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#approproved? fucking idk. so everytime i do anything i imagine a worstcase scenario where i end up hospitalized and damned to an empty
opens-up-4-nobody
ยท
11 months
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#i truely have so much anger built up inside me about my job. ive done a very good job of making it unbearable
#and after taking a 10 day vacation. plus 2 days of not working bc im sick. i really dont wanna go back
#i was planning to take 3 days to not do fucking anything but my boss just emailed me with some time sensitive
#logistical things. so like i guess i gotta fucking do that tomorrow. i started reading the email and it made my head hurt
#and she started it off like. hopw ur feeling better and i dont wanna cause stress but...
#like bro. listen. if u tell me these things u put them in my head and i csnt stop thinking abt them until theyre done. and its not her
#fault bc im the one that put myself in a place where im barely keeping it together. its just frustrating
#bc it feels like hope u feel better but also kill urseld ๐ but again thats just how it feels bc im so. idk how to describe it im like in a
#state of post burnout. im sitting in the ash. alone in a desolate landscape and its like jesus how tf do i fix this?
#and i cant even run out my anger rn bc im sick. and i mean i have the energy to run i dont feel lethargic but like i doubt that would aid
#recovery lol. ugh. 2 months. thats all. then i move away. assuming i find a place to live lol. bc i currently haven't yet
#but whatever. assuming i get better quickly and dont get worse and dont get covid on top of this cold bc my dad got covid
#it will have been a bit of a blessing i came back sick bc i have a clear justification for not working and for telling people to fuck off
#when they ask for things from me. like today a lab mate asked if i could sample Monday. which it technically
#a holiday but i probably would have said yes if i wasnt sick. and i would have had to teach undergrads some bullshit friday if i wasnt sick
#instead i just did nothing all day bc i almost moved bsck my flight and didnt leave home until the weekend anyway
#i guess its good i didnt bc then i would have been stuck in ohio bc my dad found out he had covid yesterday
#idk its all just frustrating bc im halfway in a transition and im not doing very well but i cant do anything to fix things until i leave
#the southwest. like i dont even kno if i have health insurance rn. my benifits change request was processed but like does thst mean it was
#approproved? fucking idk. so everytime i do anything i imagine a worstcase scenario where i end up hospitalized and damned to an empty
#bank account or eternal medical debt. tho my mum said they passed a law where they arnt allowed to do thst to u anymore ๐คทโโ๏ธ
#whatever. im annoyed. i dont wanna work ๐ซ
#unrelated
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