#apparently i ALSO couldn't decide whether i was writing a list or a narrative

[hiruzensux]

Hiruzen x Enma size difference issue (bc i'm horny and have no self control)

(under a cut bc vague to semi-graphic descriptions of sex (and related injury at the end there))

Just thinking abt these two and how they can fuck without Hiruzen dying / suffering permanent injury, because I think they're up against some anatomical challenges.

(Apparently i couldn't decide whether this was supposed to be a logistical analysis, a joke, or just horny.txt, so... apologies for the tone fluctuations throughout)

It’s safe enough if it's Hiruzen in the penetrative role + Enma receiving, but i don’t know if that’s going to be quite enough for Enma? i think Hiruzen is reasonably well-endowed in relation to the rest of his body, but he’s a pretty small guy, and Enma is... Large™️. I’m not usually especially into fisting but that might be the only thing for it here

re: Hiruzen's ass: Enma’s fingers look like a pretty satisfying size but i’ve seen his nails and i have Concerns lmao

But there’s plenty of other stuff they can do besides penetration...

There’s always handjobs; Hiruzen using both hands, Enma using... idk a few fingers?

Oral is an option, but i’m honestly not sure Hiruzen could get his mouth around it; mostly just a lot of licking while, again, his hands do most of the work

Frotting is size-difference-friendly. I’m sure intercrural is a big hit with them too (Hiruzen seems like he's got fuckable thighs)

You know, I bet they could actually do both at once; Enma can be behind him and Hiruzen squeezing him between his thighs and if they angle it right, Enma's dick is big enough to slide through with enough length leftover to rub against Hiruzen's with each thrust (and can you imagine how that must look from Hiruzen's POV? or fuck, EITHER POV — Enma can just lean forward and see everything over Hiruzen's shoulder, bc he's fucking huge)

...Honestly though, i don’t think Hiruzen would be able to resist the challenge; that enormous cock haunts his dreams and calls to him in a language his ass can’t ignore

Hiruzen on top just dripping with lube, hovering over that towering erection (freshly doused in its own bottle’s worth) trying to spread himself open as much as he can

Enma’s like “You don’t have to do this...” but in his mind's eye Hiruzen sees Kagami's face and he's just like “Yes. I do.” and just sits on it

it takes a minute or so of sitting on it; shifting around, trying to get that huge head into that tiny hole before it finally goes in and oh fuck that tearing feeling can’t mean anything good but it’s just so tight and full and it’s really too late to turn back now—

neither of them last even 10 thrusts before they both cum

...and hopefully it was worth it bc now Hiruzen gets to decide whether he's going to Danzō, Biwako, Tobirama, or just to the general hospital to explain, crying, that he needs emergency suturing INSIDE his ass bc he was having inappropriate relations with his summon and was actually horny and stupid enough to try to take his massive monkey cock

#hiruzen sarutobi #sarutobi hiruzen #monkey king enma #hiruzen x enma #size difference #my post #GOD i need to draw them #if you're reading this. i'm sorry #apparently i ALSO couldn't decide whether i was writing a list or a narrative #this happens a lot i feel like... maybe i should invent my own special cursed format: the Listrative™️ #the comfortable informal shape of the list meets the immersive storytelling of the narrative #some bulletpoints are chronological #some are not #freedom from the tyranny of end punctuation (except when i put it there anyway) #capitalization consistency? we don't know her #anyway listen. times are tough and i'm lacking in postworthy thoughts #so in these troubled times i've elected to lower my standards #( #bet you didn't know i had those huh? #me neither #i actually thought i'd done away with those long ago #but ​i guess they somehow grew back? #absolutely typical My Brain behavior #) #if tumblr deletes my read more one more time... #well. i don't actually have a threat for this. but >:(

[symptoms-syndrome]

Therapy hard. Talked a lot about anger.

We talked about anger, and then my therapist tried to do an exercise with me basically asking me to list ways of expressing anger, and I got too in my head about it. I couldn't think of healthy ways of expressing anger.

I also came to the conclusion (or rather, the realization I already had the conclusion) that to me, anger is a consequence of "fucking up with a different emotion." You feel something else, you don't deal with that, and it becomes anger. Anger is something that can be avoided by dealing with your emotions and frustrations before they become anger. Anger is an expression of an emotion rather than an emotion itself. Apparently that is not a correct answer.

I guess I find it surprising that I struggle with anger. I write a lot about anger, or about angry people. Two of my "main" or "favorite" OCs are very angry people, or were at some point in their stories. One of them is sad, scared, and feels vulnerable or powerless, but those are emotions they don't want to feel, so they express anger instead. Their narrative feels something like "if people are scared of me, they won't try and hurt me." Another one is lonely, sad, and emotional but those aren't masculine, and anger is the only emotion he feels he's allowed to express. Their narrative feels like "if I cry, people will make fun of me. If I'm angry, that's normal." It feels like both of those characters funnel their feelings INTO anger, rather than feeling anger itself.

So what am I supposed to do? If I feel anger and don't know where it's coming from or where to direct it? Anger feels like a call to action more than an emotion. It feels like wanting to be destructive or wanting to yell at someone or wanting to make someone feel bad. But it feels like with this much anger, I don't know what emotion is hiding under it, if there is any. But I don't know how to get rid of the anger without doing something I don't want to do.

it doesn't help that a lot of the anger, for whatever reason, doesn't feel like mine. Whether that's parts-related dissociation or just. Regular dissociation from undesirable feelings I don't know and honestly don't really care. But it feels like I reach some level where my brain decides is beyond the tolerable or acceptable level of anger, and then I'm not myself. It's just anger, not my anger or anger I'm feeling, I just collect the evidence and dust up the pieces after it's done and over with and back to an acceptable level.

#Dont rb obviously #ask to tag