#as well as b. the venue does food/drink anyway which annoys me in its own way

[one-true-houselight]

What is the point of requiring masks to walk into a building, only to leave it up for personal choice once people sit down for a performance? Do you understand how masks work?

#look. obviously the most relevant reason to be distressed about waning COVID precautions is the death and eugenics #but the personal things are hitting hard as well #there’s a show coming to DC that me my sibling and my mom all really want to go to #but a. saw people saying that was how enforcement was working which renders it unsafe #as well as b. the venue does food/drink anyway which annoys me in its own way #remember when we were all making fun of some conservative asshole for acting like taking off your mask ‘just to eat’ was good enough? #bc we realized viruses don’t care why we’re taking off our mask #but now suddenly it’s al masks are required unless eating or drinking #basically cancelling a large portion of any protection you might have gained. #and for what? so people could eat some popcorn or have a beer inside #(obviously it’s different for people with blood sugar/etc medical needs #but it’s not like anyone cares about disabled people any other time vis a vis masks so I don’t fully believe they actually care about #finding an equitable solution ya know?) #fuck the government and cdc for sacrificing people on the altar of capitalism #but also fuck people who can’t wear a mask/quarantine/not go out/etc to keep disabled people alive and even slightly welcome in public #yeah my mental health would be better if I went out more! #except! it would be balanced out by the negative impact of all the people I’m condemning to isolation and death #we have solutions we know solutions #but people were left to the mercies of a government that didn’t care and were bombarded by individualistic bullies in its place #so now a show that is literally synthesized to be my jam #is a biohazard.

[joannawillshrink]

havent worked out in two weeks

and I’m going surfing in Ecuador in ... 8 days. so, yea guess whos gonna be fat in all her photos! 

I wish I knew how to not be in a shit mood all the time. Just came home from a show, for example, and like... I cant tell if my bitchiness is justified. The show was glorious. But when we exited the theater, “we” being my roommates and I, an Uber home was $30. I suggested we snag a beer somewhere and wait out prime rates. But my one roommate girl wasnt into it, so much so you could even hear it in her tone, and so... we walked. We walked in the rain. And it was mostly fine, but she kept power walking and zipping across cross walks in yellow lights as if there were some grand rush or destination. We were just walking in the general direction of our house so as to A. run the clock so the Uber surge would be lower, and B. we’d be slightly closer to our destination which would cut the price down. So I get it. But I insisted right as we left the venue that I didnt want to walk all the way to ____Bar (dont wanna name it), because I had done that a couple weeks prior for the same reasons and it didnt end well for me because it was shit weather to walk in, and when I got as far as I felt comfortable walking, the place I waited for the car to pick me up well, I guess I’ll just say I got bothered and approached by a lot of homeless men / drunk dudes / generally like... unsavory people. It killed the vibe of the show I had walked from.   So! I said this to my roommates, that I didnt want to do that walk again. So we’re walking, and zigging and zagging and theyre kindof ahead of me and I just kindof feel like, left behind. My male roommate proclaims “I’d be down to stop at ______ and get pretzels!” to which my female roommate agrees. and I shrug because I dont want food and internally find humor that like, they dont mind stopping and spending money at this place, but not initially back by the venue for a drink and a sit down. BUT anyways, so we’re in there, I’m watching them buy pretzels and when we go to leave, my female roommate decides to take us down a back alley instead of the normal road. At which point, this really challenging homeless lady approaches us and is mumbling a mile a minute and not making any sense and following us very closely and then arguing with herself mixed with swearing at us. My male roommate gave her one of his pretzels and we kept walking. I do not know why my female roommate did this the way she did, but apparently we were to get our Uber pickup like, a block north? Instead of finding a nice corner to wait on, she pinned it further away so we had to walk and go catch it? So this awkward interaction with this homeless woman, being followed, and then apparently our ride drove past us before we could reach it. None of this was spoken aloud until she goes “oh, our car is gone.” I’m pissed at this point. Its raining. Its a creepy depressing road by a gas station. And while we’re waiting for the car I didnt know we were getting at a pin we werent even at at the time...ugh... while we were waiting for that car to circle back around, the homeless lady walked back up to us. She’s just staring at me. And like, just... it sounded as if she was speaking into a tape recorder and then playing the audio backwards. With occasional audible swear words. I think I heard her say something about my roommate giving her a pretzel. But she’s so close to me and like, shifting her wait, and then throwing her hands to her stomach saying “ow ow!” as if someone invisible just punched her... Neither of my roommates are saying anything, I’m staring at my female roommate like “YO IS THIS CAR COMING OR>>>>???” so fucking annoyed. No ones saying anything to this homeless lady, and we cant walk away now because of the car my roommate “secured” in such a lame manner. Like... 

I feel like a bitch. Because even the simplest shit, I think I can do it better than other people. It would have continued the lovely vibe of the show if we could have all just gotten one beer, sat at some bar table or something and gushed about what we had just seen!!! Inside, in a warm place, not getting rained on, not getting followed, not wandering around dark, dingy parts of town!!! we wouldve run the surge clock out, they wouldve spent the same money on pretzels on a drink instead. Like... just.. UGH. and then we wouldve had a car from a nice safe cute part of town. 

I’m not trying to be bougie and ignore the plight of the homeless and mentally ill. It just... our night didnt have to look like that. And they didnt have to be so disorganized... Its just shit like that that makes me remember why I travel alone. Because I can do things my way, just how I like, whenever I like. I think I have finesse and style and DONT UNDERSTAND WHY SO FEW PEOPLE SEEM TO HAVE THAT SHIT TOGETHER. 

And so we get home, and immediately theyre like “heeeeyyy lets smoke a bowl!” because theyre always fucking smoking. always. ALLLWAYYYS. I dont know how to be cool about it anymore. I just think its fucking lame. I need to find a forum of other people that think stoners are lame. Because I feel so alone. I dont know how to change my mind on this! Like, my roommates are becoming more and more lame, and it increases when theyre high. It stinks up the house, their jokes arent funny, they just sit around making bad puns about House Hunters or my roommate’s dog’s name. Endlessly. Its not funny! Its just dumb, and I’m really tired of fake laughing. And recently my female roommates boyfriend started spending more time here and he stays here when she’s out at work and stuff and basically lives here and he’s a weed smoker too, so I just feel fuckin square and lame and old as shit. 

Its not a bad house to live in. At all. Theyre nice. Theyre supportive and creative people. I just... am I being a mega snob? Needing more? Is it grass is always greener? like, if I lived with more ambitious people would it feel like, too harsh or maybe I would start to feel like I was the lame one. I dont know. I just, miss sexiness and sharpness, real humor, wit. Edge. Speed. Fucking saavy. Does that make any sense? I’m going crazy. No I’m not. I think I just need different friends, and more will power to break off from a vibe I’m not into. I couldve easily said “hey, I dont feel like walking, I’mma do my own thing, I’ll see ya’ll at home.”

...

its a constant divide in my mind; wanting to feel less lonely, while being so fucking irritated by people. WHAT DO I DO HOW DO PEOPLE EXIST OUT HERE. 

#rant