#but equally I’ll never be ready cause the medical trauma bullshit runs so deep and is so prevalent in all aspects because the fucking

[mellaithwen]

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#I struggled with what to talk about in therapy this week so of course my chronic illness said cHALLENGE ACCEPTED. #but here’s the kicker — I know the second I open that box that it is going to fuck me up so I’ve been drifting past it #but. idk. #I want to sit on the floor in therapy but I can’t even say it cause it sounds stupid but I really want to sit on the fucking floor #I know if I’m not ready to dive in then I’ll undo progress #but equally I’ll never be ready cause the medical trauma bullshit runs so deep and is so prevalent in all aspects because the fucking #disease is prevalent everywhere and #I don’t have the resilience for any of it #I have one dose of victoza left and that’s it - the pharmacy have giving me 5 IOU’s so far #and I was finally seeing my numbers steadying out #and it makes me so angry because it’s too much #it’s too much to advocate for yourself and research and manage and try and you ask for help and you get shit in return #and I’m so burnt out with it but you can’t even BE fully burnt out because that would mean death #so all you can do is be a bad student #and then the endocrinologist tuts #in your five minute appointment that you waited 18 months for #it’s too fucking much I WANT A FUCKING BREAK #will delete this later #just needed to rant and get it out of me so it doesn’t fester like always #I’m tired #t1dlookslikeme #type 1 diabetes