#btw ppl always assume that i am the One whenever i play it..... i still win thoughh hiihihihi | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

marauder--harder · 6 years

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(I'm going to do this in separate messages sorry) Ok so I have a problem and idk what to do. So I like this guy who is one of my friends and my friend Nicole kept bugging me to tell him so I gave up and told her that she could tell him if she pleased but to do it quietly and privately with him. But she FREAKING SCREAMED in the packed hallway "(my name) LIKES YOU (his name) SHE LIKES YOU" and afterwards she told him that he should ask me out (which he obviously refused)

PART 2 (the separate story thing) and I had to track down one of his friends who refused to give me his number (I'm kinda a troll in school so ppl don't want me to mess with them on texts(which I don't do btw)) and I got my friend to text the same person and she immediately got his number so I had to explain that yeah, i like him, but I don't want to date and i just want to be friends (which he only responded with 'ok' everytime i said something) and now we haven't been talking for a while now..

PART 3 (sorry) so we barely talk anymore and only do so when I put paper in his hood ( it's a thing that I always have been doing with him to mess with him) and I've known this guy since I was 5, started liking him when I was 7 and now I'm 13, and I think our friendship is ruined and my friends say whenever I do talk to him I'm clearly nervous and "visibly shaken" and I think letting Nicole tell him was a big mistake bc I don't know how this'll ever blow over - it's been months

I’m assuming that this was the end of the thread as I didn’t get anything past it and I waited for a bit. Sorry if it wasn’t, my bad. This is going to be a long post so like, hit that keep reading for the full message and if you are not interested, feel free to never hit the link. I promise, I’ll never even know.

As for your dilemma, it seems like you have a serious case of the awkwards. Which is fine! Lots of people are diagnosed with it, even me. It is something you definitely can manage and make it seem like you are even cured! (or possibly even be cured! only time will tell!) It seems to me like you need to just tell the guy you like, in person, that you don’t want to go anywhere with your case of the mushy gushy feelings (trust me, that is the scientific term here) and you still want to be friends. It seems like you would have enough history where y’all could definitely get past it.

But two things stood out to me more in your messages than anything else. So, in my years and years of absolute wisdom (sarcasm heavily implied here) I am going to impart two of the biggest pieces of advice that I have learned as I’ve grown. Take it as you will.

1. Don’t put yourself down.

Everyone has their insecurities and everyone has self-confidence issues. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have them, because in my experience it isn’t that simple and quite frankly not possible to not have insecurities and love every part of yourself. (Note: this is not to say that you can’t love yourself or that it is impossible to be confident. It definitely is but I think that self image is not as linear as most people attempt to make it; but I digress.)

Thus, no self-deprecating comments. No ‘which he obviously refused’ here, missy (assuming u a girl. if not, my apologies, my mans). Even if you think that you aren’t good enough, (to which, I am not saying you aren’t) putting yourself down will only do worse for yourself in the long run. So try to shy away from comments that put yourself down and try to twist it to have a different spin.

It isn’t an easy task. It is a task that is time consuming and something you have to work at. A lot. But I found that when I was your age, I constantly put myself down and I think that it not only hindered how I saw me but how others saw me too. Ya feel?

2. Try not to blame others.

I’m not saying this lightly. I am well aware that some things are other people’s fault and we can’t control everything so this is something that is a lot more difficult to find the line to tread. It will come with age and practice and maturity. Do not beat yourself up for any of it (as I did when I was about your age too, but that is yet another digression).

I find that blaming others usually only fosters resentment and anger towards that person and it doesn’t do much at solving the problem at hand. And your problem can be solved, if you talk to the people involved in person. So much can get lost in a text, trust me I have many a people to back me up on that.

I do wish you the best in this, hon and try not to sweat it too much. If things don’t work out (and they might not, which is a shitty piece of advice that I don’t want to tell just as much as you probably don’t want to hear but there’s a possibility that the guy you like also has a case of the awkwards and it just no longer meshes the way it once did) feel free to drown your sorrows of a lost friend/crush in the biggest bowl of ice cream you can find and read some fluffy (or angsty if you are me and love to hurt yourself worse) fics. Do know that it is just one person and as much as it sucks, all of your eggs are not laid in his basket (wow, that was a horrible expression to use and my 12 year old self is giggling like a child).

You are more than any friendship and more than any embarrassing thing that may happen in your life. Be open and honest and talk to people in a clear way that avoids playing all these round about games that so many in the younger generations (mine included) tend to play. Lay down the facts and let him make the choice to either look past it or walk away.

But you deserve that straight answer from him.

Good luck and much love, xoxo.

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autismserenity · 7 years

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trans ppl iding more as ace than their cis counterparts really doesnt concern you? you really think it's just trans people being more asexual than cis people and not, you know, trans people being so violently repulsed by their own bodies they simply erase every single possible feeling of sexual attraction. like. asexuality is not a mental illness by any means! but you CANNOT be so dense that you simply write off the huge gap number between cis & trans ppl iding as ace w/o thinkin about dysphoria

The thing is, there are two major problems with the “what if these people are ace because of ________.” (Maybe more than two. But two off the top of my head.)

First: WAY more trans people id as m-spec than cis people. Way way way way more, like roughly 50% of trans people according to the same study. As opposed to 4% of trans people identifying as ace, versus 1-2% of the general population. (It’s possible or even likely that 50% of everybody is m-spec, I suppose. But if they are, they certainly don’t know it -- or they’re not comfortable enough with it to say so in surveys.)

In my experience, that can be partly because of gender stuff, sure.

But a lot of it is because once you’ve taken the risk of facing one part of your identity, and finding out it’s not “normal,” you’re much more willing and able to do that again. Which is also true for trans aces, whether they start out as trans or as ace.

And a lot of it is because, once you identify as one of those things, you are WAY more likely to learn about the other(s), which makes you WAY more likely to realize that these other labels apply to you too. Whether you start out as a-spec/m-spec or as trans. You start being exposed to ideas and experiences that you might never have heard of otherwise, and that starts you on the road to figuring a lot of stuff out.

So, no, I don’t think we can just assume that it’s because of dysphoria.

Also, when I do hear trans people talk about being so violently repulsed by their own bodies that they’re repulsed by sex, I don’t generally hear them saying “and therefore I’m ace.”

I’ve heard a fair number of people talk about that, and all of the ones I’ve heard have been like, “and I’m gay/bi/straight/pan and I really look forward to getting surgery and being comfortable enough in my body to explore sex again.”

And second: this is what straight people have thrown at the rest of us for decades. Trans people STILL get “but what if you just feel repelled by your body ________ because of your sexual abuse?”

And the new TERF push has been, “but autistic [boys these ass-hats think are girls] can’t/shouldn’t identify as trans, because it’s just that they don’t understand gender!”

(That one is especially weird, BTW, because they’re specifically targeting AFAB people with it, which... doesn’t make sense to only do to AFAB people, and also, is the less-frequently-diagnosed assigned gender by a long shot? Although to be fair, TERFs don’t make sense, they just say shit that plays on people’s fears.)

And lesbians have always gotten, “but what if you just feel repelled by men because of your sexual abuse?”

I have even heard the people on Loveline immediately, when someone calls in questioning whether they’re a lesbian or a bi woman, go, “When were you sexually abused?” And of course the person always has an answer, because sexual abuse (of both children and adults) is WAY too common. And then they are like “well, see, I knew you had been sexually abused because you think you’re a lesbian.” Or however they put that.

(I don’t know if they still do that or if someone has managed to educate them, but it used to be their go-to Thing whenever the topic came up, ten years ago or so.)

Honestly, one of the biggest gifts I’ve seen people get from the ace community on Tumblr is the message that it does not matter if what you are is tied in to your trauma or mental illness or neurodiversity. And that it does not matter if what you are changes. And that it does not matter if what you are doesn’t change, but your understanding of it and/or your language for it does. You are still valid; your identity is still valid.

As a CSA survivor, I totally understand the concern of “but what IF it’s because of trauma? then doesn’t that mean it’s actually a problem, and don’t you want to fix it?”

But also as someone who has been in recovery from CSA for 14 years, I know that not all effects of CSA are bad (which does! not! make! abuse!!!! okay!!!!!!!), and whether good or bad, not all effects are reversible.

I am CERTAIN that there are people who would argue that I was trans because of sexual abuse. They could even be partially or completely right. How do I know why something that’s such an integral part of me is there? I don’t have a map to everything inside of me.

But I do know that working on my abuse stuff really, really hard has not changed my gender. If anything, the more recovery I get, the more I am able to express it freely.

And I do know that I love being trans. I love my gender, I love my community, I love the deeper insights into gender that my experiences give me, I love being able to use that knowledge to support others, I love being free of so much of the baggage around gender that I used to have and that a lot of cis people just live with permanently.

I assume it’s the same for aces. If it were because of trauma? who cares? Work on your trauma no matter what, and accept yourself and what you are no matter what, even if it changes, and support others doing the same?

That’s something we all have to go through, at least as a community. SO many bisexuals first thought they were gay. SO many gay people first thought they were bi.

I mean, had to come out three times, first as lesbian, then as bi, and then as trans. And by the time I got it all figured out, I was like WHAT THE FUCK WHY DO I KEEP HAVING TO DO THIS? But it was also very positive in some ways to have experienced so many different communities and subcultures within our larger family.

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thesanguinecrow · 7 years

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I haven't really seen any of your personal posts but I am curious and would like to know, if it isn't any trouble

it isnt trouble im just glad someones interested bc i usually feel rly annoying this will get to the song point i promise but here goes tldr at the bottom. so it all started when my friend who i had only met a few months ago went out of his way to talk to me bc like we were relatively far appart. we were going to first period and he yells to me “get to class rose!” and i jokingly flip him off then he yells back “mines bigger” and we go on our ways. i hadent given it much thought at the time but now i see it as just the start of him trying to get closer to me. after that there wasnt much more conversation. then one day after school has ended he snapchats me out of no where and im like ?? ok and we start talking and hes sharing his antics and im just in amazement bc my life is pretty boring n he’s out here stayin in vegas alone (oh btw im gonna be a high school senior and hes gonna be a sophmore im a lil uncomf. with our grade gap but im not actually sure of his age but ik its not more than 2 years n age smooths out with time and im not interested in doing anything sexual atm even kissing would be rly pushing it) anyway be tells me a personal detail about himself ide rather not disclose but shows hes comfortable opening up to me. we sent eachother back and forth snaps of us making funny smooshed faces and stuff like that like i trust you not to screenshot and post this everywhere kinda face. soon after that wich was around the fourth of july he went off to camp and didn’t have his phone. i didn’t know he didn’t have/couldn’t use it and this whole time I’m freaking tf out and im here thinking OH MAH LORD WHAT IF HE DIED and internally sobbed. then after being sent home bc he broke his hand he gets back on sc and im like I THOUGHT YOU DIED ARE YOU OKAY!!!????!!?!?! and ever since then it’s been wishy washy bc he wouldn’t go on snapchat for hours and ik bc he has his location turned on on the map and it wasnt there. hes told me he doesnt have his phone which i regret not asking why but i assume his mom takes it or somrthing like oh its bad to be on it 24/7 somethin like that. hes also sent me pics of his torso but these increased post camp. he even sent one and captioned it “i felt hot in this one” and another 2 focusing on his mucles (hes not the most muscular but its noticeable hes got some) i think on sunday he was on and i sent a snap of me with my hair tied up in the front like a unicorn horn and my hair is like 6 and a half inches (17 cm) so its sticking up adding to the horn effect. then he sends me a snap back saying “well im single” and im like “me too” and hes just like *sigh* if only there was something i could do about it kinda sigh and im like “hey wanna hang at the beach wednesday anf hes like yeah but we never set a time before he didnt have his phone and all day wednesday me all shaved up (bc dysphoria and falling to societal beauty standards plus i wanted to wear my white short shorts with out my jungle creepin out mah butt cheecks and upper thighs lowkey mad i cant figue out how to tuck but i was gonna deal and do my best) i got my brows did my skin was doin ok and he wasnt on all day and i had a limited time frame to hang bc the beach is relatively far from where i live andi cant drive or have a car or get a ride and my mom doesnt trust me in uber or public transportation and idek bus schedules or how that works so i had to go with my mom to her job to then go to the beach bc they’re close to eachother but no meeting time set we dont hang i slowly steep into a pitty party and im like ok mood is sad woe is me then today i decide to stay home and seep into this poison of negativity and he snaps me if i wanna go to the mall and im here ready to throw myself of a cliff while on fire bc i had gone with my mom every day but today and im like well f*ck sh*t im so deeply upset and saw the potential to hang today and i feel so at fault for staying home the one day we could hang and nope. i hate having these feelings bc i have reason to believe he likes me and bc of that i ended up liking him back and it irritates me that we cant have consistent conversation and its just like when ever he happens to have his phone. i dont like when i catch feelings, form a crush, become infatuated and i say infatuated bc ik its not something as deep as love i dont know much about him but i do care for him. he blacked out bc of his diabetes and i was really concerned for him and i honestly feel like the mom friend sometimes. but i just want to get to know him and see if it leads beyond infatuation. whenever i get infatuated its often hard core and i have vivid images of us at the beach but also not. like its just me alone no boardwalk no docks no pier just me ocean sa d and sun. i dont like feeling so out of controll its overwhelming and suffocating. i like to believe im a hard cold b*tch whos in controll of my emotions but im not. i can be apathetic but romance just stikes me to my core and i hate it that my feelings always feel or are one sided like ik no one is obligated to like me back but it seems like he does like me. i dont care but do care, deeply, at the same time its a mess and i hate having these negative feelings its like poison in my soul its heavy and petrifying. my tarot readings have been discouraging but my pendulum readings have said he likes me (i havent done a pendulum in the past few days but it still seems like he does) idk i guess im clingy and i feel like i annoy ppl a lot and with the song cut to the feeling its like cut to the feeling i wanna play where you play with the angles i wanna wake up with you all in tangles no more hesitation this is on not in order but you get the picture i didnt really pay much attention to the lyrics bc i think its a great sounding song as with most of my music but then i started to sing (terribly) and learn the lyrics and i wanna be in a relationship but when i think about it and im put in the situation it could happen i panic like suddendly everything is moving so fast and sometimes i even start trembling and shaking and i dont wanna rush into things so fast but i still love the song but now all i can think about is this whole situation and the song only presses it. i asked him how he feels about me and im waiting for a response. idk im just not feelin too good and this is really bringin me down and i could get over it and be done or at least i believe i could but i dont want to.. anyway yeah the song is pressing these sore spots in my emotional mess and its makin me sad sorry this is so long but im glad someone cared to hear

TLDR: im an emotional mess bc i cant talk to my crush often and had missed and failed chances to hang out. i wanna see where things go but not rush into things and cut to the feeling is a good song but its poking at these tender feelings.

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