#but fr this was fun and helped me explore some things and some retcons so ty ty

[dadbodsandbots]

Blursing you with all the ship questions but half for Sam and half for Logan.

reese this is going to take FOREVER thank you!!! Sam first then Logan :3

PRE-RELATIONSHIP (Sam)

How did they first meet? I think I answered a similar ask a few months ago, but we met in the UNSC! I served the Office of Naval Intelligence as a civilian xenoarchaeologist and was assigned to a project development committee to coordinate a mobile museum that would later form the institutional basis of Outpost Discovery and the Museum of Humanity in the years following the Human-Covenant War. Part of my assignment is to interview new UNSC recruits as part of a sustained program designed to preserve soldiers' oral narratives for future generations (ofc with the UNSC, there's always a shadier aspect like weeding dissent and such). I'd like to think this is where I first interact with you, Isaac, and Sam! I talk to each of you about your impressions of the various objects on exhibit, what motivated you to enlist, your perspectives on human-alien interactions, etc, etc. It's supposed to be a very cut-and-dry process with an approved list of questions by the UNSC, but those go out the door the second I actually sit down to interview Sam. As time passed, Sam and I met outside of the scope of the project where he very gradually opened up about his past, his doubts and frustrations, and what he hoped to accomplish so long as I promised to keep it off the record. At that point, I dropped that I stopped bothering to record our conversations a few weeks back which stunned Sam so much that I heard him laugh for the first time and cursed myself for not having my recorder for that specific moment so I could listen to him forever.

What was their first impression of each other? me: LARGE GORGEOUS MAN oh god his hands are nice wow he's listening to me? no I talk too much even though that's what I'm paid to do. please don't fuck this up- Sam: wow she is really qualified to lead this exhibit and makes the Sangheili language sound nice

Did any of their friends or family want them to get together? mf I don't tell my irl family about people I talk to 🧍they don't find out about him until I show up on earth fresh off the MIA list with a toddler and husband in tow you and Isaac are genuinely surprised that Sam seemed to open up to someone outside of your Small Group Dynamic, but y'all also rib him about why he didn't give the nice stripper at the run-down titty bar next to the base a taste of that sweet, sweet 28% APR because OF COURSE the Slow Burn Vegas Wedding choir has to preach to him

Who felt romantic feelings first? my romantic ass staring into the dirty bathroom mirror at 4 AM: DO NOT get attached I'm professionally looking him in his beautiful grey eyes for professional reasons he's probably going to get KIA'd and you'll be another dumb idiot who didn't know when to stop Sam:

6. Did either of them try to resist their feelings? BOY HOWDY DID WE LMAO See the "first kiss" question below :^)

7. If you had told one of them that the other would be their soulmate, what would they think? us: 🧍🧍 ( we don't believe in god but please please please)

8. What would their lives be like if they had never met? I'd settle on Chorus after barely surviving the genocide and would help Kimball's administration manage the archeological recovery of Forerunner artifacts/weaponry that Charon Industries illegally trafficked to fund the attempted takeover. I also testify in court against Hargrove, Charon stakeholders, and certain UNSC officers since I blew a whistle years prior on Charon's' shady dealings with ONI and got a one-way trip to Chorus on a fake "expedition" trip as a form of corporate retaliation. Chorus is socially and technologically isolated from UNSC-controlled space and will be genocided anyway so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  Sam's story would be mostly the same: betray Felix, be a vigilante, contact Grif, etc. He'd see me on the news during an interview with Dylan Andrews for the Interstellar Daily and never contacted me out of sheer visceral shame that he came that fucking close to murdering me alongside thousands of other Chorusians without a second thought. Beneath all that, he's proud of me for bucking against the corruption he refused to acknowledge for so long.

GENERAL (Sam)

Who initiated the relationship, and how did it go? I probably took the plunge because if Sam said no, I'd have an excuse to cut bait and disappear back into the UNSC archives lmao Imagine my surprise when Sam reciprocated and I promptly threw up due to nerves. Sam once again proved his resolve by immediately holding my hair and not bouncing due to secondhand embarrassment. Marriage material from day one tbh

Did they have an official first date? If so, what was it like? It was definitely something boring and low risk like dinner and a movie lmao sorry we're vanilla as shit We'd become as comfortable in each other's presence as we could in public without breaching UNSC anti-fraternization protocol (lol lmao) and were probably walking in the evening from another date interview when he commented about the movie with his rare dry sarcasm that made me burst into a fit of snort-laughs. I recovered enough to catch him smiling and we both knew all professionalism was over from that point forward.

What was their first kiss like? After a few months of dates interviews, Sam received his first active duty deployment to somewhere off-world (but before Reach) with you and Isaac. We were sipping on beer on my apartment balcony, trying to keep it together by talking about anything else but the classified and the inevitable. Sam wouldn't look at me and kept nursing his empty beer before saying that he appreciated getting multiple opportunities to tell his story and that any future interviewees would be lucky to have me. He'd barely finished the sentence when I choked out that I didn't want anyone else. I'm near tears and thought I fumbled the entire thing so I about ran before Sam grabbed my wrist. We were paralyzed by the desperate silence that dominated the moment before we kissed for the first time on that shitty, cramped balcony. The beer was your typical bottom-shelf American piss lager, but it's something of a nostalgia item for us, especially years later when we're separated on occasion due to Sam's private security jobs. Isaac never stocks that brand for bar customers, but keeps a six-pack in the breakroom fridge because he bitches that he's sick of "that mopey look."

Were they each other’s first anything (kiss, relationship, etc.)? We probably both dated later in life than average so we were written off as either "probably gay" or "That Guy" by peers or had one-and-done "dates" that fizzled out due to lack of chemistry. Sam was the first person that I felt like I didn't have to chase after for approval or security, and he appreciated that I was infinitely curious about the world and cared about what he had to say even if it wasn't what others wanted to hear.

What’s their height difference? Age difference? I hc Sam as being 6'2" or 6'3", while I'm just under 5'3" so :3 size kink go brrrrr We're probably close enough in age tbh? Maybe with Sam being two or three years older.

What’s their relationship with each other’s families? Sam: lol lmao (no contact and [REDACTED]) me: lol lmao (they're nice esp when Mason's born, but are probably weird about Sam because he's brown cagey about his military service history and not used to boisterous/healthy family dynamics)

Who takes the lead in social situations? me!! I'm Sam's new government-assigned People Person™  :3

Who gets jealous easier? me, but through no fault of Sam's because other people perceive his gorgeous self :/ Sam lowkey thinks it's amusing because I absolutely do not clock when someone flirts with me, but hyper-analyze if the cashier was trying to smash by handing him the receipt .02 seconds too long.

Who whispers inappropriate things in the other’s ear? meee :3c Sam's ears are really sensitive so he loves/hates it when I lean over to whisper something lewd, especially if he can't pull away because I've trapped him in a hug The few times Sam does retaliate in private I turn BEET RED and just fumble the entire sexy plan I had cooking for like a month /)///(\ it's okay though, he thinks I'm extra cute when flustered because it reminds him of when we first started dating. The consistency of my reactions is a major source of comfort and intimacy for him.

LOVE (Logan)

Who said “I love you” first? I did and I'm 99% sure we've been drinking when it slips out because he made me feel safe "just like my (Catverse) Logan used to," and hearing those first three words curdles Logan's buzz enough to make him walk out of the bar out of a pure flight response because people who love him don't tend to end up anywhere but an early grave. He's halfway down the street when he stops in his tracks, curses, and backtracks to peel me off the bar and bring me back to wherever he's crashing to sober up. He makes it clear that he is not "my Logan," whatever that used to entail, and that he's too damn old and too damn sore to be anyone's rebound.

What are their primary love languages? Logan's love language includes basic resources like food, clothing, and personal space. Tending to each other's most basic needs is understood as a sustained act of preservation and self-sacrifice, which helps him ease into emotional intimacy. Physical intimacy certainly includes sex, but also vulnerable acts like allowing himself to nap on my lap, brushing each other's hair, and parallel play. My love language includes words of affirmation, physical touch, and gift-giving. Logan is prone to giving simple, handmade gifts to test a partner's interest, which I also reciprocate as I'm similarly craft-oriented.

Who uses cheesy pick-up lines? meee :3 but all Logan has to do is hit me with a "darlin'" and I fold like a lawn chair

How often do they cuddle/engage in PDA? Logan and I are most physically intimate at "home" or anywhere relatively private where we can actually unwind. When we're bar hopping, he gets an ego boost when I cling to his arm or when I slip my hand into the back pocket of his jeans.

Who initiates kisses? At first, it's Logan. He's used to taking the lead and doesn't mind it, but there's something about his partners kissing him when he least expects it that just hits different. Definitely gets off on teasing kisses and "the chase."

Who’s the big and little spoon? Logan is used to being the big spoon, especially early in the relationship. The longer we know each other, the more he craves being the little spoon since that's a place of vulnerability he very rarely gets to indulge.

What are their favorite things to do together? Watch samurai/wuxia movies, read books, drink beer, go camping, ride motorcycles, fight, and fuck!!!!!!!

Who’s better at comforting the other? Logan would say I'm better at soothing, but I'd counter that my comforting style is rooted in placating before navigating deeper, messier emotions together. I might not know how he feels and might not even understand, but I'd want to try if he'd let me. His "comforting" style can be a lot like ripping off a bandaid. Still, he can demonstrate an incredible amount of emotional intelligence when talking to someone he cares about one-on-one. He catches a lot of flak for his "cowboy speeches," but he'll tell me what I need to hear because odds are he's learned the exact same lesson the hard way so he wants to give me the chance to listen now or learn later.

Who’s more protective? Logan. There is no argument here. (Source: his entire publication history.) He appreciates that I don't fuss over him, but wishes I wouldn't tank hits that would make Hulk think twice. All that does is piss him off even more. Beserker power couple? Beserker power couple.

Do they prefer verbal or physical affection? Physical affection, but he has to feel ready to initiate it because getting clingy too soon makes him feel itchy. He loves physical affection from loved ones, platonic or otherwise. Logan values action over words, but even he needs affirmation that he isn't an animal, a product, or a blight. He's a man before anything and anyone else and that's what he'll be until he stops breathing, so he better believe that I'll fight anyone who says otherwise until I do the same.

What are some songs that apply to their relationship, in-universe or otherwise? "It Ain't Me, Babe" by Johnny Cash is the ship name for a reason. "Black Widow" by The Ugly Kings "I Don't Know Why" by Kate Wolf

What kind of nicknames do they call each other? "Darlin'" and that's about it. "Honey, Love, Sweetheart, Hot Claws"

Who remembers the little things? Logan, ironically lmfao. He's better at remembering events or preferences, while I'm better at remembering things he said years ago. He swears I bring up old shit to be contrarian, but only because he's sexy when riled up :3c

DOMESTIC LIFE (Logan)

If they get married, who proposes? fyi this discord message has lived rent-free in my head for four entire years

After this conversation with Daken and another with Laura and Gabby (they're both enthusiastic and delighted for their Dad, but Logan knows he has to act soon because Gabby can only be sworn to secrecy for so long lmao), Logan invites me on an extended camping trip up the Appalachian Trail and into Canada where we walk, hitchhike, and scrap our way back to his favorite place in the woods near some lake that shines clear in the day and is full of stars at night. We stay there for a few nights before I notice he's already on the last can of the six-pack he bought at the last gas station and ask if he's okay, which prompts him to nut up and pop the question. 2. What’s the wedding like? Who attends? hooo boy lmao who doesn't attend? Naturally, his family (EVERY SINGLE X-MAN EVER), the Avengers (East and West Coast), Alpha Flight, the Fantastic Four, Spider-Man, and every other group he's a part of gets an invite. Kurt officiates and Ororo is his Best Lady :) you and Norman are invited (mostly you, we know who your plus one will be but Logan's not gonna pal around lmao), but only if Norman promises to behave :))) Logan's bachelor party involves him and a few friends (and some on-off enemies) preemptively jumping Sabretooth because you know he's scheming to ruin our big day. They beat his rancid ass so fucking bad he doesn't bother showing up for the wedding OR honeymoon because he got crumpled like aluminum foil and dumped somewhere in New Jersey. Then they go hit as many NYC bars as they can before morning and see who can get banned from the most establishments.

3. How many kids do they have, if any? What are they like? 🗣️ LOGAN GOT TOO MANY KIDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! do healing factors affect birth control?? lmfao there's probably a scare or two but I don't see us having kids. This is a comic book relationship there will be au kids at some point lol lmao. Unstoppable Force (mutual breeding kink) vs Immovable Object (everything else)

4. Do they have any pets? Jonathan the Wolverine by way of Gabby. Reese and I have joint custody of Gob and Dog-Sized Man-Thing, but Logan makes them stay at Oscorp because they're "too damn weird, even for me."

5. Who’s the stricter parent? Logan acts like he is (and he is when it's a Serious Life Lesson). I don't even bother acting like a parent to Laura, Gabby, or Daken because it would feel patronizing and they can handle themselves just fine. Gabby and I get along like a house on fire, though.

6. Who worries the most? I worry about mundane things like dinner plans, packing spare uniforms, etc. while Logan worries about team obligations, his past, etc. we both got emotional baggage and existential dread in spades lmao

7. Who kills the bugs in the house? Logan can but usually just carries them out. He never lets me live down the fact that I'm the ONLY spider-person who has arachnophobia.

8. How do they celebrate holidays? This but unironically Logan and I getting into actual shouting matches over which is a real holiday: Boxing Day or Groundhog Day but fr, we celebrate Christmas with the X-Men because that's basically one big family get-together. He and Kitty usually spend some of Hannukah together since that's always been their thing, but she invites me along once she gets used to having me around since I make Logan happy, too. :')

9. Who’s more likely to convince the other to come back to sleep in the morning? Meee. I'm so sleeby tired and need my short king back to keep me warm! 😭

10. Who’s the better cook? We're both decent at homestyle or campfire cooking since quick, cheap food is what we're used to. Logan is a GOD on the grill tho. Grilling in denim cutoffs at the X-Men swim party 😩💦 I usually let Logan cook because he picked up some recipes from Madripoor, Japan, etc. that are to die for.

11. Who likes to dance? We both do, but it depends on the setting! I do casual, silly dances around the house because I cannot stand still for anything and usually have to cajole Logan into joining me. We both love slow dancing together when it's just us, though. Candles, vinyl, the whole shebang before we fuck nasty on the floor as God intended.

#ship: in a world of lost and found #ship: it ain't me babe #FINALLY DONE THANK GOD #but fr this was fun and helped me explore some things and some retcons so ty ty