#but after getting hit in the head with a rock he has a real Phineas Gage moment and does a whole 180 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

i-rove-rock-n-roll · 5 years

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I just found my writing from elementary school. (Ages 6-10 mostly, though some of this came later)

Such hits as

Raindeer Trouble (corrected by the teacher as Reindeer Trouble) a one page story where Santa’s reindeer are sick, then have a miraculous recovery, all taking place a week before Christmas. I wrote it in either first or second grade, if memory serves me correctly (which I doubt it is)

Monkey Madness-written maybe a year later? Basically there’s this witch that hates the superhero Underdog’s guts (I had just seen the live action movie and loved it) and her plan was to make a super powered monkey to hypnotize to do her bidding. Her end goal was to become world leader and have everyone dress up as scary monsters for Halloween, rather than superheroes and “something else good and sweet”. Whatever that means. Then she started kidnapping people with the monkey’s help and turning them into real monsters. Eventually the monkey starts asking questions, like, “can you carve carnivorous cotton candy into kittys (kitties)?” (Idk wtf that even has to do with the rest of the plot but he gets sulky cause she doesn’t make him a cat at one point) There’s more gems in this one, plus a really wacky fight scene. This one was most definitely second grade, since a few words are in cursive, which I had just started learning. I also remember drawing a “cover” to this one, but idk where it is now.

The next one is Super Horse Heros (Heroes). I basically wrote down the stories my gram used to tell my sister and I when we demanded bedtime stories. An old horse wants a new life, and has to do 3 good deeds before his fairy god horse will turn him into a ‘“unisus” (unicorn/Pegasus combo). After that, the unisus saves a bunch of horses who were kidnapped and shipped to a glue factory. Then they became the Super Horse Heroes, saving children lost in cornfields (aka my sister and I) and flying off into the sunset.

I also found 2 essays in this folder-one about The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand, and the other a 12 page paper on the possibility of life elsewhere in the universe which I used to apply to college.

Also a drawing of the Moirae and a spinning wheel that isn’t half bad.

Back to the writing!

Let’s see...a type written version (I used to have a typewriter before SOMEONE broke it one time when I moved) of Reindeer Trouble.

Oh! Here’s a gem! It’s titled: A Bad Toddler Finds a treasure at a popular amusement park. He finds literal treasure, fame, fortune, and an old boot.

The Adventures of Pretzel Man! With a little drawing in the corner. (I used to have a Nabisco pretzel looking doll, that was the inspo) He sells pretzels by day apparently and also fights crime. His enemy in this story is creatively called Taffy Laffy, who turns people into Taffy Zombies, and—

This story is unfinished. WHAT? I was actually wanting to know the end!

Ugh. Anyway, let’s continue

This next one is called Turkey Terror: a turkey’s life from my point of view. Basically this kid gets turned into a turkey (but they still have their own head??) it’s also 2 days before thanksgiving. The turkey kid’s name is apparently Sheldon, who makes friends with a chipmunk named Chippy...who is a total backstabbing liar leading Sheldon to an ambush in a cave, where he gets a bullet to the head, only to wake up and find it was all a dream...

WTF PAST ME?? WHAT—

More drawings in here, terribly proportioned gangster from the 20s...some drawings I did of phantom of the opera (I, uh, copied some drawings I liked by other artists at the time with the sole intention of just sticking them on my wall because i apparently forgot what a printer was)

Drawings of flowers...drawing of my dog’s eyeball for whatever reason...

Heaven or Hell: Gateway to Another World (keep in mind I was going based off of cartoons but I think my complete lack of understanding of religion is why I would up majoring in it)

More writing, some based on the imagery I got from songs I was listening to... one page thing I apparently wrote about the death of Jesus (???) once I had seen and been awestruck by Michaelangelo’s Pieta (on screen unfortunately, I’ve never seen it in person)

A paper with only one line on it saying “Mrs. Jenelle Hartson née Deveroux was always the first to tell anyone she was a crazy old bat”

Okay.

Oh no! Well, not no, but well—

Basically scrap paper bits of To Kill A Mockingbird from Boo Radleys POV. The whole thing would up being like 15 pages and was turned in for a school assignment. I think I scared the teacher with how long it was since he only asked for 2-3 pages. I have the whole thing on here somewhere in all it’s terrible glory if any of you want....

Bingo! Found a bunch from a wip I really liked like, 6-7 years ago! (So early high school) Scientist named Phineas Lancaster develops a way to jump between universes, is being pursued by the government, and winds up running into himself, but a deadbeat version who dropped out of college after a horrible accident. Let’s see what gems are in here....

“Phineas Lancaster, resident bum and professional alcoholic of the sprawling town Rock Falls, woke up feeling as if he had been slammed into by a bus. He hadn’t, but for a minute he’d thought he’d wandered into the middle of 32nd Avenue during Rush hour. Again.”

(Phineas, realizing he was kidnapped by a dude he doesn’t realize is himself from another universe) “His captor smiled at him in what he must have thought was [a] friendly way. Phineas was now more irritated than before when he noticed the flashing white of his captor’s teeth. ‘no way those are real’. He scowled at the man. ‘He looks like he popped out of a freaking toothpaste commercial’ he’d been abducted by a real like infomercial buffoon. Lovely.”

“I love your place.” He hated it. “Very homey.”

“He’s even got a nerdy voice, Janine. I can’t have a nerd for a twin.”

“Say hello to the guy that decided to kidnap me. He had some sort of weird spaz attack and, being the kind and loving soul I am, couldn’t just leave him in the middle of the desert to die. Ergo, he’s here.”

“I got us a lift from a very nice gentleman who is currently searching for Glenn Miller. He gave me his card in case I either found Glenn or if I need another lift, since he’s going to be in town for a few days.”

“I bet you’re a dentist. Dentists are evil.”

(When drunk Phineas not smart phineas is abducted by agents)

“All I wanted to do was stop by the Dollar Store for some Gummy Bears. I just had to get kidnapped again. Yay me, I could set a record.”

“Aaaand cut! Try it again, maybe with some more threatening looks this time, you might make me wet myself if you try hard enough.”

“Gee, i don’t know, I think I was too busy running for my life to ask, ‘I’m sorry, do you want to exchange numbers so we can do this again sometime? Maybe meet for tea?’”

“How ever did you make such a realistic looking doohickey?”

(One Phineas to the other)

“I totally got mom’s humor. You got dad’s shitty ability to make a person die of boredom.”

Road tripping to Golden Earring (and trying not to murder Phineas when he starts singing)

...guess I got a lot of stuff to play with now! Happy early birthday to me!

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kayfabejake · 5 years

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WWF Survivor Series 1996 PPV Review

It’s that time of year! Get out your Thanksgiving leftovers, cause it’s time for the second longest and most boring special match type of the year (in my opinion, don’t hate me). The big match on this card for me is Stone Cold Steve Austin versus Bret “The Hitman” Hart, a prequel to their legendary double turn match at WrestleMania 13. Let’s get watching and let’s get reviewing!

Date: 11.17.1996 / Venue: Madison Square Garden - New York, NY / Attendance: 18647 / Tagline: Back To Attack

Survivor Series Elimination Match Henry Godwinn & Phineas Godwinn “The Godwinns” w/ Hillbilly Jim, Doug Furnas, and Phillip LaFon def. Leif Cassidy & Marty Jannetty “The New Rockers”, Owen Hart & The British Bulldog w/ Clarence Mason in (20:41)

The level of talent in this match is so wildly inconsistent it’s hilarious

“Phineas is gonna attempt a suplex! How stupid is that!” Good point JR

Henry Godwinn eliminates Jannetty with the “Slop Drop”, Owen Hart eliminates Henry with a spinning back kick, Bulldog then eliminates Phineas Godwinn. Good that we got the Godwinns out jesus christ

Furnas hits a vicious powerslam on Cassidy

Owen Hart with a very high dropkick

The heels are working over Doug Furnas in the corner

Bulldog hits the delayed vertical suplex on Furnas and then flips just to showboat

Vicious gutbuster onto Furnas, JR calls it a “Suzanne Somers” gutbuster lol

LaFon eliminates Cassidy

Owen Hart’s belly to belly suplexes are a thing of beauty

LaFon pins Bulldog, who retaliates with an illegal chop block

Hart comes in to work on LaFon’s legs by smashing them against the ringpost

Hart applies the sharpshooter but Furnas breaks it up

Hart catches the leg of LaFon and LAFON HITS A STEP UP REVERSE ENZIGURI

Furnas gets the hot tag, suplexes Hart and picks up the win for the faces!

My Rating [2.75*] / Daddy Meltzer’s Rating [3.25*]

The Undertaker pins Mankind w/ Paul Bearer in (14:52)

Bearer goes into a shark cage lmao

TAKER COMES DOWN FROM THE CEILING LIKE A BAT LOL

Brawling in the ring, then on the outside

The Undertaker bites the mandible claw hand!

Catches the mandible claw and stands up into some chops!

Mankind takes a huuuuuge bump holy shit

Undertaker wins with a tombstone!

My Rating [3*] / Daddy Meltzer’s Rating [2.25*]

Survivor Series Elimination Match “The Stalker” Barry Wyndham, “The Wildman” Marc Mero w/ Sable, Jake “The Snake” Roberts, & Rocky Maivia def. Goldust, Jerry “The King” Lawler, Crush, & Hunter Hurst Helmsley in (23:44)

This match is a real “shape of things to come” match, wow. The Rock’s first PPV match and HHH coming into the match with the Intercontinental Belt.

Lots of in and out heel work

The Rock fights King for a while and holy shit, Rock has already got the facial expressions and the super selling down pat

Trips and Rocky lock up

Suplex by HHH into an elbow drop by Goldust

Crush hits a backbreaker on The Rock

Sunny, on commentary, accuses Vince of wearing a toupee

Vince sweeps it under the rug verrrrry quickly 🤔

Heels work over Rocky for a while, hot tag to Roberts who cleans house

Lawler is eliminated by Roberts

Mero hits HHH with a standing headscissors, a back body drop, then after a quick break the Merosault takes out Trips

Mero and Jake The Snake are quickly eliminated, Mero sort of off screen

Rocky is alone, facing Crush & Goldust. The crowd already loves him

Crossbody onto both Crush and Goldust

Rocky pins Crush! Rock against Goldust!

BRUTAL SHOULDER BREAKE TO GOLDUST FOR THE WIN AND THE CROWD ERUPTS

My Rating [3*] / Daddy Meltzer’s Rating [2*]

Bret “The Hitman” Hart pins Stone Cold Steve Austin in (28:36)

Holy fucking shit. The prequel to Austin v. Hart at WM13. I’m so excited to watch this, and even more excited to see Austin v. Hart II.

The Hitman versus The Rattlesnake. Let’s fucking go.

There’s this look on Austin’s face as he sizes up Bret, before the jabbering and the bantering. Begrudging respect gives way to anger and a burning desire to win.

Austin working over Hart’s arm in the middle of the ring, but his knowledge of holds and human body geometry allows him to escape and put Austin into a disadvantageous position

Hart driving knees into Austin’s back

Amazing drop toe hold by Austin as Hart bounces off the ropes, but then Hart turns it into an amazing hold on Stone Cold

Austin throws Bret into the ropes, and then works him over with falling elbows and stomps

Stone Cold is continually targeting Hart’s neck and lungs

Hart and Austin trading intense blows

Reversal irish whip into a clothesline into an inverted atomic drop by Hart

Hart thrown to the outside

Hart drives Austin through the barricade and they’re brawling in the crowd

Austin is planted face first into the steel guard rail

Stone Cold rolls all the way out of the ring when he gets put back in lol

Austin catapults Hart into the Spanish desk and they get into a messy brawl on that table

JR sagely observes: “It seems like it always happens to the Spanish guys!”

Austin drops an elbow onto Hart from the apron

Vertical suplex on Hart by Austin OVER THE ROPES, DAMN

A slugfest in the middle of the ring as Hart gives it his all, holy shit

Backbreaker on Austin

Hart goes up to the top rope, and Austin goes up to the top too AND HITS A TOP ROPE SUPLEX HOLY SHIT

Bret attempts to get a sneaky pin but fails

Stone Cold Stunner buys him a two count but no more!

Austin pummeling away at Hart but hart will not give in!!!

Submission applied by Austin, but Hart manages to crawl to the ropes for a break

Bret Hart is IRISH WHIPPED INTO THE FUCKING RING POST, SLIDING INTO IT ON HIS SIDE OUCH

But Hart kicks out, again. Incredible.

HART TURNS THE BOW AND ARROW SUBMISSION INTO A SHARPSHOOTER--NO, HE PUMMELS AWAY AT AUSTIN’S FACE INSTEAD!

Just a mindblowing finish as Hart, in the middle of a sleeper hold from Austin, kicks off the second turnbuckle and backflips both himself and Austin into a pin. The Hitman wins. What a match, an absolute classic.

My Rating [4.5*] / Daddy Meltzer’s Rating [4.5*]

Survivor Series Elimination Match Farooq, Razor Ramon II, Diesel II & Vader (DDQ) Yokozuna, Savio Vega, Flash Funk, & Jimmy Snuka in (09:48)

Hell yes, Cornette is on commentary. Even if this match sucks I’m going to enjoy it.

JR takes a shot at Hulk Hogan -- “I’ve never seen red and yellow look so good in the Garden” (re: Flash’s outfit)

“You couldn’t manage a Wendy’s!” shouts Cornette at JR. “I could if you lived in town,” retorts JR 😂

Diesel II hits a brutal clothesline on Flash Funk

Diesel II eliminates Savio Vega

Snuka eliminates Razor Ramon II and then a bunch of chairs are brought into the ring and an all out brawl breaks out, leading to...a double DQ. Ok, um...what?

My Rating [.5*] / Daddy Meltzer’s Rating [1*]

WWF Heavyweight Title Match Sycho Sid pins Shawn Michaels [c] w/ Jose Lothario in (20:02)

I’m not really sure if I find Michaels hot or I just am really buying into the character and the screams of the audience.

Bret Hart gets the winner of this match for a title shpt, which, knowing about the Michaels/Hart timeline, implies that Sid’s going to win this. but we’ll see

things we know about Michaels coming into this match

he thinks he’s cute

he knows he’s sexy

he’s got the looks that drive the girls wild

he’s got the moves that really move ‘em

he sends chills up and down their spines

big punch from Sid to Michaels in the corner

awesome baseball slide between Sid’s legs into a dropkick from Michaels

chop block by Michaels on Sid and, surprisingly to me, he gets booed!

Michaels uses the ropes to get up high and drop down on Sid’s leg

Michaels in the corner, Sid “sprints” at him and comes in so goddamn slowly it’s hilarious

throughout the match Michaels is working on Sid’s left leg and knee, and continues to get heat from the crowd for doing so

Michaels clotheslined over the top

RIDICULOUS rotation on a back body drop by Sid

backbreaker by Sid gets a two count

huge punch to HBK who is out on his feet in the middle of the ring (in kayfabe)

BUT MICHAELS FIGHTS BACK!

MICHAELS JUMPS UP INTO THE AIR FOR A DOUBLE AXE HANDLE BUT SID PUTS UP HIS FOOT AND MICHAELS BOUNCES OFF, GOING VERTICAL STRAIGHT UP IN THE AIR WHILE ON HIS HEAD FOR A BIT LMAO

Michaels kicks out back to back times

Sid catches the Sweet Chin Music and reverses it into a one armed chokeslam

Sid sets up the powerbomb, but Michaels reverses it into a small package pin attempt

Michaels kips up but gets immediately clotheslined by Sid

Sid grabs the camera and hits Jose with it, and the ref CLEARLY SEES IT AND DOES NOT DQ HIM IMMEDIATELY WHAT THE FUCK

Michaels goes out to attend to Lothario, but Sid throws him back into the ring

Michaels bumps the ref, which means...here we go

Sid smashes the camera onto his back

Sid hits the powerbomb. 1-2-3. Even with a slow count from Hebner, Sid gets it. I have to say, I don’t usually like Sycho Sid, but this was a decent match.

My Rating [2.75*] / Daddy Meltzer’s Rating [3.75*]

Overall PPV Rating: B

A decent show with only one bad match. I do have to say there’s one too many Survivor Series matches on this show, and it ended in a DQ anyways--so what was the point? Sycho Sid vs. Shawn Michaels was decent and a believable way for Shawn to drop the belt, and Hart vs. Austin was a fucking KAH-LASSIC that gets me even more hyped for their incoming WM13 showdown.

#wwf #survivor series #1996 #stone cold steve austin #bret hart #shawn michaels

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