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#anyways. enough signs methinks dfjhdjh so now im just trying to see where stimming & eyecontact come in?
indigodawns
·
1 year
Text
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#whew you know when you've been Going for a while and then you get a break and you're still tired but you're also so so jittery
#S WHERE IM AT OHHH MY GOD
#luxury problem and it's totally fine but i am crawling up the walls my friends
#also update time ig!! took my family to the autism group meeting thing on tuesday bc it was a meeting esp for that
#and they kept throwing me glances throughout the info part like lol it's you JDFHJDFH it was v interesting
#bc throughout it all it's like... here i have info about autism and here i have my 25 years lived experience without thinking i had autism
#and since i wasn't diagnosed as a kid i wasn't as ~obvious about it and i find it hard to reconcile examples with myself if they
#don't fit 100% (it's . the autism) so anyways it was v helpful!!!
#and my mum was like ah yeah i always had moments where i thought so?? but then it didn't fit the cold white boy stereotype bc i
#am empathetic and i have humour etc so she never mentioned it to me bc it's a big thing etc and tbf i wasn't ~ready pre-this year
#but now it's like... ah yes i was always upset on holidays and they never got why (the change in Everything)... i was picky with food
#and with new shoes and i HATED shopping and it overwhelmed me so much (still does)
#i would ask my mum what tf i was feeling and why i was crying and i would analyse social interactions
#and i'd have obsessions with media and horses etc. was big know-it-all. was so slow with some subjects at school
#like yknow when you had to copy letters 80 times? that'd take me ages and i'd get a fail bc i was being so precise
#anyways. enough signs methinks dfjhdjh so now im just trying to see where stimming & eyecontact come in?
#i never noticed a problem with eyecontact but im trying to let myself not do it and it's kinda nice?? but idk
#and stimming idk i used to suck my thumb for a long time but?? i wanna try things but whew internalised ableism etc
#so see then im like so ARE YOU ACTUALLY-- but anyways it seems i am
#and my mum made me realise that'd. explain why i suddenly developed depression around age 11 and never got out of it again
#so lots of Thinking!!! and wanting to shelve things like ok great figured it out NOW WHAT but noooo
#also stupid to do this on tumblr and not rly talk about it with irl friends but what do you say like
#hello im autistic? yeah it surprised me too. no i can't really explain how it works for me. no that's not how the spectrum works
#so here we are yes
#<3
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