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#but for the sheer COMEDY FACTOR of 'guy who has been living in an endgame mmo being placed in a normal game'
theminecraftbee · 7 months
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today i am thinking about the entire mayor of hypixel skyblock incident with technoblade because i still like to imagine, since it happened during one of the big dsmp story gaps, that he was like "oh i'm going to head off for a bit phil don't worry about it" and phil's like "bye mate" and ranboo is like "i wonder what he's doing. probably intense training or something. he's so cool."
meanwhile techno is yelling at an entirely unruly crowd about anarchy and being made mayor while beating up like, it was a weird giant slime if i remember right? and he has a whole "bond of rivals" moment with squidkid, like, they have this whole "there's no one i could trust to have my back more... than you... my most favored enemy" thing going on in that video it's SO funny.
all of this with the world's most absurd numbers outputs because hypixel skyblock is an endgame mmo. just COMICAL levels of firepower. like, everyone is an end-of-series shonen character. this place is like the naruto world was after it had jumped the shark a bit and there was a moon goddess attacking. about like that.
and then he's like. my work here is done. thanks for electing me mayor. i don't see this is contradictory to my anarchy at all btw it's like, a symbolic thing, on account of me beating up the old dictator mayor. and just dips again, presumably to be forever seen as a weird potato-themed legend around those parts.
i like to imagine he gets home and phil is like "hi mate" and techno's like "sorry i had things to handle at home" and ranboo is imagining like, WILD battles and what technoblade's home must even be like. and whatever he's imagining doesn't really compare to "technoblade's home is an end-game mmo no wonder he constantly assumes he's weak here he can only do earlygame levels of damage, forever".
and technoblade, being technoblade, says nothing about being mayor of hypixel now, until like, after the finale or something when squidkid just sort of swings by to ask how they're all doing after that nuke thing, huh. and everyone loses their shit.
and this is one of my favorite stupid technoblade headcanons thank you for coming to my ted talk.
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firestorm26621 · 4 years
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Top 10 of 2019
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Disclaimer: The following are not what I consider to be the “best” movies of the year, at least not in the objective sense of the word. I’m not even entirely sure one can judge “best” in an objective manner, or by what criteria that could be measured.  Competence in composition and construction, acting, design, music; these are all only parts of what makes a film connect with an audience, and some truly great films have few of these factors in any great quantity, while there are many that are practically perfect films by these gauges which had very little impact on me personally.
So, setting all that aside, what follows are my top 10 films of 2017 only in the sense that they are films I personally enjoyed the most, be that by conjuring the biggest emotional reaction, making the biggest intellectual impact, or simply inspiring the greatest sense of wonderment and appreciative awe in me.  These sorts of things are not easily measurable and certainly aren’t objective, but I know what I like, and it’s these.
#10 – A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood
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I loved 2018′s “Won’t You Be My Neighbor”, which was a heartfelt documentary that lovingly explored who Fred Rogers was as a man and what drove him on his mission of kindness.  So much so, that when a live-action Mr. Rogers film was announced I was skeptical, at best; it had already been done before after all.  It was a surprise then, that this film takes an entirely different view of the topic altogether.  This is not a film about Mr. Rogers the man; while Hanks gives an amazing performance, imbuing him with tremendous empathy but with a hint of slightly mysterious withholding, the film makes it clear that we’re not here to re-learn about Mr. Rogers, but instead to explore what it looks like when his teachings and philosophies are applied to a cynical man in a cynical world.  The main character, played with understated angst by Matthew Rhys, has been severely jaded by the pain and tragedy in his own life, so much so that he has cut off his empathy in an effort to avoid more of it.  But upon beginning to interview Mr. Rogers for an article, the film sets him on a powerfully emotional journey as he struggles, fights, and eventually reconciles with the emotional honesty and kindness that Mr. Rogers confronts him with.  It’s not subtle about its themes or its message, but it delivers them like Rogers would have, with emotional insight, openness, and compassion.
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#9 – Hustlers
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This one reminded me quite a bit of 2017′s “I, Tonya”, another film that could technically be classified as a “crime drama” but that falls on the edge of that category, full of clever, biting dialogue, fallible characters, and an amusing Coen brothers-esque tone.  This one is a little different from the others in this sub-genre though; by being entirely female-led but also by being incredibly stylized in a way akin to a Guy Ritchie movie of old.  But then, the way the camera moves is distinct and purposeful, almost like a Scorsese movie; this film definitely has a bit of Goodfellas in it.  So clearly, the film is taking influences from other films in the crime family, but the way it blends those influences into a neon-soaked ride is what makes it so interesting.   And amidst all those influences, Jennifer Lopez is giving the performance of her career as a stripper matriarch who commands every room she’s in and who’s every outfit and stance could be a character poster.  The film uses her maternal powerhouse performance to focus the crime story more on the closeness of the leads friendship than any other of these types of films.  The end result of all this is a film that tells a very familiar crime story in an incredibly unique, colorful, delightful way.
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#8 – Parasite
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Parasite is a very odd film.  It starts as what is ostensibly a dark comedy following a poor family living in the basement level of an apartment building who find themselves defrauding a rich family in order to gain access to their opulent home.  While it’s following this thread it’s pretty hilarious, with the con-man schemes to get them more and more ingrained in the household becoming increasingly absurd, but at the same time, they become increasingly grim as well.  And as you’re watching this comedy play out, a sense of foreboding begins to creep into the proceedings.  And ever so slowly, the film begins to morph into a bizarre, dark, tension-filled thriller about the lethal gap between the rich and the poor, and the lengths to which people will go to close it or to maintain their place at the top of it.  The film boasts a large ensemble cast, and they are all so good that none truly stand out above the others, making the film feel like a large-scale, zoomed out picture of how different personalities handle the class structure they are in.  And when the film decides it’s ready to pull the trigger on the tension it has been ratcheting up for the entire run time, the explosion of cathartic expulsion and tragic consequences hit like a bullet, leaving you both astounded and heart-broken.
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#7 – Little Women
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Ladybird was one of my favorite films of 2017, and upon hearing that its director was helming an adaptation of this classic novel, it felt like a perfect fit.  Greta Gerwig has a real knack for capturing authentic familial relationships; slyly examining both the complicated nature of the love of family and the dichotomy of the closeness and emotional distance that can somehow exist simultaneously within those relationships.  This film continues that trend, being a charming look at strong personalities butting up against each other, growing closer, and growing apart.  It’s helped by excellent performances across the board; all the girls are bringing real emotional weight and vulnerability to their characters, and there are a few standout moments from Saoirse Ronan that are absolutely heartbreaking.  Of course, here is where I have to admit my dimness; I walked out of the film really disliking the ending, thinking it far too saccharine for the story that preceded it, and as I began to record my thoughts on the drive home, as I talked about that point, the genius of that ending dawned on me abruptly, and suddenly the themes came into sharper focus and the film took on new levels of depth.  The remixing of the story, and the cross-cutting between time periods, suddenly had much more meaning and power.  And with that, the film elevated itself above other period pieces, other adaptations of the famous novel, and into a powerfully affecting study of the evolution of a family.
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#6 – Doctor Sleep
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This one is going to be my dark horse pick, I know it.  I haven’t seen it on any other lists or even heard much about it after its release, but for me, it was one of the most imaginative and well-executed fantasy stories of the year.  The film is a chronicle of the life of Danny Torrance, the young boy from The Shining, picking up right after the events of that story and walking through the rest of his life; from learning to control his power and banish ghosts to lock-boxes in his mind, to losing himself to his visions and becoming an alcoholic, to cleaning himself up after finding a moral use for his abilities, to protecting a psychic girl from a pack of immortal energy vampires.  If that sounds like a lot, it is; the film is long and it covers a lot of ground, but it moves at a clip without ever feeling like it’s rushing itself.  The world expands upon the foundation of The Shining, really digging into this universe of super-powered psychics with a variety of abilities and the dangerous monsters that surround them.  It plays with its psychic elements in a way that is both imaginative and yet grounded; it isn’t afraid to get trippy but it’s all understated and tangible, never letting us forget that these are real people in real danger.  To that end, it also doesn’t shy away from its horror roots; the film isn’t scary in any real way, but it is often unsettling, not shying away from the horrific nature of its story.  Ultimately, it manages to be both a worthy adaptation of Stephen King's novel and a worthy followup to its film predecessor, which is a feat in and of itself.
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#5 – Avengers: Endgame
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Being the culmination of more than a decades worth of films was never going to be easy, and being the second part of that climactic Infinity War story that was so exciting last year set the bar extremely high.  And yet, Endgame lived up to everything that came before, as a celebration of its earned history and as a powerful cathartic release to years worth of character development.  The film pretty clearly divides itself into three distinct acts.  The first act that works as an emotional anchor, laying low on the action but allowing its characters to really feel the events of the universe and also allowing its actors to really stretch their muscles.  The second is what no one saw coming; turning into something of a heist movie as it tours the whole history of the MCU.  Then, of course, there is the third act climax that pumps its adrenaline and gives the fans all the service they could want while also putting a perfect end-cap on the arcs of its two main characters.  As with many of the MCU films, it's sheer existence is a feat on its own, but as the final point on the massive web of stories the MCU has given us, Endgame was a satisfying and powerful success.
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#4 – The Farewell
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This film was probably the most educational experience of the year for me.  The dynamics of a Chinese family aren’t something I have a ton of experience with, but The Farewell cast such an endearing, focused, insightful light on this particular family that it’s hard not to feel like you’re being let in on a secret while you’re watching, as if you’re being invited to participate in the most vulnerable moments of a family during its most trying times.  I don’t think any film has made me feel like part of a family on a screen as much as The Farewell did; it explores a family coming together upon learning that its elderly matriarch has been diagnosed with cancer and that the majority of the family has decided not to tell her about it.  The idea sounds a little out-there to Western ears, including mine, and including the main character, played by Awkwafina proving she can translate her awkward comedy skills into awkward family drama pretty damn effectively.   And so the film attempts to reconcile these disparate cultural concepts, exploring in-depth not just what such a lie constitutes, but what about a particular culture would lead to that being thought the kindest option.  The film never paints any villains or portrays any of its differing viewpoints as right or wrong, instead it’s more interested in the spaces between them; how a family with such a wide gamut of views can maintain itself, and the tensions produced from such cultural & geographic distances.  And in the end, you feel for each of these family members, all trying to do their best in their own way, to maintain the bonds of a family.
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#3 – Ford v Ferrari
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Ford v Ferrari is, obviously, a racing movie, and racing movies are fun.  But the best racing movies have a power, an energizing, blood-raising quality that is rarely replicated elsewhere.  And Ford v Ferrari is the best racing movie in at least a decade.  The racing is phenomenal, with high-octane stunts and cinematography that maintain a grounded realism; to my eye, despite the glut of dangerous maneuvers, there was not a single shot in the movie that did not appear to have been achieved with a physical camera.  Any CG involved was woven in so smoothly that you never think to consider if what you're seeing isn’t real.  Add to that a pumping score timed to the motors and the fantastic reaction shots Christian Bale is giving during them, and you have some of the best racing sequences put to film in a very, very long time.  The rest of the movie is pretty great too.  The story of a racing team contending with inferior technology and corporate bureaucracy is told in a purposeful yet understated way, without a lot of stylistic embellishments in how it was shot.  The editing and pacing are also crafted in a skilled manner, with the film having a propulsive energy that carries you along, without anything being rushed or overstaying it’s welcome.  And then there is the actual best part of this film; the career highlight performances of both Matt Damon and Christian Bale.  Damon makes being utterly charming look completely effortless, playing a character trying to walk a fine line between being a “car guy” and a “company man”.  Bale, meanwhile, is giving one of the best performances of his career as Ken Miles, a man without any understanding of the word “tact”, while also somehow maintaining a lovable teddy-bear quality.  He’s a dedicated family man with a childlike joy of driving who is completely loyal to his friends, and who happens to have zero social refinements and no interest in playing any political games, ever.  The film uses these two characters to their fullest, and ultimately the film has a ton of heart and real emotional weight born out of us connecting to these men and really wanting them to succeed.
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#2 – 1917 
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1917 is absolutely amazing as a technical piece of work.  I have no idea how they accomplished what they did in this film, with it presented as two continuous shots, through barren wastelands, underground bunkers, verdant fields, truck convoys, blasted towns, raging rivers, and one surreal, mesmerizing sequence progressing through a city on fire in the middle of the night that is so visually stunning it has been burned into my brain forever.  The camera pans, dips, and circles around them, making it feel as though you yourself are a third member of this team, following along with them.  If you were to pay close attention, you could likely spot the hidden cuts and tricks they used, but the film is drawing you along on such an engaging journey through this war that you don’t.  And it’s not just a technical marvel for its own sake; it serves the story of two men in a race against time, with less than a day to make a journey to save many lives, and you can physically feel the time ticking away as you follow along with them on their trek.  The film presents its themes, those of the perseverance required to save lives in the midst of so much death, in a way that you cannot tear your eyes from and won’t soon forget.
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#1 – Jojo Rabbit
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Jojo Rabbit accomplishes things I never thought possible.  It’s a comedy through-and-through, which would normally mean there is little chance of it landing at the top of my favorite films of the year.  But this film does something astounding with its comedy; it uses it as a tool, deftly weaving it’s absurd humor amidst its incredibly heavy themes, exploring ideas of hate as identity, the pressures of culturally accepted intolerance, and the inherent nature of kindness.  All while an imaginary Hitler eats unicorn meat.  It’s wild.  Part of the way the film accomplishes this is through its fantastic lead.  Jojo himself is a 10-year-old on the cusp of having his naive views of the world around him being either codified into his beliefs or broken by the realities of his situation.  Which one happens is not only the central conflict of the film but also the primary thematic device.  By showing us the grimmest of situations through the eyes of a child who hasn’t fully grasped their weight, the film is able to explore serious ideas in the silliest possible ways, without ever diminishing their meaningfulness.  The film can be incredibly touching, poignant, agonizing, and joyous in a span of minutes, and they all land with equal force.  It’s an amazing thing to behold, and it’s one of the best films of the decade.
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Runners-Up:
The Last Black Man in San Francisco -  It uses the backdrop of gentrification to tell an impacting, occasionally comic, occasionally surreal story of trying to latch onto legacy and purpose through history that uses its painterly aesthetic and unique tone to great effect.
I Am Mother -  It takes an initially simple science fiction premise then explores the hell out of it, weaving in coming of age ideas about autonomy and developing morality, and putting it into a tense thriller package full of manipulation and wonderful acting.
How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World -  The animation is just as impressive and awe-inspiring, and this entry offers a far more interesting villain, some great action sequences, and a conclusion to the trilogy that is poignant, powerful, and rather beautiful. 
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