#at every given moment my inner child is wailing unloved unloved on my hands and knees begging not to be left alone

[soldier-poet-king]

Speaking of self sabotage (unintentional?? Maybe???), you can't possibly be abandoned if you don't truly trust anyone in the first place!

#this is bad dont listen to me. my brain is fuzzy bad tonight im going to bed #shaking it in a jar like..NO. we're not allowed to be like that #but also idk how to not #babygirl i have abandonment issues beyond your wildest comprehension #at every given moment my inner child is wailing unloved unloved on my hands and knees begging not to be left alone #AND YET i am cranky and prickly and sensitive and hide away and dont trust on even the most basic of things #AND SO #the duality of fran #anyway i am forcing myself to go to bed. i feel like SHIT. physically. mentally. emotionally. #like. why is connection the deepest craving of the human soul #bc its smthn we cannot get alone. cannot be self sufficient in #no matter how good i am and how dutiful i am and how self abnegating and people pleasing i am #it doesnt guarantee that connection. nothing does #all my hard work! for what! #smthn smthn I could philosphize about my neuroses but im genuinely going to take extra melatonin and just try to sleep