#being given a mantle you didn't ask for bc you offered yourself up as a sacrifice

[evilkitten3]

thinking about the sannin and abandonment and the past following you wherever you go no matter how hard you try to leave it behind and staying and clinging to whatever you have left until it twists you into something unrecognizable and chases you out and clinging to it even after that while getting worse and worse and watching everything you love die and pushing away whatever you have left and abandoning people who need you because staying is killing you and leaving and leaving also killing you and the worst coping mechanisms known to man and trying so hard not to remember when you were just three kids with a teacher who adored you before everything collapsed in on itself now none of you can stand the sight of each other and the devastation of war and fame gained through clinging to your life and being so defined by survival that you forget to do anything else and people trying to rely on you when you can't even rely on you and dying alone with your regrets and the endless cycle of rebirth and alcoholism

#naruto #naruto shippuden #the legendary sannin #densetsu no sannin #jiraiya #senju tsunade #orochimaru #sarutobi hiruzen #i know jiraiya is. awful but. i do like him when he's not being gross #and there's a Lot going on there. it's just that the grossness is also there a lot #tsunade is so full of issues. like so full of them #also i find it really interesting how jiraiya left and tsunade left and orochimaru stayed #he always had problems too ofc but he became what he became because unlike jiraiya and tsunade he didn't leave #until he had to #how jiraiya and tsunade left for selfish reasons but were ultimately right to do so #how orochimaru stayed and destroyed himself #how sarutobi was the catalyst for so much bc he cared too much in the wrong ways #trusting people you've known for so long and trying so hard to be the man your teacher thought you could be #but never fully realizing the flaws in him or in your comrades or your students or yourself #being given a mantle you didn't ask for bc you offered yourself up as a sacrifice #being placed on a pedestal and being too afraid to step away from it or view yourself outside of it #being a sad tired old man who tried too hard in the wrong ways and not enough in the right ones #dying at the hands of someone you adored but also abandoned in your own right #loyalty and treachery and becoming something new and trying and failing and the consequences of your actions #killing someone you love. loving the person who's killing you. being morned by people who should and one day will hate you #fighting for an ideal that doesn't exist and never existed and never could exist but you can't admit it or else what's the point #living in a world that no longer remembers what a childhood looks like and maybe never knew to begin with #the world breaks you and everyone you love and you break yourself and the world and everyone you love and everyone you love breaks you too #also there's monkeys