#at my HS retail job and she took a liking to me. we became incredibly close. she would always schedule me on her days & i even hung out wit

[batsinurbelfrey]

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#laying here thinking about how 5 minutes before i called my dad yesterday to come out to him and talk gender #instagram glitched and in the little chat bubbles it showed me my dead mentor/friend was online. #it was the most worldstopping blood chilling glitch #she's been dead since 2016 #she died before this feature even EXISTED #and yet. there she was. i watched her face pop up with that little green dot. i took a screenshot. and then after the longest two minutes #or so of my life. she vanished. #when i first sent the screenshot to tori i was so upset. being reminded of her and the loss of it all always makes me so sad #but then. as i was typing out my message i thought about how she was older. she was an adult but we were friends because she was my manager #at my HS retail job and she took a liking to me. we became incredibly close. she would always schedule me on her days & i even hung out wit #her and sometimes her young daughter outside of work. going to concerts and pool parties and the like. #but most importantly. she was the first ADULT in my life that clocked me as queer and was OKAY with that. that was supportive even. #she wanted me to be Myself and to be Loved for that. she flew out to SF for pride the first year i knew her [id only known her a few weeks #at this point as well] and when she came back she brought me a variety of rainbow-colored pride bracelets and a necklace and a shirt #she wanted me to have them since i didnt have anything like that yet. as my mom would never have allowed it #and i kept them hidden away and wore them to work and just.......felt so LOVED by her and she really helped me come into my identity when i #felt i couldnt at home. and......i am a FIRM non believer in ghosts or the afterlife or anything like that for the most part #but MAN if it didnt suddenly hit me all at once that like...... #it almost felt like she could feel my heart beating out of my chest #scared to have this talk with my dad about my gender #and she reached out from beyond the grave to squeeze my hand and tell me it was gonna be ok..... #sure. it was probably just some weird glitch. but what a STRANGE glitch to happen #and what incredibly wild timing. both for When it Happened and also that i Saw It for the brief moment it was there..... #anyway. thats been on my mind for two full days now. #if it was you Jeni.........thanks. it went well. you were right #and.....i miss you.