#been held over me since i realized my faggotry at like 7/8 like ALSKALSKALSKLAKS

[bibleofficial]

idk what my father thought the take-away would be by taking my brother & i downtown to look at homeless people every holiday and birthday growing up was. like all it’s turned into was ‘communism = good’ & 🤝 like 😭😭

#diary #‘rhat could easily be u one day’ ‘one accident is all it takes’ then to the -> ‘we will kick u out if u do something we don’t like’ -> im #poor & therefore the poor is me ALSKALSKALKSLAKS #like idk. i mean i’ve been thinking abt it so much like how things could’ve been different if only money weren’t a problem #like yea he grew up basically homeless so i understand what his point ? was i guess ? but idk like the looming ‘u can be kicked out’ had #been held over me since i realized my faggotry at like 7/8 like ALSKALSKALSKLAKS #i didn’t have money ? i was a child ? i couldn’t afford things ? but also the money i did have was from work i’d do around the house or #whatever like if we got birthday money like 80% would go into a savings account but i didn’t have access to that account until i turned like #17 so like still its not like it was MY money - all my money was what i had or what i could hide or stash like #the HOARDING #JUST IN CASE I GOT FOUND OUT #maybe this was really unhealthy #but REGARDLESS it’s like ok idk the class solidarity but HE doesn’t like the homeless now bc he’s a crotchety old man that was a child of #neoliberal capitalism so i mean yea idk i get it but MY generation like my brother & i - or at least I REALIZED THIS - but like the flourish #that my father received from the economy he came of age into is NOT being passed along to me like im just floundering i keep thinking abt #money like im so fucking stressed all the time abt MONEY like i RESENT it so much like i WISH i could’ve been born into wealth like just #be NORMAL have a NORMAL college like be able to GET A LOAN at ALL for school loans but #like even if i COULD get a loan it’s not like i’d be able to PAY IT BACK !!!!! like oh my god ? & then who’d end up having to figure out how #to pay it back ? my family bc .. gov gon get their money somehow & i can’t do that even if i DID get kicked out like #im just so envious of the wealthy; those who could pay their way - or get it covered #like literally ‘what’re u going to do :)’ bro i don’t FUCKING KNOW DO U HAVE MONEY FOR ME TO DO ANYTHING ? BC WORKING FOR 30K/YEAR IS MORE #like time available to look for Real work vs Working at Work like it’s MORE affordable to NOT work #what’s the POINT if fucking WALMART pays MORE THAN A DEGREED REQUIREMENT #like 😭😭😭😭😭 #cost of living crisis ever rising #like ok let’s just #im going to light things on fire