#but also he's only living alone short term while Pran is abroad and what he gets in exchange for that is FREEDOM

[nongnaos]

On Pat's repression.

I feel like I've seen a lot of people talking about Pran repressing his feelings but a lot less people talking about Pat repressing his. I feel like part of that comes down to Pat's generally sunny personality and we don't see him struggling as much. But I think it's very much there if not more so than in Pran.

I think about that scene at the end of ep 2 where Pat's dad comes to visit him in his dorm while Pran hides under the bed and his dad insults Pran while Pat keeps asking him to stop but his dad doesn't care. Pat is very visibly uncomfortable and his dad doesn't care so he changes tactic to joking with his dad in a very "bro" kind of way. Like even when Pat's mum texts his dad inplies that he's cheating on her and then jokes it off in a very "straight man i-hate-my-wife" kind of way? And how his dad kinda does have this bro banter like he treats Pat like a friend (like it has a vibe of like old men in a pub shit talking?) but also constantly reminds him that they are not actually on the same level and he always has power over Pat by reminding him of his responsibilities and making him feel inferior.

But also in that scene it leads to him asking Pat if he's been having women around and searching his bed for evidence while Pat remains exptremely uncomfortable and maybe it's that assumed (read: forced) heterosexuality that has caused Pat to repress his own feelings for men and not realise he's bi sooner. Also maybe a lot of that repression is why we see him fighting so much at the start of the show, he's understandably angry, is unsure why, and doesn't really have any other outlet for those emotions, especially in the time Pran has been gone from his life and he doesn't have that competition to focus on.

I wrote the majority of that some time between ep 10 and 11 airing I think and I wanted to wait to see how the situation with the parents would play out and I'm glad I did, especially in terms of Pat's general emotional repression as opposed to just repressing his sexuality. Pat tells his friends that he tried working with his dad and it didn't go well, they fight a lot. He tells Pran that he hasn't been home in a long time and when he walks through the door his father's first comment is "no hugs for you, what do you want from me?" which can be played off as banter but also maybe shows that Pat doesn't go home unless he needs something. Their relationship isn't the casual bro banter that they had before but it is still plastered with it as a diversion for the cracks in it now. I think he cries going home at the end of ep 11 because he knows that his relationship with his dad is going to be different, he's already realised that he can't forgive him, had some time with Pran where they could be together without their parent's influence and it's what they could have had all the time if his dad hadn't caused this hatred between himself and Dissaya. He has to go back to trying to hide his relationship with Pran, something he very clearly does not want, in order to keep that relationship and appease his father.

I've seen a lot of people say "what was the point, if they're still hiding their relationship and Pat fights with his dad now, he's clearly not happy" and the thing is I really don't think he was happy before either. He was living under his father's thumb, giving up the things he wanted so that he could fulfil his dad's empty dreams. And being with Pran, and the reveal of his dad's part in their upbringing have shown him that that is no way to live. He has to live for himself. They might fight a lot but at least he now can express what he wants and the life he's living is honest in that way. It's not perfect but it's his and he is in control now and that is progress.

#bad buddy #bad buddy meta #bad buddy series #pat #pat napat #patpran #I saw one post that I think I reblogged that said 'he lives alone in an apartment built for two' and like OUCH #but also he's only living alone short term while Pran is abroad and what he gets in exchange for that is FREEDOM #from the life his father wanted to pressure him into and i think that independence is necessary to him understanding his own wants #i have a lot of emotions #this boy is my sunshine #and i want to protect him and give him the world #he cant forgive his fathers actions but he can continue to have some kind of relationship and thats fine #i know we're all angry with Ming but GOD the 'haha lad banter with my son bc we're friends but also he has to do everything i say' KILLS ME #liomsa #stealing your tag friend bc i gotta keep track of my rambles and i do not look forward to going back through them #for the sheer amount of posts i need to get through and the emotions i know ill feel