#but I'm actually happiest with one max two social outings a week for maybe an hour or two

[greppelheks]

I've really actively been working on myself for the past ten years, only to realize the way I was trying to be, just ain't for me.

I've gotten rid of my social anxiety, I've learned how to do small talk and be really good at it, I've learned how to be in groups and how to communicate, I've learned how to connect with others, step out of my comfort zone and get rid of my fear of trying new things.

And now I'm like huh... I'm actually happiest at home in my comfort zone. Its not that I can't do all the things I could never so anymore, but I don't really want to? Its kinda peaceful.

#personal #I'm so happy I learned all those things #because I do feel more connected to people and I'm more at ease around them and myself #but I worked towards having a normal life so much #a life I saw others live where they had lots of friends and social outings and cool hobbies #and I'm like I could do all those things now #but I'm actually happiest with one max two social outings a week for maybe an hour or two #and I'm not all that interested in cool hobbies I'd rather do crafts and cooking and going for walks #and it's like.... acceptance #it's ok to live a smaller life #a bigger life would make me unhappy #it's actually so funny (read: frustrating) #because I had to ACTIVELY learn how to do all these things I've gotten really good at it #only for me to realize that most people #(the people I thought I had to be like) #are actually pretty bad at it #so now I'm the best conversationalist and host and deep questions asker and connector #and most people I meet aren't actually all that good at it #so now I'm the designated social person #and I'm like no thank you :) #endless books and videos and therapy to learn at how to talk connect communicate only to realize most people hardly do it lmao #I'll never understand the way people communicate I've been studying it for years but it doesn't make sense to me