#blu has a chrold

[rancher-dan]

If I had a nickel for everytime I had a hooked up with a parent because our kids were in bingo club together and I am a chronic flirt I would have two nickels which isn't a lot but it's weird that that's happened twice...

#blu is dum #blu has a chrold #blu has kids

[rancher-dan]

My son says like "one fourth" instead of "a quarter" so I asked him what he wanted from DQ and he said "I would like a one fourth pound burger." And I looked at him in confusion and he said "Number 3 combo."

So anyway does anyone know where I put my receipt?

I would like a refund.

#the mystic adventures of blu #blu has kids #blu has a chrold #ian frser #ian fraser #eand fras

[rancher-dan]

wait, hold on, back track, double take, brought my baby a pair of headphones yesterday from school word from Ian is you plug them fuckers into a tablet/computer, put pokemon on and he will sit quietly in the corner just watching for hours. lil tootsie roll done did fell asleep doin it. kids are magical and i can’t believe i didn’t know this. 

#blu is dum #blu has a chrold #blu has kids

[rancher-dan]

me: do you wanna see my dick? ant: excuse me??? *opens pantry* ian, who’s inside the pantry: toppa the mornin’ to ya, m’name’s richard

#conversations from the void #ant sanchez #eand fras #Ian Fraser #blu has kids #blu has a chrold #blu has no life #it took 25 minutes of telling my son 'stay in there just a bit longer' #but i orchestrated the funniest situational joke of the entire quarantine #blu is dum

[rancher-dan]

not to be “that dad” but my son’s laugh is so sweet and his smile is so soft and genuine and his memes are so god tier that it has kept me from ending it all on multiple occasions and i just want you all to know I LOVE MY FUCKING SON

#eand fras #Ian Fraser #blu has kids #blu has a chrold #blu is sad😔

[rancher-dan]

the thing i didn’t think ahead about before I had the kid that i am now thinking about since he’s getting bigger is; dude htf am i gonna get thru sassy annoying small child stage of life twice??? like ya bitch ain’t got the mental capacity to sit there with a child and answer ridiculous questions all day i ain’t even got the mental capacity to breathe. 

“dad, how many feet do i have?”

“i don’t know, 12″

“12?”

“sure”

“...DADDY I HAVE MORE FEET THAN YOU! *sparkling excited eyes* does this make me bettew dan u?”

“well the hierarchy of number of feet to societal status is similar to money so, yeah, why not?”

it’s gonna be so hard they’re so cute and yet so annoying like i love you but i will also punt kick you if you hit me again don’t fuck with me i have the power of the gods and anime on my side

#sometimes it's just like 'go back in the womb timmy daddy's working' #blu is dum #blu has kids #blu has a chrold #bobi fras

[rancher-dan]

I swear to God if Ian comes and snuggles up to me and asks me if I can sing to him ONE MORE TIME I am going to sing to him because I love him and it's sweet? What else? I would get gnodes for that funky dino nuggie. Keep scrolling.

#blu has a chrold #blu has kids #eand fras

[rancher-dan]

Is it sad that I called my son to help me with grading my math quizzes because “Shit, I don’t fuckin know if that’s right”? yes. Was it a great bonding moment having him stand over my shoulder and tell me how to calculate percentages...Again...? also yes.

#eand fras #blu has kids #blu has a chrold #Ian Fraser

[rancher-dan]

me and my son are huddled up on the couch under an itchy blanket i crotched forever ago watching a how it’s made episode on plaster molding and living our best lives, wyd

#I LOVE MY KIDS #i love my kids SO FUCKING MUCH #eand fras #Ian Fraser #blu has a chrold #blu has kids

[rancher-dan]

My son told me, as we were watching Back To The Future a few hours ago, “The only reason people who were your age or older in 1985 didn’t like Marty’s music was because they grew up listening to songs called “I Like Frogs Because They Don’t Judge Me Based Off My 20 Year Track Record of Infidelity and Heroin Addiction” and the lyrics were ‘skiddy biddy dee doop bop biddle de doop ba dop bee dee shloop be dop zip zow’ and prejiduced old people are mortally afraid of any and all changes that make their opinions usddenly incorrect” and I haven’t stopped thinking about it

#blu has kids #blu has a chrold #eand fras #ian fraser #the mystic adventures of blu

[rancher-dan]

My 1yo has learned how to say what we say all the time and what situations apply to them because of observing us using them.

My husband has been sick as of late, and whenever I'm taking care of him during the day he stays on the couch.

His head was laying in my lap and this hoy comes padding over with a piece of the vacuum in his mouth. He takes it out, lookes between my husband and me, and then puts his hand on his shoulder and asks me

" 's he okay?"

I tell him he's just feeling a little blue

"blue?"

"Yeah."

Then his face contorts in qorry and he looks down at my hisband and he goes

"you blue, da?"

and my husband, in his adorable little sore throat laryngitis scottish accent says

"aye babey, jus a wee bit, ye"

and my kid makes the most pained whine, one he hasn't even made when he was hurt, gives my husband a kiss on the temple, lays his head on his back and says

"dad feel betta?"

and my husband nods, coughs, and says

"much better, thank you"

and then he smiles and waddles away, the vacuum piece back in his mouth.

#he's so precious #🥺🥺🥺 #bobi fras #al fraser #blu has a chrold #blu has kids #blu has hoosband

[rancher-dan]

Just woke up and he already flirtin with the ladies 😎

#he bb #blu has a chrold

[rancher-dan]

I was begging Al to get Subway and he asked me what I wanted and after I told him I said "Why am I telling you this? I'm coming!" and Ian, from the other side of the couch, says "Didn't mein fuhrer say no cumming?" and it took me so long to figure out how that was funny and I'm--

#conversations from the void #al fraser #eand fras #blu has hoosband #blu has a chrold #blu has kids #blu is in a relationship

[rancher-dan]

i my son likes to rest his head on my hand while im typing when he gets angry

he'll come all the way from half way across the house, huff, and then rest his hand on my wrist and eventually he'll asleep

it's so fucking adorable im--🥺

#blu has a chrold #blu has kids

[rancher-dan]

The chrold lost his tanka trucks

#bobi fras #blu has a chrold #blu has kids

[rancher-dan]

i’m the worst parent ever omfg my kid came and sat on my bed i was like ‘what’s up’ and he said ‘can’t sleep’ and i was like ‘any particular reason?’ and he just sighed and laid his head on my shoulder and said ‘everytime i lay down and try to it just gets harder’ and i pat his side and said ‘and everytime we kiss i swear i could fly’ and he just looked at me with the most ‘really dad?’ expression 

#ian fraser #blu is dum #blu has kids #blu has a chrold