#anyway weeping wailing banschee crying etc. cried last night for the first time in months which is good bc i do not cry often enough

[bigfootswashingmachine]

so everyone’s just like going through it rn, right?

#ignore the tags i'm about to rant for a sec #i have mentally not been doing great but i realized it's also bc i was physically not doing great #chronic fatigue was creeping up on me and i had too much brain fog to recognize the brain fog. fuck this man. #anyway weeping wailing banschee crying etc. cried last night for the first time in months which is good bc i do not cry often enough #not that anyone needs to know this but i was crying because i finally realized that fatigue was the reason i'm struggling so much w #school and life and people. not just burnout. it was also the stupid fucking disability that i can't do anything about again #that makes me exhausted and unable to understand anything and unable to focus on anything and and and and and FUCK i'm s o angry about it #GOD!!!!!!!!!! FUCKING FUCK!!!!!!!!!!! #sorry underappreciated side effect of disability is how angry it makes you that it's just there siphoning all your energy and brainpower #and no one will understand the extent of it if you tried to describe it to them #i was trying to do hw last night and it's an assignment that i know how to do and have the information to do and i realized i just couldn't #unless i had someone to sit there and guide me through step by step on what to do. i've done this kind of assignment before. #but god my brain is just not there and it's not just being tired or procrastinating i just can't understand things anymore. #it's so frustrating because i can't even articulate how bad it is. and how debilitating it is. and i can't do anything about it #i need to start seeing a counselor but the only way to set up an appt is by phone and i can't understand people over the phone #every possible opportunity to get help involves more steps before it that i just can't do #i just want to sleep for five years and actually have energy when i wake up ):