#so all you can do is be a bad student | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thedragonsfate · 11 days

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FHJY thoughts under the cut bc I gotta sort my brain and can't be succinct to save my life

I think there's something interesting in acknowledge like

of COURSE Kipperlily underestimated the bad kids.

She's hated these kids from day 1. I know a lot of people want to acknowledge that it's not unreasonable for Kipperlily and the rat grinders to think the school is run unfairly (and you're right! it's a fair conclusion)

-- but we also gotta consider that this is something that took root in her VERY EARLY. Before the bad kids got really very good. Two bad kids die on the first day of school, they spend a significant amount of their second semester freshman year just. In Prison.

Of course what follows I'm sure spurs that hatred, but she all but declared Riz to be her nemesis with Jawbone freshman year.

She's probably got some good ideas of how stuff should change, but also she saw this random Goblin boy with a briefcase in rogue class and decided she Hates Him, for a reason none of us can fathom when several of the other bad kids give off worst first impressiona

She's a teenager, a kid, with anger issues. As much as their can be important nuggets at the core of her motives, she's a teenager without emotional regulation skills. That combination is BUILT to breed resentment and feelings of entitlement. and it's built to actively ignore any evidence of a different perspective.

We talk about how she doesn't understand them, takes Kristen as entirely uncaring, doesn't expect the bad kids to do so well in the Last Stand

and OF COURSE she doesn't. some of this because she of course is not privy to all of the bad kids interactions that we are as an audience. but a lot of it is probably because she's a teenager who's decided she's being slighted and as a result is never going to take the bad kids actions on good faith. she's doubled down and while I have a feeling she's extremely perceptive, she's also in an emotional place that means she probably is ACTIVELY ignoring any evidence to the fact that maybe the bad kids are just ALSO working very hard, and that the school itself may also work against them sometimes.

Add to that a god corrupted into rage (negative in this case) and conquest, and a nefarious faculty member as a potentially directly manipulative adult in her life trying to make something big and destructive happen. Kipperlily strikes me as the kind of person who knows she's smart, and knows she's clever, but is so blinded by her emotion that she is probably missing some of whats clearly in front of her as far as all the Jace business goes. She certainly is about the bad kids.

Jawbone can only do so much to help her in her sessions if he's being actively worked against. Emotional regulation is hard to learn from zero AS AN ADULT and she's probably coming from the negatives if my impression is correct, and is doing so as a teenager.

I guess what I'm trying to say is like

In a vacuum? Sure augeforts comment about trying being stupid or whatever does seem like another slap in the face for Kipperlily, one that justifies some of her feelings.

But not about the bad kids. and not to the extent she has taken them.

And to take that at its word feels weird to me because. To anybody paying attention? The bad kids are and have been trying SO SO hard in class. Them having to take the last stand in the FIRST place is specifically because the school system is treating Kristen unfairly DESPITE her best, GOOD efforts. I'm certain the rat grinders are on some level aware of Gorgugs EXTREMELY uphill battle with schoolwork this season, even if it's just Maryann catching part of a convo with Porter or Ruben hearing about it from his uncle. I HIGHLY doubt that Oisin was oblivious to the way that Adaines academics were affected by her not having the money for the correct materials - she still was able to excel mostly but the effects of that roll being at disadvantage for so long are still THERE. Jawbone pinned down and mentioned to Riz his similarities to Kipperlily within maybe 2 seconds - there is 0% chance he hasn't brought something similar up in Kipperlilys sessions. She may not like it, she may not have the emotional intelligence to see it this way, but his efforts almost certainly mirror hers in a way that makes them equally hard workers, absolutely determined to keep themselves afloat despite it being an uphill battle. Something that she feels she deserves to be rewarded for, and to an extent implies that if just a few circumstances were different she would be able to see equal value in his work.

And sure you can say she may be able to see that and be angry that their work is rewarded and hers isn't, but we see time and time again that she and her party don't always put that same level of work in? Mary Ann at blood rush, absolutely uncaring but doing well specifically because she's got some magical enhancements. The suspicious circumstances of Kipperlily finding the Rogue teacher. Even just the natural advantage of Oisin having more than the funds he needs to excel in wizard class.

But even regardless of that, she seems to refuse to see that any scenario in which others are praised for the same thing she's done, while she is ignored etc, is the sole responsibility of the school here. the bad kids are not her enemies in that fight - augefort is. The bad kids are not going around being consistently given advantages from the school, they're earning the things they get and hitting their own academic road blocks, and they aren't acting better than other people in a way that goes beyond like. Teen stuff. And yet her sights are trained so unblinking on them.

I can see Fabian and Kristen's popularity and personalities coming off like it supports that they're being treated better or feel some superiority. And it's teen stuff to quietly hate those ppl at your school! it's p normal!

But it always brings me back to her SPECIFICALLY hating Riz. Bc Riz isn't a rich kid throwing parties that everyone loves. Hes not sniping out comebacks the way Kristen does, sometimes without even thinking. In a lot of ways he's the/one of the least abrasive of the group to an outsider. Which makes me SO much more inclined to call bullshit that this is truly, honestly rooted in an acknowledgement of any of the REAL problems that come up with their school system.

It's complex, but I feel like we can't exalt their perspective as a Truth of the world like it seems some folks do when these characters themselves do not play fairly. What is fair about the way they interfered with the exam. What is fair about what she did so easily to Buddy Dawn. What is fair about the murder of the couple that owned that farm. Depending on what happened - what is fair from them about Lucy's murder. Certainly what is fair about their hand in Yolandas.

This idea that things are unfair isn't untrue. But not in the ways she thinks, and shes moved so far beyond that notion at this point. Kipperlily probably DOES believe that she's uniquely a victim of this system, or at least that everyone but the bad kids is. But she's moved so far beyond that. Whatever divine rage magic is involved has ensured that, as well as probably some Adult manipulation, and severely underdeveloped emotional regulation skills. and for me that means like. obviously she is unjustified in her actions.

Augefort is absolutely unhinged. his school has never been run in a manner that rewards buckling down in the classroom and the classroom only. It's an adventuring school in truly the most chaotic and violence rewarding sense, and that information is given freely by Arthur augefort at maybe any turn

Saw something about the theoretical being just as important as the practical. and yes! absolutely! a very good point that I'm glad was brought up - going to the classes is important and I think this season has really emphasized the ways in which that's true at least in terms of Staying in School and Honing your Skills

I do think, in the same breath, that that STILL means that the practical is ALSO just as important as the theoretical. It CAN'T be one or the other, it HAS to be both.

and the bad kids are DOING both. regardless of what it may count for, the rat grinders xp leveling by continuing to do freshman level combat in order to excel more on paper ISN'T them really doing the practical part of what theyre learning in their higher level classes. And the bad kids do not get credit for their saving of the world REGARDLESS. Not on its own merit, and to get the credit they'd have to jump a hefty academic bar that sort of invalidates the point of practical efforts in the first place, not to mention works against students like Fig and Kristen.

The school is actively rewarding Kipperlily and her party's cheat code practical use of their skills, over the bad kids putting just as much if not more effort into their LITERALLY WORLD SAVING missions. whatever favoritism shes seeing, or that there may be occasionally, Kipperlily fundamentally takes the bad kids in bad faith. It's not ABOUT what is ACTUALLY unfair to her at this point.

from her perspective every accolade or accomplishment from them HAS to come from favoritism in order to fit how her view of whats actually unfair has been warped. for her it doesn't MATTER that they've been trying because they MUST not be trying as hard as she is. it doesn't matter that they visibly saved the world three times, one of which was livestreamed and included several party members dropping, successfully because surely it's a fluke, or they were given better opportunities than others for no reason, or they're being falsely worshipped for what MUST be a less dangerous quest than it seems (despite us seeing clearly on the first day of school that nobody is putting a pedestal up for their night yorb win)

What could have been a justified spark of frustration with a system has shifted into a vengeful sense of entitlement that to me? fully abandons the good of wanting to change a school system actively working against some (/all?) students.

idk maybe this all sounds like jibberish I just

Kipperlily in her current state is INCAPABLE of not underestimating the bad kids bc that would require some acknowledgement that they have worked and bled and died to reach the level they're at.

You cannot separate the girl who sneaks in to the Last Stand to sabotage another party's chances of passing, of staying at school, of continuing school, of one of them from potentially keeping their god alive, and of being brought back from what she assumes is certain death - from the slighted teenager running for class president to make things "more fair"

you cannot separate the girl who easily slits her own party clerics throat without second thought from the girl who thinks she's been slighted by an unjust system

What she means by unfair is inherently colored by her being that same person

Augefort can say whatever nonsense he wants, and it doesn't really justify her current frustrations at this point because her version of fair is fundamentally unfair now.

Shes a child who's become corrupted, just like Buddy. but unlike him - she's become genuinely nefarious and vengeful. Unlike buddy she is actively plotting. Harming others with full knowledge of it. We don't know how much of it comes from her on her own, or the rage baking underground, or Stardiamonds direct involvement - but I think this most recent episode should make it clear that like

Whatever truth there is to the school being run in a way that is unfair to its students, and regardless of what she says or thinks

Kipperlily Copperkettle is not operating from that grounded perspective. and I don't think she has been for a long time

#fhjy #kipperlilly copperkettle #thats all I'm gonna tag #anyway hopefully you can tell that I'm not like. pro everything at augefort #we've seen so clearly teachers / faculty / rules / lack of rules work against the students #ESPECIALLY we've seen how that's effected the bad kids #but Kipperlily is not. on that page anymore.#I won't call her names that's just not how I feel abt.her as a character #I do think a lot of this may still just b EXTREMELY misguided #and ALSO #you're responsible for your actions #thrilled that she is / was??? in some form of therapy #devastated that whatever is going on here big picture has completely warped her perspective #to see her actions as the viable option for her to reach her goals #also this is SO rambling and opinionated I'm down to agree to disagree I'm just #I just needed to vent some abt it and like #explore KLCKs character a little bit #welcome to ignore but I am gonna tag it a LITTLE in case someone wants to chat abt this #long post

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worldsquietestjojosfan · 18 days

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Mingjue's gaze softens.

"Didi. You are confused. You are misinterpreting brotherly love for romantic interest."

Huaisang clenches his firsts and stares down at the floorboards. His expression morphs into one of pain. He draws in a deep breath.

"Da-ge, please sleep with me." Mingjue's body jerks back at his little brother's words. "If I sleep with you, then I'll know for sure what I'm feeling."

#bro doing anything but organizing her code #my brother says i write like i wasnt allowed to go to school #recently my brother had to do a project for school where he had to pick up a new hobby #he didnt do the assignment and at the last day he was like brother im so fucked help me #so i let him use one of my fanfics for the before and told him to use his own fanfic as an after and present that #his professor told him his improvement was incredible #thats all i have to say #theres something so cringe about when i write #ill write it and be like yeah. and then i read over it and die #unironically i actually run away from my fics. i have never once read them again after finishing #like when i draw. i look at it. im like yeah that part is good that part is bad. pretty mid but its ok.#writing? i turn red and hide from the monster i have created #i think my writing could be lethal. like if i read all my fics one after the other id die from cringe poisoning #i regularly look at my old drawings and cry how much ive regressed. but i can look at them.#one time my friend wanted to torture me so he called me to read my fics out loud. i endorse this as an execution method #shit gets me sweating. i have to get normal about this #some words #wip #the second wip actually #the first one is the saber spirit takes over nmj and he fucks nhs on the training grounds infront of everyone.#second one is nmj is like brother you have to stop being a freak this is getting out of hand and nhs is like nuh-uh. but also how'd you kno #on a side note remember my former student that confessed? yeah well #he proposed marriage

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alichiraku · 11 months

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When did Iruka become a teacher?

I was making an Iruka timeline and realized we don’t have a clear answer, but rather multiple conflicting ones. So I tried to compile the informations somewhere! Here are some different indications as to when Iruka may have become a teacher at the Academy.

The first basic fact we have is this: Iruka would very probably not have become a teacher before he became a Chūnin, which happened when he was 16 years old (birthday May 26th).

IN THE ANIME/MOVIES :

The Childhood episodes show Iruka teaching Naruto’s generation while they are at a very young age, possibly 5 to 7 (see the “Naruto” and “Shikamaru” episodes). This would make Iruka 15 to 17.

In the movie The Last, Iruka is already a teacher in the Academy flashback. The children in this scene are all 7, making Iruka 17.

In the Rookie Instructor Iruka filler arc, a flashback shows Iruka asking to become an instructor. Kakashi is present in this scene and is already back in the field and in jōnin uniform, meaning this is after he left ANBU, which happened when he was 22-23 years old. Kakashi and Iruka have a 4 years age difference, making Iruka at least 18-19. This is already conflicting with the previous anime appearances.

IN THE MANGA :

There are even less indications in the manga than there are in the anime. At the very least, Iruka was not Sasuke’s first teacher (Sasuke entered the Academy at age 6), although nothing indicates whether he was already a teacher or not.

To me, the only reliable clue is in the flashback of Naruto and Sasuke’s fight at the Academy, supervised by Iruka (which spans over multiple chapters, beginning with Chapter 538 and ending with Chapter 697). The flashback is set post-Uchiha massacre, making the Naruto’s generation at least 7 and Iruka at least 17. I’d say that Naruto’s generation looks around 9-10? (compared to their Naruto Part I selves)

(There is also the fact that in Chapter 1, Iruka seems to have been around for Naruto’s two previous attempts at passing the Genin test, which would suggest he’s been teaching Naruto for at least 2 years. But since that’s already an entire problem in itself -Naruto would be 2 years older than his comrades, unless the exam happens multiple times a year like the Chūnin exam-, I’m not gonna use it.)

IN THE DATABOOKS :

Now okay, this is where I’m gonna sound a little crazy, but I’ve tried to calculate a likely age for Iruka to have become a teacher based on his number of Databook missions. Having become a Chūnin at 16, Iruka couldn’t have done A-rank and B-rank missions before this moment (or only on accident, I guess). Given that he doesn’t take missions during his teacher years (at least up to the Konoha Crush), Iruka’s 74 B-rank and 12 A-rank missions must have mostly been completed in the timeframe between his becoming a Chūnin and his taking up a teaching job. Shikamaru, who we see becoming a Chūnin, completes 9 B-rank and 19 A-rank missions in around 2 and a half years. If we assume A-rank missions take longer to complete (which isn’t at all a given but I’m desperate for clues), this gives Iruka around 3 to 3 and a half years to complete his own total, making him 19-20 when he becomes a teacher.

CONCLUSIONS :

My personal preference would be for Iruka to have been 19 when he became a teacher at the Academy. The first two anime indications can be easily discarded: the Childhood episodes are simply cute filler episodes to end the anime, and the Last movie has more than one inconsistency. Iruka being 19 allows for the Rookie Instructor arc to be partly canon, as well as the manga indications: the Naruto vs Sasuke flashback would happen only 2 years or less after the Uchiha massacre, and Iruka would have been Naruto’s teacher for a total of 3/3 and half years (enough to have an initially strained relationship, then a more understanding one, and for Naruto’s memories from the Academy to be mainly associated with Iruka). This gives Iruka around 3 years on active duty as a Chūnin before retiring, and thus enough time for his ‘empathy’ for the enemy to become a worrying trend, if we take the Rookie Instructor arc as canon.

(Also given that Naruto is 18-19 in The Last when he teaches at the Academy, this seems to be not too weird of an age for someone to start teaching.)

So there you have it! Obviously there is still some weird stuff anime-wise ; Iruka progressively becomes more of a Teacher Archetype throughout Naruto’s story, which explains why he’s often put in anime episodes despite being a literal teenager (yeah Konoha is fucked up about age anyway but even them probably don’t want a 15yo with anger issues to teach their knife-yielding middle schoolers).

#iruka umino #theory #meta #mine #naruto #the databooks are wild sometimes but i love them too much to ignore them completely #anyway as always there are so many conflicting infos that it's hard to pinpoint precisely #but i did try to at least point out the obvious #i find this especially interesting because we have such small knowledge of how konoha's education system works #the fillers at least tell us shinobi can ask to be formed as teachers. but they're fillers so #i don't even want to start thinking about the numbers of academy students bc those are absolutely all over the place #where are the other genins?? their teams??? why do we only have 3 konoha teams of naruto's generation??? kishimoto explain #also. where are the civilians' schools. are there even civilian schools. or do you become a civilian by being such a bad #soldier they throw you out.#ALSO how fascinating that iruka left the field. i'll never stop thinking about it #i hope i haven't forgotten additional hints but i'll update the post if this is the case #in any case i find it kinda cute bc Iruka’s handling of his class reminds me a lot of young teachers I’ve had #WAIT DID HE EVEN GO THROUGH ANY TEACHING TRAINING AT ALL. I DIDNT EVEN THINK ABOUT THAT

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p5x-theories · 3 months

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I mean, how many characters have models that you haven’t posted yet? Bc I would like to see all of the models but if there’s a ton then I wouldn’t ask that of you

To be clear, literally every character in the game has one or more 3D models. Every single NPC, those faceless people that you walk by/through while walking through the city, every playable character (and every outfit they have; every single one of Wonder's outfit options), every shadow, every Persona, etc. The game's all 3D models (with 2D images over them making up the UI and portraits), and the files are where those 3D models and 2D images are stored, so quite literally, anything you see in the game is somewhere in the files, and something I could theoretically extract for you.

There's also a ton of stuff in the files that doesn't show up in the game (yet?), like 3D models and portraits for a bunch of the Confidants and Palace rulers in P5. Even stuff you only see for a few seconds, like the table and tea set that appears for Noir during her AOA finisher in the split second before it swaps to the 2D image people usually think of for her AOA, have their own 3D models.

So I appreciate that you're not asking me for all of them, haha!

I just focus on posting the interesting things and the new stuff; new portraits for main characters, 3D models for civilian outfits of the Phantom Idols that we haven't really gotten to see, characters indicated as future Phantom Thieves/Idols, stuff like that. And then if anyone asks me for specific stuff outside of that, I don't mind going back for it, because I noted down where everything is in the (massively disorganized) files, so it theoretically shouldn't take me too long to hunt down the pieces for any given character and put them together to post.

All that to say, I try to post the things that I know myself and others are probably most interested in seeing. You're not really missing much in the rest of the files, unless, for instance, there's a sidequest NPC or something you have a particular interest in and want to see the full portraits/model for.

#anonymous #I think the only models I grabbed just because *I* thought they were fun and wasn't going to bother posting #are the nameless kokatsu students that play instruments in the background with wonder during the music minigame #they are quite literally nameless. their files don't even have a name or nickname for them they're just student_drum and etc #posting the portraits and models is also kind of tedious though not difficult #because the portraits are broken up into a head base + a bunch of eyes + a bunch of mouths + a mask where applicable #so I have to put those files back together and layer them correctly to give you a complete portrait #and 3d models need 2d textures to show up as anything but featureless grey #so for those I have to hunt down all the 3d model pieces (hair face eyes body. usually) and then match up all their textures to them #it's a lot of work haha!#but I don't mind it too much because I know most people don't really know how to get into the files and do it themselves #in fact I learned *for* the sake of datamining p5x!#I basically haven't done anything but sort through files. watch gameplay. and put things together to post. since the beta started haha #my life sort of goes on hold (as much as possible) each beta until I'm done with the files so I can get them posted asap!#but this is partially because *I* want to see them as bad as you guys do haha #so uh. yeah! that's probably way more of an answer than you wanted but that's the true reality of the work going into this behind the scene

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hershelchocolate · 8 months

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Girl HELPPP it is so impossible to try to find a place to sell digital art without every single recommendation being redbubble. I KNOW it's the easiest I know I know, I just really do not like the quality of things I've gotten from there and I've heard they've gotten worse with fees 😔 how is a girlie supposed to try to sell art like this?

#that and all the responses im getting from searches is all heres how to sell your original traditional art pieces to real galleries!!!#like. no. thats not what im doing here #i want to sell prints most of all just cause i always love them so much i want to be able to provide them to others #but shirts and stickers and charms and aaaa!!! theyre all so cool! but i cant make them myself!!#everything takes like 50% of the profits too #buddy im trying to make a living off of this ive got student loans coming in a month or so #you cant take half my stuff >:( thats mean #but i must be really bad at looking for things cause im not getting any sites that actually do what i want 😔#id be okay with giving up everything else if i can just. find a way to sell high quality prints #and i get to keep the fucking MONEYYY #IT SHOULDNT BE THIS HARD WAAAAA #randy rambles

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adore-gregor · 1 month

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study smart not hard (altough both is best actually) this saying is so true

#my advice #but this saying is sooo true #i know some people at uni who study for exam so long and hard but then fail or just barely make it :(#like what are you doing? i don't mean this in a mean way but it doesn't have to be this difficult #i don't understand how some people can study for an exam for 2 weeks or even a month and still fail and i don't think they're stupid #or i don't see myself as particulary smart #but i guess they just waste their time a lot and i realized studying effective is so important #now everyone is a bit different and has to find what works best for them but there are certain techniques which are proven to work well #there is so much information on the internet on this look it up seriously #it made my life sm easier i never struggled in uni like i did in school and i get good grades #and if i ever struggled a bit it was because i started so late it was almost impossible to pass 😂#which is why to do both is still best 😂#but i actually always made it and i never failed an exam at uni (which i studied for)#(two i was fooled into to just try without studying bc it's easy lol)#i mean i shouldn't speak too soon but i already made it through some of the most difficult of my studies #ofc it depends on what you study how well this works but i'm speaking for myself #i once passed an exam with a B studying only 2 days as one of the best students while others studied 2 weeks #and got worse grades or failed #still studying only 2 days is stupidity don't do it 😅#so the techniques i find very helpful are ofc exam questions probably the best one #if there are none make your own #then blurting for which there are different ways but i like to just go over a topic and then write down everything i remember #then fill the gaps #quizlet is also great it's an app which allows you to create cards and then tests you in creative ways #videos can be helpful as well for summaries and using summaries in general is normally enough it saves you sm time #normally you don't actually need to know everything but you should be careful it's not a bad summary leaving out too much 😅#and i also like mindmaps bc i'm a very visual person #but all those tipps are mostly for remembering information so it doesn't work so well for other fields of study #well i hope this is somewhat helpful idk 🙈#oh and reading texts over and over again is the most useless in my opinion i don't remember much at all and it takes sm time

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inkybinkyboink · 7 months

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i love u math people who explain math in a way that non-math people still interested in math can understand

#like ok no i am absolute dogshit at math #i am so terrible at it #i have been a high honours student my entire life and the only class i was ever failing was math that is how bad i am #so i always kind of just left it alone bc it wasnt my thing but recently ive been like super into the shit math can tell us abt the univers #like that kind of stuff #and i just very much love that people explain difficult things in a way that my snail brain can understand and still ogle at how marvelous #it all is #and i love natural history and i love evolution and all that cool shit and like ahhhh the world is so big and we know a lot but also i dont #think we do? and thats cool because at the end of the day any conclusion is valid? because it doesnt matter but it does matter because you #make it matter and the world is just very big and objective and awful and cool and everything all at once #delete later probably

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amarrymeinbostonwriter · 1 year

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Wow. Sometimes I'm very lucky and my bipolar doesn't always affect me much. But no such luck lately. I'm worried that I might have to retake my modern lit course because I was so late with many of my assignments. I've been mentally messed up more or less with a mixed mood episode since last September. I'm currently on the line of passing and not passing the class (granted there are a few ungraded assignments, including my final so it's still possible that I'm overreacting). I'm usually a good student too so it's a point of pride for me. I went from the honor roll to this all due to me fighting with an illness... :/ (It is my fault for not managing things better so I'm not looking for pity here- just talking).

I cannot imagine how horrible this disorder is for people who didn't have the option of medication (I am medicated, believe it or not). I think about that about that a lot since I study history and look into many writer's and artist's biographies in my spare time. I feel very bad for them since they basically had to live with this disorder without the fixes I have simply because I was born late enough for treatments to exist.

Virginia Woolf and Sylvia Plath both haunt me. Other people too. Yes, Lord Byron was extremely shocking but consider- we don't actually know what he would have been like if he could have been treated. He wouldn't have died at 36, I'm almost certain of that. I am highly aware of what this disorder has done to people before me. It doesn't make it better. But I keep looking back any way, to see that many of them did incredible things, in spite of it all.

I just keep thinking that if they could do so much without any treatment- that I should be able to function with treatment??? I know: don't compare yourself to other people but I'm desperate to know that I can be successful even with this illness. That it's not going to force me to leave school (the one thing I have been historically good at) and waste my life toiling away for nothing.

So if it seems as if I have been hitting my head against something lately, you aren't wrong. The fall is not generally my friend, pretty as the leaves are. I have not been having a good time of it but we must go on any way because what other option is there? None, I tell you.

#leaves pretty brain shitty has been my fall for the last few years since 2018 at least...#consistently fall has been bad for my cycle though I like that time of year normally #granted a lot of things kept happening every fall since 2018 too #bipolar disorder #actually bipolar #I probably am a closet perfectionist in some cases #I am exhausted thanks for asking!#and yes for a few semesters I was an honor roll student in my grad school- not any more though LOL #seriously I'm going into debt for this degree and uh that promise to waive our debt never came to light so I'm very fucked rn #I have to finish this degree so I can work off my debt and build a good reputation for myself #I'm honestly afraid my illness might take away my ability to have a career at all; I'm desperate for a living wage!#it's not good #but this could be anxiety talking tbh #for real I'm amazed that like Virginia Woolf and others were able to do as much as they did in their lives #because without my medication I'd probably be useless??? Mania is not fun 10/10 would NOT suggest #I actually pity Lord Byron after reading his biography; he just seems like if mania was a person and um it explains his behavior completely #do you ever look back at other peoples' lives and see pieces of yourself in them and then feel really bad for them? cuz I do all the time #mychatter #I'm stubborn in that I refuse to quit school since I am aware that my family needs to know I can do this #please don't take this personally this is my problem and a pointless rant probably

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