans, enough that she becomes the first assassin in centuries to disobey a direct order and let not one, but two human targets live.

Yet while Rayla displays compassion towards humans, she also displays a condescending attitude too. As Human Rayla, she mocks humans on a number of stereotypes (including violence, hypocrisy, and complaining), but then also mocks them for things completely outside of their control, such as their “sub-century life expectancy.”  While this is done for comedic effect, in Rayla’s interactions with Callum we see that she does genuinely look down on humans, even him.

Before she realizes she loves him, Rayla often gave put-downs to Callum. In 2x04, she doesn’t seem terribly bothered that Callum is potentially risking his “stupid human life” to venture into the storm, and only objects when he takes Zym with him. When talking about entering Xadia, Rayla diminishes Callum by saying “It’ll be safe and easy, even for you,” instead of, you know, pointing out that Callum is more capable than he gives himself credit for, in a moment when he was feeling especially insecure and unsure of himself.

Heck, any time that Callum talks about his insecurities and self-loathing (”I’ve always been bad at everything”/ “I can’t do anything”), Rayla never seems to directly challenge this (the way Ellis does), or even suggest that he’s being too hard on himself and point out that it realistically takes time and effort to get good at something.

On the contrary, she affirms Callum’s self-doubt (”It’s okay, Callum”) and then feeds into it by insisting she go deal with conflicts on her own. Compare that to how both Ezran and Callum handle Rayla’s insecurities--they flat out reject that Rayla has any reason to doubt herself, and insist she’s awesome and heroic. Rayla isn’t bad at providing comfort, so it’s not that big of a stretch to conclude that the reason she doesn’t reject what Callum says here is because she does agree with him.

By s3, Rayla only marginally improves in her attitude toward Callum, entrusting him with more physically demanding tasks (incidentally, after he connects to an Arcanum and therefore has more value in Rayla’s eyes). But even so, compared to Callum’s fawning over Rayla for being a hero and “the most amazing person I’ve ever met,” her praise of him appears shockingly minor and muted.

She applauds him for meeting the astonishingly low bar of not having her killed, leaving his home and family, and sacrificing a stone he’s only been attached to for a week in exchange for saving a life. Essentially the bare minimum required of being on the journey to return Zym home. If this isn’t the soft bigotry of low expectations, I don’t know what is.

By Through the Moon, it becomes quite obvious that even though Rayla may value Callum, she doesn’t really value him enough to respect his decisions, and subtly insists that she gets to be the one to decide all the important stuff for the two of them.

I’m, of course, referring to the decision to go after Viren. On the one hand, Rayla decides, completely on her own, that she needs to up and leave him for an indefinite period of time to go deal with a large threat. Yet, when Callum insists on doing the exact same thing, she completely rejects this. Apparently, while she can make such choices, he doesn’t get to choose the way she can.

On top of this, Rayla decided that reasoning with Callum was just a waste of time, and so decided to just trick him and leave without him, all while expecting to return to him after the mission is over (according to Aaron) as though nothing terrible had happened. Rather than making her case and then respecting whatever Callum decides, Rayla decides that her personal wish for him to be safe overrides whatever Callum wants to do. While Callum is by no means perfect toward Rayla, he’s never tried to undermine her in this way.

Throughout their time together, Callum has become much more capable, yet Rayla frequently treats him like he's not as capable at all. Ironically enough, the reason why Callum struggled with so many things before is because no one--including Rayla--was interested enough to properly train him in anything, hence why everything he excels at, he taught himself how to do. We can understand why someone like Lujanne might dismiss training a human like Callum even after he connects to a Primal Source, but Rayla ought to know better.

Again, I think much of this is intentional by the writers. I’m pretty sure that Rayla has a long way to go before she learns how to respect Callum--and humans in general--properly. Fittingly, Callum remains in Katolis where he can resume learning swordplay, and is connected to an Arcanum whose mages are known for being acrobatic and capable of magically enhanced speed. It’s possible, if not likely, that Callum winds up becoming a better fighter than Rayla while she’s away, and their reunion will end up driving home how mistaken she was in underestimating Callum.

But that would be a story for another time.

#tdp callum #tdp rayla #rayllum #tdp #the dragon prince

[siswritesyanderes]

Hi! I’m curious: if you had to be the obsession of one yandere from each of your favorite fandoms, who would you choose and why?

Oh, that’s such a good question! I hope I don’t forget any fandoms. (Every time a question like this comes up, I forget all of my interests, lol.) I’m going to go ahead and include a lot of fandoms in this post, regardless of how much I like the thing itself. (I’m clarifying this because you said “favorite fandoms” and these aren’t necessarily my favorites, lol.) Boy, here’s hoping I don’t learn anything about myself, answering this question. Okay, in no particular order:

Harry Potter:

Okay, I’m thinking Newt or Tom Riddle. Newt is really good at caretaking, he’s soft-spoken, and I know from Les Mis that Eddie Redmayne is able to sing (which, in my mind, means Newt can and he’d sing lullabies). Meanwhile, Tom is powerful and, pre-Horcruxes, not too bad-tempered. He’s got followers, which is good for many reasons; he’s not sadistic like Bellatrix; on the whole, he’s a fairly balanced yandere with a surprising number of benefits.

Or Fred and George; they’re prodigies at what they do (They’re pretty much inventors); they’d be self-aware and fun as yanderes; and also they’re canonically kind of ruthless. Yeah, I think I’m settling on Fred and George for this one.

Twilight: 

By the metric of appearance, Seth or Caius. But if I’m taking everything into consideration, maybe Demetri? His power has great yandere potential that would only backfire on me if I’d already escaped, which I probably wouldn’t manage anyway, since I’m a human. He’s high enough in the Volturi that I’d be safe from most everything, but not one of the main three, which is good because I think being Caius or Marcus’s mate would invite a lot of scrutiny from Aro (and he killed Didyme), and being Aro’s might invite sassiness from Caius; just generally, I wouldn’t want to get in on whatever bond they have unless it was a poly thing where they all cared about me. Also, I’d rather avoid Aro’s power if possible, though I suppose having him be yandere for me would be like empirical evidence that even my entire history of thoughts is attractive, which would boost my ego to an absurd degree. You know what, maybe Aro. 

Then there’s also Benjamin, who has a chill personality, awesome power (especially since fire is the thing that kills vampires; being able to control it is like extra immortality on top of the existing immortality), and the innate freedom of not being a part of the Volturi. Yet, if he were to be recruited by the Volturi, you know he’d be as high-ranking as Demetri, if not higher. Again, safety. Demetri, Benjamin, or Aro, on the vampire side. (No Cullens, since they’ve actively provoked the Volturi and I don’t trust their ability to keep me safe. If Cullens were on the table, though, Jasper and Alice.)

Wolf-wise, I feel like Leah would be a really considerate and protective yandere, and since she’s the fastest of the wolves, I think she could get me out of most danger. Maybe Jared, since the only things I know about him are that he has a sense of humor and he can be SUPER manipulative (Like, that “Lee-lee” thing from Breaking Dawn was ruthless.), and that’s a valuable skill in a yandere’s tool belt. But ultimately I guess I would have to choose Jacob, since any of them would be physically unable to disobey him, even under yandere circumstances, so there’s no guarantee they would protect me no matter how much they wanted to. (Also I wouldn’t have to go through the turning process, if I’m with a wolf instead of a vampire.)

Final answer, Aro, Benjamin, or Jacob.

The Hunger Games:

Boy, I would say Snow, because I know he would pull strings for me and give gifts and stuff, but I also feel like he’d be kind of a selfish yandere. Like, he’d be kind when it’s convenient, but he’d ultimately be looking out for his own happiness. I love Finnick, but I feel like yandere traits for him would manifest too selflessly; like, I’d be worried about Finnick, as a yandere. Johanna “There’s no one left I love” Mason would be fiercely protective, but not worryingly selfless. She’d be clingy and spirited and probably beat some people up over me.

Divergent: 

Definitely Peter! He stabbed a guy in the eye in canon! He’s got an intersection of creepy and pragmatic going on, kind of like a human version of Jasper from Twilight, but without the racial baggage. I get that a lot of people thirst after Eric, and Eric definitely has more power than Peter, but his personality doesn’t interest me.

Percy Jackson:

Percy or Leo. Powers and personalities are perfect for yandere. Nico and Will, if they’re bi; I’m not caught up on Trials of Apollo, so I’m not sure.

WAIT, maybe Reyna?? The confidence, the metal dogs...Yeah, Reyna is awesome, too.

Descendants: 

Harry, Uma, and Gil as a unit. Just all three of them at once. They’re pirates, they’re already so steamy and intense about their relationships in canon (or Harry and Uma are, at least), and they’re all very attractive. If I had to choose one, I think Uma. Or Ben, since he’s a really nice guy with a strong moral compass, at least in the first movie (meaning a yandere interpretation of him would most likely become extreme in his morals, rather than corrupt), and he’s the king.

Detroit Become Human:

(I’m literally only making this a category because I find it unbelievable that any yandere Markus is characterized as, like, a rough and dominant yandere.) Markus was a caretaking android for an old man; he would be very loving, understanding, and supportive. His revolutionary energy is not turned against his loved ones. Nothing in canon suggests he would ever be rough with someone he loves. (Connor, meanwhile, is an android cop who is rough with his friends in canon, but lots of fan works characterize him as soft. Puzzling. Maybe uncomfortable, from a racial standpoint, since Markus is a man of color.) 

Also, Ralph is the absolute perfect mix of well-meaning and delusional and intense. Ralph is perfect as a yandere. Why isn’t there more yandere Ralph?? I love Ralph.

And also Jerry, because he’s cheerful and there’s a lot of him. Just a thousand of this one guy, all in love with one person? Yandere gold.

Undertale:

Sans. Or Asgore. Let’s move on. 😅

Legacy of Orïsha:

Roën. Easy. Another pirate, with emotional intelligence and a sense of humor! Self-aware but with a loose moral compass. I love him.

Avatar: The Last Airbender:

Having thought it through, either Jet or Mai; Jet is a charming yet hot-headed rebel, and we’ve already seen what it’s like when he’s like when he takes his ideals to an extreme. He would absolutely flood a town for his loved one, which, now that I’m saying it, shouldn’t be phrased like a desired outcome, but we’re talking yandere here, so it’s fine. 

Mai, meanwhile, would seem dry and casual while also doing the most. She would be satisfied with just sitting in silence, which is chill. And given her wealth, she might ‘gilded cage’ me. Then again, she’s not very forthcoming with praise or positivity in general.

Actually, yeah, just Jet.

MCU:

Listen, I really dislike Wanda in canon, but Wanda and Vision would be the best yanderes. Their powers, Wanda’s tendency to not take responsibility for her actions, there’s a lot there. And, like, she’s generally nice to people she cares about (and Vision is a Mjolnir-lifting sweetheart); she’s pretty much exactly right to be a yandere.

Maybe Nebula, since I want to give Nebula a hug and let her win at tic tac toe or something. She would fire the very biggest guns at anyone who made themself a threat to me, but one-on-one she’s so soft and frank and I love her.

(I want to say M’Baku because Winston Duke seems so lovely, but M’Baku the character seems too strict; we’ve never seen him with a loved one.)

Dandelion: Wishes Brought to You:

Jieun, in his good end, or Jisoo, in his bad end. Look, my friend got me into this game in high school; don’t look at me. Jieun is smart, psychic, very chill, and a king. Jisoo is practically the opposite. Both work very well as yanderes.

#male yandere #female yandere #yandere headcanons #yandere dbh #yandere atla #yandere mcu #yandere hp #yandere pjo #yandere hoo #cheritz #danelion wishes brought to you #legacy of orisha #jisoo bad end #jieun good end

[javier-pena]

Alright picture this--enemies to lovers with Javier. I am begging someone to write this 🔥

ok anon i need you to know that dani @javierpcna and i spent one and a half hours this morning discussing this because this is such a sexy idea, enemies to lovers is the perfect trope, especially with javi

anyway, here’s what dani and i came up with (mostly dani though, she really is the perfect writing partner, which you’ll see when you read this, her parts are the ones in italics, and they’re so good!!!!!! i kinda feel like i’m just the one delivering her words to), also this is NSFW/18+ for obvious reasons, since we both immediately went “omg hate fucking javi in his office”!!!

also everyone should follow dani’s writing blog, @danidrabbles, for more of her amazing writing!!!

it’s an inter-agency rivalry of course, javi works for the DEA, you work for the CIA, and you’re predestined to not like each other

you both think you're the one who's doing things the right way while the other is wrong, no matter what – javi says he has intel on the whereabouts of miguel rodriguez, you discredit his intel, you have a CI you trust, he discredits that CI, he claims to know which local police officers he can trust, you come up with evidence against them etc. … it’s like a competition between the two of you, you have to prove the other wrong

and that’s not even speaking of how your moral compass aligns differently than his, what you feel is the right thing to do and what he feels is the right thing to do are two different things, you use his involvement with los pepes against him, he finds your weakness and exploits that in turn

there are countless shouting matches between the two of you, and quiet discussions that are somehow even tenser, when he walks into a room you feel how your whole body go rigid, you cannot focus on anything else but him, and you tell yourself it’s because of your professional disagreements and not because there is something about him that holds a pull over you, you feel like you’re both the same kind of magnetic pole, repelling each other, yet being the exact same kind, and it’s so infuriating

there are days when all you can thing about is him and it’s so infuriating, you don’t know what’s the matter with you, and he’s definitely not worth spending so much time and energy on, but here you are at two in the morning, feeling anger rise at the memory of the smirk on his face when he proved you wrong in a meeting yesterday

but you can’t go on like this, the tension between the two of you is bound to break one way or another, so when javi finds out you’ve been conducting an investigation without clearing it with the DEA first and he orders you into his office, something snaps

and somehow you end up bent over his desk, rough hands pushing you down while he takes you from behind, you spitting out, "this doesn't-- fuck --doesn't mean anything, doesn't--" and javi's bites back, "shut up for once and just take. it."

when you don’t he clasps his hand over your mouth

at some point, there’s a sharp tug at your hair

and god it's so infuriating because you hate him but he feels so good

so you do it again, and this time it's the other way around, you fuck him, your hand is in his hair as you force him to look at you

he absolutely would hate how much he loves the way you decide for him, the pace with each roll of your hips, the hand in his hair, the other one framing his jaw, how much effort he has to put into not coming too soon

the way you would tease him ........... try to get him to beg .......... and of course he wouldn't because he's javi and when you're at work he does everything to show you he's in control but you feel so good taking him like this and he wants to praise you but he doesn't, instead he hides his feelings behind a, "come on, fuck me like you mean it"

finding himself hiding a smile at the way you'd grit your teeth, at the concentrated little frown appearing on your brow, cause he knows he's got you now

a "i'll show you how much i mean it," leaving your lips that sounded way more menacing in your head, and you're aware you're giving him exactly what he wants when you take him faster, harder; you're aware that you were supposed to hold the cards here, but dammit if his ridiculously perfect cock isn't hitting something so deep that you can practically feel him in your throat each time you drop your hips

and maybe you don't let him come to get back at him, knowing it'll lead to you doing this again, knowing he'll use it as an excuse to get back at you. and you want him to

and he would get back at you, he would fuck your mouth this time to make sure he comes and you don't, and this time he would praise you, but in a degrading kind of way, telling you how pretty you look with his cock down your throat, how you finally have to shut up, how he's gonna fill your pretty little mouth, and his hand is at the back of your head and he's holding you in place and you look up at him with big eyes and that makes him grit out a hoarse “fuck” and only go faster, and you gag and he only says, "don't pretend this isn't what you wanted" and it is what you wanted, you can't wait to taste him but you're not gonna tell him that, you just let him take whatever he wants

sneaking a hand between your thighs to relieve your swollen clit. it's risky, it's just a brush, and he notices immediately, pulling himself from your mouth, ordering you to put your hands behind your back. he would use that same degrading tone on you and swell with something close to pride when you immediately do as you're told, enjoying the way you're just taking it all before pushing himself back between your lips and thrusting into your mouth with a groan, fucking your throat until your nose presses into the curls at the base of him, until your eyes are wet, until spit dribbles down your chin, mixing with his release, gagging on it when he doesn't even warn you when he comes just to be mean, to watch you sputter

but then .................... he gets down on his knees and kisses you and it's the first time you kiss and it breaks something in you, more than any of the other things you've done, and suddenly you can't go back to when you didn't know what it felt like to have him glare at you from across the table in the conference room or you didn’t know the feeling of your gut twisting when he snaps at you or you didn’t know what it feels like to have his big hand close around your wrist in a vise-like grip to stop you from rushing off after a meeting because he's not done telling you how outdated your intel is or how much he disagrees with you on your strategy, and you certainly don't want to go back to a time before his fingers left marks on your hips from gripping you so hard you’d feel it for days or before you knew what it felt like to have him stretch you open or before you knew how deep and raspy his voice gets when he's close and how you want to hear it over and over again

it's the realization that the hate has blossomed into something that's perhaps even more dangerous. especially in your line of work. it's so much easier not to care. because if you care it means you have something to lose

and you wish you could go back to when it was just you and javi and trying to find a way to relieve the tension between you because now there is a new kind of tension that makes your heart ache

especially when you realize you're not the only one who felt that when you kissed. when the next time he fucks you he's taking things much slower, when his praise for you loses its teasing edge, when you come together instead of racing to the finish line to see who can beat who, who can cheat who, when he hugs you close in the aftermath and whispers sweet nothings into your skin

#javier peña x reader #javier peña x you #javier peña #agent peña x reader #agent peña x you #narcos fanfiction #pedro pascal #pedro pascal character fanfiction