#bc i’m still paranoid as hell that i’m becoming like the people who’ve hurt me :o)

[consulaaris]

love (and by this i mean loathe) the inverse relationship between my mental health and credit card bill

#rae talks #sorry have been MIA it’s been. hm. rough times. #told myself i was taking a brief break from tumblr & stuff and i still am #but i’ve popped in a time or two #promise i’m not ignoring anyone but i will likely be pretty inactive for a bit sorry </3 #i am still reachable by discord dm though / down to chat or w/e #but yes. stress spending has been the mo lately and sheesh #smth smth self sabotage and the slow decline of my giving a fuck abt anything sjdjdjkd #somewhere between max burnout and a mental health break lmao #it’s been difficult to like. process myself existing outside of my own head? while also simultaneously internalizing everything as like— #—an indicator of my own self worth and what people think of me as a person and it has been. a time lol. #and the fear that if i barely have a grasp on my sense of self rn then how can anyone/am i just lying to everyone SNJSJDKD #bc i’m still paranoid as hell that i’m becoming like the people who’ve hurt me :o) #anyways. lmao. trying to straddle the balance between needing a break and making things worse by isolating myself #so i will continue to be mostly MIA for a while