#at this point i regret not offing myself at 18 and i havent had a day where i didnt cry so hard my eyes didn hurt for at least 3 months now

[domsaysstuff]

Trying to be vulnerable sucks, like how one does it if it's not after 10 pm in your best friend car in the lidl's parking lot?

#i am having trouble reaching out to my friends for comfort rn #bc i need comfort rn very much please #but actively being like: hey so you know how i have been lying for at lesst four months now that i'm fine because i'm really not fine and #at this point i regret not offing myself at 18 and i havent had a day where i didnt cry so hard my eyes didn hurt for at least 3 months now #and i barely gwt out of bed and i cant find a job and i dont know what to do with myself or where to place myself and im tired and ive been #fighting with at least one lf my oarents every day since like i was born and ny dad is dying and this time i really think he actually #doesnt have any time left even tho he's dying since i was like idk 10 and i should be used to the thought of him being dead craved it even #sometimes becasue god do i hate his abusive alcholic ass on so many days bit hes my dad and he cares and there good days where hes kind and #i love him but he's dying and i think its for real this time there is so little kf actually him left and im not ready #and im really falling apart at the seems and i cant do anything becasuse im jst a overgrown child and i started having troubles with eating #or maybe i simply always had thwm and only now im noticing #ya know? #seems like maybe a lil too much to spring on someone? #personal ig