#apologies I needed to have some fun wildly making shit up with care for organisation or clarity

[the-busy-ghost]

Since I’m now obsessed with the concept of a Scottish widows themed tv series, may I suggest, a four season+ tv show following the life of one immortal black widow as she weaves her way out of one close call after another. 

As the backdrop to her plot we will also see her interact with the stories of real-life widows (though some of the stories may be mildly inaccurate for the Drama), and so I present for your consideration:

Season 1- 1513 to 1528. The Scottish Widow- a daughter of the minor nobility of Midlothian who married an Edinburgh burgess- has lost her first husband at Flodden. The second husband she marries hastily in the aftermath of the battle to protect her business interests is... less convenient than he seems. Her peers include Margaret Crichton (cousin of the late James IV, and widow of another burgess) and the provost’s widow Janet Paterson. Meanwhile the dowager queen of Scots, Margaret Tudor, has her own problems and a certain earl is looking increasingly attractive. As civil unrest develops around 1516 we meet Agnes Stewart, Countess of Bothwell and her new husband Lord Hume (at least until his head ends up on a spike), Isabella Hoppringle the prioress of Coldstream and maybe later Euphemia Leslie of Elcho (not widows but too interesting to leave out- and brides of Christ who involve themselves in wars may be an interesting perspective), and others. The season ends with the Widow’s husband drowning when one of her ships sinks on its way back from Veere and yet she somehow seems to have made money, not lost it...? And now we see her making her way towards the kirk of St Giles in the dark of night while, thirty miles away, a long-lost son rides to his mother at Stirling...

Season 2- 1548-1554- the Rough Wooing is in full swing and the Scottish Widow is over the Forth, having snagged herself an earl and become Countess of Kinross ten years ago. Everyone is vaguely aware that she should at least be in her fifties by now but she doesn’t look a day older than she did in 1528. Fortunately most of her husband’s estates are in Angus and the Borders or she would have to bump into one particular rival much more frequently- Margaret Erskine, widow of Robert Douglas of Lochleven (he died at Pinkie), the favourite mistress of the late James V, and a formidable woman who is not a little miffed that- through some temporary witchcraft or madness- one of the late king’s familiars was granted the new earldom that she believed should have been hers. But any further squabbling is temporarily called to a halt by the order of the dowager queen Mary of Guise and the need to band together to while English ships are raiding the Tay and Forth. 

A whole second season of intrigue follows, the Scottish Widow’s national loyalties and wedding vows are put under strain as both protection money and a handsome and seemingly malleable English lord catch her eye during negotiations. Meanwhile we are also introduced to women like Janet Beaton, lady of Branxholme and Buccleugh (widow of “Wicked Wat” Scott); Janet Stewart, Lady Fleming who is busy making a name for herself on the European stage due to the fall-out from her affair with Henri II of France; Marion Ogilvy, who was as good as married to the late, infamous, Cardinal Beaton; perhaps some interesting Englishwomen of the period; and others. The season ends with Mary of Guise becoming regent, while, with the winds of change in the air, the Scottish Widow again descends into the crypt at St Giles.

Season 3- 1567 to 1573/4- Obviously this season has to open at Kirk O’Field and it’s going to be a crazy season for the costume and pyrotechnics departments. At first though the Scottish Widow seems a different character- younger, timid, blushing modestly around men of the court, and hysterical in the face of all the political intrigue which she witnesses as a lady-in-waiting to Queen Mary for a short time. Turns out she’s now passing herself off as her own descendant, the sheltered daughter of the late Earl of Kinross, raised in seclusion on some estates in Angus since her father’s untimely death thirteen years before and, having been taken under the new queen’s wing, her lost lamb act is working quite well on both the men and women of court. But, as the political situation deteriorates, the Scottish Widow remembers that she is not only adept in courtly intrigue but also in war and trade. She also changes her supposed religion at least twice, and manages to get hitched three times in three different countries (we’re travelling to both Ireland and Norway in this, for that full, lavish Season 3 nonsense when you have loads of funding). She may also have a son of dubious paternity- she knows she cannot be a constant in his life so can only observe his upbringing from a distance. This season will not only feature Mary Queen of Scots, but also Mary Fleming (wife and widow of Maitland of Lethington), Agnes Keith (wife and widow of the Regent Moray), Annabella Murray (wife and widow of the Regent Mar), the aged Margaret Douglas (wife and widow of the Regent Lennox and mother of Darnley), Jean Gordon and Anna Throndsen (both sort-of wives but not yet widows of the Earl of Bothwell), Agnes Campbell (in between the death of her husband MacDonald of Dunyvaig and her marriage to Turlough Luineach O’Neill), maybe Jean Stewart Countess of Argyll (as a technical divorcee not a widow but still) and others of that most infamous period. I’m assuming the season would end somewhere around the end of the Lang Siege but I’m not sure yet- the most important point about Season 3 is that it be spectacularly lavish and dramatic, while the plotting is of secondary importance. 

Season 4- 1590s. The Scottish Widow has an interesting role this season- she’s now the honoured wife of a prominent minister of the Reformed Kirk of Scotland. She also has a clutch of stepchildren in whom she outwardly tries to instil some discipline whilst secretly encouraging each of them into rebellion- this is not always a self-serving act on her part, and she is surprisingly popular with her stepdaughters. Her husband is not the king’s biggest fan, but is from a prominent Ayrshire family so mixes with the elites and his wife with him- the Scottish Widow has certainly come into contact with the scandalous Countess of Arran and the fabulous Anne of Denmark and others. She is also keeping an eye on her son’s development at the university- he seems destined for the Kirk too but secretly seems more suited to older style of politics (squabbling stabby nobles) than the new. But rather than hanging out in Edinburgh or the east coast, this season most of her time is spent in rural South Ayrshire. Technically her role is as the mistress of the manse but she seems to spend more time  getting into unseemly squabbles with the neighbouring lairdly families over grazing rights, and debating over whether it technically counts as a crime if you requisitioned some cattle/smuggled goods in from Ireland in the name of the Lord (by which she means paying for one of her stepdaughters’ dowries). But looming over everything is the growing spectre of the witch-hunts- although the Scottish Widow is not about to get caught up in this as a victim. Instead when her husband dies suddenly and suspiciously, the blame falls on some of her poor neighbours with whom the Widow and her stepdaughters had been fighting. When an old woman might go to the stake because of her, we have to wonder- has the Widow gone too far this time?

And probably it would get cancelled after Season 4 because a) huge cliffhanger means cancellation and b) all of the Scottish nobility and a good portion of the merchant class were interrelated, so the Widow’s marriage pool is increasingly small. But could defo go on in some spin-off novels covering the 17th-20th centuries. 

I’d like to point out that I don’t really find the murder of one’s spouse to be a happy/easy subject, no matter what gender the murderer is, though in this age of marriage for politics and convenience more than straightforward “love” it’s a bit different. And also if men get to have their Hannibals and Breaking Bads and Draculas and all sorts of worse horrors, then I think a massively over the top show where it’s heavily implied (but not really shown) that a sixteenth century noblewoman is doing away with some (not all) of her husbands is not really that controversial.

Anyway I’m no writer and have no imagination but it’s the sort of show we all deserve.

#rant #apologies I needed to have some fun wildly making shit up with care for organisation or clarity #even if it's a bit long-winded and ridiculous #And not at all easy to follow #Ramblings #Ah well if I'm going to get sued by a pensions company I might as well do the thing properly

[sctsunai-archived]

duskshipping.

THANK GOD I AM SUCH DUSKSHIPPING TRASH

who hogs the duvet

Yuuri. Constantly, all the time, there’s no other state of being. Yuuri is a filthy fucking blanket hog but Dennis just puts up with it.

who texts/rings to check how their day is going

Dennis, every day. He checks up on Yuuri occasionally and Yuuri almost never replies but Dennis is happy just to see the ‘read’ receipt. Yuuri sometimes bothers Dennis incessantly if he’s bored or lonely, I don’t give a fuck about your responsibilities, come home right now and cuddle me

who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts

Dennis, obviously, he’s fun and creative and imaginative. Yuuri buys Dennis a gift once but the lady at the store takes him to the jewelry case because he’s clueless. 

So he gets Dennis a little silver charm bracelet and the charms are like a playing card and a magic wand and a star.

Dennis thinks it’s adorable and wears it every day and he shows it off and eventually like Shun or somebody is like “he got you jewelry was he shopping for a girl???”

Yuuri gets so intensely embarrassed about it like it’s not his fault people didn’t teach gift buying at Academia the damn store lady said it was a good idea! And he fails to live down the teasing ever and never gets Dennis another present either.

who gets up first in the morning

to everyone’s surprise, Yuuri.

Yuuri’s got shit to do and plants to tend and he’s used to the early morning soldier schedule.

but god help you if you ever wake him from a nap.

who suggests new things in bed

both of them and they’re so unabashedly dirty they’ll try almost anything once that Yuuri doesn’t veto.

Dennis will try anything.

Dennis is adventurous and Yuuri can’t even comprehend the shit he finds on the internet.

who cries at movies

Dennis. He cries his eyes out and Yuuri just.

“I can’t fucking take you anywhere, stop, hold still, oh goD CLEAN YOUR FACE, DON’T TOUCH ME”

who gives unprompted massages

Dennis. Dennis is tactile, he loves touching Yuuri and Yuuri melts at his massages? It doesn’t matter where or when, Yuuri will never protest and Dennis gets his touching time.

who fusses over the other when they’re sick

They both fuss over each other in different ways.

Dennis spoils the shit out of Yuuri. Hot presses, cold presses, the tv set at the right volume, extra pillows, medicine taken on the spot for the next dose, homemade soup and blackout curtains.

Yuuri ignores Dennis is sick until he gets bad and then he awkwardly tries to copy how Dennis takes care of him and it’s awkward and uncomfortable. Dennis takes a nap and wakes up to Yuuri having turned their room into like some apothecary nightmare, there’s herbs and plants everywhere and Yuuri is putting some weird paste on his chest but he’s too sick to deal with it.

( Yuuri is smug when his stuff works better than medicine ever did, take that )

who gets jealous easiest

Look at Yuuri and tell me “jealous” isn’t a word that describes him.

Dennis cannot even hang out around Yuuya without Yuuri getting puffy and jealous about it.

who has the most embarrassing taste in music

Yuuri likes instrumental music and that’s it.

Dennis likes everything and that’s horrifying.

Yuuri has broken no less than six stereos and two of Dennis’s phones when Dennis has played shitty American music that he can’t even understand ( because he was never taught English) like Crazy Frog and Fergalicious.

who collects something unusual

I don’t think either of them collect normal things that most people would collect.

Yuuri collects poisonous plants and carnivorous plants and any animal bones he finds, what the fuck?

Dennis collects like every shitty kiddie magic set ever. He’s got like 192 decks of cards and top hats that wouldn’t even fit on his head.

who takes the longest to get ready

Dennis’s hair always looks like a mess and that’s because sometimes he forgoes brushing it because what’s the point?

Yuuri takes 9 hours.

He takes longer than any woman on a tv show, and god forbid he see something out of place in the mirror by the door as they’re leaving, like Yuuri I have a brush in the car, Yuuri no, we don’t have time for this, YUURI

who is the most tidy and organised

Yuuri likes cleanliness and order and organization and it’s also funny because he hates to clean. He hates it. So he will bitch at Dennis if he finds boxers on the floor, there’s a hamper right there you HEATHEN, because Yuuri will only clean when he has to.

who gets most excited about the holidays

Yuuri regrets his life choices spending his first Christmas with Dennis. They live together, it’s nice, but Halloween was tolerable for the aesthetic but Christmas is a devil’s holiday where Yuuri’s concerned.

Dennis wears a different ugly Christmas sweater each day, there’s no repeats and so you will not see them out in public together at all in December.

who is the big spoon/little spoon

Yuuri is a weird person who says “don’t touch me” but likes cuddling. Dennis is precariously the big spoon because he is A, bigger and B, not trapped in Yuuri’s arms where he could potentially lose his life if he angers his boyfriend.

who gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports

Yuuri can also be described as the word “competitive.”

Dennis is also not one for letting his pride be mocked.

Shun mocks them both constantly and Yuuri is so full of vinegar that it gets out of hand.

who starts the most arguments

For two emotionally stunted, broken, abused people with wildly differing personalities, they fight very little.

Yuuri is always the one who starts it. Every time, without fail.

They fight mostly when Dennis is worn out and can’t take Yuuri’s sharp tongue anymore. Sometimes a guy needs a break and yelling at Yuuri is the only way to get it.

And yet, somehow, Dennis always apologizes with hot tea.

who suggests that they buy a pet

Dennis and Yuuri says “no” before the question is ever finished being asked.

Yuuri hates pets, hates animals, get them away from him.

Dennis wants a pet anyway but he knows better than to suggest a dog, one drop of saliva on Yuuri and the dog would be gone.

So Dennis goes to the shelter with Yuuya and Yuugo to look at cats and finds this sleek cat who explicitly hates Yuugo for no reason at all.

Yuuri accepts that cat and only that cat for that very reason.

what couple traditions they have

There are no traditions here other than cuddling and reading books.

Yuuri also attends every magic show of Dennis’s without fail no matter how much he hates the noise and crowds. Dennis, on the other hand, helps in Yuuri’s garden the next day and gets bit by at least two plants every time.

what tv shows they watch together

They don’t, let’s be real.

what other couple they hang out with

There are so few people who can tolerate Yuuri or Dennis and there are virtually no people who can tolerate Yuuri and Dennis.

Yuuya and whoever he’s dating end up being the victim of double dates.

Yuuri hates them.

how they spend time together as a couple

Cuddling. A lot of cuddling. And messing around.

who made the first move

Dennis. By accident, actually. When they were kids at Academia, Dennis put on an entertaining duel that Yuuri spied on from the shadows. Dennis told Trapeze Magician to give one of their audience members a gift.

Trapeze gave Yuuri a rose even though he was out of sight and he popped his head out for just a sec with the rose.

Dennis broke into this big, goofy, missing-two-teeth smile and Yuuri was gone, what happened, he does not understand.

who brings flowers home

Why bring flowers home when one of them grows them?

Dennis. Dennis does.

Yuuri hates it, stop killing flowers you asshole, it’s not a romantic gesture.

who is the best cook

Dennis only because Yuuri emulates his ace card so well.

Yuuri is always hungry, all the time and he doesn’t gain any weight.

No one figures out how.

When Yuuri cooks, he takes the whole “taste your cooking” thing to heart and by the time he’s tasted it multiple times, it’s half gone.

Dennis is tired of being hungry because of this and now he cooks all the meals and makes a snack for Yuuri to eat while he cooks so he doesn’t eat their meal again.

#❛ anonymous. ❜ #❛ asks. ❜ #❛ what a shame we all became such fragile broken things. ❜ ⁽ᵈᵉᶰᶰᶦˢ ˣ ʸᵘᵘʳᶦ⁾ #❛ shut the fuck up zayne. ❜ ⁽ᵒᵒᶜ⁾ #long post cw