#asa isnt sure why he cant maintain any sort of relationship but he does know that its bc of him

[chaotic-toby]

I've thought about my whole "Asa having abandonment issues" post more and came up with something.

It's less Asa scared of Arkin leaving and more like he's waiting for it. I suppose? Like, Asa wouldn't blame Arkin for leaving him. Everyone around him tends to leave eventually, and the common denominator is Asa himself.

He has such an awful self image at times and doesn't think he deserves the love that Arkin shows him. Asa doesn't exactly push him away, but if he gets the feeling that Arkin is upset with him or is spending less time with him or is interested in someone else (platonically or romantically) he'll think, "Welp, it is what it is". Asa kinda distances himself from Arkin so he can give him some space, all while also trying to get closer? Idk it's confusing. At one moment, Asa refuses to leave Arkin's side, and then the next, he'll ignore Arkin and busy himself in his work.

Asa feels like he isn't a person that can be loved for a long time </3

#the last line I stole from another tumblr post #i related to it a lot #this is just hardcore projection #like cmon his family got killed and his father killed them #and personally i believe that any relationship-- platonic or romantic doesnt last long for him #either his friends will become closer to other people #making him the third wheel #or his romantic partners break it off for whatever reason #asa isnt sure why he cant maintain any sort of relationship but he does know that its bc of him #so when he gets into a relationship with arkin hes excited but also just waiting for the shoe to drop #“hmm arkin is sure nice to me... itll be a shame if i did something to sabotage this amazing relationship” #asa emory #arkin o'brien #collectkin #abandonment issues #projection #slashers #the collector (2009)