#but bc i am split cross quite a few and i have certain health issues that

[drewsaturday]

fun to realize the reason i get so insecure about other people doing ~my ideas~ first for fanworks is that all i am is ideas. yeah two cakes theory but point is if someone else does that particular thing first it will be better than mine, even if mine would have its own uniqueness to it, so all i can really walk away with is "i did it first" in the inevitable case of comparison. without that there's nothing jsl;dfljsdf.

and while you can't prevent that from happening in FANDOM of all places that is why i like to keep my ideas to myself when possible. if someone comes up with that same idea on their own fine, but if they get that idea from me running my mouth about my wips and they do their version first (which is like! still allowed even if there are levels of courtesy for how you go about it) i will be mad at myself for stripping myself of my own ability to then continue my own due to knowing my own issues and obstacles with it, because i still don't know how to play nice and it is on me to deal with that.

i say all this knowing fandom is supposed to be fun btw.

#txt #i think while i do worry about plagiarism accusations bc fandom is fucking crazy #i tend to also mask these concerns with that lmao #bc it feels less self centered and insecure to say 'i just dont want to be mobbed :(' than #basically sounding like a five year old whining that someone else brought the same toy to the park as them #but because i AM okay with it in the sense of people saying im where they got that idea from or connecting me to it in some way #(or obvs like... someone gifting me a work based on things ive talked about! also rad! or even just asking first etc!) #that's why talking so much about plagiarism also works lol #like just give me Something to have that ties me to it that lets me pretend i have good contributions to a particular space #ultimately it's my own bullshit to get over bc i feel like i need to justify my place in a fandom by filling a niche or contributing #Something unique if it can't be Good etc etc but that's also kind of dumb bc it's not that serious or at least it shouldnt be #i just cant rly contribute much in terms of community events or quality works etc but i do have good ideas! #and i am trying to let go of everything i just said even though i am still clinging to it by my nails #again i know fandom should be fun and i rly need to just do more with original works at this point but likeee.... #we r here . #also im not trying 2 fish for complimence just objectively #i value all the skills ive learned due to fandom inspiration #but bc i am split cross quite a few and i have certain health issues that #limit how much i can practice or learn etc #other ppl are inevitably going to be better than me in their area of focus! #and i want to be more okay with that