#bc cyanos r so cool

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#sigh... the urge to write a fic vs the urge to just draw out the scenes i want vs the urge to not do any of those things bc i do not have #that kind of time. against my better judgment i have begun writing out a story. which is a terrible idea but. i just need this to exist? #but also writing takes so much time and i have to remember how normal ppl act. like how do friends work? blah idk #also i need to look for a phd and read abt cyanos bc ive managed to get a tiny sliver of enthusiasm back #bc cyanos r so cool #and i got to talk to some ppl abt potential projects. tho im prob just gonna be banished back to photosynthesis machines... #god i am so fucking awkward around groups tho. like how does one teach in an interactive way? i fucking hate those activities so much #which is terrible bc they r good for learning. but unfortunately i would just rather not #it irritates my brain bc im just like. this is so inefficient. let me just tell u everything and we can leave so i dont have to b around u #i was not born to teach. i was born to be a lab creature toiling away over flasks of goo #never having to see anyone ever #sigh... this weekend i will start looking for a phd. i will do it. i will. and i will cultivate my fic #bc i need it to exist and i need it to be short. please let it be short so i can be free of thus curse #why is it every time i write its like im exercising a demon from my body. away foul beast. be gone! let me rest! #unrelated