#but anyway it's all a moot point because all Elyss knows is that thinking about her father fills her with deep anger

[blujayonthewing]

the problem with Elyss feeling everything so much all the time but being really bad at introspection and actually understanding and articulating those feelings is that there is stuff inside of her that I need other people to hear, but it’s hard for me to imagine her being literally remotely capable of, say, confronting her birth father with what, exactly, it is she feels about him

#Elyss already says a lot of things that make me feel weird because I can feel the stretch of it #she talks a lot more about her feelings than she should because *I* want to explain them #but even stretching what feels actually in character for her I still feel hard pressed to justify a few specific impassioned speeches #but her genie father who had apparently been surveilling her entire life and documenting it from a (really long) distance #wrote a forward in that book about how Elyss was his favorite of his children but 'she never seemed to seek me out' #how dare you! how dare you fling my mother across the world to bear me and raise me alone! #how dare you watch my life in silence from another fucking continent without making yourself known and say I never sought you! #I was a CHILD and I was so so alone-- where were you? #I threw myself- unprepared and ignorant- into the wilderness DESPERATELY hoping for answers to who and what I am-- where were you? #I didn't know you EXISTED-- where should I have sought you?? how DARE you? #... actually I think what I almost want more is for her to be able to explain this to the party but that almost seems harder #but anyway it's all a moot point because all Elyss knows is that thinking about her father fills her with deep anger #and a confused rush of other unpleasant feelings (she's having a hard time even identifying them but among them are sorrow and grief) #she feels that she hates him. she's not incapable of picking apart why but it's A Process for her and she hasn't had time #is she even introspective/ self aware enough to call it resentment...? #about me #my OCs #elyss