#apparently I have a weakness for Fox + younglings

[shadowmaat]

Cmdr. Fox Week Day 6: Caring

Look, Fox deserves all the fluff and I am here to provide it. @loving-fox-hours

The Care and Feeding of Commander Fox

Fox was on a routine and thankfully uneventful patrol of the halls of the Senate when he noticed someone coming towards him. They were short, bipedal, covered in marbled grey fur, and had six arms, two sets of which were currently crossed over their chest. They were also wearing a purple tooka romper, so he hazarded a guess that they were a juvenile.

He stopped as the presumed juvenile stomped up to him, thrust all six arms in the air, and made a buzzing clicky sound. Fox didn't need a translator to figure out that command.

"Are you lost?" He bent to pick up the young harch- for that's what they had to be, especially with the six red eyes- and settled them against his hip.

A derisive clicking and a firm shake of the head. So either they weren't lost or refused to admit it. He sent a message off to Sergeant Rattle, letting her know what he'd found. If a frantic parent or guardian called in looking for a missing youngling, Rattle could reassure them and let him know where to go.

"I'm Commander Fox," he said, in case the armor wasn't enough indication he was a Safe Grownup. "Do you want me to take you back to your guardian?" he asked, checking the hallway just in case this turned out to be a short exercise.

Another headshake and the harch mashed their face against his chestplate, making a keening sound that made his teeth hurt.

"Right, no guardian, then," he said. What the frip was a harchling doing running around the Senate, anyway? Last he'd heard Secundus Ando was still firmly Separatist, so they wouldn't have a senator here.

"How about something to eat?"

This, at least, got a pleased warble, although they kept their face pressed into his chest. The upper set of arms hooked around his neck, the middle set had tiny claws hooked around the edge of his armor plate, and the last set clung to the arm that was holding them.

"I'm afraid the Guard mess isn't very exciting," he said as he made a turn to head in that direction. "Our rations are geared for humans, but they should be safe for you as well."

He was pulling up everything he could about harch dietary habits, which seemed to go heavy on liquid proteins and meat rather than live bugs as he'd been half afraid would be the case.

A bubbling hiss as the harch shook their head and pointed one three-fingered hand in the other direction. Towards the visitors cafe. Fox snorted.

"Sorry, kid, but if you're with me, it's the Guard mess or nothing. We aren't allowed in the places real people go. Might offend them with our stench."

He said it like a joke, but it was true enough. Rich folk like the Senators and their guests hated being confronted by commoners, and by their reckoning clones were a step down from that. Or several.

The harchling made a show of sniffing him, still pointing the way to the cafe. When it was clear Fox wasn't going to obey their simple instruction, they started to wriggle.

Fox had done his share of creche-work back on Kamino and had even volunteered a time or two at the Jedi Temple, but none of it compared struggling with an eight-limbed mini-tyrant intent on getting what they wanted. They started an oscillating whine and were starting to draw unwanted attention.

He flipped on his internal comm. "Rattle, what in the Storms-cursed hells is taking so long?"

"Oh! Commander!" Rattle sounded surprised. "Uh, is everything alright? I mean, no one's reported any missing children yet, but you'll be the first to know, sir!"

Fox grunted as he took a well-placed foot, or possibly fist, to the stomach.

"But there is, uh, news!"

Rattle sounded odd, but Fox was too busy struggling to hold on to figure it out. He'd stopped walking and was seriously debating how much trouble he'd be in if he just dropped the kid.

"Turns out there's a celebrity visiting today! You know Bivi? Silken queen of the pop charts? She's here to be thanked for-"

"Why the frip weren't we told?" Fox snarled. He turned and started heading in the direction the harchling demanded. Hells, for all he knew, they were saying that's where their caretaker was.

"Funny thing about that," Rattle started.

"Never mind! Just- see if we can get some of the Guard in her detail. Shadow 'em if you have to, but I don't want any reports to say we snubbed some fancy-damned superstar." He didn't quite sneer the last word, but it was close.

"Yessir," Rattle said. "If I hear anything more, I'll let you know!"

There was that weird note in her voice again, but before he could ask her about it, the comm disconnected. He glanced down at the harchling, who'd gone docile again once they saw he was heading in the right direction.

"Fine, kid," he said, switching to his outer comm again. "We'll do it your way, but I hope you're okay with eating alone."

He wasn't honestly sure either of them would be allowed in since he couldn't provide a name or sponsor for the harchling, but if their guardian or caretaker was indeed in there at least it'd solve half his problems. Then he could concentrate on the nightmare of some ditzy singer running loose without a Guard presence.

Sure enough, as they approached the entrance to the cafe a silvery protocol droid stepped into the doorway.

"I beg your pardon, Sir and Mx," it said, "but the Freedom Cafe is off limits to non-members."

Disdain dripped from its tone. If it had more of a nose it definitely would have been looking down it at them.

"Do you see who you're looking for?" Fox asked.

The harchling turned a bit to face the droid and began to talk. It was full of whistles and clicks, and when they finally stopped, the lights in the droid's eyes actually blinked as it took a step back, bowing.

"My most profound apologies, Your Ladyship! Of course you and your Noble Guardian are most welcome!"

It bowed again, moving aside and gesturing for them to enter.

"If there's anything Your Ladyship requires, please, don't hesitate to ask!"

Fox looked down at the harchling, who gave him a squinty-eyed look in return. How something with six eyes, fur, and mandibles could radiate smugness like that was beyond him, but there was no doubt that's exactly what they- what she- was doing.

"Your Ladyship, huh?" He moved past the droid, taking a quick look around the room as he made his way to the serving line. "Something you want to tell me?"

She chirped at him, her tone inquisitive, and all her eyes wide in an unconvincing display of innocence. He huffed.

"Yeah, that's what I thought."

For a species that was supposed to prefer a liquid diet, the harchling seemed happy enough to stock up on steak and shellfish. After some argument he convinced her to take some vegetables as well, then she returned the favor by insisting he pick food for himself.

There were a few visiting dignitaries sitting on the far side of the room as well as a gaggle of aides making a mess and swapping horror stories about their senators. Nothing he hadn't heard before. He'd set the harchling down so he could carry both their trays and she strutted along behind him as if she owned the place. Knowing his luck, she probably did.

He picked a quiet table shielded by plants with a nice view of the air traffic outside and set the trays down. Her Ladyship climbed into a chair on her own and stared at him until he sat.

It was a good thing that there was no one here to see him being ordered around by a toddler. He'd been in far more humiliating situations and unlike other times he wasn't afraid to tell her "no," but, well, sometimes it was easier to just go along with whatever was happening and younglings were one of his biggest weaknesses. At least the ones who weren't malicious demonspawn like their parents.

Fox pulled his helmet off and set it on the empty chair beside him. He still had his wrist comm if there was an emergency and Rattle kept "dropping" his calls as if it wasn't blatant she was doing it. The squad channel was full of the usual chatter, so while he was suspicious, he wasn't worried something was wrong.

He ate his burger and "truffle fries," savoring every bite and trying not to think about how much worse rations were going to taste after this. He also did his best to ignore the unpleasant crunching sounds from his companion. Apparently harch could eat shellfish whole.

He accepted what pieces she offered him and caught every attempt she made to hide her vegetables, making sure she ate all of it.

It was the best meal he'd had in his entire life, and he hoped that whoever she was- or whoever her parent might be- that they wouldn't find a way to reverse the charge to his account instead.

While he was brooding over how to get her back where she belonged, she gabbled at a passing serving droid, who sped off only to return with a couple of plates sporting enormous slices of chocolate cake.

"You've gotta be kidding me," he said.

The harchling pointed her fork at him and whistle-clicked at him, waiting. He could refuse; he'd been more than reasonably accommodating and even a clone had to draw a line somewhere, but... it was chocolate cake. With at least two inches of chocolate frosting and a dollop of what was undoubtedly real whipped cream slowly melting over it.

He picked up his fork and took a bite. Flavor exploded in his mouth and he closed his eyes to savor the moment. He heard a chirp and the clatter of a fork on china that meant his tiny abductor had joined him.

"What is the point of all this?" He asked between bites. "You're clearly more capable than you pretend and if you really needed help it sounds like the droids here can actually understand you."

The harchling tilted her head, making an inquiring chirp. There was frosting smeared around her mandibles.

Fox gave her a level look. "Just because I'm a clone doesn't mean I'm an idiot, miss." He sent a silent prayer to the Great Seas that he wasn't setting himself up for a reprimand by talking back.

The harchling put down her fork and reached across the table toward him, taking his free hand in both of her upper ones and stroking it. She crooned softly, which wasn't much of an answer but did feel like an apology.

One of her middle hands came up, clutching a small stuffed toy, and pushed it across the table. He put down his own fork to pick up the toy, which looked like a well-loved yellow harch.

"I don't understand," he said, checking to see if it had a name or ID on it.

The harchling brought her middle hands together and tilted her head against them, closing her eyes.

Fox's mind reeled. "You... want me to take a nap?" He couldn't quite believe it. He'd had a lot of strange days in the Guard, but this was borderline surreal.

The harchling opened her eyes and nodded, but before he could respond there was a commotion at the door.

He was up and shielding the harchling before he'd made a conscious choice to move. Cam droids hovered in the air and he recognized a couple of reporters backing into the room, peppering someone with questions.

Then the "someone" stepped in and he felt his stomach drop.

It was another harch. They had ghostly white fur that glittered under the flashbulbs and startling blue eyes. They were wearing a shimmering black dress and carefully-fitted matching boots.

The harchling behind him gave a piercing whistle and hopped to his shoulder and he struggled to secure her, heart hammering wildly as all attention focused on him.

Several camdroids buzzed over and Kilsa Rumano, whom he'd had the misfortune to encounter several times already, looked like she'd just been handed a leading headline. She probably had. He could imagine the headline: Clone Commander Kidnaps Child.

The white harch, however, tossed two sets of arms theatrically in the air. "Ferra, my niblet! There you are!"

The crowd around them parted as the harch glided across the room in their direction, trailing reporters, attendants, and- yes- two guardsmen in her wake. It must be Bivi, the singer Rattle had warned him about. He was completely fripped.

"I see you found a dashing Guard Captain to watch over you," Bivi continued. "Well done!"

"Not just any Commander, mum," Ferra said in perfect Basic. "This is Commander Fox!"

Fox's neck wrenched painfully as he twisted his head to stare down at her. She grinned up at him, mandibles wagging.

"You..." He couldn't form words. At least not ones that were safe to say in current company.

She reached up to pat his cheek, leaving little smears of frosting.

"Commander Fox." The clicks in Bivi's voice almost sounded like purring. "Just the man I wanted to see!"

The next bit of time passed in a blur of praise from Bivi, questions from the reporters, and commentary from Ferra, who was acting as if he'd saved her from certain death.

It turned out that Bivi was in the Senate to accept a special thank you from the Chancellor for some charity fund she'd apparently organized for the clones. That really must have stuck in his craw, Fox thought. She'd wanted to meet whatever troopers she could find- including the Guard- but had been told they were all "too busy." Hence sending Ferra out to find one.

Ferra was the equivalent of around seven, but very mature for her age, and knew how to use that to her advantage. She decided he seemed overworked and endeavored to treat him the best way that she could.

The "plight" of the clones was mentioned to the eagerly listening reporters, and Bivi had some harsh criticisms of the Senate- and Palpatine in particular- that Fox knew would come back to bite him in the ass, but he was a little overwhelmed at that point.

The shaking shoulders of the two guardsmen in the back of the room and the flowery apology from Rattle told him that Ferra wasn't the only one who'd set him up for this.

Bivi had piles of merchandise for him to distribute among the Guard and any other interested brothers. She also handed him a stack of tickets for her show later that evening, and as she handed them to him one of her clawed fingers tapped against an off-colored card mixed in with the tickets.

Ferra gave him a chocolaty kiss on the cheek and thanked him for his help, mumbling an apology for tricking him. Her mother kissed him as well, thanked him, and whispered in his ear that more help was always available as long as he knew where to look.

It took awhile to get everyone herded back out into the hall and for once Fox was grateful for the snobbishness of the cafe droids, who were not above mildly electrocuting reporters to get them out of the way.

Since Bivi and her entourage were on their way out Fox corralled the two guardsmen, Divot and Banger, into helping him carry their gifted haul back to the office.

"Breathe one word and you're both on Sewer Inspection for a month," he growled.

They saluted, but he could tell they were still laughing behind their helmets. Good help was hard to find. Between them and the traitorous Rattle, the sewers were going to be safer than ever.

Once safely locked in his office, he inspected the concert tickets. In among the front-row tickets was a slip of paper with a string of numbers and a four digit code.

Just in case the Chancellor forgets to pass this along.

- Bivi

It was the Support Our Troops account she'd been raising money for. Fox didn't dare take a look, not yet.

In among the t-shirts, bags, branded glowsticks, and other Bivi-related paraphernalia were some encrypted comms, datapads, and some top-of-the-line jammers. Fox breathed out slowly, wondering exactly what he was getting into with this. Maybe it was time to comm Cody. Chances were he was the intended recipient anyway. After all, why would a famous pop star care about him in particular? He never made the holonews like Cody did.

He reached up to touch the spot where she'd kissed him and his fingers came away Corrie Crimson. Kriff. He checked his reflection in a datapad and saw two odd marks on his cheeks; one larger crimson one and a smaller black one. Kriff kriff kriff. Maybe he'd wind up on the holonews after all. Or at least, most definitely, the tabloids.

Sewer Inspection duty wasn't severe enough. He'd need to think up something worse.

#jedimindfic #CommanderFoxWeek2021 #Commander Fox #long fic #apparently I have a weakness for Fox + younglings

[simplyoriginalcharacters]

Jedi Padawan Jaran Val

This is not for a Camp NaNo story, so if you can’t get feedback before the first, I’m quite okay with that.  Search, Rescue, and Retrieval is my year long fanfiction project for 2017, so while I may have private anxieties, do not feel rushed to review Jaran.

(Hi! This is D, with your profile review. I appreciate your patience in waiting for this review. The full review and the rest of the profile (as well as your additional Ask) are under the cut.)

So, I submitted a character named Jaran Val right before the cut off? While I'd like see whatever feedback comes up, I am going in a new direction with the character, and the story and some aspects of Jaran's sheet are no longer valid. I wouldn't mind getting some notes about personality/appearance stuff, because a lot of that should be the same, but some of the backstory (the dead mentor) won't and might make it pointless to review him. (Reviewer's choice, but let me know either way, pls?)

Name: Jaran Val Aliases: Hazard Gender: Male Sexual Orientation: Bisexual Age: 21 Occupation: Jedi Padawan/Commander of the Grand Army of the Republic, formerly of the 525th Infantry, now with 425th Search, Rescue, and Retrieval Group/Organizational Affiliations: Jedi Order, Grand Army of the Republic, 425th Search, Rescue, and Retrieval, Shadow Squadron Family: The Val Clan (he’s not close to them because of past issues between the Order and Kiffar) Best Friends: Padawans Naomi Talis and Jeza Nomar, Troopers Crash, Bang, and Brave of Bucket Squadron; 425th SRR. Relationship Status: Single Significant Other: N/A Other Relationships: Jedi Master Jeanette Starsoul (Deceased), Jedi Knight Kara Saje, Jedi Healer Sarisa Ven, Master Ki-Adi Mundi Height: 5’8” Weight: 160 lbs Build: Athletic body with defined muscles Skin Tone: Dark brown Hair: Black Eyes: Grey Identifying Marks: On his left jaw, there is a scar that looks like three crescent moons that connect on the curve with the points facing outwards, left from a punch with an odd ring.  He also has a sky blue tattoo that is shaped like two acute triangles that connect on his nose and point downward under his eyes. As well as a tattoo on his left bicept that mimics the crescent moon scar, but with three right triangles, each pointed to the center of the tattoo with the base between the points of the moon. Appearance: Jaran is an active guy with a big presence.  Not only is he a skilled duelist with a lightsaber, but he’s the sort who loves to get involved with various pick-up games wherever he and his Master ended up.  Jaran has a mobile face, quick to show his emotions as he feels them, even after years of instruction on presenting an aura of serenity.  His face is narrow and sharp, the kind of face people might compare to a fox on Earth, with a narrow, upturned nose and ears that stick out a bit.  He shaved his head when he became a Padawan, save for the braid, decided that it looked stupid, and let it grow out.  He now keeps it long enough that it helps minimize his ears, but not so long as to minimize his supposed dignity.  Jaran favors wearing Clone Trooper style armor in combat, painted in the same blue as his tattoos with the moons and triangles on his left breast and back of his helmet.  Off duty, he either wears the black under armor of his combat gear or dark brown and black Jedi robes.

Species/Planet: Jaran is a Kiffar from Kiffu. They are near standard-human, save that their blood is distinctly scarlet, and their facial tattoos, which represent their clan affiliations on Kiffu. Personality: When we first meet Jaran, it’s been around three weeks since Master Jeanette’s death and with the circumstances around the loss of his Master, Jaran has become at once very hair triggered temperamentally and very obsessed with control.  He refuses to accept sympathy, lashing out at those who offer it, and wears guilt and sorrow like sackcloth and ashes.  He blames himself for what happened and so has become obsessed with controlling things.  Where before he had watched how he interacted with his environment outside of his personal spaces because of his psychometry, he now seeks to know exactly where everything is at all times.  He demands information be double checked, often doing a third check of his own if he can.

At the same time, Jaran is terrified.  He screwed up his first chance at actually commanding troops in such a horrifying way and he has nightmares where he does far worse, where he’s the only person left standing after a battle because he gave the wrong orders.  He never dies in those nightmares, he’s always left to see the aftermath of his mistakes.  He has panic attacks too.  He’s essentially convinced if he goes back to the infantry, he’ll fail at everything.  It’s so all-consuming in the beginning that the Mind Healers were almost positive that he was completely battle shy and would never be able to leave the Temple even if he could earn his knighthood.

(There is a six month break between these two stories, since there are three years’ worth of story to cover and I want to keep it moving)

Six months after Master Jeanette’s death, Jaran has proven he is definitely NOT battle shy.  Kara refers to him as being command shy, but they’re working on that with the help of Jaran’s mind healer.  He’s not carefree or easy going as he once was, but he’s got a better handle of his temper and has managed to keep from lashing out at people who offer sympathy for Master Jeanette’s death, even if all he can do is not respond and focus on breathing exercises instead.  He’s even getting his sense of humor back as he comes to terms with what happened.

In terms of battle, Jaran is not in control of anyone on the battlefield, he gives no orders at all.  In fact, he dresses as a clone trooper and has trained with them enough that they sometimes forget that ‘Hazard’ isn’t another brother.  He’s even managed to fool outsiders into thinking he’s just a clone, accidentally scaring Master Quinlan Vos badly when he took his helmet off.  (To be fair, he finds this funny and it’s a story he’s retold quite a few times.  Last time it circled back to Vos, the Jedi Master apparently silenced the entire commissary with his loud (and shrill) protestations that he did not scream like a girl.  He squeaked though, there was definite squeaking when it happened.)

(See notes for more detailed exploration of how Kara and Jaran have handled Jaran’s recovery)

Motivations: To never be responsible for deaths by accident again, to stop setting off Jedi relics with the Force, to get his Knighthood for Master Jeanette, and to grow dreads. (Also for Master Jeanette, but because he knows she would have actually smiled when she saw them and said ‘oh Jaran’ with the gesture she used when she was exasperated and laughing and fond) Current Goal: To protect his brother-warriors (the clone troopers) and be a good student for Kara Life Goal: To find his balance back and be a credit to his Masters. Motto: “In the garden of life, the Code is the trellis that supports us as we grow in the Force like a rose in the sun.  It is support and guidance, but when that’s not enough, don’t be afraid to follow the sun.”  Kara Saje, age 17, in a Jedi Ethics class.  (It is of note that she failed the assignment because of her borderline heresy.) Best Quality: His ability to roll with the absurd. Worst Quality: His obsession with control and his fear Fears: Falling (to Darkness), killing his own people, getting kicked out of the Order Hobbies: Sports (He knows and played a variety of them Before, and would later use them as a way to connect with the troopers), philosophy, history Talents: Hand eye coordination, excellent sense of balance, and a pleasant singing voice Skills: Sharp shooting, parkour, general athleticism, and a general knowledge of how to read body language and to use Lorrdian kinetic communication Abilities: Psychometry (the ability to read empathic residue from inanimate objects), telekinesis, mental shielding, and minor clairvoyance (ability to see current events from a distance) Weapons: Lightsaber, blaster  Weaknesses: His psychometry is strong enough that contact with objects without warning sometimes slams him with residue, yanking his mind into whatever images the residue contains instead of the fight or other activity he’s involved in, however his general empathy is lower than average which gives him trouble in trying to find people and utilize training bonds (although people don’t realize this because he is exceptional at reading body language and reacting to that instead), and he sometimes accidentally activates Force imbued objects (which earned him the Hazard nickname) Fighting Style: Jar’Kai, the use of two lightsabers is his preferred, but he also studied Soresu from Master Jeanette. Secret: Jaran planned to leave the Order, he only waited because Master Ki-Adi Mundi, his grandmaster (The Master who taught his master and basically his grandfather) asked him to wait and see what the Council had planned for him. And then along came Kara. Influential Memory: Meeting Master Jeanette for the first time after his Padawan Trials (a series of tests and demonstrations to show an initiate has the knowledge and skill for the more advanced teaching.) Role Model: Quinlan Vos and Master Jeanette Crush: Clone Commander Wolffe from Master Plo Koon’s battalion Source of Embarrassment: How many times has he accidentally picked up the empathic residue from shower sex in hotels?  Too many.  Source of Pride: His work on mastering Jar’Kai, even if he’s not a master of the form yet.

Backstory:

Jaran was born on Kiffar and was sent to the Temple at eighteen months.  The Jedi Order and Kiffar have strong but distant ties, so Jaran has very few memories of his family outside of a few letters sent by his mother.  His life was good, he got into the usual Youngling troubles, played a prank or two, and he was considered a bright, gifted lightsaber student.  He got in trouble a few times as a child for trying Jar’Kai before he was considered ready for the lessons, but other than that he had a pretty average childhood for a youngling.  His only struggle was emotion control, but since his was a happy nature, it was considered a minor flaw and not an actual defect.

At age ten, Jaran completed his Padawan trials and became Master Jeanette Starsoul’s Padawan within two weeks.  At first, he wondered if Master Jeanette had actually chosen him, or if she had taken him on at the best of the Jedi Council because she was reserved with him, and her praise was difficult to earn.  It wasn’t until just after his eleventh birthday that he learned the truth.  He had contracted a persistent fever during one of their missions that landed him in the Halls of Healing at the Temple, delirious, for nearly two weeks.  He doesn’t remember much besides being miserable and a few hallucinations, but the one thing he has never doubted, no matter what, was that Master Jeanette was with him almost the whole time.  There were a few times when he knew it was Master Ki-Adi Mundi watching over him in a bio-hazard suit, but the rest of the time it was Master Jeanette.  Afterwards, she was still reserved with him, her praise still difficult to earn, but Jaran knew that she cared for him.

The first six years of his Padawan instruction, Master Jeanette took him on missions that spanned the spectrum of Jedi tasks, including visiting one of the ancient Jedi Temples that was being investigated by archeologists and Jedi scholars on his sixteenth birthday, where he was allowed a week to indulge in his love of history.  Jaran almost switched his classes to be more geared to an archival or scholar role after that, but after he returned to the Temple and spent nearly an hour debating with Master Jocasta Nu about what he’d learned at the ancient temple, he realized that being a scholar of any sort would mean more of dealing with her and chose to continue on as an armchair historian.  (She never did forgive him for being in the Archive the day two of the Youngling Clans, including his own, reenacted one of the battles of the Great Sith War using the Archives as their battle ground.  Not that Jaran was involved, but he was there, and Bear Clan, and that was enough for Master Nu.)

After he turned sixteen, Master Jeanette began taking missions that involved more possibility of combat, with numerous bodyguard jobs.  She never exactly explained why, saying only that sometimes the Force had odd ideas about its chosen guardians.  Jaran learned a lot, both about the use of Jar’Kai in combat, the actual value of Soresu, and even began branching a bit into the Form V’s blaster deflection techniques, adapted to his preferred dual weld.  He also learned how to interact with the people he protected, including how to firmly suggest things that would keep them safe without violating their cultural taboo.  (Not that he was always successful, but he tried, and would earn forgiveness later on after they were safe.)

Master Jeanette brought him with her to Geonosis for the battle, and they were among the few left standing the arena that day.  He used to get nightmares about that, especially ones that featured Master Jeanette falling while he survived, but he soldiered on.  They spent the next four months fighting a defensive action on the edge of Hutt space, the 525th Infantry defending and holding a series of systems against a skilled, but under supported Separatist General.

Their last action lead to them teaming up with Master Plo Koon’s 104th to hold a system that would allow the Seps access to one of the major Hutt controlled space lanes.  This is when Jaran first met Clone Commander Wolffe, who intrigued him as much for his sharp, strategic mind, as for his gruff nature but obvious loyalty to Master Koon.  His crush on the Clone Commander vanished from his mind when Master Jeanette was killed, however.

The planet they were on had been causing issues with their communications, so when they needed an airstrike, they arranged a series of relays to bring the coordinates from Master Jeanette to Jaran, who would be in the best positon to reach the ship.  (You know, high up, space enough to hop on one leg while clucking like a chicken, the necessary steps for communication…)

As is often the case in long games of telephone, the message that Jaran received was not the message Master Jeanette sent him.  He radioed the confirmed coordinates to the flight team awaiting the order, and didn’t fully understand something was wrong until his Force-bond with Master Jeanette ripped apart with her death.

We first see Jaran about two or three weeks after that happened.  He’s in the Hall of Healing on suicide watch and is alternating between incoherent rage and desolate weeping.  Kara is reluctant to accept him as a Padawan for many reasons, but is determined to at least try for him.  Especially considering that their first meeting in the Hall ended with Jaran flinging an (empty) bedpan at her.  They’d shared classes on occasion, did a group project together, so they weren’t strangers, but becoming the Master to a shattered young man like Jaran wasn’t something Kara felt confident about.

Except Kara has visions, and she was very firmly informed by the Force that she needed Jaran, that they had something they were supposed to do together that could save the Order, so she went back again and again.  She also spent time tracking down Master Quinlan Vos and others to make sure that she understood what she could do to help her Padawan be comfortable.

One thing she did from the beginning was to have Jaran fitted for clone trooper armor.  Her reasoning was that the troopers were trained to look for and to the Jedi for orders, and the Jedi, except for rare occasions, were denoted by their Jedi armor and lightsabers.  If Jaran, a decent if not skilled marksman, wore trooper armor and used a blaster primarily, he would blend in a bit more with the troopers, and in a fire fight, her people would look for her, or one of their distinctively marked officers for direction, not the guy in the shiny white armor.

It wasn’t a perfect solution.  Her people knew who Jaran was, and there were times when they forgot and looked his way.  There were missions were Kara had to stick Bucket Squadron on Jaran to keep him safe because Jaran wasn’t able to cope and they couldn’t evacuate him.  Not to mention Jaran’s inexplicable ability to activate Force sensitive relics from twelve paces, leading to the infamous ‘cat fiasco’.  (Kara spent about four hours convinced she was a cat of some sort after Jaran activated an amulet she’d been holding.  They had to stun her to get her away from the amulet.)  It also created his nickname of Hazard.  (Because The Walking Disaster was taken.)

Around the time of the ‘cat fiasco’, Bucket Squadron underwent some restructuring because of the addition of more clones both from other battalions and Kamino, causing them to split to be able to absorb the new troopers, called Shinies, from Kamino.  While Jaran did most missions at Kara’s side as part of her Knight Squadron, he’d been busy making friends with the other troopers and the new squad, as yet unnamed took him under their wing, endeavoring to train him like he was another brother, instead of their crazy not-actually-a-commander.

That was about a month ago, and six months after Jaran became Kara’s Padawan.  He’s not ‘healed’, but he’s better.  He’s still not ready to be in charge of anything, but on their last mission, a retrieval, he went into the field with new armor, painted with his unique symbol of moons and triangles, instead of the plainer armor he’d used before, and managed not to panic, lose his head, or otherwise cause trouble for his master or their troops.  He meets with Sarisa once a week now, which is better than when he’d left the Hall with Kara, when he was scheduled for once a day meetings and sometimes commed her up to four or five times in the course of a day.

With time and patience, Jaran will become a valuable member of the Search, Rescue, and Retrieval battalion, although he may never command anything, he does do solo work and sometimes does work with Kara’s ‘Shadow Squad’, the not-a-commando squad that Kara uses to make life interesting for their enemies at times.

Relationships:

Master Jeanette Starsoul- Jaran’s first master, a quiet reticent Lorrdian.  Given her people’s propensity for kinetic communication, which is similar to sign language, but involves a lot of subtle movements, facial expressions, and more, she isn’t one to say much out loud, but if you know how to understand kinetic communication, you’d know that she adores her Padawan as a favored nephew.  (Never as a son.  She made that mistake only once, and never again.  Her Padawans are her nieces and nephews.)  She taught Jaran all she knew, including the kinetic communication of her people, to prepare him for whatever the Force lead him to.

Master Ki-Adi Mundi- Master Jeanette’s former Master and long-time friend, Master Ki-Adi has been a part of Jaran’s Padawan life from the beginning.  At Master Jeanette’s request, Master Ki-Adi has often taken time to tutor Jaran in politics and debate philosophy with him.  (Ki-Adi Mundi is the Jedi Council member with the… cone shaped head in the prequel trilogy.)

Kara Saje: Kara is Jaran’s teacher, and his friend.  He’s always admired her ability to appear serene, even if the skill eludes him for the most part.  If he had to classify her in terms of family, he’d say older cousin, the kind that’s almost grown up and wants to be ‘one of the adults’, but still finds time for water balloon fights and confidences.

Naomi Talis and Jeza Nomar are Padawan that Jaran knew from Bear Clan when he was a youngling.  Naomi’s family hails from Alderraan, and Jeza is a Twi’lek from Ryloth.  The three of them became friends because they all loved playing physical games, and did at times get in trouble for playing Limmie (soccer) instead of doing something else.  For them, it’s not a limmie game if they use the Force, it’s all about the skill.

Naomi is apprenticed to Iri Camas, the General in charge of Special Operations, suitable for her since her personal talents were more for healing than fighting.  She works some with her Master but also in the Hall of Healing.

Jeza’s master was a Nautolan Jedi named Ami Dessa, and they are currently stationed with one of the fleets on the Outer Rim.  Ami and Jeza both favor Soresu style fighting and a habit of speaking in riddles.

From the 425th:

Troopers Crash and Bang:  Crash and Bang are the clone’s equivalent of twins, they came from the same tube and have always been close to each other.  Kara seconded them out of Bucket Squadron in the third week after Jaran joined them to be Jaran’s full time partners, particularly since she knows that those two could and would haul Jaran where he needed to be, no matter what he thought was going to happen.  For Jaran, they’re his closest friends in the troops.  They get his issues with his psychometry and Bang is frequently found pestering Jaran for lessons on kinetic communication.

Trooper Fallback: like Kara, Fallback sees Jaran as his little brother, and where he’ll feed Kara every chance he gets, with Jaran, he tends to make sure the Padawan sleeps.

Trooper Brave:  Brave, the 425th’s other demolitions expert, is another Jaran’s friends.  Jaran likes spending time with Brave because Brave is as obsessive about his surroundings as Jaran can be.  For Brave, that’s because he wants to make sure he doesn’t blow something up by accident as opposed to Jaran’s desire to avoid emotional residue.  They have a special hand sign they use when talking to each other, or others, that basically indicates their desire to set something on fire and usually means that they need a distraction.

Other:

Sarisa Ven is Jaran’s mind healer, a Twi’lek Jedi Healer who is Temple bound after losing the use of her legs on a mission before the Clone Wars began.  While her legs are paralyzed, there is nothing wrong with Sarisa’s mind, or her sharp tongue and she is considered one of the best Mind Healers for dealing with mental traumas that involve flashbacks and panic attacks.

 Yes, I have done reading on PTSD, and I’m still doing reading.  This is just me working out what I have so far with what I need/want from Jaran for the plot.  Since I’m planning to write little groups of stories in roughly six month intervals, we see Jaran’s healing faster than it actually happens for the characters, and some of what occurs later is caused by things that happen in the time skips (like his weird affinity for the relics, or the fact that Fallback considers it his job to make sure Jaran sleeps enough is caused by one particular rescue mission where Jaran stayed up and on his feet for nearly forty-eight hours and collapsed going down a flight of stairs on their way to the gunships for departure.)  He’ll have nightmares and flashbacks in the stories, but their intensity and triggers will adjust to reflect on the passage of time, and he’ll have some moments of depression or aggression as well. I hope my integration of what I’ve learned so far works as well as I intended.

Jaran seems really solid character. There's a lot of distinct attributes between his appearance, personality, and backstory that all add up to a pretty unique picture. I can also see where you addressed some of the things I mentioned in Kara's review, such as addressing Jaran's nickname and clarifying his species (specifying what makes Kiffar different from humans). He's got a very distinct appearance, and I especially like the mention of his facial scar, hair style, and the triangular cultural tattoos.

Regarding Jaran's personality, he seems like a realistically mixed bag. Overall he's consistant, but there are enough unique aspects to make him well-rounded (especially given the impact his background has had on him). What I really like the most is the balance between the 'young, energetic Padawan finding his place in the world' against the 'weary, wary soldier struggling with PTSD.' Jaran isn't presented as just one or the other, but both at the same time. Just because he has panic attacks doesn't mean he stopped enjoying sports, and just because he's working towards becoming a Jedi Knight doesn't mean he's above occasionally messing around (or making mistakes). Which leads me to one of Jaran's best traits – his strict desire to not make said mistakes. Not only is that very accurate for someone in Jaran's position, but it's also extremely accurate for someone his age in-general. He's still very much getting a handle on all of these things and life as a whole, which gives him a compelling arc and a very relatable sense of motivation. That's actually something I especially want to highlight. As outlandish as the sci fi context of Jaran's story is, it's buoyed by how realistic his character is. The more fantastical the setting, the more relatable the motivations need to be to ensure investment, and Jaran definitely manages this.

Jaran's powers are interesting, and explained pretty well. Psychometry makes solid balance to Kara's Force abilities, and is far enough outside of the general suite of standard Jedi powers that it makes Jaran more unique. I liked how his struggles with it mirror Kara's issues with her Empathy abilities (though not as strongly) as well as the mentions that Jaran accidentally activates Force-imbued artifacts. Not only does it strengthen Jaran's connection to his Master and his place in the Rescue squadron, but adds that much more depth to his place in that universe overall. It isn't just left at 'This is how his powers work' but details out how Jaran's life has been affected by them (his relationships, career, general piece of mind, etc.).

Given your added commentary regarding Jaran's history, I'll avoid reviewing it overmuch due to the upcoming changes. However, I will say that what was presented so far was pretty solid. Jaran's upbringing is focused on the key moments that shaped his personality and relationships – becoming  Master Jeanette's padawan, his fever, Jaran's specific combat training, etc. It all flows in a cohesive manner and doesn't get hung up on non-important details. Of special mention is the inclusion of Jaran's involvement with Sarisa after his prior Master's death and how he's pro-actively coping with his trauma. Often times too many people skip past the recovery process for things like this, so it's really heartening to see that included (especially considering the Jedi's focus on mental wellness and emotional control).

I have no suggestions regarding Jaran's Relationships – they all look pretty good. In particular I liked the inclusion of Jaran's picking up body language from Master Jeanette. Mentions like this not only reinforce the connection between the characters, but also refer back to one of Jaran's established skills and ground it even further within his history (in a context that makes sense, given it was a 'student-teacher' relationship).

All in all, I really like Jaran. The only major issue I might have had with his profile is the handling of PTSD, but you're managed that really well and already specified how you intend on managing it. I would suggest possibly removing some of the parenthetical asides (like the mention of 'The Walking Disaster already being taken'), though they didn't disrupt my reading of the profile.

I hope this helps, and thanks again for your patience in waiting for this review!

-D

#OC Critique #Development Help #General Help #submission #guardian-of-hope